Art of Living

What I say may not work for everyone, and no one should take it as gospel truth. Each person has to work out such formulas based on their mental makeup and life situation.

One of the formulas I have found and practice to relieve stress is to begin enjoying the particular stress. For example, whenever I experience physical pain, I lay down and start to enjoy it. One time, in the middle of the night, I had severe stomach pain. Since I was living alone, I couldn’t call anyone for help. So I lay down and began to trace the source of the pain—how it started, how it spread to other parts of my stomach, and how it affected my body and mind. Once I focused on and started to enjoy the throbbing pain, I slowly began to let go of the stress of not having help to solve the problem. By enjoying the pain, I no longer allowed it to bother me.

I have applied this approach several times in my relationships. For example, as my mother lives with me, sometimes she gets irritated over small things. Instead of getting upset, I begin to enjoy those irritations and say to Narayanan (who works here) with a smile, “See how Amma gets upset over such small things.” Then both of us laugh, and the irritation disappears. Once, I told one of my shishyas about this method and advised him to tell his wife, when she irritates him (only if he can enjoy it), “You look more beautiful when you’re upset.” I told him, “Whether she calms down or not, at least that will relieve your stress to some extent.”

I know many of you will immediately say, “As a single man, you don’t know the difference between a ‘mother’ and a ‘wife.’” I agree. That’s why, in the beginning, I said my formula for the ‘art of living’ won’t apply to everyone. But what I say is not limited to my mother; it applies to all kinds of stresses. Initially, I too was troubled a bit, but then I tried to enjoy the stress, preventing it from troubling me more than I could bear. Of course, like everyone, I also surrender the problem to the Lord and seek His grace and guidance, not only to get relief from the problem but also to ask Him, “What do you want me to learn from this?”

So the (so-called) secular answer to the ‘Art of Living’ is: begin to enjoy it. The spiritual answer is: ask the question, “What do you want me to learn from this?” apart from seeking God’s grace.

While I cannot quote exactly what the famous Tamil story writer Sri Balakumaran wrote in one of his books, ‘Mercury Pookkal’ (Mercury Flowers), I would like to reformulate it slightly: “When getting abused is inevitable, turn back and enjoy it.”

Dayanand Bharati, Gurukulam, August 2, 2010.

Today, Narayanan took a holiday, and my mother became upset because there was no one to look after the ashram. Yet, I approached it differently. Since Narayanan was not here, I could enjoy more calm and quietness as I didn’t need to call him often to ask him to do things. Once I began to enjoy the peace and calmness in the absence of someone, instead of missing something, I filled myself with something different: tranquility, peace, calm, quietness, etc. When you miss something, begin to count the blessings that come in disguise rather than focusing on the stress that confronts you openly. When you miss a favorite dish, count the loss of calories that will help you reduce your weight.

For example, after a quarrel, when you don’t talk to someone with whom you live for a few hours or days, use that time to do something else that demands your attention. I know some couples who, after a fight, the wife goes to clean the kitchen, and the husband cleans his table or car shed. Both end up doing much better than what they do in normal time.  There is a Tamil joke about this: “As the husband beats the wife, at least her eyes get cleaned.” The context of this proverb is not about male domination but to tease the strife between husband and wife (which is jovially called ‘Murgi Ladaayi’ in Hindi, ‘Kozhi sandai’ in Tamil). Of course, soon they need to mend the relationship, and after reconciliation, they can both laugh and say they often need to fight to get some things cleared that have been pending for a long time. When my mother gets upset with me, she takes a wet cloth and begins to wipe the storeroom, kitchen platform, and other places in her room. Meanwhile, I quickly read all the pending magazines that I couldn’t attend to in normal times. So, I am not offering a theory or formula for the ‘art of living’ but some alternative ways based on experience.

July 3, 2012 

Gurukulam