Bhakti Songs on Muktinath
In my early walk as the bhakta of Bhagavan Muktinath I only heard hymns and lyrics, but no bhajans, particularly in Indian Classical Music. Though they had deep meaning, yet they remained alien to me due to their music. Therefore I wrote and composed songs according to my taste in Carnatic music and used them for my personal devotion. I didn’t share them with others for a long time. One of the reasons was fear of being misunderstood for their style and music. I observed that any kind of Hindu form is not welcomed among the evangelical circles. This I faced from the early days of my bhakti in the Lord.
I was criticised strongly for remaining a strict vegetarian. Attempts were made to eat non-veg, which ended up with serious commotion and shouting from my side. Certain words that I naturally used or spontaneously came out (like Bhagavan for God) because of my background was criticised and questioned. One day when I quoted from a film song while I was sharing to the students in our worship service, I was condemned. When I chose a saffron colour dress, other colour dresses were highly recommended. There is no point of multiplying them. I was expecting to be confirmed in their ‘image.’ Anything with which I felt comfort became irritation to them and was opposed. Only one person with a clear understanding about need stood with me and supported all my cause. But I remained a stranger among the evangelicals—for a very long time.
I never learnt Carnatic music properly. I cannot even identify ragas. But as I was familiar with Carnatic music from my childhood, though I don’t know the nature of ragas, I wrote and composed songs in that style. However, I attempted to learn the flute when we were living in Trichy. But after ten classes, that teacher suddenly died. My friends and others jovially said that he died as he listened to my poor practice and thought that the best way to escape to further teach me was death. After that I stopped learning flute. My father can recognize any raga immediately and he used to take us when we lived at Virudhachalam to Tiruvaiyaru for many years to Thyagaraja Aradhana where a leading artist will perform for five days. My sister learnt Veena. My mother is also a good singer.
I have to say a few things about my choice of certain words. I coined the words ‘Muktinath’ ‘Muktiveda’ etc. as I was not comfortable with Christian words like ‘Jesus’ [Yesu in Tamil] and began to use them. In a few places I shortened ‘Muktesan’ as ‘Isan’ for the sake of music, though it is a generic name for God and also used for Siva. However such ‘Hindu’ words were liberally used in the old Tamil lyrics used in the churches. The reason to share this is not to get endorsement from the Christians. As a Hindu I have every freedom to use my cultural/religious words and symbols, as long as it does not distort the teaching of Muktiveda.
As the ‘name’ has a special place when it comes to Bhakti, for me a mere objective meaning or interpretation of the Name of the Lord is not enough. It should have meaning for me in my relationship with Him. Though the Name ‘Muktesan’ means ‘Lord of Salvation’ but when it stands as ‘Isan’ means my personal Lord or Master. Isan also means one who is the owner as ‘Jagadesan’ means ‘Owner/Lord/Master of this world’. So as my Lord becomes my owner, I feel some kind of personal relationship when I use ‘Muktesa’ to ‘Jesus’. Of course technically the word ‘Isvaran’ (Ish + varan) menas one who has His own authority to assign power to others than borrowed from others (Vellukkudi Krishnan’s discourse on Podigai on 16-2-2015, morning 6.30 am).
Similarly I use singular (Nee, Avan) form in addressing the Lord which shows familiarity in Indian language. It is like addressing a Westerner by using her first name. Almost in every Indian language a devotee addresses her personal deity using singular form. This is another area in which I never felt at home in the early walk of my faith in my sojourn among evangelicals. They used plural forms (Neengal/aap in Hindi and Avar in Tamil) both in their songs and in prayers. I have to consciously use the same form in my prayers with them. But soon I adapted to it. However, when it comes to the songs, I felt it strange to use the plural form for the Lord, though in the early days I used it. Later I completely changed it. However in few places the plural forms still remain as per the requirement of the grammar or format. In most of the Brahmin homes, plural form is never used among siblings and also in addressing parents and very close relatives—even grandparents. Of course when we refer to them in our talk with others as a third person, we use the plural form. But when we address them as second person, we use only singular forms. So in my personal relationship with the Lord I felt at home when used in singular form both in my prayers and also in my songs.
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