Self-Pity

Self-pity and self-centeredness always go hand in hand; they are two sides of the same coin, each feeding into the other. A self-centered person is preoccupied with their own needs, worries, problems, and anxieties, rarely considering others. Even when they do think about others, it often still revolves around themselves.

Naturally, such a person struggles to maintain healthy relationships. Since they are unable to genuinely think about others, they find it difficult to love and serve. Instead of helping others, they often try to use them for their own needs without considering what others might need in return. Such a person should reflect on this important principle: “What I expect others to do for me, I should also do for them.” A self-centered individual often becomes a burden to others, and over time, people tend to avoid them as their self-focus becomes unbearable.

Instead of counting their blessings, such individuals dwell on their personal problems—many of which might be imaginary or rooted in anxiety about the future. This attitude often leads to depression, not only making their own life miserable but also affecting those around them. They become increasingly irritated by others’ responses, which are usually negative, as a self-centered person rarely sees the good in life. Even when others try to help, they may react negatively, unable to appreciate the efforts made on their behalf. Even those who approach with sympathy and kindness are often met with negativity.

In this way, a self-centered person, by irritating others and getting irritated in return, is trapped in a cycle of self-pity throughout their life. The best way out of this cycle is to make room for the needs of others. While it may not bring about an immediate miracle, it can at least help in initiating personal transformation.

Remember the timeless wisdom: “Do not do to others what you expect them not to do to you,” as found in the Mahabharata, and in a more positive form in the Bible: “Do to others what you would have them do to you.”

Dayanand Bharati, Gurukulam, September 30, 2009

References:

– What one does not find agreeable when done by others unto him, that he should not do unto others. He must know that what is unhappy for him cannot be happy for others. [Shanti-parva, 259.20] — Chaturvedi Badrinath, The Mahabharata: An Inquiry into the Human Condition, New Delhi, Orient Longman, 2007, p.88

– Whatever is not agreeable to him, that he should not do unto others. This, in brief, is dharma; all else is only selfishness. [Anushasana-parva, 113.8; also Udyoga-parva, 39.71] — ibid, p.88

– What one does not find agreeable when done by others to him, that he should not do to others. He must know what is unhappy for him cannot be happy for others. [Shanti-parva, 259.20] — ibid, p.125

– “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” — Matthew 7:12