Offering help, whether large or small, is a common feature of Indian society. Many times, neighbors extend assistance voluntarily, without being asked. This is especially evident during tragedies like a death or natural calamities, and in joyful occasions like weddings. However, offering help without seeking recognition is rare. Instead of seeing these moments as opportunities to serve, we often behave as though we’re doing a significant favor, even for the smallest gesture.
Let me illustrate this with a personal experience. Recently, I had a problem with my water pump that draws water from the sump. I tried my best to get a mechanic, but they were all busy. Eventually, I managed to contact one and scheduled him for Wednesday, but he promised to come on Thursday. When he didn’t show up, I sought help from one of my neighbors, who is knowledgeable about such work but employed at a large company. While speaking to another immediate neighbor, she offered to ask a boy she knew to find a mechanic.
This morning, when I saw the boy (Ravi), I asked him to find a mechanic. He mentioned he would bring Srinivasan, the same person I had already contacted. Eventually, my mechanically skilled neighbor started working on the pump, and Ravi did bring Srinivasan. When I asked Srinivasan why he hadn’t come as promised, he offered various excuses. Nonetheless, Ravi ended up helping a lot, and we finally got the pump fixed. When my immediate neighbor saw everything was working, she remarked, “It’s good. I’ve been telling Ravi for the past two days to bring the mechanic, and now he’s helped.” The subtle message was that her persistence had solved my problem.
I gently explained that Srinivasan had already checked the pump last week, but due to the water level in the sump, I had asked him to return when the water was lower. I also mentioned that I had called him both on Wednesday and Thursday, but he was busy and couldn’t come.
You often hear people say, “Oh, they were looking for a tenant, a house, a servant, or a match for their children, and I helped them find one.” They might have casually passed along some information, but weren’t particularly serious about it. Yet, when your work is done, they want to take all the credit.
When I helped a poor boy get a proper education and a good job, one of his distant relatives, who later came to work with us, claimed, “I was the one who introduced that boy to you.” Gently, I pointed out that it was actually his cousin who sought my help, not her. Undeterred, she insisted, “I was the one who told his cousin about you, and that’s why he sought your help.” However, I knew that she and the boy’s cousin were not on good terms and hadn’t even spoken to each other. But in her desire to claim credit for his success, she invented a story that never happened. This is, unfortunately, a common mentality in India.
Nowadays, in city life, voluntary help is becoming rare. The same neighbor who knows all kinds of mechanical work was aware for over two weeks that I was struggling to find a mechanic but didn’t offer to help. He was waiting for me to ask him. I didn’t even know he had such skills! Yet, even after I sought his help, he and his wife expect that I, or others, should personally request their assistance for every small favor.
The practice of offering help without being asked is slowly disappearing in India. Too much formality, privacy concerns, and the “don’t interfere in others’ affairs” mentality that we often see in Western societies are creeping into our worldview. Why are we giving up some of our best values, like offering voluntary help, and instead adopting the worst aspects from others?
[Mathigiri, December 17, 2005] Revised on 24-9-2024, Gurukulam
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