BT Song 1221
I always enjoy wordless communication with the Lord. I prefer to sit quietly before Him, not even uttering any prayers, but allowing my mind and spirit to communicate with Him. Of course, my mind will wander, but I let it go as it likes and then bring it back to that silent communion with Him. Though writing poems often hinders such sadhana, I would prefer to abandon it to have that communion with Him without any interference.
BT Song 1221 I Should Communicate Without Words
Simple English Version
There are many
Things to share.
With a desire
To share them,
When I come
And sit with you,
Somehow all my words
Suddenly disappear.
You gave me
A relationship
To share all
My heart’s thoughts.
Words are useless,
They just make noise.
This, I clearly
Understood.
To understand
Our relationship,
I came very
Close to you.
At that time,
I forgot myself
Completely.
What happened then?
Without any desire
To leave,
I drowned
In complete silence.
As time
Completely disappeared,
I became
One with you.
The need to share
All my thoughts
Completely disappeared.
I only asked
To stay in this state,
To always
Be with you.
I should talk
Without words.
I only need
The desire to worship you.
I only need
A heart to feel it,
And you should
Always live in it.
Mathigiri, 1-8-2020, 11.30
BT Song 1221 I Should Communicate Without Words
Classical English Version
There are many a thing
I yearn to share,
When in thy presence
I seek to bear.
Yet as I sit
In thine embrace,
The words I cherish
Do vanish apace.
Thou gavest me
This bond so dear,
To share the thoughts
My heart holds near.
Yet words prove vain,
Mere sounds they are,
This truth I’ve seen,
Both near and far.
To grasp the nature
Of our bond,
I drew near thee,
So close and fond.
In that moment,
I lost all sense,
Of self and being,
In thy presence intense.
Bereft of desire
To part from thee,
I drowned in silence,
So vast and free.
With time dissolved,
And sense subdued,
In thee I merged,
In quietude.
Stanza 5:
The need to share
All thoughts did cease,
In this state
I sought release.
This boon I asked,
To ever stay,
With thee in union,
Night and day.
Stanza 6:
I should converse
Without a word,
To worship thee
In silence heard.
A heart that feels,
This I require,
And thou within,
My sole desire.
Mathigiri, 1-8-2020, 11.30
BT Song 1222
I enjoy life as a recluse. Though the coronavirus pandemic brought many miseries into our lives in various ways, it brought a blessing in disguise for me—to live with minimal contact, both physical and other kinds of communication, with the world. I am not sure if this is my nature (prvruti) given by God or if it is a (mental or psychological) sickness. Well, I don’t know, but I am not responsible for that as He alone created me with this nature.
BT Song 1222 I Am Not Responsible
Simple English Version
Stanza 1:
I should go
And hide somewhere,
Without having
Contact with anyone.
Stanza 2:
Though I don’t
Know the reason
For these thoughts
Coming to me.
Stanza 3:
My heart longs
For some peace,
But I don’t know
What it truly is.
Stanza 4:
Though I enjoy
A reclusive life,
I know that
Loneliness is not good.
Stanza 5:
I am confused,
Not knowing why
I seek
Solitude.
Stanza 6:
Is this my nature,
Or, oh my God,
Did you give
This temperament to me?
Stanza 7:
Or is it because
Of circumstances,
Or did I
Seek it on my own?
Stanza 8:
Though I often
Long to live
Without communication
With others,
Stanza 9:
There is still
A desire to
Continue my relationship
With you.
Stanza 10:
Is this a
Boon from you,
Or the peace
My soul seeks?
Stanza 11:
Whatever it is,
I am not responsible,
For I am
Your creation.
Mathigiri, 2-8-2020, 10.00 p.m.
BT Song 1222 I Am Not Responsible
Classical English Version
Stanza 1:
I should depart
And hide away,
From contact with
The world I stray.
Stanza 2:
Though reason for
These thoughts I lack,
Why they within
My mind attack.
Stanza 3:
My heart does yearn
For peace profound,
Yet what it is
Cannot be found.
Stanza 4:
Though solitude
I find delight,
Lonely life
Is not all right.
Stanza 5:
In bewilderment
I seek the cause,
Why solitude
My spirit draws.
Stanza 6:
Is it nature’s hand,
Or divine decree,
This temperament
Bestowed on me?
Stanza 7:
Is it circumstances
That led this way,
Or did I choose
This path to stay?
Stanza 8:
Though often I long
To live apart,
From human ties
And social heart,
Stanza 9:
Yet still I yearn
To stay with thee,
Is this a boon
Thou gavest me?
Stanza 10:
Or is this peace
The soul doth seek,
Or some ailment
Of mind unique?
Stanza 11:
Whatever cause,
I am not to blame,
For thou didst craft
Me, all the same.
Mathigiri, 2-8-2020, 10.00 p.m.
BT Song 1223
I don’t know about others, but whenever I go before the Lord, I often feel my unworthiness more than at normal times. When I rub shoulders with people—physically or mentally (by reading books), I take some solace in knowing I am one among them, living a normal life with all kinds of shortcomings. But when I enter the presence of the Lord, I stand uniquely as a complete embodiment of all the vices in the universe. All He needs to reform this world is to change me, and only me. If He could do that, the entire world would be completely different. I say this not with arrogance, as if I am so important to the world, but because my relationship with the world, or my world, would be entirely new if the Lord could regenerate me.
BT Song 1223 Like a Dead Fly
Simple English Version
Stanza 1:
Though I can forgive
Others easily,
I cannot
Forgive myself completely.
Stanza 2:
When I think about
All the evils within me,
I cannot
Accept myself.
Stanza 3:
If I try to
List them all,
Even numbers
Aren’t enough.
Stanza 4:
If I count all the evils
In this world,
None is
Less in me.
Stanza 5:
As I add
More by thinking,
I cannot
List all my evils.
Stanza 6:
Therefore, this slave
Lives as the
Embodiment of evil,
But you don’t have mercy on me.
Stanza 7:
Still, I give you
Another chance,
But why do you
Refuse to take it?
Stanza 8:
When you are defeated
By struggling
To remove small errors
In others,
Stanza 9:
If you change me,
The entire world will be saved.
Why is this
Not clear to you?
Stanza 10:
Therefore, instead of
Struggling with others,
Change me
By struggling with me.
Stanza 11:
An evil person like me
Living in this world
Among many
Good people is like
Stanza 12:
A dead fly
In a pot
Full of perfume.
Is it good?
Stanza 13:
Therefore, to bring change
In this world,
You should find a way
To correct me.
Mathigiri, 2-8-2020, 11.15 p.m.
BT Song 1223 Like a Dead Fly
Classical English Version
Stanza 1:
Though I forgive
Others with ease,
I cannot
Myself appease.
Stanza 2:
When I ponder
Evils within,
Acceptance of self
I cannot win.
Stanza 3:
If I attempt
To list them all,
Even numbers
Fall short and small.
Stanza 4:
If all the evils
In the world I tally,
None in me
Is found to dally.
Stanza 5:
As new ones by thought
I keep adding,
I cannot list
All my bad deeds’ padding.
Stanza 6:
Therefore, this slave
Lives full of vice,
But you show
No mercy, no device.
Stanza 7:
Still, I offer
You another chance,
But why refuse
This divine dance?
Stanza 8:
When you fail
To correct others’ flaws,
Even the smallest
Errors give pause.
Stanza 9:
If you change me,
The world redeems,
Why is this
Not in your dreams?
Stanza 10:
Therefore, cease
Struggling with the rest,
Change me,
Strive with me best.
Stanza 11:
An evil one like me
Amid the good,
In this world
Where virtue should,
Stanza 12:
Is like a dead fly
In a fragrant jar,
Does it not
All beauty mar?
Stanza 13:
Therefore, to change
This worldly state,
Correct me first
Before it’s too late.
Mathigiri, 2-8-2020, 11.15 p.m.
BT Song 1224
When a young man took me for granted and began to hurt and insult me, I kept quiet, not saying anything to him, though I was boiling inside. Though I could retaliate immediately, I told myself, ‘What is the use in fighting at this old age? You are one step away from the grave. Keep quiet, even if you lack patience.’ When I took this matter to the Lord again, as usual, keeping the answer with Him, He allowed me only to question Him. The result is this song.
BT Song 1224 Have No Patience
Simple English Version
Stanza 1:
I am not yet prepared,
I know that.
I am in haste,
That I understand well.
Stanza 2:
I have no patience,
What can I do?
I can only lament,
What else can I do?
Stanza 3:
Fortunately,
You are there.
You know the nature
Of this mean dog.
Stanza 4:
Protect me
With your enduring patience,
And give me the boon
To come to your feet.
Stanza 5:
I tried
My best,
Somehow I failed,
No matter how hard I tried.
Stanza 6:
I try to correct myself
By looking at others.
Then I realize
It is not possible for me.
Stanza 7:
Why did you keep
This nature within me,
And watch me
As I weep?
Stanza 8:
What kind of pleasure
Do you find in it?
Then why did you
Redeem me?
Stanza 9:
There is no use
In the life I lived so far.
There is no meaning
To live like this.
Stanza 10:
You keep the answers,
Yet allow me
Only to ask
The questions.
Stanza 11:
Before I leave
This earth,
At least one day,
As your heart desires,
Stanza 12:
Allow me to live
That kind of life.
Please give me
Only that boon.
Stanza 13:
Until that day,
Living each day like this,
Realizing your grace
In it,
Stanza 14:
I will prepare
To come to your presence.
I know
You are there to help me.
Mathigiri, 3-8-2020, 10.30 p.m.
BT Song 1224 Have No Patience
Classical English Version
Stanza 1:
I am not yet prepared,
This much I know.
In haste I move,
This truth does show.
Stanza 2:
Patience I lack,
What can I do?
In lament I dwell,
No other course pursue.
Stanza 3:
Fortune smiles,
For thou art there.
Thou know’st the nature
Of this mean dog, bare.
Stanza 4:
With enduring patience,
Do thou protect,
Grant me the boon
To thy feet direct.
Stanza 5:
My best I tried,
Yet failure met,
However I strive,
Success is unmet.
Stanza 6:
By others’ ways
I seek correction,
Yet realize soon,
‘Tis not my direction.
Stanza 7:
Why keepest thou
This nature in me,
And watch as I
In sorrow be?
Stanza 8:
What pleasure dost
Thou find in this?
Why then my soul
Dost thou dismiss?
Stanza 9:
No use in life
So far I’ve led,
No meaning found,
In days misled.
Stanza 10:
With answers kept,
Thou leav’st me to quest,
Only to ask,
No answers addressed.
Stanza 11:
Ere I depart
From this earthly sphere,
Grant me one day,
As thy heart holds dear.
Stanza 12:
Allow me to live
A life most pure,
Grant me this boon,
My soul’s secure.
Stanza 13:
Till that day dawns,
In thy grace I stay,
Living each moment,
In thy love’s array.
Stanza 14:
Prepared I’ll be
For thy presence blest,
Knowing thou’rt there,
My aid and rest.
Mathigiri, 3-8-2020, 10.30 p.m.
BT Song 1225
The one constant topic I often meditate on is ‘peace.’ What actually is this peace? I know for sure it is not keeping a stoic indifference in life. It is not the absence of problems, worries, struggles, pains, suffering, and what not. Even the promise of the Lord of giving His peace, though real in several situations, looks more like idealism than reality. Of course, I strongly believe that this peace which the Lord promises to give is not the absence of suffering, problems, worries, temptations, and trials but the assurance that, despite all these, He is with me.
So, to all my questions about peace till this day, I haven’t received a convincing answer. Even God hasn’t given me a clear answer. But as there remain so many unanswered questions in life, I included this one and allowed it to remain a riddle in my life.
BT Song 1225 What is Peace?
Simple English Version
Stanza 1:
I tried to understand
What peace is.
Till this day,
I never understood.
Stanza 2:
Still, I came to you
To learn from you,
But till this day,
I didn’t receive the answer.
Stanza 3:
In a way,
This is also good for me,
Because I lack
The maturity to grasp it.
Stanza 4:
As I talk about many things
And think about many things,
Peace never seems
Within my reach.
Stanza 5:
What kind of
Training is needed for this?
I’ve tried all,
Yet end up defeated.
Stanza 6:
If anyone suggests
Something new,
I even
Attempted that.
Stanza 7:
As it turned
Into a riddle I can understand,
I began to live with it,
Without revealing the mystery.
Stanza 8:
With so many
Unanswered questions,
I added this one
To the list.
Mathigiri, 4-8-2020, 11.00 p.m.
BT Song 1225 What is Peace?
Classical English Version
Stanza 1:
I sought to know
What peace truly is.
Till this day,
Its meaning eludes me.
Stanza 2:
Yet, to you I came
Seeking understanding,
But till this day,
No answer has I gained.
Stanza 3:
In some ways,
‘Tis perhaps for the best,
For my soul lacks
The maturity to rest.
Stanza 4:
Though I speak
And ponder much,
Peace seems distant,
My mind in clutch.
Stanza 5:
What discipline
Is required for its embrace?
I’ve tried them all,
Yet defeat I face.
Stanza 6:
If one proposes
A novel way,
I’ve ventured forth,
Tried to sway.
Stanza 7:
As it morphed
Into a puzzle clear,
I’ve learned to live,
Its secrets dear.
Stanza 8:
With myriad
Questions still unknown,
This query now
Joins my own.
BT Song 1221 வார்த்தை இன்றிப் பேச வேண்டும்
சொல்லிட ஆயிரம்
சேதியும் உண்டு
சொல்லிட மனதில்
ஆர்வமும் கொண்டு
வந்து உன்னிடம்
அமர்ந்திடும் போது
வார்த்தைகள் ஏனோ
மறைந்து போனது 1
மனதில் தோன்றும்
உணர்வைச் சொல்ல
உறவு ஒன்றைத்
தந்த பின்னே
ஓசை எழுப்பும்
வார்த்தையாலே
பயனும் இல்லை
தெரிந்து கொண்டேன் 2
கொண்ட உறவின்
தன்மை அறிய
அருகில் நானும்
நெருங்கி வந்தேன்
அந்த நேரம்
என்னை மறந்தேன்
அதன்பின் அங்கு
நடந்ததை அறியேன் 3
மீண்டும் வரவும்
விருப்பம் இன்றி
மவுனம் தன்னில்
மூழ்கிக் கிடந்தேன்
காலம் நேரம்
அனைத்தும் மறைய
கலந்து விட்டேன்
உன்னில் என்னை 4
சொல்ல வந்த
சேதிக்கெல்லாம்
தேவையாவும்
மறைந்து போக
இந்த நிலையில்
என்றும் வாழும்
பேறு தன்னை
நானும் கேட்டேன் 5
வார்த்தை இன்றிப்
பேச வேண்டும்
வணக்கித் துதிக்கும்
நேசம் வேண்டும்
அதனை உணரும்
மனதும் வேண்டும்
அதனுள் நீயே
வாழ வேண்டும் 6
மத்திகிரி, 1-8-2020, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1222 நானல்ல பொறுப்பு
எவ்விதத் தொடர்புமே
எவரோடும் இல்லாமல்
எங்கேனும் சென்று
நானொளிய வேண்டும் 1
எனக்குள்ள இவ்வெண்ணம்
வந்திடக் காரணம்
எதுவென எனக்குத்
தெரியாமல் போயினும் 2
ஏதோஒரு அமைதி
என்னுள்ளம் தேடுது
அதுஎதுவென எனக்குத்
தெரியாமல் போனது 3
தனித்து வாழ்வதின்
சுகம்கண்ட பின்னும்
தனியாக வாழ்வதில்
பயனில்லை அறிந்தேன் 4
ஆயினும் தனிமையை
நாடிடக் காரணம்
எதுவெனப் புரியாமல்
நானுமே திகைத்தேன் 5
என்னிந்த மனநிலை
இயற்கையில் வந்ததா
அல்லது இறவனே
நீயாகத் தந்ததா 6
சூழ்நிலை அதுவாக
வந்துமே வாய்த்ததா
நானாகத் தேடி
ஏற்றுமே கொண்டதா 7
மானுடர் தொடர்புமே
இல்லாமல் வாழ்ந்திட
மனதிலே ஏக்கமும்
பலமுறை வந்தாலும் 8
உன்னுடன் உள்ள
தொடர்புமே தொடர்ந்திட
என்னுளம் விழையுது
நீதந்த வரமதா 9
ஆன்மா தேடிடும்
அமைதி என்பதா
அல்லது மனதிலே
வந்திட்ட நோயிதா 10
ஏதேனும் ஆனாலும்
நானல்ல பொறுப்பு
ஏனென்றால் நானுந்தன்
கையின் படைப்பு 11
மத்திகிரி, 2-8-2020, இரவு, 10.00
BT Song 1223 இறந்த ஈயாக
எளிதாகப் பிறரை
மன்னிக்க இயன்றாலும்
என்னை மன்னிக்க
எனக்குமே முடியல 1
என்னுள்ளே குடியுள்ள
தீமையை எண்ணினால்
என்னையே என்னாலே
ஏற்கவும் இயலல 2
பட்டியல் போட்டு
அனைத்தையும் சொல்லிட
எத்தனை முயன்றாலும்
எண்களும் போதல 3
என்னென்ன தீமைகள்
உலகிலே உள்ளதோ
ஒன்றேனும் அவைகளில்
எண்ணினால் குறையல 4
அத்துடன் புதிதாக
சிந்தித்துச் சேர்த்திட
அவகுணம் அனைத்தையும்
சொல்லிட வழியில 5
ஆகவே தீமையின்
மொத்த உருவமாய்
அடிமையும் வாழ்கிறேன்
உன்மனம் இரங்கல 6
ஆனாலும் உனக்கொரு
வாய்ப்புமே தருகிறேன்
அதையேன் நீயும்
முழுமையாய் ஏற்கல 7
பலரிடம் உள்ள
சிறுசிறு குறைகள்
நீக்கிட நீயுமே
போராடித் தோற்கையில் 8
என்ஒருவனை மாற்றினால்
உலகமே உய்ந்திடும்
அதுமட்டும் உனக்கு
இன்னுமா விளங்கல 9
ஆகவே பிறரோடு
போராடித் தோற்கமல்
என்னோடு போராடி
என்னையே மாற்றிடு 10
நல்லோர்கள் பலரும்
உள்ள உலகிலே
என்போன்ற தீயவன்
ஒருவன் இருப்பது 11
நறுமணத் திரவியம்
நிறைந்துள்ள குடத்தில்
இறந்த ஈயாகக்
கிடப்பது நல்லதா 12
ஆகவே உலகில்
மாற்றமும் வந்திட
என்னையும் திருத்திட
வழிவகை நீதேடு 13
மத்திகிரி, 2-8-2020, 11.15
BT Song 1224 பொறுமையே இல்லை
ஆயத்தம் இல்லை
நானதை அறிவேன்
அவசரப்படுகிறேன்
அதையுமே புரிந்தேன் 1
பொறுமையே இல்லை
நானென்ன செய்வேன்
புலம்பத்தான் முடியும்
வேறென்ன செய்வேன் 2
நல்ல வேளை
நீயுமே உள்ளாய்
நாயனின் தன்மையை
நன்குமே அறிவாய் 3
நீடித்த பொறுமையால்
என்னையும் காப்பாய்
நின்னடி வந்திட
வரமும் அளித்தாய் 4
இயன்ற வரையில்
முயன்றும் பார்த்தேன்
எத்தனை செய்தும்
ஏனோ தோற்றேன் 5
பிறரைப் பார்த்துத்
திருந்திடப் பார்த்தேன்
அது இயலாது
என்பதைப் புரிந்தேன் 6
ஏனிந்த குணத்தை
என்னிடம் வைத்தாய்
என்னை அழவிட்டு
வேடிக்கை பார்த்தாய் 7
அதிலே நீயென்ன
மகிழ்ச்சியைக் கண்டாய்
அப்புறம் ஏன்என்னை
மீட்டுமே கொண்டாய் 8
இதுவரை வாழ்ந்ததில்
பயனே இல்லை
இப்படி வாழ்வதில்
அர்த்தமும் இல்லை 9
விடையை நீயே
வைத்துக் கொண்டு
கேள்விகள் மட்டுமே
கேட்கவும் விட்டாய் 10
புவியை விட்டுப்
போகும் முன்னே
ஒரு நாளேனும்
உன்மனம் விரும்பும் 11
வாழ்வை நானும்
வாழ்ந்திட வைப்பாய்
அந்த வரம்மட்டும்
நிச்சயம் அளிப்பாய் 12
அதுவரை இதுபோல்
அனுதினம் வாழ்ந்து
அதனுள் உனது
கிருபையை உணர்ந்து 13
உன்னிடம் வந்திட
ஆயத்த மாவேன்
உதவிட நீயுளாய்
அதைமட்டும் அறிவேன் 14
மத்திகிரி, 3-8-2020, இரவு, 10.30
BT Song 1225 எது அமைதி
அமைதி எதுவென
அறிந்திட முயன்றேன்
அதனை அறியாமல்
இதுவரை இருந்தேன் 1
ஆயினும் அறிந்திட
உன்னிடம் வந்தேன்
ஆனாலும் இதுவரை
பதில்வரக் காணேன் 2
இதுவும் ஒருவிதம்
எனக்குமே நல்லது
அதையேற்கும் பக்குவம்
இல்லாமல் போனது 3
எதையேனும் எண்ணி
ஏதேனும் பேசி
எப்போதும் அலைமோதும்
எனக்கது எட்டாது 4
என்னென்ன பயிற்சிகள்
அதற்குமே உள்ளதோ
எல்லாமே செய்து
அனைத்திலும் தோற்றேன் 5
எவரேனும் புதிதாக
ஏதேனும் சொன்னால்
அதனை நானும்
முயன்றுமே பார்த்தேன் 6
புரியாத புதிராக
அதுமாறிப் போக
புதிரை அவிழ்க்காமல்
அதனுடன் வாழ்கிறேன் 7
விடையற்ற கேள்விகள்
ஏராளம் இருக்க
அவற்றோடு இதனை
சேர்த்துக் கொண்டேன் 8
மத்திகிரி, 4-8-2020, இரவு, 11.00
Mathigiri, 4-8-2020, 11.00 p.m.
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