96. கூடவே போராடு
எதிலும் ஓர் குறைவில்லை ஸ்வாமி
எல்லாம் எனக்கு நிறைவாய்த் தந்தாய்.
அழகைத் தந்தாய், அறிவை தந்தாய்
அமைப்பாய் ஓர் வடிவைத் தந்தாய்
மதியுடன் பல திறமைகள் தந்தாய்
மாண்புடன் வாழ வழியும் தந்தாய்
எல்லாம் தந்தது போதாதென்று
உன்னையும் தந்தாய் உய்ய வேண்டி
கேட்காமலே எல்லாம் தந்த நீ
கேட்டும் ஒன்றை ஏனோ மறுத்தாய்
குட்டும் தூதனாய் கூடவே என்னுடன்
முள்ளாய் வாழும் “சுயத்தை” மட்டும்
கிள்ளி எறிய பலமுறை வேண்டியும்
ஏனோ இன்னும் இரங்க மறுத்தாய்
என் குறையில் உன் பெலன் விளங்க
பல வழிகள் உனக்கே இருந்தும்
ஏனோ வைத்தாய் இப்போராட்டத்தை
என்ன செய்வேன் இனிப் புரியவில்லை
“என் கிருபை உனக்குப் போதும்”
என்று மட்டும் கூறி ஒதுங்கிடாதே!
கூடவே வந்து என்னுடன் போராடு
உன் குணம் என்னில் காணும் வரை!
15-09-1997. லக்னோ (உ.பி)
96. Struggle along with me
Nothing I lack my Lord
You bestowed everything abundantly
You gave beauty, intellect
And a fine body
Along with wisdom you gave several talents
You gave a life to live with dignity
Not enough after giving all these
You gave yourself to redeem me
When you bestowed all these without I asked
Why did you deny the one thing even after I sought it?
The ‘Aham’ (ego) which lives with me
Still remains like a thorn torment me
Though I requested you to uproot it
For some reason you didn’t show your mercy
Though you have several ways
To show your strength in my weakness
Still you kept this struggle in me
I don’t know what can I do for that
Don’t say that ‘My Grace is sufficient for you’
And continue to stand by
Come and struggle with me
Unless your nature is formed in me.
15-09-1997. Lucknow
The greatest snare that I often faced in my journey in the Lord, from the beginning, was about the realization of a few talents that I have. Apart from them, the other natural blessings that God gave me through various means also become a snare and also a point to boast within myself. When I studied in the Institute back in 1981-82, comparatively I could speak in English fluently. In the mission fields often I was requested to be the translator not only from English to Tamil but also Tamil to Hindi (Hindi to Tamil) in several conferences. The way I can cook, speak with oratory skill, memory power, and other talents gave me an edge over others. I was always sought by the leaders to do special tasks even ignoring several seniors. Though with much humbleness and gratitude I have done my best, yet the secret joy that enjoyed within me often raised its head to humiliate me before the Lord. Few times my heavy headedness hurt others unintentionally. One time at Madhubani, when my junior couldn’t even cook a very simple meal (that day it was his turn to cook) I rebuked him by saying, ‘don’t you know even this simple task in life’. Later with tears he said that he never cooked in his life. But justifying my accusation, I said, ‘I too never learnt cooking back at home. I cannot even cook simple rice properly. But I learnt it as I have to survive’. Instead of encouraging him patiently to learn it slowly I hurt him by comparing myself with him. There were several such incidents through which I hurt others unintentionally. So when I was reading II Cor. Chapter 12, verses 7-9 hit me very much one day. Then I wrote this song.
BT Song 97
97. மறு வழி ஏது?
உன்சித்தம் என்ன என்று அறியாமலே
ஓராயிரம் செயலை முன்வைத்தே நாளும்
ஓடியே திரிகின்ற பேதைக்கு இரங்கி
ஓர் வழி காட்டுவாய், வேண்டினேன் நானும்.
சஞ்சலம் கொண்ட மனதுடன் வாழ்ந்து
சரியான பாதை எதுவென அறியாமல்
மதி காட்டும் வழியிலே மனதையும் செலுத்தி
ஓடுகின்ற பேதைக்கு ஓர் வழி காட்டு
அறியாமல் செய்த பிழை என்று கூறி
ஐயனே வரவில்லை உன்னடி தேடி
தெரிந்தே செய்த பிழை என்பதால்தானே
தேடினேன் உன்னடி முக்தேசன் நானே!
ஒருநாள் இருநாள் என்று இல்லாமல்
ஒவ்வொரு நாளும் போராடுகின்ற
உன்னடியானுக்கு உதவவில்லை என்றால்
உய்ய வழி வேறுண்டோ உன்னருளுமன்றி?
28-02-1998. துர்காபூர் (மேற்கு வங்கம்)
97. What is the alternative way?
Without knowing your wil who runs widely
Keeping thousands of things before me everyday
Show proper way to this ignorant one, I request you
Living with a troublesome heart
Not knowing which is the correct path
Going in my own way as my intellect shows me
Show one good way for this fool who wanders?
O Lord I didn’t come unto your feet
By saying that I have done this mistake unknowingly
As I do this it knowingly
O Muktesa I sought your feet
Not one day or two
But as I struggle everyday
If you cannot help your slave
Is there any other means to be saved other than your grace.
28-02-1998. Durgapur (West Bengal)
In the later part of 1990 I was wandering throughout India without having any one place as my base. I was constantly travelling, carrying one bag for several months continuously. Several times I became tired of it and was not sure what to do next? All my dreams of doing a seva as I liked, founding an ashram in a place as per my choice (Himalayas still the best option for me), planning my life as I wished etc. etc. never worked. I was wandering as if someone was pushing me and someone dragging me. Few steps that I took thinking that it would be the best place and life for me didn’t materialize and it irritated me more and I became upset both with the Lord and those who stopped it. And out of frustration when I was thinking about it at Durgapur, I wrote this song.
What the Lord said to Peter in John 21:18, often becomes true in a limited way in my life—particularly now in this old age. When I was editing this again on 22-05-2023, my situation remained the same. Of course I have a place to call my own, but even here I feel fish out of water because of the responsibilities that I carry in maintaining a huge property along with keeping accounts for the Trust. After my mother passed away, my condition became worse. I feel like I don’t know what to do next. In the past I used to say, ‘Live one day at a time’, now I have to say ‘live each minute at a time’. Health, age, limitations, unnecessary burdens make my life more complicated—unable to carry at the same time, unable to give up and not knowing what to do.
BT Song 98
98. வாழ வேண்டும்
இந்நாளில் நீ தந்த வாழ்வை
வாழ்ந்திட வேண்டும் உன்துணை
அந்தந்த நாளில் வந்து சேர்ந்திடும்
காரியங்களை எண்ணிடும் போதிலே!
சொந்த பலத்தில் செய்து முடிக்கத்
துணிவு கொள்ளாது உன்னருள் நாடி
வந்து நிற்கும் அடியேனுக் கிரங்கி
வரவேண்டும் நீயும் வழி வேறு இல்லை!
1906-1998. ஈரோடு.
98. Need your company
I need your company to live
The life that you gave me today
While think about the works that come
Each day as they are
Not taking courage to accomplish them
with my own strength, but seeking your grace
I who come and stand unto you
You should come to help me
There are no other options left for you.
19-06-1998. Erode.
Another poem in which I expressed my right to demand the company of God as His bhakta to face the demands of each day in life. Sometimes God has no other option but to step in the life of his bhakta as she cannot live depending upon her own strength. Of course I live my everyday life with my strength. But when I feel exhausted I seek the strength of God even to live that particular day.
BT Song 99
99. உன்னருள் வேண்டும்
அனுதின வாழ்வில் உன்னருள் ஒன்றே போதுமே
ஐயனே எனக்கிங்கு இனியென்ன வேண்டும்?
பொல்லாத உலகில் போராடும் போது உன்
பெலன் மட்டும் வேண்டும் புனிதனே நாளும்
எல்லாம் நிறைவாக நடந்திடும் போது
என் மனம் நாடாது உன்னருள் வேண்டி
பொல்லாத உலகில் சிறு போராட்டம் வந்தால்
புலம்பிடும் மனம் நாளெல்லாம் வேண்டி
நன்மையோ தீமையோ வர நான் அதை எண்ணி
கலங்காமலே உன் சித்தம் ஒன்றே நிறைவேற
என் சிந்தை சரீரத்தை நீயாள நாடி
எப்போதும் வரவேண்டும் உன்னடி தேடி
14-08-1998. ஈரோடு
`99. Need your grace
In everyday life your grace is enough for me
O Lord what else I required here?
When I struggle in this world full of snare
I need only your strength Oh Holy One.
When everything goes smoothly
My heart won’t seek for your grace
But in this troublesome world when a small struggle comes
Then my heart will lament praying all through the day
When blessing or problem come, not disturbed
By them but to fulfill only your will
And you to lord over my heart and body
I should always come at your feet.
14-08-1998. Erode, Tamilnadu
I think this is common for all human beings. When things are going smoothly we take grace for granted. But when even a small thing goes wrong it is enough to create lots of trouble within us. In order to remind not to take His grace for granted God sends small jolts. In olden days we had an alarm clock to which we had to give keys. But sometimes to make it to work we have to keep it slightly tilted or flat. Otherwise it won’t work. In the same way, God has to title or make us flat to understand how we cannot take His grace for granted.
BT Song 100
100. உன் சுதந்திரம்
ஒரு நாள் போனது மறுநாள் வந்தது
உன்னருளாலே எல்லாம் கிடைத்தது
இந் நாளுமே நன்நாளாய் இருக்க
ஐயா அருள்வாய் உன் தயவிருக்க
வாழ்வின் நோக்கம் இதுதானென்று
வகையாகக் கூறினோர் எவரும் இல்லை
நோக்கம் இன்றி நீ படைக்கவும் இல்லை
இதை உணர்ந்தால் தொல்லையில்லை
வாழ்க்கை என்பது வாழ்வதற்கே-ஆனால்
வகையாய் அதை உணர்ந்தவர்க்கே
சுயநலம் கருதி வாழ்ந்திருந்தால்
அதுபோல் நரகம் வேறு இல்லை
உண்ண, உடுத்த உடல் சுகம் தேட
உரிமையுள்ளது அனைவருக்கும்-ஆனால்
பிறர் நலம் அழித்து அவற்றை அடைய
உரிமை இல்லை இங்கு எவருக்கும்
தன்னுரிமைக்காய்ப் போராடும் மனிதா
தயவாய் அறிவாய் நீ ஒரு நீதி
உன் கைக் கோலின் சுதந்திரம் என்பது
அடுத்தவர் மூக்கின் எல்லை வரை
இந்த நீதியை இறைவா நீயும்
உன்நெறி மூலம் உலகில் வைத்தாய்
அந் நெறியின்படி அனுதினம் வாழ
அருளைத் தருவாய் மீண்டும் ஒருமுறை!
19-03-199. மஹரி (ரீவா. ம.பி)
100. My freedom
One day is gone another has come
Because of your grace I received everything
This day to be a good day
Oh lord give grace to receive your mercy
What is the aim of life?
None has clearly defined it
But without a reason you didn’t created us
And if we realize this there won’t be trouble!
Life is to live but
It is for those who understood it correctly!
But if we live keeping our self-interest alone
Then there won’t be any other hell like that!
Everybody has the right for
Food, clothing and seeking pleasure
But destroying other’s right
None has the right to get them for oneself!
O man who fight for your RIGHT
Kindly let you know one Truth?
Your freedom ends
At the beginning of another man’s nose!
Oh Lord this Truth you kept
Through your noble ordinances.
To live following that ordinances
Give me grace one more time.
19-03-1999. Mahari (Rewa, M.P.)
No one ever lived above her creed. But the struggle for existence forces many people not to think about others’ right to live like them. Those who don’t know the Lord always justify the rule of fishes (matsya nyaya =justice of fishes), in which the small fish will be swallowed by big fish. But a bhakta of the Lord can never do it and our conscience will never permit it. Though it looks artificial for me to depict Indian society as ‘shame oriented’ whereas western ‘guilty oriented’, yet there is some truth in it. At least in India I have seen that self-interest will violate others rights without having any guilty feelings. But once I became a bhakta of the Lord, though I too have violated other’s rights, yet I never escaped from the guilty conscience which often pricked me. Only after seeking forgiveness and also compensating the loss I managed to come out from the remorse. But fighting for a common cause or not violating others freedom in public might be easy for many but keeping it as one’s personal creed not violating others freedom even secretly, requires God’s grace.
30-7-2014
PS.
Of course in India Dharma Sastras@ also talk about such remorse and prescribe some prayaschitta for it. But it is more related to ritual than a strict personal ethics. At the same time we cannot forget that people are not living based on the instruction of Dharma Sastras but guided by their conscience seeking for reconciliation even compensating the loss incurred by others by them. Considering the vast Hindu Scriptures it is not possible for us to arrive at any dogmatic view about this in Hinduism. However, a comparative study between Hindu Scriptures and Muktiveda would be an interesting one.
@ ‘Sastric authors notice moral sensibility: they are sensitive to how moral experience is felt. We see this in their phenomenology of—and reparations for—remorse: Baudhayana says, “ a man constantly grieves in his mind when recalling his misdeeds, but austerity and vigilance will release him from evil.” { Baudhayana Dharmasutra. 1.10.33; see Olivelle, Patrick. Dharmasutras: The Law Codes of Ancient India. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999: 149 } There is a painful grief in ruminating on one’s wrongdoing for which one may turn to sastric advice to ameliorate. Their advice suggests that actions of austerity and fastidiousness will free the mind of such grief. Indeed, we see a visceral configuration of remorse when Baudhayana elsewhere speaks of one being “weighed heavily upon by one’s own actions,” a heaviness from which one might release the self through ritual action { Baudhayana Dharmasutra. 3.6.6; see Olivelle, Patrick. Dharmasutras: The Law Codes of Ancient India. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1999: 217.}’—Maria Heim, Emotions, pp. 419-431, in Patrick Olivelle and Donald R. Davis, Jr. Eds. Hindu Law: A New History of Dharmasastra, New Delhi, Oxford University Press, 2018, p. 428
6-08-2018
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