During my visit on 14th October 2016, I had an engaging conversation with one person. His topic of discussion was Acceptance and Care. He argued that while we might accept others, we often don’t care for them, and conversely, we might care for others without truly accepting them.
Though we shared examples, I found it difficult to categorize human relationships so neatly. For instance, we may have no choice but to accept our neighbors, but that doesn’t mean we will offer them the same care we might give to close friends or family.
In response, I suggested that there’s a third element between care and acceptance—commitment. Care and acceptance are often more effective when there is mutual commitment. However, even this seems too simplistic, as human relationships are far more complex. In my experience, we cannot base our lives on such rigid analyses, as they can paralyze us. I try to live in the moment, adapting to the context and circumstances as they arise. The rest falls into place naturally.
Later that evening, he mentioned that he sensed a change in how I relate to others. I responded, “That’s your perception, but I continue to accept others as they are without discrimination—whether based on caste, nationality, ethnicity, faith, or anything else.”
One issue I’ve often faced is how to say no to people. In the past, I would agree to meet anyone and accept invitations to speak to various groups. It took me time to learn how to decline certain requests, especially from theological seminaries, full-time workers, and evangelical groups. However, I would never say no to a Hindu bhakta. Still, I wouldn’t pursue anyone who clearly didn’t want to be disturbed. In fact, there were times when close friends asked me not to attend specific meetings, but I refused and participated anyway. To me, human relationships are more important than any ideology. I even attended a meeting when a couple decided to leave the church and join the mandali (in what they saw as a homecoming) because I wanted to support their decision.
However, I don’t open up easily to strangers. This is one reason why many of my writings have remained buried in handwritten notes or on my computer. It was Rajesh who first encouraged me to share my work. He edited my articles and helped publish them in TAMAt. Although I had been writing poems since 1981, I didn’t share them with anyone for a long time—not even with my close friend Kannan and his wife. It was only after receiving a positive response from Neha on one of my posts that I began sharing my poems with commentary as part of Bhakti Theology.
DB, Gurukulam
Revised on 12-9-2024
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