BT Song 1286
Due to disturbances and noise, I couldn’t sleep, so I got up around 3:00 AM. Unable to sleep further, I sat calmly, unsure of what to do. Today, I planned to go to the ashram with certain items before moving there with my mother. Feeling tired made it difficult to concentrate, so after sitting for a while, I started packing. After 5:00, I became extremely tired and tried to lie down, but sleep eluded me. I got up again and sat quietly with the Lord, reflecting on my responsibility to care for my mother while feeling called to lead a recluse’s life in peace. Torn between my duty and my calling, I asked the Lord why I focus only on my own needs. “You called me to carry my burdens, yet I try to avoid them and expect others to shoulder my cross.” I felt deep remorse and began to pour my heart out to the Lord. Inspired, I wrote this song as my prayer and confession.
BT Song 1286: I Fell Upon Myself
Simple English Version
1.
As I thought
Only about my needs,
I became
A burden to myself.
2.
As I took
Steps backward,
I stumbled and
Fell upon myself.
3.
You gave me
My own cross,
You asked me
To carry it myself.
4.
But I refused
To carry it,
I called others
To come and carry it.
5.
Many came forward
And stood before me,
They asked me
To carry their cross.
6.
Then I realized
My responsibility,
Oh my Lord,
I accepted your call.
7.
Then my burden
Became very light,
As you carried the other side,
Balance was restored.
8.
Today’s duty
Became my responsibility,
Tomorrow’s responsibility
Belongs to you.
9.
I realized it,
I renounced my ego,
I gave myself completely,
And gave my consent.
10.
I forgot the past,
I gave up the future,
I worshipped you
Today in my life.
Mathigiri, 29-08-2021, 5.30 am.
—
BT Song 1286: I Fell Upon Myself
Classical English Version
BT Song 1286: I Fell Upon Myself
1.
As I pondered
Only on my need,
I became a burden
Unto myself indeed.
2.
As I retraced
My steps with care,
I stumbled and
Upon myself did fare.
3.
Thou gavest me
Mine own cross to bear,
And asked that I
Its weight should wear.
4.
Yet I declined
To bear this yoke,
And called others
To lift my cloak.
5.
Many came
And stood before,
They bid me bear
Their crosses more.
6.
Then did I see
My duty clear,
O Lord, I heeded
Thy call most dear.
7.
Then my burden
Light did grow,
For thou didst carry
Half the load.
8.
Today’s task
Became my care,
Tomorrow’s burden
Thou dost bear.
9.
I understood,
Ego cast aside,
Gave myself wholly,
Consent applied.
10.
The past forgotten,
The future dismissed,
In this present day
Thy feet I kissed.
Mathigiri, 29-08-2021, 5.30 am.
BT Song 1287
After nearly seven years, I returned to the ashram to spend a few weeks with my mother. We arrived yesterday, and I was busy unpacking, arranging things, and caring for her. I felt both physically and mentally drained. Sankar and Ratna helped, and their daughter Ranjita came during the day to assist with my mother. However, it was challenging for both of us to readjust to life here.
As I sat calmly in the living room, immersed in the surrounding silence, I didn’t want to think of anything else. Living in a remote and calm area, free from artificial noise, is something I cherish. Despite the unavoidable sounds of modern life, like the fridge in the kitchen, the overall quiet was a relief.
Thanking God for restoring what I desired, I felt as though I had regained a lost paradise and enjoyed expressing my gratitude.
BT Song 1287: Paradise Regained
Simple English Version
1.
What kind of peace
You gave in my heart,
How you drowned me
In your grace.
You gave me the blessing
To know you,
You gave your mercy
To live with you.
2.
My heart didn’t understand
Your path,
But I tried to understand
By walking your way.
Yet, some kind of
Hesitation arose,
It is better to
Confess it now.
3.
My body felt
A kind of hesitation,
My heart also sensed
A kind of trouble.
As circumstances joined
To attack me,
My senses also
Became faint.
4.
But my soul
Stayed alert,
Often keeping
In touch with you.
Bringing the right
Message from you,
It forced me
To act accordingly.
5.
I refused to listen
To my heart’s suggestions,
I took courage
To walk in your path.
How many angels
You sent,
And you bid them
To serve me.
6.
Then I stood
Silently,
Only watching
What was happening.
Is it real or a dream,
All that was happening,
Unable to understand,
I stood bewildered.
7.
The longing of many days
Came to an end,
I got back
The life I liked.
I don’t know
How long it will last,
But I left the decision
In your hands.
8.
Then the peace
That filled me,
There are no words
To describe it.
As I enjoy it
Every moment,
There is no time
To share it.
Gurukulam, 6-9-2021, 11.10 pm.
BT Song 1287: Paradise Regained
Classical English Version
1.
What manner of peace
Thou gavest my heart,
How thou didst drown me
In thy grace.
Thou bestowed upon me
The blessing to know thee,
Thy mercy to
Live with thee.
2.
My heart comprehended not
Thy way,
Yet I endeavored to understand
By treading thy path.
But a certain
Hesitation arose,
It is better
To confess it now.
3.
The body felt
A certain hesitation,
The heart too sensed
A kind of turmoil.
As circumstances joined
In their assault,
My senses too
Did faint.
4.
Yet the soul
Remained vigilant,
Oft keeping
In touch with thee.
Bringing the right
Message from thee,
It compelled me
To act accordingly.
5.
I heeded not
My heart’s counsel,
I summoned courage
To walk in thy way.
How many angels
Thou didst send,
And bid them
Serve me.
6.
Then I stood
In silence,
Watching only
What transpired.
Is it real or dream,
All that unfolded,
I could not discern,
I stood bewildered.
7.
The longing of many days
Found its end,
I regained
The life I cherished.
How long it shall last,
I know not,
But the decision
I left in thy hands.
8.
Then the peace
That filled me,
No words suffice
To express it.
As I partake of it
Each moment,
There is no time
To share it.
Gurukulam, 6-9-2021, 11.10 pm.
BT Song 1288
The challenge with the Lord is that He has a clear plan for my life, but I often find myself disturbed by my immediate circumstances, making it hard to grasp His intentions. Though I assert that I won’t let circumstances defeat me, my physical limitations due to age often hinder my ability to cope. I realize that lamenting my situation won’t help unless I understand His plan and work in harmony with Him. What I truly need is the maturity to accept reality rather than dwell on my limitations.
I tend to think of God’s will for my life as a vision rather than a plan. For me, a vision gives more room for freedom of choice on my part, with God adjusting His vision for me as I make decisions and choices along the way.
God bless.
Herb
This indeed is the clear way to understand god’s will and plan for me. So far I never come across this unique way to understand that God’s vision for me is flexible. No words to express my thanks to help me to understand this complicated topic in such a simple but profound way. I thank god to have you as the acharya to learn more and more in life. What to say . God bless you,
BT Song 1288: I Need Maturity
Simple English Version
1.
Keeping one solution
With you,
You made me stumble,
Not knowing the direction.
2.
Though you have
A clear plan for me,
Still you make me
Stumble often.
3.
This game of yours
Is not new to you,
As I am used to it,
I understood this clearly.
4.
But I don’t have
Strength as before,
It is better
For you to understand this.
5.
As you are used to
My lamentation,
You accepted it
As usual.
6.
Once I finish
My lamentation,
You will help me
Understand the situation.
7.
But there is
No end to this,
And you don’t worry
About it in any way.
8.
Unless I know the situation
And understand you,
There is no liberation
Unless I repent.
9.
Though your decision
Remains very clear,
I don’t have the
Maturity to accept it.
10.
As I often come to you
And lament like this,
There is no
Solution to my situation.
Gurukulam, 30-09-2021, 2.30 p.m.
BT Song 1288: I Need Maturity
Classical English Version
1.
Keeping one solution
With thee,
Thou madest me stumble,
Not knowing the direction.
2.
Though thou hast
A clear plan for me,
Still thou causest me
To stumble often.
3.
This jest of thine
Is not new to thee,
As I am accustomed to it,
I understood this clearly.
4.
But I possess not
Strength as before,
It is better
For thee to comprehend this.
5.
As thou art accustomed to
My lamentation,
Thou accepted it
As usual.
6.
Once I conclude
My lamentation,
Thou wilt aid me
To understand the situation.
7.
But there is
No end to this,
And thou carest not
About it in any way.
8.
Unless I comprehend the situation
And understand thee,
There is no liberation
Unless I repent.
9.
Though thy decree
Remains very clear,
I possess not the
Maturity to accept it.
10.
As I oft come to thee
And lament thus,
There is no
Solution to my plight.
Gurukulam, 30-09-2021, 2.30 p.m.
BT Song 1289
Finally, I’ve found the quiet life I sought, surrounded by silence. To fully enjoy this, I’ve even stopped listening to Carnatic music and minimized my TV news consumption. In Mathigiri, I used to listen to music during walks to avoid noise, but now I don’t even take my phone with me, wanting to preserve the surrounding silence. Despite a conducive environment, my heart and mind struggle to align with this tranquility. The internal noise often disrupts my peace, and tuning into the Lord’s inner voice requires more practice. While sitting quietly, I felt the turmoil within me and wrote this song as a prayer to the Lord.
BT Song 1289: Give Me a Word
Simple English Version
1.
There is no use in talking further,
I realized this well.
I came to sit at your feet,
Not talking further.
I only longed to listen,
As you talk with me.
I am eagerly waiting,
For a word from you.
2.
But till this time,
Not a single word came from you.
I know well
The reason for that.
I cannot listen to your word,
Amidst the noise within my heart.
Due to the wavering of my mind,
There is no rest in my heart.
3.
Your voice won’t be
A loud noise.
Both my ears won’t
Hear that voice.
Your voice won’t
Come as we humans speak.
Even my heart won’t
Realize it easily.
4.
However, I come
Unprepared to listen to you.
However, I become
Very hasty within me.
First, the maturity
Should come for that,
And I should practice
More for that.
5.
I know this is
A kind of tapasya.
I try my best
To prepare for that.
Overcoming all the
Hurdles that come on the way,
I come and stand before,
Seeking only your grace.
6.
I should reduce my talk
Both in and out.
I should practice
Each day for that.
In order to listen
To what you talk silently,
I should wait upon you
By properly preparing myself.
7.
When will that day
Come?
Won’t you see my situation?
As I long for that.
Won’t you give a word?
As I am waiting for that.
Won’t you come to talk?
Kindly with me?
Gurukulam, 2-10-2021, [3-10-2022] BT Song 12.30 am
BT Song 1289: Give Me a Word
Classical English Version
1.
There is no use in talking further,
This I realized well.
I came to sit at thy feet,
Not talking further.
I only longed to listen,
As thou speakest with me.
I am eagerly waiting,
For a word from thee.
2.
But till this time,
Not a single word came from thee.
I know well
The reason for that.
I cannot listen to thy word,
Amidst the noise within my heart.
Due to the wavering of my mind,
There is no rest in my heart.
3.
Thy voice shall not be
A loud noise.
Both mine ears shall not
Hear that voice.
Thy voice shall not
Come as we humans speak.
Even my heart shall not
Realize it easily.
4.
However, I come
Unprepared to listen to thee.
However, I become
Very hasty within me.
First, the maturity
Must come for that,
And I must practice
More for that.
5.
I know this is
A kind of tapasya.
I try my best
To prepare for that.
Overcoming all the
Hurdles that come on the way,
I come and stand before thee,
Seeking only thy grace.
6.
I must reduce my talk
Both in and out.
I must practice
Each day for that.
In order to listen
To what thou speakest silently,
I must wait upon thee
By properly preparing myself.
7.
When shall that day
Come?
Wilt thou not see my situation?
As I long for that.
Wilt thou not give a word?
As I am waiting for that.
Wilt thou not come to speak?
Kindly with me?
Gurukulam, 2-10-2021, [3-10-2022] BT Song 12.30 am
BT Song 1290
Despite my best efforts to care for my mother, our lives have become a daily ordeal. While the Lord has arranged support for her care, she requires personal assistance, especially at night when she struggles to get up from her cot to use the restroom, leaving me unable to sleep. I prefer to sleep alone, but I’m now compelled to share a room with my mother to help her. Consequently, I find myself complaining to the Lord, feeling that He cannot understand my situation since He has never experienced anything like this.
BT Song 1290: Every Day Ordeal
Simple English Version
1.
I know this
Is an ordeal every day,
So I stand
With much hesitation.
2.
I refuse to accept this,
But you refuse my denial.
I tried to run away,
But you caught me back in your grip.
3.
If it were
A one-day ordeal,
I would have
Accepted it immediately.
4.
If it becomes
An everyday ordeal,
Who can bear that?
You better tell me.
5.
How do you know
My situation?
You suffered
Only once in life.
6.
Come again
One more time,
Then you tell me
After living like this.
7.
If you remained
Only as God,
You would have
Shown grace to me.
8.
If you were born
Only as a human,
You would have
Understood my situation.
9.
As you became
God-Man,
You remain
Indifferent to my situation.
10.
What is the use
Of saying more?
I don’t have
Time for this.
11.
Today’s ordeal
Is before me,
And I don’t have
Time for that.
12.
I told all
That I know.
The rest I leave
With you.
Gurukulam, 6-10-2021, 6.00 a.m.
BT Song 1290: Every Day Ordeal
Classical English Version
1.
I know this
As an ordeal every day,
Therefore I stand
With much hesitation.
2.
I refuse to accept this,
But thou refusest my denial.
I tried to run away,
But thou didst catch me back in thy grip.
3.
If it were
A one-day ordeal,
I would have
Accepted it immediately.
4.
If it becomes
An everyday ordeal,
Who can bear that?
Thou hadst better tell me.
5.
How dost thou know
This my situation?
Thou didst suffer
Only once in life.
6.
Come again
One more time,
Then thou shalt tell me
After living like this.
7.
If thou hadst remained
Only as God,
Thou wouldst have
Shown grace to me.
8.
If thou hadst been born
Only as human,
Thou wouldst have
Understood this my situation.
9.
As thou didst become
God-Man,
Thou dost remain
Indifferent to my situation.
10.
What is the use
Of saying more than this?
I have no
Time for this.
11.
This day’s ordeal
Stands before me,
And I have no
Time for that.
12.
I told all
That I know.
The rest I leave
With thee.
Gurukulam, 6-10-2021, 6.00 a.m.
BT Song 1286 என்மீதே வீழ்ந்தேன்
என்தேவை ஒன்றையே
நானுமே நினைத்ததால்
எனக்கு நானே
பாரமாய் ஆனேன்
முன்வைத்த காலை
பின்வைத்ததாலே
இடறி நானும்
என்மீதே வீழ்ந்தேன்
எனக்கான சிலுவையை
நீயுமே கொடுத்தாய்
என்னை மட்டுமே
சுமக்கவும் சொன்னாய்
ஆயினும் மறுத்து
கீழதை வைத்தே
பிறர்வந்து சுமக்க
நானுமே அழைத்தேன்
பலருமே வந்தார்
என்முன்னே நின்றார்
அவரின் சிலுவையைச்
சுமக்கவும் சொன்னார்
அதன்பின் அறிந்தேன்
எனது பொறுப்பை
ஐயனே ஏற்றேன்
உனது அழைப்பை
அதன்பின் என்பாரம்
இலகுவாய்ப் போனது
மறுபுறம் நீசுமக்க
சமநிலை வந்தது
இன்றைய கடமை
எனதாய் ஆச்சு
நாளைய பொறுப்பு
உனதாய்ப் போச்சு
அதனை உணர்ந்தேன்
என்னகம் துறந்தேன்
என்னையே தந்து
சம்மதம் என்றேன்
சென்றதை மறந்தேன்
வருவதைத் துறந்தேன்
இன்றைய நாளிலே
உன்னையே பணிந்தேன்
மத்திகிரி, 29-08-2021, காலை 5.30
BT Song 1287 மீண்ட சொர்க்கம்
என்னஒரு அமைதி
இதயத்தில் தந்தாய்
என்னமாய் என்னைக்
கிருபையில் புதைத்தாய்
உன்னையும் அறியும்
பேற்றினை அளித்தாய்
உன்னுடன் வாழ
அருளினைத் தந்தாய்
உள்ளமும் உணராது
உன்வழி அதனை
உணர்ந்திட முயன்றேன்
உன்வழி சென்று
ஆயினும் ஒருவிதத்
தயக்கமும் வந்தது
அதையே சொல்வது
எனக்குமே நல்லது
உடலும் தந்தது
ஒருவிதத் தயக்கம்
உள்ளமும் உணர்ந்தது
ஒருவிதக் கலக்கம்
அவற்றுடன் சூழ்நிலை
சேர்ந்துமே தாக்க
உணர்வும் அடைந்தது
ஒருவித மயக்கம்
ஆயினும் ஆன்மா
விழிப்புடன் இருந்து
அடிக்கடி உன்னுடன்
தொடர்பும் கொண்டு
ஏற்ற செய்தியை
கேட்டு வந்தது
அதன்படி செல்ல
என்னைப் பணித்தது
உள்ளமும் சொன்னதை
ஏற்றிட மறுத்தே
உன்வழி நடக்க
நானுமே துணிய
எத்தனை தூதரை
அனுப்பியே வைத்தாய்
ஏவல் செய்திட
நீயும் பணித்தாய்
அதன்பின் நானும்
அமைதியாய் நின்றேன்
நடப்பதை மட்டும்
வேடிக்கை பார்த்தேன்
நடப்பது அனைத்தும்
கனவா நிஜமா
என்றுமே புரியாது
திகைத்துமே போனேன்
பலநாள் ஏக்கம்
முடிவுக்கு வந்தது
விரும்பிய வாழ்வு
மீண்டும் கிடைத்தது
எதுவரை தொடரும்
என்பதை அறியேன்
அந்த முடிவை
உன்னிடம் தந்தேன்
அதன்பின் என்னுள்
வந்த அமைதியைக்
கூறிட என்னிடம்
மொழியேதும் இல்லை
கணம்தோறும் அதனைத்
துய்க்கும் போது
சொல்லிட எனக்கு
நேரமும் இல்லை
குருகுலம், 6-9-2021, இரவு, 11.10
BT Song 1288 பக்குவம் தேவை
தீர்வுவொன்றை நீயும்
வைத்து கொண்டு
திசை அறியாது
தடுமாற வைத்தாய்
தெளிவான முடிவு
நீ கொண்ட போதும்
தடுமாற மட்டும்
என்னையும் வைத்தாய்
இதுபோன்ற வேடிக்கை
புதிதல்ல உனக்கு
பழகியே போனதால்
புரிந்தது எனக்கு
ஆயினும் முன்போல்
தெம்பில்லை எனக்கு
அதனைப் புரிவது
நல்லது உனக்கு
இந்தஎன் புலம்பல்
பழகியே போனதால்
எப்போதும் போல
கேட்டுக் கொண்டாய்
புலம்பி நானும்
தீர்த்த பின்னே
நிலமையை நீயும்
புரிந்திட வைப்பாய்
ஆயினும் இதற்கொரு
முடிவுதான் இல்லை
அதைதப்பற்றிக் கவலை
உனக்குமே இல்லை
நிலமையை அறிந்து
உன்னையும் உணர்ந்து
நான் திருந்தாமல்
விடுதலை இல்லை
இந்த உன்தீர்வு
தெளிவாய் இருந்தும்
ஏற்றிடும் பக்குவம்
எனக்குமே இல்லை
ஆகவே நானும்
அடிக்கடி வந்து
புலம்புவதல்லால்
தீர்வெனக் கிடையாது
குருகுலம், 30-09-2021, 2.30 மதியம்
BT Song 1289 ஒருவார்த்தை தா
பேசிப் பயனில்லை
நானதை உணர்ந்தேன்
பேசாமல் உன்னடி
வந்து அமர்ந்தேன்
நீ பேசி நான்கேட்க
மட்டும் விழைந்தேன்
உன்னொரு சொல்லுக்கு
காத்து கிடந்தேன்
ஆயினும் ஒருவார்த்தை
இதுவரை வரவில்லை
அதற்கான காரணம்
புரியாமல் எனக்கில்லை
மனம்போடும் இரைச்சலில்
உன்குரல் கேட்கலை
மதிகொண்ட அலைச்சலால்
மனமும் ஓயலை
இரைச்சலாய் உன்பேச்சு
ஒருபோதும் இருக்காது
இருசெவி ஒருநாளும்
அதனையும் கேட்காது
மாந்தரின் குரல்போல
உன்குரல் ஒலிக்காது
மனம்கூட அதனை
ஒருபோதும் உணராது
ஆயத்தம் இன்றியே
நானுமே வந்தாலும்
எத்தனை அவசரம்
நானுமே பட்டாலும்
அதற்கான பக்குவம்
முதலில் வரவேண்டும்
அதற்கான பயிற்சியை
நானும் செய்யணும்
இதுஒரு தவமென
நானுமே அறிவேன்
இதற்கான ஆயத்தம்
செய்ய முயல்கிறேன்
இடையினில் வந்திடும்
தடைகளைத் தாண்டி
உன்னருள் தன்னை
நாடி நிற்கிறேன்
அகம்புறம் இரண்டிலும்
பேச்சை குறைக்கணும்
அதற்கான பயிற்சியை
அனுதினம் செய்யணும்
அமைதலாய் நீ பேசும்
பேச்சை கேட்டிட
ஆயத்தம் ஆகி
காத்து கிடக்கணும்
எப்போது வந்திடும்
அந்த நாளுமே
ஏங்கியே தவிக்கிறேன்
என்னிலை பாராயோ
காத்துக் கிடக்கிறேன்
ஒருவார்த்தை தாராயோ
கனிவுடன் ஒருவார்த்தை
என்னுடன் பேசாயோ
குருகுலம், 2-10-2021, இரவு, 12.30
BT Song 1290 அன்றாடப் பாடு
அன்றாடப் பாடு
அதையும் அறிவேன்
ஆகவே நானும்
தயங்கி நின்றேன்
ஏற்றிட மறுத்தேன்
ஏற்கவும் மறுத்தாய்
ஓடிட நினைத்தேன்
பிடித்து வைத்தாய்
ஒருநாள் பாடு
என்று இருந்தால்
உடனே ஏற்பேன்
என்பதை உணரு
அனுதினம் பாடு
என்று ஆனால்
யாரால் முடியும்
நீயதைக் கூறு
உனக்கென்ன தெரியும்
இந்த என் நிலமை
ஒருதரம் பாடு
பட்ட தினாலே
மீண்டும் ஒருமுறை
வந்து பாரு
இதுபோல் வாழ்ந்தபின்
நீயதைக் கூறு
கடவுளாய் மட்டும்
இருந்தாயானால்
கருணை காட்டிக்
காத்திடுவாயே
மனிதனாய் மட்டும்
பிறந்து இருந்தால்
இந்த என் நிலையை
புரிந்திடுவாயே
கடவுள் மனிதனாய்
இருப்பதினாலே
கண்டுகொள்ளாமல்
வாழ்கின்றாயே
இதற்குமேல் சொல்லி
பயனுமே என்ன
அதற்கு நேரம்
எனக்கு இல்லை
இந்தநாள் பாடு
முன்னே நிற்குது
அதற்கே நேரம்
போதவும் இல்லை
ஏதோ எனக்குத்
தெரிந்ததைச் சொன்னேன்
மற்ற தேவை
உன்னிடம் விட்டேன்
குருகுலம், 6-10-2021, காலை 6.00
Leave a Reply