BT Song 226 ஒரு கேளிக்கை
புவியின் வாழ்வே மாபெரும் போராட்டம்
புலன்கள் இதனிடையே ஆடும் சதிராட்டம்
மனதும் அதுக்கு அமைக்கும் ஓர் அரங்கம்
அந்த மேடையில் நிறைவேறும் அரங்கேற்றம்
கண்டு களிக்க கூடுவார் உலகோரும்
காட்சிப் பொருளாய் ஆவோம் தினந்தோறும்
பிறர் மெச்ச போடுவோம் பலபல வேடம்
கேளிக்கையாகிப் போகும் நம் வாழ்வும்
ஆயினும் உள்ள நிலையார் அறிவார்
அறிந்தாலும் உதவ யார் இங்கு வருவார்
ஆயிரம் காரணம் அதற்குமே கூறுவார்
அதுதான் உண்மை நிலை நன்கு அறிவாய்
அனைவரின் வாழ்க்கையும் நாடகமானதே
அதனிடை நாம்போடும் வேடம்பலவானதே
அவரவர் மேடையும் தனித்தனியானதே
அதன்மீது நடிப்பதும் நிரந்தரமானதே
பிறர்காண நாமுமே நன்கு நடிப்போம்
நாம்காணப் பிறரும் அதுபோல் நடிப்பார்
அவரவர் வாழ்க்கை நாடகமானபின்
அனைவரின் வாழ்வும் கேளிக்கையானதே
9-3-14, காலை. 9.00, குருகுலம்
BT Song 226 An entertainment
The life on this earth is a great struggle
The sense will dance amidst this
The heart will set the stage for that
Premiere (arangetram) will take place on that stage
People will gather to watch and enjoy
We will become the object to be paraded
We will put up several characters for others to appreciate
Our life too will become an entertainment
But who will know the true situation
Even if they know who will come to help
They will give thousands of excuses for that
This is the reality you know it well
Everybody’s life become a drama
The characters that we perform in also are many
Each one has his own separate stage
Acting on it becomes permanent
We will act well for others to watch
Others too will act for us to see
Once each one’s life become a drama
Everybody’s life became entertainment.
9-3-2014, 9.00 am. Gurukulam.
It is very difficult to communicate my thoughts on that day. I was deeply thinking about the way many times we act like a character in a drama which is not real. But once we become used to it, then it is very difficult to come out of it. Like a film star, in every area of her public life (interview, stage show, participating in celebration etc.) began to act and not remain as she is. Now after becoming an ‘actor’ she has to act even outside her film artificially for others to appreciate and also to entertain them. The same is with politicians, gurus, acharyas (the way they talk in their religious discourses and other events) , social workers, NGOS etc. etc. But in their deep heart they know what they actually are. Whereas common people minding their own life live naturally without any need to act, entertain or impress others. For me they are more honest and transparent before God and others. Other than them, rest who accept or are forced to become a public figure (on a small or big scale) has to act as her very life becomes a stage to PERFORM for others.
BT Song 227. மறைந்து போனது
உன்னடி நான் வந்திடும் போது
உலகமே எனக்கு மறந்து போகுது
உன்னருள் என்னை அடைந்திடும் போது
உள்ளான போராட்டம் நொடியில் மறையுது
அப்படி என்ன மோடி செய்தாய்
அடியேனை மயக்க ஏது செய்தாய்
அடியாரைக் காக்கவே உனை வதை செய்தாய்
அடியேனை ஆட்கொள்ள வேறன்ன செய்தாய்?
உன்வதை தன்னை எண்ணிடும் போது
உள்ளமே என்னுள் மிகவும் நடுங்குது
என் பாவம் தன்னை எண்ணிடும் போது
உன்னை விட்டு ஓடவே தோணுது
பாவத்தை மன்னித்தாய் நானறிவேனே
பரிகாரமானாய் அதை உணர்ந்தேனே
ஆயினும் அவை மட்டும் ஆட்கொள்ளப் போதாது
என்றெண்ணி எனக்கு செய்தது வேறெது?
அந்த ரகசியம் சொல்லவும் தகுமோ
அதைப் பிறர் உணர என்றும் முடியுமோ
நம்மிடை உள்ள இந்த உறவை
நான் கூட வார்த்தையால் சொல்ல முடியுமா
சரி விடு போகட்டும் அதைப்பற்றி எண்ண
சமயம் இதுவல்ல என்பதை உணர்ந்து
வேறெதும் எண்ணாமல் நான் வரும் போது
உலகமே மறைந்தது எனக்கு அப்போது
10-3-14, காலை 9.15 குருகுலம்
BT Song 227. Disappeared
When I come unto your feet
I completely forget the world
When your grace reaches me
The inner struggle disappears within a second
What kind of enchantment you have done
What have you done to allure me?
To save your bhaktas you tortured your body
What else have you done to over lord me?
When I think about your suffering
I shiver within me
When I think about my sin
I want to run away from you#
You forgave my sin I know that
You become my prayaschitta I realized that
But thinking that they alone are not enough
To over lord me what else have you done?
Could it possible to tell that secret
Is it possible for others to understand it?
The relationship that we have between us
Can I be able to communicate through words?
Ok let it be,
This is not the time to think about it.
Not thinking any other thing when I come unto you
The world is completely disappearing for me.
10-3-2014, 9.15 a.m. Gurukulam.
A deep meditation and proper reflection is required to explain and understand this. Though the Lord through His atonement redeemed me and forgave my sins, yet they are not enough for Him to become my Guru, Bhagavan and my Own. This is the secret of bhakti. His atonement and forgiveness is for everyone. But as a PERSON He belongs only to me. The concept of friendship is universal and a person can have many friends. But when it comes to the friendship between two close friends it is not based on the concept of ‘friendship’ but on their personal relationship. This is true with bhakti too. Even if the Lord never died on the cross and never forgave our sins, still what He becomes to me will never change our relationship that we have between us. This line: sarividu pohattum (சரிவிடு போகட்டும்), though I tried to translate as ‘Ok let it be’, only those who know Tamil can understand what it actually means? It means ‘don’t try to explain it, don’t try to understand it’. So all the doctrinal explanation and understanding is the same for me: சரிவிடு போகட்டும் as bhakti transcends that.
Notes
# …Presumably, the mortal wants to flee, for otherwise they run the peril of death as the wages of unconscious sins that I AM’s search may dig out.(Psalm. 139:7) The psalmists’ imagined flight of escape from I AM paradoxically leads him to more intimacy with God. Presumably, his faith that I Am is good enables him to break decisively from a posture of hostility and fear. — Bruce K. Waltake and James M. Houston With Erika Moore, The Psalms as Christian Worship: a Historical Commentary, Cambridge, U.K. William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2010, Psam 139, Search Me, God, p. 552
1-09-2018.
BT Song 228. ஓடி முடித்தேன்
உன்னருள் என்னைத் தாங்குவதால்
ஒரு நாள் போனது என் வாழ்வினிலே
இன்றைய நாளும் அதேபோல் போக
எனக்கருள் வேண்டும் புதிதாக
குழந்தை சிறுவன் வாலிபனாக
வாழ்ந்து முடித்தேன் ஒருவிதமாக
முதுமை இன்று எட்டிப் பார்க்க
ஆயத்தமானேன் முடிவைக் காண
இடையில் வந்து போனவர் பலபேர்
இறுதியில் இருப்பவர் நம்முடன் சிலபேர்
ஆயினும் அவரும் உடன் வரமாட்டார்
அதுவே வாழ்வின் உண்மை நிலை பார்
தனித்து உலகில் வந்த போதும்
’தனியே’ என்றும் வாழ்ந்ததில்லை
தனித்து நாம் போகும்போது
எவரும் உடன் வருவதுமில்லை
ஆயினும் என் பங்கைச் செய்து முடித்தேன்
அடுத்தவர் தொடர ஓட்டத்தை முடித்தேன்
ஆயினும் உன் அழைப்பு வரும் வரை
ஒதுங்கி நின்று பிறர் ஓட பார்ப்பேன்
18-03-2014, காலை, 9.00, குருகுலம்
BT Song 228. Completed my race
As your grace upholds me
A day has gone in my life
New grace I need today
To complete this day like that!
Somehow I completed my life
By living as a baby, child and youth
As the old age now showing its head
I have prepared to see the end of it
Many have come and gone amidst this
Few will be with us at the end
They too won’t come with us
This is the reality of life, you see
Though we came alone
We never live a lonely life
Though we will be gone alone
None will come with us
Yet I have done my part
For others to continue, I completed my race
Till your call comes
I will stand by and watch others running.
18-03-2014 9.00 a.m. Gurukulam.
My mother never let me realize that I too have become an old man. She often treats me as a two year old child. To make a line short we have to draw a long line next to it. So as I am living with my aged mother I feel very young in my mind. But the reality of old age is slowly coming through my body. When I thought about it, I wrote this song. But I didn’t write it with any pessimistic view as we find in so many such songs in various literatures, but accepting the fact that now time has come for me to allow others to play their innings and sit in the pavilion to watch the match. I know Chakravarthy will say, ‘good. Follow that principle with your kitchen work too’. But in other areas we can afford to lose one match. But losing a series that too with two innings defeat there is no point in changing the coach but have to change the captain. So as long as I remain the captain of the kitchen, I can assure only success. My pickles alone will demonstrate this.
21-08-2014
BT Song 229. நீயே அடைக்கலம்
உன்னிடம் வந்து ஒரு நொடி அமர்ந்தேனா
உறவென்று சொல்லி உன்னடி பணிந்தேனா
தன்னிகரில்லாத் தலைவன் நீ என்றேனா
தரணியில் எனக்கு நீ புகலிடம் என்பேனா
நினைக்கிறேன் நானும் உன்னிடம் வர
துடிக்கிறேன் மனதிலே உன்னிடம் சொல்ல
ஆயினும் இடையிலே ஆயிரம் காரியம்
அதற்கும் மேலாக பலவித அவசரம்
ஓய்ந்து போனதால் உடலிலே அலுப்பு
ஓயாத எண்ணத்தால் மனதிலே சலிப்பு
உரசி வாழ்வதால் உறவில் வெறுப்பு
உன்னிடம் வரவும் இல்லை தவிப்பு
ஆயினும் அறிவேன் உண்மை ஒன்று
அடைக்கலம் எனக்கு நீ மட்டும் என்று
எப்படிப் போனாலும் வாழ்க்கையில் இங்கு
நீயே ஆனாய் அடைக்கலம் நன்கு
1-4-2014, காலை, 11.30, குருகுலம்
229. You became my refuge
Did I ever come and sit with you even for a second
Did I ever come and bowed at your feet because of my relationship
Did I ever tell you that you are the unparalleled Master
Will I say that you alone are my refuge in this world?
I think to come unto you
I was longing to tell only to you
Amidst this there are thousands of works for me
Beyond this there are so many hurries
As the body become worn out there came tiredness in the body
Because of constant thought there came an aversion in my heart
As live closely there came a hate in relationship (familiarity breeds contempt)
Therefore there is no longing to come unto you
Yet I know one truth
You alone is my refuge
However this life may go
You alone become my proper refuge
1-04-2014, 11.30. am. Gurukulam.
Too much busyness, too much work, friction in relationships, responsibility which I can no more handle etc. etc. several times deprived me of my time to be with the Lord. This morning because of too much trouble given by the worker and her lack of responsibility forced me to do all the work here. When I type this on 26-8-2014, I remember this day in April first week this year when the previous worker gave too much trouble. More than ten days she was absent and beyond that she behaved very rudely. Added to this my mother became upset seeing me manage all the work here without anyone to help and began to lament. This increased my burden more. Left alone I can do much work silently. But arguing on every point exhausts me. I understood my mother’s concern for me. But I told my mother (and also to the workers) that I can do much work silently. But if I am forced to argue or explain by giving all the reasons, then I have to spend my energy both in my work and in talking. I often told my mother, ‘whether you like it or not, I have to do some manual work here. I have to cook when others visit. But if you keep quiet I can easily manage this (manual) work, but I don’t have energy to argue with and also to do the work.’ On this day as I become too tired in my mind and body, I wrote this song.
26-8-2014 (Gurukulam).
BT Song 230 230. தரிசனம் தாராயோ
பரமனே எனக்கு தரிசனம் தாராயோ
பக்திக்கு இறங்கி என்னிடம் வாராயோ
பாவிதான் கூவினேன் என்நிலை அறியாயோ
பாவியை மீட்க மரித்ததை மறந்தாயோ
அண்டம் முழுதும் ஆளுகை செய்வதால்
அடிமைக்கு ஒதுக்க நேரம் இல்லையோ
அப்படி செய்ய நீ மானுடன் இல்லையே
ஆயினும் புறப்பது நியாயமும் இலையே
எதனாலே உனக்கு என்னிடம் கோபம்
எப்படிக் கூறுவேன் என் மனத் தாபம்
என்னமோ புரியலை உன்னிந்த மொளனம்
விளக்கவும் மொழி இல்லை என்மனப் பரிதாபம்
நல்லவனாகித்தான் உன்னிடம் வரணுமோ
நன்மைகள் செய்து தான் உன்னருள் பெறணுமோ
இதுவல்ல உன் நீதி நான் சொல்ல வேண்டுமோ
ஆனாலும் தாமதம் செய்வதும் நியாயமா
சரி விடு போகட்டும் நான் ஏன் புலம்பணும்
என் சக்திக்கு மீறி நான் ஏன் கலங்கணும்
அடியேனைத் தாங்குதல் உன் கடன் ஆனபின்
பணி செய்யும் என்கடன் பணிவுடன் செய்கிறேன்
30-04-2014, குருகுலம், காலை 4.30
26-08-2014. Gurukulam.
When I reached the ashram on April 29th, it took more than two hours for me to come out from all kinds of noises which were bothering me at Mathirigi. So I immersed myself more in the calm atmosphere of the ashram. I sat several hours quietly just absorbing the silence around me in the evening. When my mind wandered, I dragged it back to immerse in the silence.
On 30th morning, when I got up by 4.00 again I began to immerse myself in the silence around me. That day I wrote four poems. This is the first one.
230. Won’t you give your darshan?
Oh Eternal Being won’t you give your darshan to me?
Considering my bhakti won’t you come unto me?
This sinner alone is crying; don’t you understand my situation
Did you forget that you died only to redeem this sinner?
As you have to take care of the entire universe
Don’t you have time to spare for this slave?
But you are not a human being to do like that
At the same time it is not right on your part to reject me!
Why you have this much anger with me
How can I tell the tension in my heart?
I cannot understand your silence
I don’t have words to explain the pitiable condition of my heart?
Do I need to come to you only after becoming a good person?
Can I receive your grace only through performing good works?
This is not your dharma; do I have to tell this to you
Yet is it correct to delay this much on your part?
Ok, let it be; why should I lament
Why should I be troubled beyond my capacity?
Once upholding become your debt (dharma)
I will do my dharma of doing seva with much humility.
30-4-14 Gurukulam, 4.30 a.m.
As I got up early and sat silently immersed in the quietness around me, I became very upset with the Lord for the way He made me shift back to Mathigiri. I know no place; people or conditions can set any limit or bring any hurdle for me to have my relationship with the Lord. It is more with my temperament than with my situation. Anyhow though I vent out my frustration initially, I surrendered to Him reminding His dharma of upholding me while promising to do my dharma of doing my seva wherever He keeps me.###
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