BT Song 31
Today I had several struggles in my mind. I cannot even meditate in the morning. So, when I was reading Mukti Veda in the evening, the verses from Hebrew 2:1-2 came as a severe warning to me. With much fear and disturbance, I read the rest of the chapter. That time verse 2:18 gave much comfort and encouragement. Then I wrote the following song on 20-11-1991 at Kathmandu.
இன்று மனதில் பலவகையானப் போராட்டம். எனவே காலையில் தியானிக்கக் கூடி முடியாமல் போயிற்று. மாலை வேதம் படிக்கும்போது, எபிரேயர் 2:1-2 வாசகங்கள் மிகவும் எச்சரிக்கையின் குரலாக வந்தன. அவற்றை நீண்டநேரம் தியானித்துக்கொண்டிருந்தபின், மிகவும் பயத்துடனும், கலக்தத்துடனும், மீதமுள்ள வாசகங்களைப் படித்தேன். அப்போது 2:18-ம் வாசகம் எனக்கு மிகவும் ஆறுதலும், தைரியம் அளிப்பதாகவும் இருந்தது. அப்போது எழுதிய பாடல்:
31. தாங்காத பாரம்
அறிவாயே என் துன்பம் என்னவென்று
அவனியில் மனுவாய்நீ வந்தஅன்று
சோதனை இல்லாத நாளேஇல்லை
சோர்வின்று மீளவோ வழியும்இல்லை
ஏதுதான் காரணம் நீயும்கொண்டாய்
இந்நிலைக் கென்னைநான் தள்ளிக்கொள்ள?
அறிவாயே பாவத்தின் கோரத்தையே
ஐயனே தாங்கேனே பாரத்தையே
“வருந்தியே பாரம் சுமப்பவரே
வாருங்கள் என்னிடம்” என்றுரைத்த
வார்த்தையை நம்பி வந்தேன்நானும்
வள்ளலே காணாயோ என்நிலையும்
துடுப்பற்ற படகுபோல் என்வாழ்வு
தொடர்பற்றுப் போனது உன்னோடு
தேடியே என்னைநீ மீட்காவிட்டால்
தொலைந்தது என்வாழ்வு புவியோடு
நீவந்த நோக்கமோ என்னைமீட்க
தேவையோ நானதை உனக்குரைக்க
அறிவேனே நான்உன் இரக்கமதை
ஆதலால் அண்டினேன் பாதமதை.
20-11-1991. காட்மாண்டு (நேபாள்)
BT Song 31 Unbearable burden
You know the nature of my trouble
As you came as human on this earth
Not a single day gone without trial
And there is no means to escape from the depression
What kind of reason you have (to allow me)
To push myself to this condition?
You know the terrible nature of the sin
O Lord I cannot bear the burden anymore
I come unto you by trusting the words:
‘All those who carry the burden
Come unto me’
O Charitable one cannot you see my condition?
Like the boat which lost its ores
My life too lost its connection with you
Unless you come and redeem by seeking me
My life will be gone with this world itself
The purpose of your coming is to redeem (me)
Is it necessary to tell that to you again?
I know your merciful nature
Therefore, I took refuge at your feet.
20-11-1991. Kathmandu (Nepal)
Richard Umbrand said that ‘God gives that much grace for us to shine before others, but He allows that much sin so that we will humble before Him’. In Hinduism, at least in theory, ‘The perfect soul is “beyond good and evil.” (Kausiitaki Upanishad, I.4; cf. Brahadhara Upanishad, 4.3.22, etc.) Neither good nor evil can affect him…. This is similar to the Socratic notion that the truly wise man must inevitably be virtuous.’1 And, ‘‘The jivanmukta, by hypothesis, having no motives, cannot be charged with good or evil purposes, ‘such, indeed, do nothing for themselves’, Prem Sagar, Ch. XXXIV.”2
Though practical morality is highly recommended in Hinduism, yet to attain mukti one should transcend all kinds of karma—particularly even the good one. Whereas according to Mukti Veda, no such hypothesis is prescribed, though later Christian thinkers like Eckhart and St. Augustine echoed such views by saying:
Eckhart, ‘No law is given to the righteous, because he fulfils the law inwardly, and bears it in himself’ (Claud Field’s selected Sermons, p. 55); St. Augustine, “Love God, and do what you will.’{But we have to know the context of such quotes which Coomaraswamy does not provide here.}
Till the end we have to live with the reality that ‘we are saved sinners and struggling saints.’ And we have to ‘work out our salvation with fear and trembling’. As we are saved, we are being saved and we will be saved, the concept that ‘the perfect soul is beyond good and evil’ is impractical in our bhakti. As sanctification is a continuous process the question of perfection never becomes a reality on this earthly life. While philosophy gives a scope for such a hypothesis, bhakti always reminds the reality of sin and need of God’s grace.
The thought that, ‘What kind of reason you have (to allow me)/To push myself to this condition? (ஏதுதான் காரணம் நீயும் கொண்டாய்/ இந்நிலைக் கென்னை நான் தள்ளிக்கொள்ள?) may look bit odd to some. God never tempts us whereas He might allow us to go through temptation. The one reason for this could be to show our immaturity, need for growth and fellowship to overcome temptation. Yielding to temptation leaves a deep scar in our spirit. The concept of ‘confession’ helps to heal the wound. Though God forgives and forgets, yet we cannot escape from the consequence of our choice as someone well said that, ‘we have the right to choose but not the consequence of our choice. They are in the hands not that of our own’. One such consequence in my life is the guilty conscience which often brings remorse and forces me to lament within myself even now. Sometimes when I am alone and recall my past life, I will severely shake my head and say, ‘I shouldn’t have said that; I shouldn’t have done that.’ When philosophy tries to rationalize mukti, bhakti reminds the need for growth.
10-6-2014
Notes
1.. …The perfect soul is “beyond good and evil.” (Kausiitaki U, I.4; cf. BrhU,4.3.22, etc.) Neither good nor evil can affect him. At times the Upanishads seem to even say or imply that when a man has attained enlightenment, he can do what he likes without fear of results. This somewhat dangerous doctrine is, however, not typical, and is probably to be regarded only as a strained and exaggerated manner of saying that the truly enlightened soul cannot, in the very nature of things, do an evil deed. If he could, he would not be truly enlightened; for “he who has not ceased from evil conduct cannot attain Him (the Atman) by intelligence.” (Katha Upanishad, 2.24) This is similar to the Socratic notion that the truly wise man must inevitably be virtuous. The difference is that the Upanishads regard even virtue, as well as vice, as transcended by perfect (p.24) knowledge; the possessor thereof passes beyond both, and rises to a plane on which moral terms simply have no meaning. Morality applies only in the world of karma, the world of ordinary empiric existence, which the enlightened man has left behind him. …..— Franklin Edgerton, The Bhagavad Gita, Translated and Interpreted, Delhi, Motilal Banarsidass Publishers Pvt. Ltd. First Published Cambridge, 1944, Reprint: 1996. Pp. 24-25
2. It was also the view of Aristotle that he who surpasses his fellows beyond all comparison in virtue is a law to himself, and not to be judged by other laws. Perfection and morality are incommensurable terms. If any are alarmed by this proposition, let them reflect that this doctrine by no means excepts the Wayfarer from his obligations, ‘while we are on the way we are not there’, and that any man who claims to be a Comprehensor, or in a state of Grace, does so at his own peril. That there can be false prophets does not affect the doctrine as to the intrinsic form of Perfection: which form, by its very nature, must be inexpressible in terms of thesis and antithesis, good or evil.— Ananda K. Coomaraswamy, Perception of The Vedas, edited by Vidya Nivas Misra, Indira Gandhi National Centre for the arts, New Delhi, Manohar, 2000, ‘The Vedas—Essays in Translation and Exegesis, pp.17-104, notes, 115, p. 87
BT Song 32
When I get relief from the struggle that I faced today (see songs 30 & 31), out of joy I wrote this song. This is written on the same day when I felt immense joy in my spirit as I experienced the forgiveness that I received from the Lord.
இன்று ஏற்பட்ட பலவிதமானமனப் போராட்டங்களுக்கு ஒரு விடுதலை கிடைத்தபோது (பாடல் 30&31- பார்க்கவும்) ஆனந்தம் மிகுதியால் எழுதிய பாடல்:
32. ஆனந்தமே
இராகமோ தாளமோ நானறியேன் இங்கு
பாடலோ பண்ணுமோ கேட்டறியேன்
நெஞ்சத்து உணர்வெல்லாம் எழுத்தாக்கி
என் நேசனின் பாதத்தில் படைப்பதன்றி–இராகமோ….
யாப்பின் இலக்கணம் நானறியேன் இங்கு
எதுகையோ மோனையோ இணைக்கறியேன்
ஆவியில் நான்கொண்ட அனுபவத்தை
என் ஐயனின் பாதத்தில் படைப்பதன்றி–யாப்பின்….
பண்டிதன் அல்ல புலவன் அல்ல இங்கு
பார்மெச்சும் ஞானியோ நானுமல்ல
பாவத்தில் வாழ்ந்தென்னை மீட்டெடுத்த
பரன் முக்தேசனின் பக்தனன்றி–பண்டிதன்….
ஆனந்தம் ஆனந்தம் ஆனந்தமே இங்கு
ஐயனின் புகழ்பாடல் ஆனந்தமே
நாதன் பாதத்தில் தாழவீழ்ந்து
நாளும் பணிவதே ஆனந்தமே–ஆனந்தம்….
32. Joy
Neither have I known raagam (musical note)
nor do I know thaalam (beats) nor I heard songs and notes properly.
I know only to pour down feeling of my heart
at the feet of my Lord by composing words.
Neither I know the procedures of poetical grammar
nor I know to join the beginning and the ends of words
I know only to lay down the experience of my spirit
at the feet of the Lord.
Neither I am a scholar nor I am a poet
I am not a wise man celebrated by the world.
I am only a humble devotee of my Lord
Who redeemed me from my sinful life?
Bliss and bliss and bliss
Indeed it isa joy to sing the glory of the Lord
What a joy is it to sing the glory of my Lord?
It is always joyful to prostrate at the feet of my Lord every day.
20-11-1991. Kathmandu (Nepal)
Still I remember that day. In the morning I couldn’t pray and was in a depressed mood. As I was keeping a day, I couldn’t go and share my struggle with Rajesh with whom I was staying at Kathmandu. Above all, he was just a new acquaintance to me and I think that was my first visit to his home. As I don’t know much about him, I was not sure whether I can share my personal struggles with him without knowing each other personally. Our common bhakti in the Lord and in Mukti Veda won’t make our life as an open book for every other bhakta. Though we carry one another’s burden, yet we all need to carry our own burden. It is true that in our faith one need not suffer all alone as others are there to give their shoulder to us. At the same time our bhakti in the Lord never denies the fact that ‘every saint must learn to walk alone in the Lord.’ Going to one extreme is not practical in our bhakti in the Lord.
Though we sing this song several times in our gathering, no one knows the actual background of this song. So when others sing the last stanza it is a common experience for them, but for me it is a special one as I come out from the mental struggle that day at Kathmandu.
BT Song 33
I think this one was written at Sat-tal ashram when I was thinking about paying back to the Lord for what he has done for me. Particularly doing seva for the Lord is considered as the most important one among the evangelical circle. But for me we are in an eternal debt to the Lord and we cannot pay back for what He has done for us through any means in our life.
BT Song 33. எதைத்தான் தருவேன்
ஏதுநான் தந்திடுவேன் ஏழைநான்
நாடிஎன்னைத் தேடிவந்த நாதன்தன்
மாறிடாத அன்புகொண்டு மீட்டதற்காய்–ஏதுநான்….
பொருத்தனை எனச்சொல்லிப் பொருளையே
அளிப்பதினால் ஐயன் அன்பிற்கீடாய்–ஏதுநான்….
சேவை எனச்சொல்லிச் செய்திடும் செயலெல்லாம்
செப்பறிய அன்பிற்கு எப்பாங்கில் ஈடாகும்–ஏதுநான்….
வாழ்ந்திடும் வாழ்வதுமே தேவன்தந்தை பிச்சையதால்
வழங்கிட ஏதுமில்லை வள்ளலின் அன்பிற்கீடாய்–ஏதுதான்….
1991.
BT Song 33. What can I offer?
What can I this poor one can offer
For the un-changing redeeming love
Which sought after me?
Can I offer material things as a vow?
For the love of the Lord?
How far the sevas which I do
Will be comparable to the Love which is beyond speech
The very life that I live is an alms from God
Therefore I have nothing to offer to measure up to His love.
1991
The word alms here in Tamil is ‘pichai’ which is offered to a beggar. So ‘pichai’ shows the condition in which the beggar is. In Indian bhakti tradition, many songs are there which tell about the bhakta standing at the door of the Lord and begging for His grace and mercy. I am not sure whether such a thought is in other countries? I don’t remember reading such thoughts in Mukti Veda. Though we read about beggars like Lazarus, yet the concept of a bhakta begging to the Lord is more an Indian bhakti concept. At Parangipettai in Tamilnadu, I saw one Muslim wrote like this on the front side of his house as the name of his building, ‘Idu Allah tanda Pichai’ = this is a pichai given by Allah. I don’t know about the Quran. But being a Muslim he too was influenced by bhakti tradition in his faith. This begging goes even beyond the dasa bhava (attitude as a servant) and pada sevana1 (serving at the feet of the Lord).
Thus bhakti includes all kinds of human experience and emotions.
11-06-2014
Notes
1. …[In] Bhaagavatapuraana (Pandit Pustakalaya, Kasi, 1969),… we come across as many as nineteen different classification of bhakti, ranging from a threefold devotion to a thirty-six fold devotion, although a ninefold devotion [Bhaagavatapuraana, VII.5.23; XI.6.9] comprising sravanam (hearing) (XI.6.9), kiirtanam (changing) (XII.3.52), smarnam (remembering) (XII.12.54), Paadasevanam (service at Bhagavaan’s feet), arcanam (offering worship), vandanam (praising) (XI.27.9), Daasyam (servitude and humility), sakhyam (friendship), (p.173) aatmanivedaman (self-surrendered) (XI.29.34), is more frequently recognised and recommended….— Vijay Nath, Puraanas and Acculturation: A Historico-Anthropological Perspective, New Delhi, Munshirma Manoharlal, 2001, pp.173-4. In all the Primary Texts and Secondary Works, the name of the Publisher is not given—DB]
BT Song 34
Among the various paths Bhakti is the best one. When I arrived to this conclusion I wrote this song at Sat-tal ashram.
நான்கண்ட பல வழிகளில் பத்தி நெறியே சிறந்தது என்பதை எண்ணியபோது எழுதியபாடல்:
34. பக்தி வழி
ஏதுகண்டு நான் பின்செல்வேன்
நாதனே ஏழை என்றும் உன்னைக்
கூறியே திரிகின்றார் கொள்கை பல
கூவி அழைக்கின்றார் அவர் பின்செல்ல
நாடினேன் நானும் ஞானமதை
நானிலத்தோர் என்றும் போற்றும் பாதை
ஆயினும் அடைந்திலேன் அமைதியினை
ஆ! என்சொல்வேன் என்மனதின் நிலை
உழைத்திடு நாளும் உலகம் உய்ய
உண்டோ “வழியும்” அதனை வெல்ல?
என்றவர் கூறிய வழியும் சென்றேன்
ஏமாற்றமே கண்டேன் இறுதி வரை
துறந்திடு உலகமோ என்றும் மாயை
தொல்லை துன்பமே வாழ்க்கை எல்லை
துணிந்தவர் கூறிய பாதை சென்றேன்
தொல்லை துன்பமோ நீங்கக் காணேன்
பலவழி அலைந்தே சோர்ந்து நின்ற
பாலகன் மீது கருணை கொண்டு
“பக்தி” என்னும் ஒரு பாதை தந்து
முக்திக்கு நீ தந்த வழியும் உண்டு
ஞானம், கருமம், துறவு எல்லாம்
தன்வரை உண்மைத் தனித்தனியே
ஆனால் “பக்தி” நெறி ஒன்று மட்டும்
பூரணமாக்கிடும் அனைத்தையுமே
சாத்தால் ஆஸ்ரம், 19-04-1991
34. Bhakti Marga
On seeing which, can I, the poor one?
follow you Oh Lord!
They proclaim several doctrines
And give a call to follow them
I sought the path of knowledge
which is glorified by the people on earth?
Yet I didn’t find peace in it
How can I describe the condition of my mind?
Work hard to save this world
Is there any other path to overcome it?
I followed that path too
But was disappointed at the end
Renounce this world which is nothing but maya
Troubles and sorrow are the end of this world
So, I took courage and followed that path too
But I didn’t see the trouble or sorrow ever disappearing
As I become tired after following several ways
By taking pity on this child
Giving ‘bhakti’ as the path
for the way to mukti by you
Knowledge, karma, and renunciation
Are true in themselves
Yet the path of bhakti alone
Will complete them all in it.
Sat-tal ashram, 19-04-1991
As I was doing personal study by staying at Sat-tal ashram, I was doing word by word study on Bhagavad-Gita with help of some commentaries. In that early stage, without someone to guide me properly, I was doing my own study with few books which are more sectarian in nature. However the general thrust of Indian philosophy is that mukti is possible only through proper knowledge. And karma and bhakti are the means to attain it. But my personal study on Gita convinced me that bhakti is the culmination of jnana. Karma helps one not get drifted in our sadhana to attain it.
चित्तस्य शुध्द ये कर्म न तु वस्तूपलब्धये
वस्तु सिध्दि-विचारेण न किंचित् कर्म कोटिभिः—Viveka chudamani, 5
Chittasya shudhya ye karma na tu vastupalabdhaye
Vastu sidhdi-vicaarena na kincit karma kotibhi—Viveka Chudamani, 5
–karmas are done only to cleanse the mind; not to attain the truth
Truth is attained only by proper enquiry and not by doing crores of karma (my own translation)
Even before becoming the bhakta of the Lord I was interested in doing social work and was doing it with my limitation in a small scale on personal level. In the early days of my bhakti I was strongly motivated to do social work to the needy. So after my visit to Periyamalai (in Tamilnadu), I collected medicines to distribute to the poor tribes there. Then my deep personal study of Mukti Veda convinced me that sharing the gospel is more important than doing social work to uplift people from their wretched condition. Then my interest to do proper theological study to understand Mukti Veda to equip me properly share the gospel pushed me to get more ‘information’ through various studies and personal reading. Meanwhile my personal experience with people pulled me in two different directions of ‘learning’ versus ‘doing’. And a God given break for me to do some personal study helped me to analyse them all in a sober manner as I got more time and opportunity to think and meditate without any disturbance by living alone at Sat-tal. There I was convinced that bhakti is the axil which connects both jnana and karma to make them move simultaneously complementing each other to ‘know God and make Him known’. Then there was no turning back. For me bhakti is an inclusive concept which gives space both for jnana and karma to make life holistic one. For me jnana without bhakti is mere abstract gathering of information through learning. Similarly karma without bhakti is merely doing one’s own duty for the sake of doing it. Whereas bhakti uniting them helps us keep focused on the Lord making Him as the centre of our life as both Gita and Mukti Veda endorses this by saying:
Yat karosi yadasnaasi yajjuhosi dadaasi yat
Yattapasyasi kaunteya tat kurusva madarpanam. 9:27
O son of Kunti, whatever you do, whatever you eat, whatever you offer in sacrifice, whatever you bestow as a gift, whatever you do by way of penance, offer it all to me.—Srimad Bhagavad-Gita, Sadhaka Sanjivani, Swami Ramsukhadas, Gorakhpur, Gita Press, year not mentioned, 2 vols. Vol. 1 pp. 743-44
Read 1 Cor. 10:31 and also Romans 14: 7-8
10-06-2014
BT Song 35
When I was writing a paper ‘bhakti is the only way’ at Sat-tal ashram on 04-07-1991, I immediately stopped my writing and wrote the following poem
“பக்தி ஒன்றே வழி” என்ற கட்டுரையை எழுதிக்கொண்டிருந்தபோது அதை எழுதுவதை நிறுத்தி இப்பாடலை, 04-07-1991-அன்று சாத்தால் ஆஸ்ரமத்தில் இருந்த போது எழுதியது:
35. பக்தியே வழி
சித்தமது சுத்தமானால்
சேர்ந்திடும் ஞானமதால்
அகக் கண்ணும் தான்திறக்க
ஆன்மாவின் வடிவமதை
அறிந்திடலாம் உள்ளபடி
என்றுரைத்த வேதாந்த
வழிதன்னில் சென்றவரும்
இல்லைஇது உண்மைஇல்லை
என்றுணர்ந்து மனம்திரும்பி
வேறுவழி ஏதுமுண்டோ
உய்வதற்கு உலகில் இனி
என்றே திகைத்து நிற்க
நானறிவேன் அந்த வழி
நாதனவன் பாதமதை
அளப்பரிய பக்தியினால்
ஆரத் தழுவி நின்றால்
பக்தனவன் குரல் கேட்டு
பரமபதம் தான் நீத்து
பரிவுடனே தேடிவந்து
பக்தன்மேல் அன்புகொண்டு
பாங்குடனே ஏற்றிடுவான்
பக்தனிவன் சாட்சியிது
தாமதமேன் தயக்கமுமேன்
தஞ்சம் அடை அவன்பாதம்
35. Bhakti is the Only WAY
By cleansing the mind
Through acquiring knowledge
As the inner eye is opened
One can see the nature of atman
In its true form
Thus says the Vedanta
And following that path
Realizing that
this is not the true way
when they become standstill
with repentance
asking the question:
‘Is there any other path
To be saved on this world?’
(I responded by saying)
I know that path
If we clinging the feet of the Lord
With overwhelming bhakti
By hearing the cry of the bhakta
giving up His divine abode
Seeking him with much concern
And showing love to the bhakta
He will receive her with much dignity
This is the testimony of the bhakta
Why any more delay or hesitation
Take refuge at His feet.
Vedanta gained its supremacy only after the Hindu renaissances faced the challenges of Christianity from Rammohun Roy. Orientalism added strength to it. Whereas Hinduism, even among the so-called high caste people, remained a popular one based on bhakti and rituals. This trend of glorifying Vedanta continued in post Independent India, particularly among the educated high caste people as the true representation of Hinduism. In the early days of my bhakti and personal studies which I began from 1984 I too was interested to know more about Vedanta. But my root in bhakti tradition helped me soon to understand the limitation of Vedanta to follow the Lord. Though I have done some elementary level of study on Vedanta, it never appealed to my mind very much. Of course it has its role and importance in shaping the philosophical tradition of Hinduism. Anyone wants to know Hinduism in its totality cannot ignore a proper study on Vedanta. But for me investing time to do it will be more academic in nature than real need for my life in the Lord.
11-6-14
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