Every human vocation has its own blessings and problems. But as per my personal life, I would say the challenges in the vocation of sannyasa are many and very difficult to handle. As Kabir Sahab well said the ‘perils, troubles and sorrows of a jogi [sannyasi] is double fold, whereas everyone has to face this in her life.
More challenging is life as a recluse. All are called for this life or can afford such a life. A sannyasi need not live as a recluse as we commonly find in India. Beginning from Buddha who wisely created Sanga for the Buddhist monks to live as a community, following him, Sannyasis created their own order [acada] and community to face the challenges. This clearly demonstrates that, in spite of our vocation, man is a social animal. Even a recluse cannot live without the support of a society around him or her. Of course there are very few exceptions who manage to live completely depending upon the nature they need to survive. But such extreme exceptions are not a model for everyone to imitate.
But the inner detachment that a sannyasi has to develop could help him to live in his or her own order and among his or her own community but be ready to move away at any time, persuading her own sadhana. Though I cannot claim that I have developed that kind of inner detachment, somehow my temperament and long experience as a recluse helps me to develop with several ups and downs. At the same time as I respect and value human relationships, this inner detachment helps me both to involve and with draw as per my and others’ needs. That’s why I never miss human fellowship much, though I enjoy it when I get the opportunity to have it. When others come, I wholeheartedly welcome and do my best for them to enjoy their time. At the same time I never miss anyone much in my life, except my mother. I miss her very much and till the end of my life I will miss her. Before motherhood everyone has to fail and there is a joy in that failure. Other failures in life bring anger, sorrow and a spirit of revenge. But when one fails before his or mother she or he not only rejoices in it but long to be defeated by her—whether lives or dies. Till the end even a sannyasi is committed to his mother. Already I share about it elsewhere in one of my songs to My Mother.
Next to my mother, I cannot sever my relationship with my guru. Thankfully my Guru BEING A PERSON, transcending all gender identity remains as a LIVING PERSON in my life. What all I miss in my relationship with others, I find in him—as my father, mother, companion, siblings, relatives, friend, servant and slave. This relationship though remains beyond human comprehension, still remains alive to me. This can be experienced but never explained, transmitted but never can be translated. So allowing it to remain as a mystical experience I need not share more about it.
Finally I confess that I remain a riddle not only for many but even to me. This is true with every sannyasi. If me or anyone thinks that he or she has relatively understood me will be disappointed when I prove that s/he is wrong. Several things that I do remain surprising even to me. But one thing I know for sure that, until the divine grace upheld me I would have never managed to live my life so far as my choice. And I hope and trust the same grace will take care of me for the rest of my life. If I started to narrate several incidents in my life, which changed the course of my life it would take several pages. But in all of them I clearly experienced the leading of that divine grace. So I press forward with the same TRUST and HOPE that the One who has called me is able to complete my race also. And my GURU is there to walk along with me.
Gurukulam, 11-5-2024
Every human vocation has its own blessings and problems. But as per my personal life, I would say the challenges in the vocation of sannyasa are many and very difficult to handle. As Kabir Sahab well said the ‘perils, troubles and sorrows of a jogi [sannyasi] is double fold, whereas everyone has to face this in her life.
More challenging is life as a recluse. All are called for this life or can afford such a life. A sannyasi need not live as a recluse as we commonly find in India. Beginning from Buddha who wisely created Sanga for the Buddhist monks to live as a community, following him, Sannyasis created their own order [acada] and community to face the challenges. This clearly demonstrates that, in spite of our vocation, man is a social animal. Even a recluse cannot live without the support of a society around him or her. Of course there are very few exceptions who manage to live completely depending upon the nature they need to survive. But such extreme exceptions are not a model for everyone to imitate.
But the inner detachment that a sannyasi has to develop could help him to live in his or her own order and among his or her own community but be ready to move away at any time, persuading her own sadhana. Though I cannot claim that I have developed that kind of inner detachment, somehow my temperament and long experience as a recluse helps me to develop with several ups and downs. At the same time as I respect and value human relationships, this inner detachment helps me both to involve and with draw as per my and others’ needs. That’s why I never miss human fellowship much, though I enjoy it when I get the opportunity to have it. When others come, I wholeheartedly welcome and do my best for them to enjoy their time. At the same time I never miss anyone much in my life, except my mother. I miss her very much and till the end of my life I will miss her. Before motherhood everyone has to fail and there is a joy in that failure. Other failures in life bring anger, sorrow and a spirit of revenge. But when one fails before his or mother she or he not only rejoices in it but long to be defeated by her—whether lives or dies. Till the end even a sannyasi is committed to his mother. Already I share about it elsewhere in one of my songs to My Mother.
Next to my mother, I cannot sever my relationship with my guru. Thankfully my Guru BEING A PERSON, transcending all gender identity remains as a LIVING PERSON in my life. What all I miss in my relationship with others, I find in him—as my father, mother, companion, siblings, relatives, friend, servant and slave. This relationship though remains beyond human comprehension, still remains alive to me. This can be experienced but never explained, transmitted but never can be translated. So allowing it to remain as a mystical experience I need not share more about it.
Finally I confess that I remain a riddle not only for many but even to me. This is true with every sannyasi. If me or anyone thinks that he or she has relatively understood me will be disappointed when I prove that s/he is wrong. Several things that I do remain surprising even to me. But one thing I know for sure that, until the divine grace upheld me I would have never managed to live my life so far as my choice. And I hope and trust the same grace will take care of me for the rest of my life. If I started to narrate several incidents in my life, which changed the course of my life it would take several pages. But in all of them I clearly experienced the leading of that divine grace. So I press forward with the same TRUST and HOPE that the One who has called me is able to complete my race also. And my GURU is there to walk along with me.
Gurukulam, 11-5-2024
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