No Lakshman Reka

No Lakshman Reka@

Recently in a group discussion, again there came the question of ‘Where to draw the line’.  And the subpoint is ‘how far one can go’ in accommodating the needs and aspirations of others.

In our context, as Hindu bhaktas, often this question was asked and already I have written one article, ‘Where to draw the line’.  But there the context is not living with our family where others don’t share our kind of bhakti in the Lord.  There the question was how far an outsider can go or have to go in reaching out to others to ‘WIN’ for the Lord.  And I gave my regular answer that one should go even to the extent of becoming like that person whom you want to reach, including accepting her bhakti in her deity or theology as your own.

But when the same question comes in our family, my answer is: We cannot draw any Lakshman Reka in our family.  This is not limited in celebrating our bhakti living with our family but IN ALL KINDS of relationships.  Because family is centred on RELATIONSHIP which cannot be defined by any terms and conditions.  It is treating the other family member as a PERSON not defining the RELATIONSHIP based on their respective role that each and everyone have to play—as a Father, Mother, Husband, Wife, Children etc. etc.  

When we forget both these two terms ‘RELATIONSHIP’ and ‘PERSON’, then we will go on to draw so many Lakshman Rekas for each other not to cross.  But in a family that won’t work.

In other words, each and every individual has to make decisions as per the situation demands.  It is like a war zone where you cannot execute your strategy as per the plan but you have to make quick and sudden decisions on the spot.  In War the target is to eliminate your enemy even at the cost of your life.  But in a family PRESERVE that RELATIONSHIP—even at your COST. 

Then no one can give any artificial and impractical lists of ‘dos and don’ts but each member of the family has to decide on the spot—not to eliminate that RELATIONSHIP but help the other person to enjoy his/her RELATIONSHIP as a PERSON—even at your cost.  If the situation demands temporary withdrawal one should do without any hesitation than involving in ‘Tu Tu and Mai Mai’ [Neeya—Naana, you or me].

As a SINGLE PERSON I am not qualified even to write this.  But as a human living not ‘in’ the world but ‘with’ the world, I share this based on my personal experience.

@ When Rama went in search of a fake golden deer which Sita saw and demanded for her, she never knew it was a trap to kidnap her.  So when Raman shot the arrow that fake deer fell down shouting ’Lakshmana, Sita’.  Thinking that Rama was killed or wounded when Sita urges Lakshmana, who was ordered to guard Sita by Rama, first refuses to go, realizing the trap.  But when Sita begins to rebuke him that he refuses to go with some bad intention, then Lakshmana draws a line instructing Sita not to cross.  But Sita crossed it unintentionally when Ravana came in disguise as a Brahman begging for food and was kidnapped by him. That line that Lakshmana draws becomes a proverbial saying, Lakshman Reka.

Gurukulam, 13-10-2023