Part 1 Introduction:
“A Mother’s Courage: Memoir by a Son” is a tribute to a life lived with quiet strength, resilience, and unspoken love. In these pages, I recount the journey of my mother, whose courage carried our family through countless challenges. This narrative is not intended to be a polished biography, but rather a personal reflection, shared from the heart, of the sacrifices and enduring bond between a mother and her son. It is a glimpse into the past, where each decision, each struggle, and each act of love shaped not only the lives of those around her, but also the future of our family. As I share these moments, I hope this memoir will serve as a reminder to cherish the small things in life and recognize the profound impact of those who quietly serve, love, and protect without expecting recognition.
A Memoir of My Parents’ Journey
Part 1: My Parents – Beginnings
I was born in 1952, the third surviving child of a woman who knew poverty long before she knew me. My mother was the 14th child in a Purohit family rooted in the Samaveda tradition. Out of so many siblings, only two elder brothers and one sister survived infancy. Education was a luxury, and by the time she completed 8th standard, her formal schooling ended. Her world was steeped in orthodoxy, and her path—like many women of her time—was set for her by others. Her marriage was initially arranged with another poor Purohit, but her mother opposed it. Instead, my mother’s cousin—who lived in Trichy—stepped in and arranged her marriage to my father, a man nearly 18 years her senior. He had already lost two wives and was raising an infant from his second marriage. Despite the loss and the age gap, she accepted this new life. But tragedy visited again—within six months, the infant passed away. It was not until five years later that my mother conceived her first child, only to lose it in a miscarriage. But in time, life found its way: my eldest brother was born in 1948, the second in 1950, then me in 1952, followed by a sister in 1954. Another child arrived in 1959, and the last, born around 1961, lived only for a few days. In all this, my mother carried her grief and strength quietly. During the Second World War, my father earned a lot of wealth through hard work. But he also had responsibilities. He supported not only us but also his elder brother’s family and his widowed sister who came to live with us, bringing along her mentally challenged daughter. Despite the weight of these burdens, my mother treated everyone with kindness and care. She was the silent pillar of our home.
Part 2: Life in Vrudhachalam
Then, everything collapsed overnight. The bank where my father had deposited his savings declared insolvency. On the same day, a boat carrying silk sarees he had sent to Ceylon for business capsized. He went from a man of means to a man with nothing. My mother’s father offered her shelter, asking her to come stay with him until things settled. But she refused. “Wherever Rama is, that is Ayodhya for Sita,” she said. “I have shared in his wealth all these years. I will share in his suffering too.” She stood by him. That’s why, even later in life, she never allowed her photo to be kept alone—it always had to be with my father’s. And when I wanted to name our house in Mathigiri as ‘Mangala Nilayam’ in her honour, she corrected me: “Without your father, you would not be here. Include his name too.” And so it became ‘Mangala Moorthy Illam’ [Samba Moorthy Iyer and Magalam].
When my father went to Chennai in search of work, leaving her with four children, he disappeared for months. Then came a postcard: a simple call to come to Chennai with the children and whatever we had. Thinking things had turned around, she packed up and left. But what awaited her at the station was not the man she remembered. An old man, frail and toothless, came to receive us. She couldn’t believe it was him—until he called each of us by name. He had been bedridden with typhoid and hadn’t recovered well. He had no money, no business, and was entirely dependent on his elder brother, who was already struggling. Though my father had cared for his brother’s children when they were younger, tensions were now high. My mother sensed it. She had already endured insults—some even blamed her horoscope for my father’s misfortunes. Such things were said then, and sadly, they are still said now. Determined to protect our dignity, she urged my father to leave Chennai and start over. And so, our journey back to Virudhachalam began—a new chapter shaped by loss, love, and her unshakable loyalty.
The Story of My Parents The decision to move to Vrudhachalam was not sudden. My father had originally shifted his business from Vrudhachalam to Trichy due to various family reasons. One of the main reasons was to support a large extended family and to escape the trouble caused by my grandfather. He frequently interfered in my father’s business, bringing unnecessary contention—not only within the family and among neighbors but even with customers who came to buy cloth from my father’s shop. After completing his high school studies, my father was offered employment in the railways. But considering the meagre salary of twenty rupees per month, he chose instead to start a cloth business. At that time, my grandfather was earning a small income by reading horoscopes for clients and also running a small hotel. He was a well-known astrologer in that region, having been brought to Vrudhachalam by a zamindar from Kuthur in the Tanjore district. I had the opportunity to visit Kuthur on September 27, 2023.
However, my father’s elder brother had gone with their grandfather to Varanasi and stayed there. My father’s grandfather had already settled in Varanasi and become a sannyasi. He lived in a small ashram that he had established himself, where he had also built a shrine dedicated to the main goddess of Vrudhachalam—Balambika. This shrine still stands in Hanumanghat. I have taken my parents, my aunt, my brother, and his wife there several times. My younger sister also visited it when she went to Varanasi with her family. My father’s elder brother, who went to assist them, eventually began a silk cloth business and shipped the goods by train to my grandfather. After completing school in Chidambaram, about 25 km from Vrudhachalam, my father initially helped my grandfather with both the hotel and cloth business by selling door to door. Later, at his grandfather’s request, he went to Varanasi and spent a few years there learning the silk cloth business. Banaras silk sarees had a huge demand in South India.
Eventually, he returned to Vrudhachalam, started a small shop, and after earning good profits, bought an old house in the bazaar. He rebuilt it as a large double-storeyed building and established a flourishing silk saree business. Ancestral Village On my recent visit, I was able to go to our ancestral village called Kuthur, near Thirukattupalli and Kallanai in the Tanjore district. From here, my great-grandfather went to Varanasi, and another branch of the family moved to Trichy and then to Vrudhachalam. It is an interesting coincidence that Vrudhachalam is also known as ‘Vruda Kasi’—meaning ‘elder Kasi.’ According to a local proverb, the spiritual merit gained in Vrudhachalam is considered slightly greater than that of Kasi: ‘Kaasiyilum veesam adiham.’
I visited the Agraharam, where traditionally only Brahmins lived. Like many such places in Tamil Nadu, it now looks deserted, with only a few families remaining. Among them, only two families are originally from this village; the rest have settled here from elsewhere. Fortunately, I met Sri Sangara Lingam, a man born, raised, employed, and retired in this village. His children now live in Trichy, Bangalore, and Chennai. At present, there are five Gurukal (temple priest) families and two Smartha (our community) families.
The house I visited, like most in the Agraharam, has seven sections from front to back: Thinnai (where I was sitting, with a large wooden box behind me), Rezhi, Koodam, Muttam, Kitchen, Pozhakadai, and Kollai. These are very hard to translate into other languages. The village is located on the banks of the river Kaveri. Before visiting this village, I went to Thiruvaiyaru, where the famous Carnatic composer Saint Thyagaraja lived. I visited both the grand Shiva temple and the Thyagaraja Samadhi, where every year a grand music festival is held. All the leading Carnatic musicians perform during this festival, which I had the joy of attending as a boy several times with my father. The samadhi is situated right on the banks of the Kaveri. The Shiva temple, also called South Kailasha, is renowned for its architecture and shrines. My father once told us that our ancestral home was located very close to this place, from where my grandfather later migrated to Vrudhachalam.
Part 3: A Changing Life
My Grandfather
My grandfather, a man of very difficult character, often created problems for my father’s business. On days when wealthy customers came to buy wedding cloths, he would declare the day inauspicious. He was an esoteric figure—he had run away from home several times as a wandering mendicant. Eventually, when he was around 30 years old, he was married to my grandmother, who was just 8 or 10 at the time—a fact she herself once told me.
He had memorized hundreds of songs related to astrology and horoscopes and passed many of them on to my father. Both of them could recite these verses by heart. My father, who kept his extended family under one roof—his four nephews, a widowed sister with her mentally challenged daughter, his second wife, and his own parents—was no stranger to small domestic tensions. But my grandfather, harboring a grudge against his son, would often recite inauspicious verses aloud whenever customers came to buy marriage cloths. He also frequently picked fights with neighbors.
One such incident, which my father narrated, involved a next-door neighbor who ran a shop manufacturing and selling iron vessels. Their shop, as our house, extended from the bazaar to a back street, and when customers asked for modifications, the workers would hammer and reshape vessels right at the shopfront—causing a constant racket. Despite my father’s repeated requests to reduce the noise, they refused. In retaliation, my grandfather would light a fire in a small clay pot, toss in dried red chili seeds, and fan the toxic smoke toward the neighbor’s shop, claiming it was to repel mosquitoes. When the neighbor complained, my grandfather would respond by picking a quarrel.Unable to bear his father’s interference any longer, my father eventually moved the business to Trichy, leaving his parents behind in Virudhachalam and taking the rest of the extended family with him. At that time, Trichy was a booming center for the cloth trade.
While in Trichy, my father’s second wife passed away, leaving behind a newborn baby. He then married my mother—his third wife. She was just 18 years old when she entered a large extended household already filled with her husband’s relatives. This was common in those days. Girls raised in joint families were married early and simply moved into another joint family as daughters-in-law.
Understanding all of my father’s past, my mother eventually urged him to move back to Virudhachalam from Chennai. He agreed. But when he stepped off the train at the Virudhachalam station, unsure where to go, he recognized a horse-cart driver and called out to him by name. The man, assuming he had found a customer, approached. But when my father told him who he was, the driver was shocked. He remembered my father from the days when he ran a big cloth shop in the same town. Saddened by his fall into poverty, the driver nonetheless brought all of us to a chaultry called Nattukkottai Chettiyar Sattiram, which still stands on South Street in Virudhachalam.
The driver went and informed some of my father’s old friends. For more than two weeks, we lived in that chaultry, surviving on cooked food and provisions from weddings being held in another section of the same compound, which had designated areas for both marriage functions and travelers. With the help of his friends, my father managed to get a small piece of temple land—about 300 square feet on rent, five rupees per month—near the river and right at the corner of the old bus stand. A small hut was erected there with their help.
For several years, we didn’t even have a proper door—just a small bamboo flap without a lock.—we continued to live in that hut until it was gutted by fire in 1971.
My mother would often sing a line from a Tamil film song:
“Kaattru rani kottaiyile; kadavugal illai;
Ingu kaval kaakka kadavulai andri, yaarume illai,”
which means,
“In the castle of the forest queen, there are no doors—none but God stands guard.”
We had no immediate neighbors, only the Harijan street behind us with 15 to 20 scavenger families. Opposite us was the bus stand, and beyond that, some shops. Only later did a businessman open a shop across the street. For years, we lived in a place without a real neighborhood.
Since we couldn’t afford a rental house in town—especially in the Agrahara, where only Brahmins had traditionally lived—my siblings and I grew up without any sense of caste prejudice. We had no reason to think about it. Of course, daily social interaction was minimal. But when my mother went into labor with my second sister, it was an elderly woman from the Harijan community who came to help. The same thing happened during her next delivery, though that child did not survive. Even then, I remember no rituals being performed to “purify” our house afterward.
Education and Struggles
Another memory stands out. In front of our house, steps led down to the river, where we bathed, washed clothes, and even attended to nature’s calls, as we had no toilet at home—a common situation for many in town at the time. Behind our house, at the end of the scavenger street, there was another spot where the water was deeper, making it perfect for jumping and swimming.
Sometimes my friends took the main road and entered the river from the temple side, which was a shortcut from other parts of town. Wanting to join them quickly, I occasionally took the shortest route—through the scavenger street, which I could cross in just two or three minutes.
Whenever I did, some elderly people sitting outside would rebuke me, telling me not to pass through their street. Their concern wasn’t that I, a Brahmin, would feel “polluted” by proximity to them. Rather, they feared that my presence—too close to their homes—might bring misfortune upon them, perhaps even a fire accident. This wasn’t an unfounded fear, as the following scholarly excerpt illustrates. But I would simply smile and run past, knowing they wouldn’t physically stop me. (See: The Theory of Reincarnation among the Tamils, George L. Hart III, in Wendy Doniger O’Flaherty, Karma and Rebirth in Classical Indian Traditions, Motilal Banarsidass Publishers, Delhi, 1983; Notes 12, p. 126, and Kane in the same article.)
Electricity came to our house very late, so most of my student days were spent studying under a kerosene lamp or by the light of a streetlamp. I often went to the main temple and did my homework in the quiet of the temple veranda, where there was electric lighting. Until a hand pump was installed years later, we relied on the river next to our house for all our daily needs—bathing, washing clothes, and even answering nature’s call. For drinking and cooking, we brought water from the temple well.
My father did various jobs to take care of us. He started a small street-side cloth shop right outside the very house where he had once run a large cloth business. Then he opened a small hotel, later began selling food at the Taluk office, and once even had to carry the funeral pyre of a Brahmin to earn four annas for family expenses. Eventually, he began writing accounts for shops and, with experience, started doing audits for them. He finally died as an auditor, having received certification from the Income Tax Office.
But during our childhood, we knew only poverty. My mother couldn’t even attend her own mother’s cremation because we couldn’t afford the bus fare. We always had limited food and usually ate only two meals a day. My father ate only once a day—and continued this practice until his death. My mother had only one saree and often wore my father’s old dhoti inside the house. Still, despite such poverty and struggle, my parents managed to send us to school. In those days, the concept of private schooling didn’t exist for us—we studied only in government schools.
Fortunately, there was no requirement for school uniforms, so we managed with just two sets of clothes until they were completely worn out. We had no chappals to wear. As we four siblings were born two years apart, the three of us brothers ended up studying in the same school, each in a different grade. We reused our eldest brother’s textbooks.
There was no recreation, no entertainment—maybe one movie a year, and even that with the cheapest ticket around ten paise of modern time. However, we never missed any music or dance programs held at the temple during festivals.
Though my parents struggled immensely, they never sought help from relatives—especially from my father’s side—even though he had supported them generously when he was wealthy. The only exception was my aunt, Kamachi, with whom my grandmother lived. She often visited us, bringing along her mentally challenged daughter. Till the end, she was the only relative we truly knew. I was very attached to her and often visited her village when I was working as a Sales Representative. I even took her along with my mother on a North India tour, visiting Ayodhya, Badrinath, and Varanasi.
From my mother’s side, one of her elder brothers—who was physically challenged and never married—occasionally lived with us. Apart from him, we didn’t have much personal connection with other members of her family, except for her cousin’s wife, who kept in touch with us until her death in 2020 in Hosur. I had also moved to Hosur by then and lived with my mother in Mathigiri, a suburb of the town. Of course, during some family functions, my mother met a few of her nephews, but I don’t remember many of them. We had visited my maternal grandparents’ home during our school summer holidays, but even then, we didn’t build close ties. So, on both sides of my parents’ families—except for my Kamachi aunt and my mother’s cousin’s wife and her children—we never really had any deep personal relationships.
Though my parents couldn’t afford proper clothing for us, all of us children cooperated in every possible way, never demanding anything they couldn’t provide. Meanwhile, my father gradually established himself as a reliable accountant and later as an auditor. Slowly, we managed to build a more stable house—though with only a thatched roof—which we lived in until 1971. Two or three times, floodwaters entered our house, but we stayed put and managed to survive, never moving away even temporarily.
As there weren’t many houses near ours, we didn’t have much social interaction, except for occasional visits to school friends’ homes. However, we had a warm and friendly relationship with the Harijan families living just behind our house. In fact, when my second sister was born, it was a Harijan woman who helped my mother with the delivery.
Part 5: Family Dynamics and Changes
Our house was located at the corner of the then-bus stand, where political meetings were often held. Because of this, we never really felt lonely.
After my eldest brother completed school and got a government job, our financial situation improved a little. My second brother also got a government job after finishing school. But neither of them could pursue higher education, as they had to take care of the younger siblings. The last child born to my parents died within three days, so out of seven children, five of us survived.
After I completed high school, since my brothers were now earning, I was sent to study at National College, Trichy, followed later by my first younger sister. Though her stay was arranged in the college hostel, they couldn’t afford the same for me. So, I stayed in a free hostel run by a charity exclusively for students. We all had to stay in two separate halls and use five common toilets, with no enclosed bathrooms—so we bathed in the open. The same food was served twice daily, almost every day, except on Sundays, when an extra vegetable would be added.
When a fire accident reduced our house to ashes and we managed to save only a few belongings, my father finally decided to move back to Trichy to provide relatively better education for the remaining three children. After that, my sister and I stayed in our own house with our parents and another sister who had joined college but later discontinued her studies.
So, we moved again to Trichy in 1971, and my father resumed his Income Tax practice and managed to earn a relatively good income. After completing my B.A., since I couldn’t get admission to my preferred Master’s course in Tamil, I didn’t pursue further studies. Instead, I took up a salesman job in a private agency after doing some odd jobs following college.
Meanwhile, my eldest brother’s marriage was arranged in 1973. Sadly, he passed away in 1975, leaving behind a baby. Though his wife got his job and moved to her parents’ house in the same city (Trichy), Shanti, my niece, stayed with us until his death. My first sister’s marriage took place just six months after that.
Due to various family needs and problems, my mother and my second younger sister, went to stay with my second brother, and I continued living with my father in a veranda of a house, where we were allowed to keep our belongings in one of the rooms after paying rent. As I worked as a Sales Representative, I was mostly on the move—staying with my mother, aunt, father, or friends.
Then, two more crises struck my parents: my second sister’s marriage to a boy from outside our community, and my decision to become a Sannyasi. But this is not the place to go into more details about those.
Later, my second brother’s marriage was arranged, and my parents stayed with him for a few months, but eventually had to return to Trichy. Though I had become a Sannyasi and wandered in various places, mostly in North India, I remained in touch with my parents and helped them as much as I could. Eventually, at my brother’s request, they helped him build his house in Chidambaram and went to stay there, while he and his wife lived in Neyveli, where she worked as a high school teacher.
My sister who got married moved to the Andamans with her husband. After an initial period of estrangement, because of my continuous efforts, she began visiting my parents during the summer holidays when they returned to the mainland. My father passed away in 1997, and my mother continued to stay in the same house, where my brother’s brother-in-law also moved in after his marriage.
When I moved to Hosur in 2000, my mother started visiting and staying with me for several months, going back to Chidambaram only occasionally. After my brother’s retirement—and his wife’s voluntary retirement—they moved permanently to their house in Chidambaram. Meanwhile, with the help of my mother’s savings, my sister’s support, and borrowed funds, I managed to construct a small house in Mathigiri, where my mother came and stayed with me. Even when I went on a North India tour, she managed to live alone. Occasionally, she stayed with my brother for a few weeks before returning to Mathigiri.
When my brother and his wife moved into an Old Age Home in Kumbakonam, they also booked a room for my mother. Though she stayed there for a few months, she preferred being with me and often returned. As per the wishes of some of my shishyas, we started the ashram (where I now live and where my mother also passed away) in 2007. We both moved into the ashram that year, but returned to Mathigiri in 2014 due to her medical needs.
We shifted back to the ashram on September 5, 2021, because I found it increasingly difficult to live in a noisy place. Though my mother initially hesitated to return to the ashram, she soon adjusted and even refused to stay with my siblings, despite their repeated requests. Even when she went to visit them, she would come back to me immediately.
There were several ups and downs in my parents’ lives. Once, when I rebuked her for nagging over trivial matters, my Mami—her cousin brother’s wife who had arranged her marriage and was staying with her son in Hosur—told me, “Don’t scold your mother. I personally know how much she suffered in life after your father lost everything in business. Now she is happy only with you. Try to understand her feelings and never fight with her.” Of course, my mother and I often had playful fights, but as one of my shishyas once said, “You both lived as a model mother and son.”
I learned a lot from my parents—my father for his detachment and sense of dharma as a husband and father, and my mother for pouring her life into her family, standing by her husband through all difficulties, and sacrificing her comforts and desires for her children. Still, I was always my mother’s pet child, something my siblings often blamed her for. But she always remained my dear Amma, with whom I shared a deep bond from childhood.
Part 6: The Loss of My Mother
Even as a child, whenever she needed help, my mother would call only me. She always trusted that I would take care of her. When she was admitted to the hospital in Thally just days before her death, I asked her tearfully, “Amma, what do you want?” She replied, “What else do I need? Only you.” Those words still echo in my ears and bring tears to my eyes.
This is not a biography of my parents. But as I wanted to post their photos on Facebook—mainly to preserve them in a safe place—I felt it necessary to write this short narrative, so that others, especially the next generation, may come to know a little about their journey and perhaps learn something meaningful from it.
After my mother passed away, I wrote many poems mourning her loss. On the tenth-day ritual, when I broke down in tears while offering food and feeding her for the last time, my brother remarked, “He never cried this much when our father died. Now he cannot control himself—even though he calls himself a sannyasi.” I honestly don’t know why I couldn’t control my tears. It wasn’t just emotion—it was a deep, unexplainable bond, perhaps beginning right from the umbilical cord.
But I am grateful. Grateful that both my mother and God gave me the opportunity to serve her until the very end, just as she wished. She passed away peacefully on 26-12-2022, after receiving a final few spoons of milk from my hands. That moment is etched in me forever.
One thing I know with certainty: no one can ever replace a mother’s place in one’s life—whether one is a layperson or a sannyasi. The body may be gone and the ātman may have moved on, but the relationship continues—beyond time, beyond death.
If you still have your mother with you, never miss an opportunity to serve her. You may not realise it now—but one day, when she is no longer with you, you will miss her deeply. Even if you are surrounded by people who love you, her place will remain empty.
So now you will find here the songs that I wrote after my mother passed away.
Conclusion
Though my mother has passed on, the relationship we shared transcends time and death. Her lessons, sacrifices, and love remain deeply embedded in my life, and I will carry them with me as long as I live. This memoir is not just a reflection of the past but a message to the present and future generations: cherish your loved ones, especially those who give everything without asking for anything in return. And if you still have a mother, never let a moment pass without showing her your love and gratitude—for there will come a time when you can no longer hold her hand.
May this story of a mother’s courage and devotion continue to inspire others as it has shaped me.
“Revised on May 11, 2025, at the Ashram. I revised this today to post on my blog, unaware that it is Mother’s Day. But for me, every day is Mother’s Day for a child.”
This evening (2-07-2023) I met one Naturopathy who is a Muslim from Tanjore. While we were talking along with another friend who is a Siddha doctor from Tanjore who came to give treatment to another Siddha doctor who is serving others by staying in this ashram to put new bandage on her leg where at present staying at Tirupputhuruthi, I was giving the reason for my stay here. As I cannot come to terms with my mother’s loss, as per the suggestions of so many others, I moved away from my ashram and came to stay here for a few weeks (or months). During my talk I shared one or two of my poems that I wrote and when Naturopathy requested me to share the songs that I wrote exclusively about my mother, then I collected them all and posted them here separately.
I don’t know any other culture in the world that celebrates the relationship between a mother and child like that we do in India. Of course in several cultures they cry for their ancestors for several days and even keep the dead body as part of their family for several years (I think they do it in Thailand). But I don’t know in any other culture they write so many songs about one’s mother. Even among India, I rarely come across songs that I find in Tamil in other languages as I already quoted the famous song by Pattinattar.
1465 தாயோடு போனது
அற்றது வாழ்வு
ஆத்தாள் போனபின்
விட்டது பற்று
அவளோடு மண்ணில்
எத்தனை உறவுகள்
வந்தாலும் போனாலும்
தாயோடு போனது
உறவென்ற சொல்லும்
எத்தனை செய்தாலும்
நாம் பட்ட கடனை
எப்போதும் அடைக்க
முடியாது உண்மை
மீண்டும் பிறவி
என ஒன்று இருந்தால்
சேயாக அவள் மீண்டும்
நம்மிடை பிறந்து
தாயாக நான் மாறி
சேயோடு உறவாடி
தொடர்ந்து அன்பிலே
திளைத்திட வேண்டும்
அதுவரை அவளது
அன்பை நினைந்து
அதை தேடும் மாந்தர்க்கு
அதனையும் அளித்து
தாயற்று போனால்
சீரற்று போகும்
என்பதை நாளும்
நன்கு உணர்ந்து
தாயாக நாம் மாறி
அவள் அன்பை காட்டி
தெய்வத்தை அவள் மூலம்
காட்டிட வேண்டும்
குருகுலம், காலை 4.30, 27-12-2022.
1465 Gone with mother
Life is gone
When mother is gone
Attachment is gone
Along with her on this earth
How many relationship
Might be there in life
Along with mother
Gone is the word relationship
How much we do to her
We can’t pay back our debt to her
Never can we pay back
This is the truth
If there’s another birth
She should take birth
As our child
And we should become her mother
Continuing that
Relationship with her
We should enjoy
That relationship
Till that time
Remembering her love
Showing that love to others
Who are seeking
Realizing that
Along with mother
Is gone all other
Comforts on earth
We becoming a mother
Sharing her love to others
We should show God
Through her again.
Gurukulam, 27-12-2023, 4.30 am.###
பட்டினத்தார் பாடல்கள்
தாயாருக்குத் தகனக்கிரியை
ஐயிரண்டுதிங்களாய் அங்கமெலாம்நொந்துபெற்றுப்
பையலென்ற போதே பரிந்தெடுத்துச்—செய்யவிரு
கைப்புறத்தி லேந்திக் கனகமுலை தந்தாளை
எப்பிறப்பிற் காண்பே யினி—பாலடல் 1
முந்தித் தவங்கிடந்து முன்நூறு நாள் சுமந்தே
அந்திபக லாச்சிவனை யாதரித்துத்—தொந்தி
சரியச் சுமந்து பெற்ற தாயார் தமக்கோ
வெறியைத் தழந்மூட்டு வேன்.—பாடல் 2
வட்டிலிலுந் தொட்டிலிலு மார்மேலுந் தோண்மேலுங்
கட்டிலிலும் வைத்தென்னைக் காதலித்து-முட்டச்
சிறகிலிட்டுக் காப்பாற்றிச் சீராட்டுந் தாய்க்கோ
விறகிலிட்டுத் தீமூட்டு வேன்.—பாடல், 3,
நொந்து சுமந்துபெற்று நோவாம லேந்திமுளை
தந்து வளர்த்தெடுத்துத் தாழாமே—அந்திபகல்
கையிலே கொண்டென்னைக் காப்பாற்றுந் தய்தனக்கோ
மெய்யிலே தீ மூடுவேன்.—பாடல் 4
அரிசியோ நானிடுவேன் ஆத்தாள் தனக்கு
வரிசையிட்டுப் பார்த்து மகிழாமல்—உருசியுள்ள
தேனே அமிர்தமே செல்வத் திரவியப்பூ
மானே என அழைத்த வாய்க்கு.—பாடல் 5
அள்ளியிடுவது அரிசியோ தாய்தலைமேல்
கொள்ளிதனை வைப்பேனோ கூசாமல்-மெள்ள
முகமேல் முகம்வைத்து முத்தாடி என்தன்
மகனே என அழைத்த வாய்க்கு.—பாடல், 6. [பக்கம் 144]
முன்னையிட்ட தீ முப்புறத்திலே
பின்னையிட்ட தீ தென்னிலங்கையில்
அன்னையிட்ட தீ அடிவயிற்றிலே
நானுமிட்ட தீ மூள்கமூள்கவே.—பாடல், 7, ப. 145
வேகுதே தீயதனில் வெந்துபொடி சாம்பல்
ஆகுதே பாவியேனை ஏகோ—மாகக்
குருவி பரவாமற் கோதாட்டி யென்னைக்
கருதி வளர்த்தெடுத்த கை.—பாடல் 8
வெந்தாளோ சோணகிரி வித்தகா நின்பதத்தில்
வந்தாளோ என்னை மறந்தாளோ—சந்ததமும்
உன்னையே நோக்கி உகந்து வரங்கிடந்து
என்னையே யீன்றுஎடுத்த தாய்.—பாடல், 9
வீற்றிருந்தாள் அன்னை வீதிதனி லிருந்தாள்
நேற்றிருந்தாள் இன்ன்று வெந்து நீறானாள்—பால் தெளிக்க
எல்லீரும் வாருங்களேன் என்றிரங்காம
எல்லாஞ் சிவமயமே யாம்.—பாடல், 1௦. ப. 145
ஞானக்கோவை என்கிற சித்தர் பாடல்கள், ஸ்ரீ செண்பகா பதிப்பகம், சென்னை, [2௦௦5] இரண்ட்டம் பதிப்பு, 2000
English translation by Sri P. R. Ramachandar
1.After suffering severe pain in all her limbs for ten months,
She gave birth and lifted me softly as soon as she knew it was a boy,
And then she carried me in both her hands and fed me from her golden breast,
In which of my future births would I be able ever to see her.
2,She did great penance and worshipped ,
Lord Shiva for three hundred days,
And then carried me in her hanging paunch,
And have birth to me and would I,
Light the fire to that mother.
3..She loved me putting me in a basket , swing ,
On her chest and shoulder and then ,
Pleasantly spoiled me by putting me on feather bed ,
And would I lit the firewood to burn that mother .
4.She suffered pains, carried me and gave birth to me ,
Then without pain lifted me and suckled me from her breast,
And then nurtured me without giving me any pain ,
And also protected me day and night carrying me in her hand,
Would I set fire to the body of such a mother.
5.Would I put rice to my mother instead,
Of becoming joyous by giving great presents to her,
In the mouth that called me Oh tastey honey ,
Oh nectar , oh flower of prosperity and oh deer.
6.Should it be rice that I take and put,
Should I set fire on the head of my mother?
To her mouth by which without hesitation
She gently kept her face on my face.
And fondled me and said , please kiss me son.
7. The first fire was put by Shiva on three cities,
The later fire was put in southern Lanka by Hanuman,
The fire that my mother purt is in the bottom of my belly,
And let the fire put by me catch up and burn.
8.It is getting cooked in that fire and it becomes,
Powdery ash, I am alas a sinner who burnt ,
That hand which caressed and protected me ,
From flying birds and nurtured and brought me up.
9.Did she get fully burnt , Oh magician of red mountain,
And did she reach your feet , Did she completely ,
Forget me, My mother who gave birth to me ,
After doing great penance thinking about you.
10, My mother was sitting and she was in the street,
Yesterday she was there and today she was burnt and became ash
All of you please do come to sprinkle milk,
Without pitying as everything is filled with Lord Shiva.
Song 1466 உறவு தொடரும்
தத்துவம் எதுவும்
பேசிட அறியேன்
சாத்திரம் பலவும்
பார்த்திட மறுத்தேன்
இத்தரை வாழ்வில்
உறவொன்றே உண்மை
என்கிற தத்துவம்
நன்கு அறிந்தேன்
உறவோடு பிறந்து
உறவுடன் வாழ்ந்து
மரித்தும் உறவாக
தொடர்ந்திடும் போது
அதனை உணர்ந்து
அதன்படி வாழாமல்
தத்துவம் பேசி
பயனுமே என்ன
(சாத்திரம் பார்த்து
அடைவதும் என்ன)
தாயான உனக்கு
சேயாக வந்தேன்
தாலாட்டி சீராட்டி
வளர்த்ததை அறிவேன்
எனக்காக துன்பங்கள்
பலவுமே ஏற்று
எனக்காக வாழ்ந்தாய்
நானதை உணர்ந்தேன்
இதுவரை செய்தது
போதுமென் றெண்ணி
என்னை தனியாக்கி
நீ விட்டு சென்றாயோ
பிரிவென்ற ஒன்று
பொதுவான போதும்
எனக்குத் தந்து
ஏன் நீ சென்றாயோ
அறிவுக்குப் புரிந்தாலும்
மனமதை ஏற்கலை
மனமது அழுவதை
அறிவுமே விரும்பலை
ஆயினும் நீ தந்த
வெறுமை மட்டும்
ஏற்றிடும் பக்குவம்
இன்னும் வரவில்லை
ஆயினும் தாயாக
என்றும் இருப்பாய்
அழம்வரை அழவிட்டு
ஆறுதல் தருவாய்
உன்னுடல் போனாலும்
உறவு தொடரும்
என்கிற தத்துவம்
எனக்குச் சொன்னாய்
இனி உன்னை எங்கு
எப்படிக் காண்பேன்
என்பது எனக்கு
நிச்சயம் தெரியாது
ஆயினும் என் மனம்
அதனுள் இருக்கிறாய்
அங்குனைக் கண்டு
அனுதினம் வாழ்வேன்
குருகுலம், 28-12-2022, மாலை 6.30
1466 Relationship continues
I don’t know
To talk philosophy
I refused to follow
All the traditional (ritual) codes
I understood the only
One philosophy on this earth
That relationship
Alone is True
Born with relationships
As with relatives
It continues
Even after our death
Not realizing this
And living accordingly
What is the use of
Talking philosophy
(and following all
Ritual codes)
I came as your child
And you become my mother
I know well that
You brought up me with tender care
Accepting so many
Troubles for me
You lived (only) for me
That I experienced
Thinking that
Enough you have done (for me)
Did you leave now
Leaving me alone
Though separation
Is common to all
Why you left me
Giving that also at present
Though my buddhi understands it
My heart refuses to accept it
And my buddhi does not like
The way my heart cries
But I didn’t yet receive
The maturity
To accept the vacuum
That you left behind
But you will ever
Remain as my mother
You will comfort me
Allowing to mourn as long as I could
Though your moral body has gone
Our relationship will continue
This philosophy alone
You shared with me
I don’t know for sure
That when and where
And how I will
Meet you again
But you are living
In my heart
And seeing you there
I will live each day
Gurukulam, 28-12-2022,6.30 p.m. ###
I started crying ever since my mother was bedridden. When she passed away peacefully on 26th evening, I couldn’t control my tears. All those around me bombarded me with the one philosophy ‘Everyone had to die. This is part of nature. You know this better than us. But you never stopped crying. First stop it. Otherwise, your health will be affected’.
My only response to them was: ‘What my buddhi [intellect] understands my heart refuses to accept and what my heart does my buddhi never approves’. But mourning is part of human nature. Indeed, it is also a gift by God. Of course, I know that one day we will all be gone. At the same time, I always insisted that, though our physical body is gone, the relationship that we have or we had will continue forever. When we came to the world, we never came as an individual but in a relationship with so many others—as a daughter, son, grandchild, niece, nephew, cousin. After we passed away the same relationship will continue. Otherwise, there is no point in having human history and tradition. No saynnasi is exempted from this common rule. Pattinattar who renounced everything lamented and wrote a long song of lamentation when his mother passed away. Even Adi Sankara performed funeral rites to his mother. So many sannyasis kept their mother with them in the ashram. So what I am doing—mourning for my mother is part of human nature. And the only philosophy that I learnt in life is that respect and celebrate relationship—even as a Guru and disciple.
After the funeral and bones were collected and immersed in water, everyone left. Some of my relatives and close friends are concerned about leaving me alone knowing well that I will continue to cry remembering my mother. But very few agreed with me ‘not hold back your tears and mourn unless your heart also accepts the reality of death’.
So after my evening walk when I returned back unable to control my tears as I was crying I wrote this song dedicated to my beloved mother. I would prefer to stay alone here, not disturbed by others to calm down my mind and atman to accept the philosophy that those who are gone won’t come, but our relationship with them will continue forever especially with one’s mother.
Song 1467 அழுதால் மனம் மாறும்
எப்படி அழுதாலும்
ஆத்தாள் வரமாட்டாள்
என்கிற உண்மை
எனக்குப் புரிந்தாலும்
இப்படி அழுதால் தான்
என் மனம் ஆறும்
என்பது மட்டும்
உனக்குப் புரியும்
கடவுள் நீயே
கண்ணீர் விடும் போது
அதையே நான் செய்ய
நீயும் அனுமதித்தாய்
ஒருவித வெறுமை
உள்ளத்தில் வந்தாலும்
இதுவும் இயற்கை
என்பதை புரிய வைத்தாய்
மிருகங்கள் கூட
பிரிவுக்காய் அழும்போது
நானும் அழுவதே
நல்லது எனக்கு
ஆத்தாள் போனாலும்
ஐயனே நீயுள்ளாய்
அனுதினம் எனைத் தேற்றி
ஆறுதல் அளிப்பாய்
கொஞ்சம் கொஞ்சமாய்
அவளை மறந்தாலும்
தாயாக நீ மாறி
அவளன்பைக் காட்டுவாய்
எஞ்சிய என் வாழ்வு
எப்படி நகர்ந்தாலும்
எங்கே எப்படி
என்னை நீ வைத்தாலும்
கரு தோன்றும் முன்பாக
கண்ட உன்விழிகள்
கணநேரம் அகலாது
வைத்தென்னைக் காப்பாய்
அன்னையாய் தந்தையாய்
அனைத்துமாய் ஆனபின்
பிரியாத உறவாகி
என்னோடு இருப்பாய்
என் அன்னை கருவில்
என்னை உருவாக்கி
தாய் சேய் உறவினை
நீயே தந்தாய்
உடலால் பிரிந்தாலும்
உறவாக வாழ்கிறாள்
அது போதும் எனக்கு
அனுதினம் வாழ
அத்துடன் உன்னருள்
அகலாது இருக்க
நித்தமும் வாழ்வேன்
நானுனைத் துதித்து
குருகுலம், 30-12-2022, மாலை 5.30
1467 crying will change the heart
However, I lament
My mother won’t come back
Though I understand
This truth very well
Still, you know that
Only if I cry like this
Then alone my
Heart will find peace
When you have
Shed tears, though remaining as God
You also allowed
The same for me
Though some kind of
Emptiness has come within me
You helped me to understand that
This is also natural
When even animals
Are crying when separated
It is good for me
To cry
Though my mother has gone
Oh Lord you are there
And you will give comfort me
Encouraging me everyday
Though I might forget her
Slowly in life
Becoming a mother
You will show her love
However, rest of life
Might move
How and wherever
You will keep me
Your eyes that have
Seen me even before
I was formed in the womb
Will never leave me for a second
Once you become
As a father and mother
You will remain with me
As an eternal relative now knowing separation
Creating me
In the womb of my mother
You bestowed the relationship as
A mother and child
Though she is separated in body
She continues to live in her relationship with me
It is enough for me
To every day
Along with it
As your grace is therefore me
I will live each day
Praising you.
Gurukulam, 30-12-2022,5.30 p.m.
After going for an evening walk after a long time, when I returned to my room unable to control my tears I began to cry for my mothers. Of course, I know well that she will never come back but her memory and particularly the last few weeks of our struggle together to take care of her will always remain fresh in my mind and will bring tears. When I was translating and typing this narrative on January 3rd early in the morning, I couldn’t control my tears and with much tears I am typing this. God knows my heart and He is there to console me and allow me to cry if I need to. What others think is not important for me.
Song 1468ஆறுதல் தருகிறாய்
தூக்கிச் சுமக்கிறாய்
தெரிந்தே இருக்கு
பார்த்து நடத்துறாய்
புரிந்தும் இருக்கு
ஆயினும் மனதுள்
துயரம் இருக்கு
அதுவும் உனக்கு
புரிந்தும் இருக்கு
தாயை இழந்து
தவிக்கும் போது
சேய்க்கு ஆறுதல்
தருவது யாரு
அந்த இடத்தை
நிரப்பும் தகுதி
மனிதர் எவருக்கு
உண்டு கூறு
இந்த இழப்பை
ஈடு செய்ய
இகத்தில் எனக்கு
எவரும் இல்லை
ஆனால் உனது
மடியும் இருக்கு
அதிலே சாய
இடமும் இருக்கு
அன்னை போலவே
தலையும் கோதி
ஆறுதல் தருகிறாய்
அனுதினம் எனக்கு
சொல்ல வார்த்தை
ஏதும் இன்றி
சொல்லிடத் தேவை
எனக்கும் இன்றி
உன் மடி சாய்ந்து
தவிக்கும் என்னை
அள்ளி எடுத்து
அணைத்தாய் நீயும்
அந்த அணைப்பு
தந்திடும் ஆறுதல்
செஞ்சை வருடி
தந்திடும் போது
கண்களை மூடி
தோளில் சாய்ந்து
காலம் முழுதும்
உறங்கிட வேண்டும்
கண்ணிர் சிந்தி
கதறிடும் போது
உன்னிரு கரங்கள்
துடைத்திட வேண்டும்
மெல்ல மெல்ல
தேறுதல் தந்து
இழப்பின் வலியை
தாக்கிட வைத்து
தூக்கிச் சுமந்து
தாங்கிட வேண்டும்
துயரை நீக்கி
காத்திட வேண்டும்
2-1-2023,குருகுலம், இரவு 7.30 p.m.
1468 You are comforting
I know well that
You are carrying me
I clearly understand that
you are leading me
Still there is
pain in my heart
That too you
know very well
who is there
to comfort a child
when it mours
after losing its mother
Does any human
has the qualification
to fulfill
that vacuum
There is none
for me on this earth
to compensate
this loss of my mother
But your
lap is there
for me to
lay my head
You give comfort
each day for me
like a mother
touching my head
Without having
any words to communicate
and without any
need to communicate
You took and
hug me
who lays
on your lap
When that
comforts touches
gently my heart
and gives comfort
I should
fall on your shoulder
and should sleep
all through my life
When I cry
with many tears
your hands should
wipe it
Comforting me
slowly each day
helping me to
accept the pain of separation
You should
carry me
and should protect me
by removing this pain
2-1-2023, Gurukulam, 7.30 p.m.
Is it mere utopian ideal or mere wishful thinking that God actually presents in our life that too taking some physical form to comfort us. Though few saints claim that they actually experienced such physical presence of God in their lives, for me neither it is an utopian ideal or mere wishful philosophical thinking or comfort. Use any modern term using psychology, for a bhakta the inner experience of the presence of God in her every walk of life works on a different level transcending all kinds of understanding. That is the solace that she finds in her atman which words fail to communicate. And I find such solace when I communicate through my poems.
Song 1469 உன்னிலே கண்டு
காலம் மறந்திடும்
என்று சொன்னாலும்
உன் காவல் இருக்கு
என்றுமேப் புரிந்தாலும்
தாயின் நினைவு
அகலாது என்றும்
ஒரு சேய் மட்டுமே
புரிந்திடும் இதையும்
அன்னை போல் உறவு
அவனியில் இல்லை
அவளின் அன்பை
மறக்க முடியலை
உறவென்ற சொல்லும்
பொதுவான போதும்
அவளின் உறவுக்கு
விளக்கமே இல்லை
கண்ணில் காணாத
தெய்வத்தை காட்டும்
கடவுளாய் நம் முன்
அவளும் இருப்பாள்
உடல் பிரிந்தாலும்
உறவு தொடர்வதால்
தெய்வத்தை அவளே
தொடர்ந்து காட்டுவாள்
உன்னைத் தொட்டு
உணராத போதும்
அவளின் அணைப்பில்
உன்னை உணர்ந்தேன்
அந்த உணர்வு
என்றுமே இருக்கும்
அதிலே உனது
காட்சியும் கிடைக்கும்
இந்த பேற்றினை
இதுவரை தந்தாய்
இந்த உணர்வு
தொடர்ந்திட வைப்பாய்
ஒரு நாள் எனது
உடலும் மறைந்து
உன்னோடு வந்து
சேர்ந்திடும் போது
நிரந்தரமாக இருந்திடும்
நீங்காத உணர்வு
உன்னுடன் கலக்க
எனக்கும் கிடைக்கும்
அது வரை இந்த
பாடுள்ள உலகில்
அன்னையை நினைந்து
உன்னையே சார்ந்து
தாயின் அன்பை
உன்னிலே கண்டு
உன்னிலே தாயை
உணர்ந்திட வேண்டும்
குருகுலம்,3-1-2023, காலை, 6.00 am
1469 Finding in you
Though it is claimed that
time will make us to forget
and your protection will be
there all the time
The memory of a mother
won’t go that much easily
only a child alone
knows this well
There exists no other relationship
like that of a mother
I cannot forget
her love that much easily
Though word ‘relationship’
is common one
There is no explanation
for her relationship
She will always
remain before us
Giving the darshan of God
Who never remains visible to us
Though her breath has gone
as the relationship continues
She will continue to give
the darshan of God
Of Course I never
had any physical experience of you
But I experience you
in her love
That experience will
remain with me always
And I will get
your darshan in it
You bestowed
this blessing so far
and you will help me
to have this experience continuously
Though one day
my body also might be gone
when I will finally
come unto you
I will receive
that experience permanently
When I will
mingle with you
Till that time
on this world of trials
Remembering my mother
and depending upon you
seeing my mother’s love
in you
I should experience my mother
in you
Gurukulam, 3-1-2023, 6.00 am
A newborn infant recognizes only the ‘smells’ of its mother (particularly the sweat of the mother) it finds comfort only when she hugs it. The touch of flesh which begins from there continues till the end of the life of it. Of course, a mother need not and won’t touch her child all through the life, but the special relationship that develops from the womb will continue till the child lives, even after the mother has gone. Some recognize it but most will remember it only at the subconscious level. This is neither a science nor a philosophy, this is my experience in life. Though many claim that time will make one forget everything, the memory of a mother is very difficult to forget.
Song 1470 அன்னையாய் இருப்பாய்
தாயோடு சேர்ந்து
போக வேண்டும்
என்றே உன்னை
நானும் வேண்டினேன்
அவள் போனபின்
என்னை வைத்து
நீயென்ன செய்யப்
போகிறாய் சொல்லு
வேடிக்கை என்னை
வைத்து காட்டுவாய்
அது உன் வாடிக்கை
என்று சொல்லுவாய்
ஆகவேதான் நான்
இதனைக் கேட்கிறேன்
வாடிக்கையான உன்
பதில் தருவாயோ
அன்னைக்கு முன்னே
நீயும் போனாய்
ஆகவே உனக்கு
இது புரியாது
தெய்வமே ஆயினும்
தாயத்துப் போனால்
உலகில் வாழ்வது
எவ்விதம் சொல்லு
ஒரு சில அனுபவம்
உனக்குக் கிடைக்கலை
ஆகவே அவையும்
உனக்குப் புரியலை
தத்துவம் ஏதும்
இதில் உதவாது
ஆகவே நடைமுறை
பதிலைத் தந்திடு
உன் தாயை பிறரிடம்
தந்தது போல
என்னை எவரிடம்
தருவாய் கூறு
அவளுக்கு மாற்று
எவரும் இல்லை
நீயன்றி யாரும்
தேவையும் இல்லை
உறவு பந்தம்
இனியென்றும் இல்லை
இருந்தாலும் என் மனம்
அதை நாடவில்லை
ஆகவே நானும்
போகின்ற வரையில்
அன்னையாய் நீயே
என்றும் இருப்பாய்
குருகுலம், 3-1-2022, காலை 11.00 am
1470 Remain as my mother
I requested you
Several times that
I should be
gone along with my mother
What are you
going to achieve
by keeping me
after she has gone
You will show
a display (tamasha) using me
and will say that
this is your routine play
that’s why I
ask you now
Will you give
the same reply
As you have
gone before your mother
You won’t understand
this pain
How is it possible
even for a God
to live on this earth
without a mother
You didn’t receive
certain human experiences
Therefore you are
not understanding this
There is no use of
any philosophy in this
Give some
practical solution
As you handover your mother
with the care of others
To whom will you
will handover me
There is no
substitute for her
similarly I don’t need
any substitute for you
There is no more
attachment for me
Even if it is there
I my heart is not seeking it
Therefore till
I will be gone
Better you continue to
remain as my mother
Gurukulam, 3-1-2022, 11.00 am
The problem with God is that He doesn’t have certain human experience. So, instead of giving practical solutions, He will give some philosophical answers through Scripture or bhakti. But that is not enough for me. I always wanted to go along with my mother and several times prayed this prayer. But as usual, as he denied several of my prayers by giving only a big ‘NO’ as the answer, this time also did the same. This night I sat alone without my mother in the very same room in which she passed away, this was my struggle with God. Among all the relationships I always enjoy my relationship with Her as my MOTHER.
Song 1472உன்னிலே கண்டு
பாசத்தைக் காட்டி
நேசத்தைக் கூட்டி
பாலும் ஊட்டி
வளர்த்த அன்னையை
தீயிலே போட்டு
சாம்பல் ஆக்கி
நீரில் இட்டு
நானும் கரைத்தேன்
பத்து நாள் காரியம்
பலவும் செய்து
சுத்த பத்தம்
எல்லாம் பார்த்து
சடங்கை முடித்து
சொந்தங்கள் திரும்ப
தனிமையில் நான்
இருந்த போதும்
நினைவில் வைத்து
நாளுமே எண்ணி
பாசத்தை எண்ணி
நானும் வாழ்வேன்
கண்ணீர் விட்டு
கதறி அழுத பின்
கனத்த இதயம்
இலகுவாய் மாற
நினைவுகள் மட்டும்
நீங்காது என்றும்
தொடர்ந்து வாழ்வில்
அலையென மோதும்
அப்போது உனது
துணையும் இருந்து
அன்னையின் பாசம்
நீயும் காட்ட
உன்னிலே அவளை
என்றும் கண்டு
உன்னிலே வாழ்ந்து
வாழ்வை முடித்து
என்றும் பிரிவு
இல்லாத உறவு
உன்னிடம் கொண்டு
நானும் வாழ்வேன்
கும்பகோணம் 5-1-2023,(6-1-2023) இரவு 1.30
1472 Seeing in you
The mother who
Fed us with milk by
Showing love and
Adding affection
I made her as ash
By burning on the fire
And immersed
In the water
After doing all
The ten days ritual
And following all the
Ritual codes meticulously
As I remain
Alone as all
Other relatives
Have gone after the rituals
Keeping her
In my memory
Thinking about her love
I will live each day
Once I cry
By shedding tears
As the heavy heart
Became light one
The memories will
Continue to come
Like the waves
Unable to forgot her
As you stay with me
To show
Mother’s affection
In such times
Seeing her
In you
Living in you
And completing it
I will live with you
Having an
Eternal relationship
Not knowing separation
Kumbakonam, 5-1-2023, (6-1-2023) 1.30 am.
These are pictures of the cremation of my mother, collecting bones, doing final deeds and immersing the food in river Kavery at Kumbakonam. We are supposed not to take any pictures of such funeral rituals. But I took some.
I came to Kumbakonam where my brother was performing the rest of the 13 day final rituals for our mother. Yesterday was known as ‘Pattu’, on the 10th day we children and relatives have to give her the final food on this earth, serving various dishes that she likes the most. After serving all the food on a cloth when we have to go round and do the namaskaram to my mother, unable to control me I began to cry loudly in front of everyone. Though my brother tried to stop me, the main priest said, ‘allow him to cry. This time you all should cry for your mother thinking all that she has done for you in this life. Unless you cry genuinely that atman won’t depart peacefully from this earth. I know how he took care of your mother and your mother will be pleased to see that at least one person is genuinely grieving for her.’
After the ritual and bath, we all returned back to the room. I was given the very same room where my mother lived for a few months here with my brother back in 2012. As I became very tired though I slept after 8.30, when I got up around 1.00 am, unable to sleep, I sat on the very same cot on which my mother was sleeping here. I too stayed in the same room with her to take care of her sleeping on the floor. When most of the other distant relatives have gone after today’s main event, when I call back Pattinattar’s songs [See song 1465 lamenting for his mother, I wrote this song with many tears.
1473உறவில்வாழ்வேன்
உன்னிடம் சொன்னால்
ஆறிடும் என்று
ஓடியே வந்தேன்
நானுமே சொல்ல
என்மன ஓட்டம்
முன்னமே அறிந்து
நீயுமே வந்தாய்
நாடியே என்னை
சொல்லிட வார்த்தை
தேடியேத் தவித்து
மவுனமாய் நானும்
இருந்த போது
விழிகளின் ஓரம்
கசிந்திடும் நீரில்
சொல்ல வந்ததை
நீயுமே உணர்ந்தாய்
பதிலாக ஒன்றும்
நீயும் தாராமல்
பக்கத்தில் வந்து
அமர்ந்து கொண்டு
உன்விரல் நுனியால்
விழிநீர் துடைத்து
மடிமீது என்னை
சாய்த்துக் கொண்டாய்
அன்னையின் மடிபோல
ஆறுதல் தருகின்ற
உன்மடி மீதிலே
நான்சாய்ந்த போது
மெதுவாக எனது
தலையும் கோதி
முதுகைத் தடவி
மவுனம் காத்தாய்
எத்தனை இழப்புகள்
வாழ்வினில் வந்தாலும்
அன்னையின் இழப்பிற்கு
ஈடொன்றும் இல்லை
அன்னையின் மேலாக
நீயுமேத் தருகின்ற
உன்அன்புக்கு மாறாக
வேறொன்றும் இல்லை
இழந்ததை இரட்டிப்பாய்
உன்னிடம் பெறுவேன்
இழக்காத உறவில்
என்றும் வாழ்வேன்
கும்பகோணம், 5-1-2023,காலை 7.30
1473 Live in the relationship
I came unto you
As I will find solace
Once I share
My heart burden to you
Knowing my heart
Well in advance
You also came
Before I called you
When I remain
In silence
Struggling to find
Words to convey
You understood
my thought
in the tears
that flowed from my eyes
Not giving
Any kind of response to me
Coming and sitting
Next to me
Wiping the tears
By your fingers
You pulled me
On your laps
When I lean
On your laps
Which give more comfort
To that of a mother
Gently brushing
My hairs
You also remain silent
By patting my back
How many losses
Might have come in life
There is no loss
Equal to that of a mother
But there is no
Greater love than yours
That you show
More than a mother
I will receive back double portion of
What I have lost
And will live in that relationship
Which never get lost
Kumbakonam, 5-1-2023, 7.30 am.
Song 1474 மாபெரும் கொடுமை
உனக்கு சேவை
நானுமே செய்ய
எனக்குத் தந்தாய்
நீயொரு வாய்ப்பு
பலமுறை உன்னை
பிறரிடம் அனுப்ப
பலவித முயற்சிகள்
நான் செய்த போதும்
என்னை விட்டு
சென்றிட மறுத்து
இறுதி வரையில்
என்னுடன் இருந்தாய்
நீயின்றி என் வாழ்வு
நிறைவு பெறாது
என்று எண்ணி
என்னுடன் இருந்தாய்
ஆயினும் இப்போது
குறைவுள்ள வாழ்க்கை
வாழ்ந்திட வைத்து
நீயும் சென்றாய்
இறுதியில் என் கையால்
பாலும் அருந்தி
உன்னுயிர் தன்னை
நீயுமே விட்டாய்
எஞ்சிய என் வாழ்வு
வெறுமையாய் இருக்கும்
உன்னிடம் நிரப்ப
யாருமே இன்றி
தெய்வத்தால் கூட
தாயிடம் நிரப்ப
முடியாது என்பதே
மாபெரும் உண்மை
ஆனாலும் நானும்
வாழத்தான் வேண்டும்
என்பது இப்போது
மாபெரும் கொடுமை
ஆனாலும் அனுதினம்
உன்னை நினைந்து
உலக வாழ்வை
நானும் முடித்து
என்னால் முடிந்த
சேவை செய்து
உனது அன்பை
நாளும் நினைந்து
உன் நினைவோடு
உயிரும் போக
என்னோட்டம் முடிப்பேன்
இத்தரை மீது
சுவாமிமலை, 7-1-2023, மாலை ஆறு
Song 1474 Cruel indeed
You bestowed
An opportunity
To serve you
To me
Though I made
Several attempts
To send you away
To other relatives
Refusing to leave me
You stayed
With me
Till the end of your life
Thinking that
Without you
My life won’t be
Completed you stayed with me
But giving a life
Of shortcoming
You left
Now from me
Finally receiving
Even the milk
From my hands
You gave up your life
Rest of my life
Will remain empty
As there is none
To replace your place
Even God cannot
Replace a mother’s place
This indeed
Is the great truth
But somehow
I too have to live
And this become
Cruel indeed now
But thinking you
Each day in my life
Completing the
Rest of my life
Doing some seva
That is possible for me
Always thinking
About your love
I will give up my life
Only remembering you
By running
The race of my life
Swamimalai, 7-1-2023, 6.00 pm
As I was staying in the very same room where my mother stayed a few months in the past and sleeping on the same cot I often recalled my life with her and now without her. No amount of words are going to convey my feelings properly. But the only consolation that I have is that my relationship with her still continues though the body has gone and the Lord is there to comfort me.
After the completion of the 14th day ritual for my mother I came to Swami Malai with my second sister and husband to his friend’s house. Both my sister and husband went out for some work, but I went for my walk on the open terrace. Now I have to return back to the ashram to continue to live my life without my mother. That very thought made me cry for her. Then thinking of her again I wrote this song pouring my down.
After the completion of the 14th day ritual for my mother I came to Swami Malai with my second sister and husband to his friend’s house. Both my sister and husband went out for some work, but I went for my walk on the open terrace. Now I have to return back to the ashram to continue to live my life without my mother. That very thought made me cry for her. Then thinking of her again I wrote this song pouring my down.
I recalled several attempts that I made in the past to send her away from the ashram so that she can have a normal life with others in the society with relatives and companions. But again and again she refused to leave me alone. She often said, ‘If I go, who is here to take care of you? Of course I cannot take care of you as I used to do in the past. But by staying with you, at least you can keep an eye on you. In the same way on December 26th when my sister requested to give some milk to my mother, I gave her three spoons of milk which she managed to take. But immediately after that her life left her body and my sister told me: From the afternoon the pulsus was fluctuating. But you were resting after you took care of amma the whole night. But she was holding her breath only to receive milk from your hand. As she received it her breath left her.
As I recall both her love and care of me and the way her breath left after I gave the milk will ever remain green in my memory as long as I live and find some comfort in them I have to complete my race on this earth. This is a very cruel but unavoidable part of our life.
Song 1475 நீயே தேற்று
எனக்காக அழுகிறாய்
அது போதும் எனக்கு
இனிமேல் நான் செய்ய
ஒன்றில்லை உனக்கு
மதலையாய் பிறந்தாய்
மகனாக வளர்ந்தாய்
முதுமையில் எனக்கு
தாயாக ஆனாய்
மீண்டும் உனக்கே
பிள்ளையாய்ப் பிறந்து
வாழ்ந்திடும் வாய்ப்பு
இல்லை எனக்கு
ஆனால் உனது
மனதில் இருப்பேன்
அங்கே உனது
சேயாய் வாழ்வேன்
உடல்தான் போனது
உறவோ உள்ளது
அங்கே தாய் சேய்
உறவும் தொடருது
இதுவரை எனக்காய்
வாழ்ந்தது போதும்
இனிமேல் உனக்காய்
வாழணும் நீயும்
எங்கோ இருந்து
உன்னை பார்ப்பேன்
தேவைப் பட்டால்
உடனே வருவேன்
எங்கே எப்படி
இனி நான் பார்ப்பேன்
என்று புலம்பி
நீ கலங்காதே
தேவை உள்ளோர்
உடலில் இருப்பேன்
தேடியே வந்து
உதவி கேட்பேன்
வாடும் பயிருக்கே
வாடிய பூமியில்
நாடும் மனிதர்
நடுவில் இருப்பேன்
உன்னால் முடிந்த
சேவை செய்து
நீ பட்ட எஞ்சிய
கடனைத் தீரு
எதுவரை அழனுமோ
அதுவரை அழுது
இறுதியில் உன்னை
நீயே தேற்று
தாய் சேய் உறவு
பொதுவான போதும்
அதிலும் ஆயிரம்
மாற்றம் இருக்கும்
நாம் கொண்ட உறவோ
தனித்தே இருக்கும்
நமக்கு மட்டுமே
புரிந்தும் இருக்கும்
இனி நான் சொல்ல
ஏதுமே இல்லை
ஆறுதல் சொல்ல
வார்த்தை இல்லை
சுவாமிமலை, 8-1-2023, மாலை 7.00
1475 Comfort yourself
You are crying for me
that is enough for me
There is nothing
I can do for you
You born as my child
and grew up as my son
In my old age
You became my mother
I don’t have
the opportunity to
come and born again
as your child
But I will live
in your heart
There I will live
As your child
Only the body
has gone
and the relationship
still continues
You have enough
lived for me so far
Now on words
you have to live for you
I will continue
to watch you from somewhere
If there is any need
I will come immediately
Don’t lament
Thinking that
From where and how
I will look after you
I will remain in others body
in their needs
I will come and
seek your help
In this land (India)
Where one laments even for a drying crops#
I will dwell among
those seek help
Fulfil your debt
by doing
whatever seva
that you can do for others
You continue to cry
as long as there is need for that
Then you
comfort yourself
Though the relationship between
mother and child
is common
everywhere
Our relationship
will remain unique
and we both alone
know about it
I don’t have
anything more to tell
I don’t have enough
words to comfort you
Swamimalai, 8-1-2023, 7.00 pm.
# Famous line by Swami Ramalinga Vallalar, a Tamil saint who wrote:
I feel sad whenever I see a drying crops [without water]
‘All that are collected should be scattered; all that stand tall will fall one day; all that come together will be separated and all that born will die one day’ says the famous sloka [from Mahabharata I think]. Everyone knows this fact and I am no exception to this common rule. At the same time each one has to handle the loss in life in her own way. Particularly when one misses someone dear to her the loss is beyond her comprehension though she is aware of the law of nature. Specifically, the relationship between a mother and child is something unique. It is the kind of special relationship each bhakta has with her chosen deity. The same is the case with me also. And as I slowly come to terms with the fact that my mother is no longer with me physically, it will take a long time for me to accept this fact mentally. The only way for me to handle it is to mourn and pour down my heart by writing some poems like this. Of course others who read this might get irritated. But I have to live my life, in spite of my vocation. So this evening after an evening walk, when I returned back to the room I wrote this song in my mother’s voice which was still ringing in my ears.
1476 அடையாளம் காட்டுறான்
எதிர்பார்த்த ஒன்று
இது வென்றாலும்
எப்படி இதயம்
இதையும் தாங்கிடும்
நொந்து நம்மை
பெற்றெடுத்தாளே, நாம்
நோகாமல் நம்மை
காத்து வந்தாளே
சுமைகள் நமக்காக
பல சுமந்தாளே
துன்பங்கள் பலவற்றை
தாங்கி நின்றாளே
அடித்து திருத்தி
வளர்த்ததும் அவளே
அணைத்து தாங்கி
ஆதரித்தாளே
செல்லம் கொடுத்து
கெடுத்ததும் அவளே
ஆனாலும் கண்டிப்பு
காட்ட மறவாளே
ஒன்றா இரண்டா
எத்தனை சொல்ல
அன்னைக்கு ஈடாக
யாரைத்தான் சொல்ல
ஒரு பேச்சுக்கு நாம்
பலரை சொன்னாலும்
மனசாட்சிக்கு தெரியும்
உண்மை எது என்று
தெய்வமே தாயின் முன்
தோற்றிடும் போது
பாடுள்ள மாந்தரின்
நிலையென் னாவது
அன்னையா தெய்வமா
என்கிற வாதம்
இடையிலே தேவை
இல்லாத ஒன்று
எங்கும் நிறைந்த
இறைவனே ஆயினும்
அன்னையின் வடிவிலே
காட்சியும் தருகிறான்
தாயும் ஆனவன்
என்ற பெயர் கொண்டு
தாயிடம் தங்கியே
ஆளுகை செய்கிறான்
அவளுடல் ஒரு நாள்
போன பின்னாலும்
அன்புக்கு அவளையே
அடையாளம் காட்டுறான்
இத்தனை சிறப்புகள்
பெற்ற நம் அன்னை
போனதை எப்படித்
தாங்கும் இதயம்
ஆனாலும் தேறிட
அருளும் தருவான்
அன்னையின் நினைவாலே
ஆறுதல் தருவான்
சுவாமிமலை, 8-1-2023 (9-1-2023), இரவு 12.10
1476 She stands as the symbol
Though this was
expected one
How my heart will
bear the loss
She beget us
with much [labor] pain
She brought up
So that we won’t feel pain
She carried
so many burdens for us
She under gone
so much pains for us
She alone
disciplined us by punishing
She alone
took care of us with compassion
She alone spoiled
by pampering us too much
At the same time
she won’t forgot to discipline us
How to count them
are one or two
With whom can we compare
a mother on this earth
Just for the name sake
though we mention others
Our heart knows
which one is true
When even God
has failed before a mother
What to say about
the struggling human
It is an unnecessary
debate to decide
who is great:
Mother or God
Though God dwells
every where
He gives His darshan
only in a mother
Having the name as
‘Tayum anavan’# (one who became a mother)
He dwells among us
and continue to lord over us
Though her
body has gone
Still He shows
Mother as the symbol of love
How our heart
will accept her loss
who has
so many virtues
But He alone gives grace
to encourage us
and in her memory
He will comfort us
Swamimalai, 8-1-2023 (9-1-2023), 12.10 am.
# The main deity at Trichy Rock Fort Temple, where I was born and my parents lived for a long time after their marriage, is known as ‘Thayum Aanavan’ viz., one who became a mother. This is the story about this: when one woman was in labour pain, her mother who lived on the other side of river Kaveri couldn’t reach in time to help her daughter in the delivery. Standing on the other side of the overflowing river when she prayed, Siva went to her daughter’s house at the right time taking her form and helped her daughter to beget the baby. When the mother came after the flood subsided, knowing what happened she praised Siva calling Him: Tayum Aanavan.
Song 1477உறவில் வாழ்கிறாய்
எனக்கிது இழப்பாய்
இருந்த போதும்
உனக்கது விடுதலை
தந்தது என்றால்
எனக்கது போதும்
வேறென்ன வேண்டும்
எங்கோ இருந்து
நீ வாழ வேண்டும்
உயிருக்கு உடலைத்
தந்த இறைவன்
இரண்டையும் இப்போ
ஏனோ பிரித்தான்
பலவித காரணம்
நாம் சொன்னாலும்
படைத்தவன் அதற்கு
பதிலைத் தாரான்
உடலொடு போனது
நமது தொடர்பு
எங்குயிர் போனது
நமக்குத் தெரியாது
ஆனால் உறவு
மட்டும் தொடருது
எதனோடு என்று
எவருக்கும் தெரியாது
பெற்றோர் பிள்ளை
உடன்பிறப் பென்று
சொந்தம் பந்தம்
சூழ வாழ்வது
இறைவனே அமைத்த
நியதி என்பதால்
இந்த உறவு
இறந்தும் தொடருது
கொடுத்ததை எடுத்தான்
தடுக்க முடியாது
உறவை அளித்தான்
பிரிக்க முடியாது
அளித்ததைக் காத்து
எடுத்ததை ஏற்று
வாழ்வது ஒன்றே
நமக்கு ஏற்றது
ஆகவே அம்மா
நீயும் இருக்கிறாய்
அன்னை என்ற
உறவில் வாழ்கிறாய்
மீண்டும் காணும்
வாய்ப்பற்றுப் போயினும்
நிரந்தரமாக இந்த
உறவில் இருப்பாய்
குருகுலம், 13-1-2023, காலை 5.15
1477 You live in relationship
Though this is
A loss for me
If this has given you
The freedom
That’s enough for me
What else I needed more
You need to live
Somewhere else safely
God who gave
The life to this body
For some reason
Now separated them both
Though we might give
Various reasons for this
The Creator won’t give
Any response to us
Our physical communication
Has gone with the body
Where the atman has gone
We don’t know
But the relationship
Still continues
But none of us know
With whom (body or atman)
As God alone
Gave this relationship
To live as relatives as:
Parents, children,
Siblings and others
This relationship
Still continues
Even after death
What He gave
He took back and we cannot stop it
He gave relationship
That He also cannot separate
Accepting what He took back
And celebrating what He bestowed
Alone is good for us
As long as we live
Therefore Amma
You continue to be there
You live in your relationship
As a MOTHER
Though I might miss
Another opportunity to see you again
You will ever remain
Permanently in this relationship
Gurukulam, 13-1-2023, 5.15 am.
After all the funeral rituals were completed, I returned back to the ashram. As soon as I entered the ashram, particularly to the room in which my mother lived and died, it was a hard reality for me to accept and continue to live without her. But it is good that she has gone. Otherwise, she would have suffered more by living in a bedridden condition. Though I could have done my best, still it would be a challenge for both of us. So, I have to console that this was a loss for me, as she got her ‘mukti’ from this earthly life. Of course, I don’t know where her atman has gone. With her body my physical communication came to an end. But she will continue to live in her relationship with me forever as my AMMA. No doubt Mahabharat glorifies a mother than any other relatives in our lives:
…maybe poor, he is still rich on entering his home, calling out to his mother.[Shanti-parva, 266.27]
But I am going to miss her physical presence and the opportunity to call her ‘amma’. However as I still have my relationship with her as son, I find solace in that:
…Able or disabled, lean or robust, the son is always protected by the mother…When his mother leaves him, then does the son become old, then does he become stricken with grief, then does he feel that this world has no interest for him (sunyam jagat). There is no shelter like the mother; there is no refuge like her; there is no defence better than her; there could be no one dearer than her (to the son) {Maha. Santi. 266, 29-31}….— Pandharinath H. Prabhu, Hindu Social Organization: A Study in Socio-Psychological and Indeological Foundations, Bombay, Popular Prakashan, [1940], Reprint 2004. p. 253
…The father’s affection had to be earned by implicit obedience, diligent work and a successful career, but a mother’s love and nurturing was unconditional and constant, regardless of the son’s response….— Mythily Sivaraman, Fragments of Life: a family memoir, New Delhi, Zubaan, an Imprint of Kali for Women, 2006, p. 22
Greater than ten teachers is the preceptor: greater than ten preceptors is the father: and greater than ten fathers is the mother. The mother is greater than even the earth. There is no guru greater than the mother.[Anushasana-parva, 105.14-5; also Shanti-parva, 108.16-7.]— Chaturvedi Badrinath, The Mahabharata: An Inquiry in the human condition, New Delhi, Orient Longman, 2007, p.360
It is only the mother who gives comfort and heals those in distress. Only that long does a person feel protected as long as the mother is alive; without her, he feels he is unprotected wholly.[Shanti-parva, 266.26]—ibid. p.361 [தாயற்றுப் போனால் சீரற்றுப் போகும்=once mother is gone, one won’t get welfare—Tamil proverb]
…maybe poor, he is still rich on entering his home, calling out to his mother.[Shanti-parva, 266.27]—ibid. p.361
Himself now a father, and a grandfather too, and of age one hundred, he behaves with his mother as if two years old.[Shanti-parva, 266.28]—ibid. p.361
Therefore, in the Mbh., and in the dharmashastra-s too, there is nothing more reprehensible than to disregard one’s mother.[See Shanti–parva, 108.13,28-30] The father may be repudiated but never the mother.—ibid. p.361
Q. What is weightier than earth itself?
A. The mother has more weight than the earth. [Yaksha to Dharma].—Kamala Subramanian, Mahabharata, Vana Parva, Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Bombay, 1985, p. 245
4. Remedies exist for all curses, but no remedy can avail those who are cursed by their mother. [Vasuki to his brothers].—Ch. 37. M.N.[Manmatha Nath] Dutt, Mahabharata, Delhi, Parimala Publications, 7 vols. Vol. I. 1988, ADI PARVA p.56
O foremost of all men learned in the precepts of virtue, it is said that obedience to superiors is a cardinal virtue. Of all superiors the mother is the foremost. [Yudhisthira to Drupada] (198:16)—ibid. ADI PARVA p.269
18. …these my father and mother are the idols I worship with whatever adoration due to the gods. 19. Thirty three million gods with Indra at their head, are worshiped by all men, so are these aged parents of mind worshipped by me….21 these my father and mother are my supreme gods…. I always try to gratify them with the offering of fruits, flowers, and gems. 2. To me they are like the three sacred fires mentioned by the learned….they are to me as the sacrifice in the four Vedas. 23. My five vital airs, my wife, children, and friends are all for them. With my wife and my children, I always serve them. 24. …with my own hands I assist them in bathing; I also wash their feet, I give them food. 25. I speak to them only what is agreeable, avoiding all that is unpleasant and disagreeable. I even do that which is not virtuous, to please them. 26-28. …I am always diligent in always waiting upon them. The parents, the sacred, fire, the soul, the preceptor,–these five ..deserve the highest worship from a person who seeks prosperity. By properly serving them, one acquires the merit of perpetually keeping up the sacred fires. It is the eternal and invariable duty of all who lead domestic life. [Fowler to Kunshika].—ibid. VANA PARVA, Vol. 2, Ch. CCXII..p.322
2:7…People in the eastern Mediterranean, where nursemaids were less frequent, often considered mothers more affectionate than fathers (see 4 Maccabees 15:4), although Roman culture frequently emphasized mother’s severity.— Craig S. Keener, BBC NEW TESTMENT, Illinois, IVP, 1993, 1 THESSALONIANS, p. 587
…In the person of the father is a combination of all gods; but in the person of the mother, however, is a combination of all gods and also all humanity {{Maha. Santi. 266, 43}….— Pandharinath H. Prabhu, op.cit. p. 253
…Human life, the Pandits aver, consists of the obligation to repay debts (rna) incurred in the course of numerous lives: debts to gods, ancestors (including one’s father), teachers, fellow human beings. There is one debt, however, which never gets repaid because it cannot be repaid: this is the debt one owes one’s mother (matr-rna)….— The ideology of the householder among the Kashmiri Pandits, T.N. Madan, pp. 223-249, in, N Madan, ed. Way of Life King, Householder, Renouncer: Essays in honour of Louis Dumont. Delhi, Motilal Banarsidass, (1982) New edition (with corrections and additions), 1988, p. 231
Someone once asked John Wesley’s mother, “Which one of your eleven children do you love the most?” Her answer was as wise as the question foolish: “I love the one who’s sick until he’s well, and the one who’s away until he comes home.” ….— Paul Brand, In His Image. Pp. 235-529, in Pain/Linking, Dr. Paul Brand and Philip Yancey, In the Likeness of God, The Dr. Paul Brand Tribute Edition of Fearfully and Wonderfully Made and In His Image, Zondervan, 2004, p. 479
…for a mother does not hurt her son, nor does a son hurt his mother. [SB.4.2.1.18]— Julius Eggeling, tr. Satapatha- Brahmana, Sacred Books of the East. Ed. F. Max Morigins of modern posture practice, Mark Singleton.uller, Vol. 12, According to the text of the Maadhyandina school. Part II, Books V, VI and VII, (1894), Reprint 1989, Delhi, Motilal Banarsidass, (1882), 1988, p. 34
…the theme of debt to one’s mother that provides one of the main motivations for the Buddha to permit the founding of an order of nuns. Cf. Also the practice by both monks and nuns of making gifts to the sangha in the name of their mother and father, as recorded on early donative inscriptions (see Schopen, Gregory. Bones, Stones, and Buddhist Monks: Collected Papers on the Archaeology, Epigraphy, and Texts of Monastic Buddhism in India. Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press. 1997, 35-42, 56-71).— Alf Hiltebeitel, DHARMA, ITS EARLY HISTORY IN LAW, RELIGION, AND NARRATIVE, New Delhi, OUP, 2011, South Asia Edition, notes, 7, p. 340
Song 1480வலி வேண்டும்
நாலு வாரம்
ஓடிப் போச்சு
நாளும் பொழுதும்
பறந்து போச்சு
ஆயினும் உனது
நினைவு மட்டும்
ஆணி போல் மனதில்
பதிந்து இருக்கு
சென்ற மாதம்
இருந்த உன்னை
இந்த மாதம்
இழந்த போதும்
அன்னை என்ற
உறவு மட்டும்
என்றும் என்னுடன்
இணைந்து இருக்கும்
தாய் சேய் உறவு
போல ஒன்று
அவனி மீது
ஏதும் இல்லை
தொப்புள் கொடியில்
தொடங்கிய உறவு
துண்டித்து செல்ல
வாய்ப்பு இல்லை
உன்னை எண்ணி
கண்ணீர் சிந்தும்
என் மனம் ஆற
வழியும் இலை
இழப்பின் வலியை
தாங்கும் வலிமை
எனக்கு ஏனோ
நீ தர வில்லை
அந்த வலியில்
உன்னை மீண்டும்
உணரும் பேறு
கிடைக்கும் போது
இந்த வலியும்
எனக்கு வேண்டும்
இதிலே உன்னை
காண வேண்டும்
நாளும் பொழுதும்
ஓடிப் போகும்
காணும் உலகின்
காட்சி மாறும்
நெஞ்சம் ஒன்று
இருக்கும் மட்டும்
நினைவு மட்டும்
அதிலே இருக்கும்
அந்த நினைவு
நெஞ்சை அழுத்த
அழுது கண்ணீர்
நானும் சிந்த
இந்த தேகம்
இருக்கும் மட்டும்
உன் உறவு என்னை
தேற்றி ஆற்றும்
குருகுலம்,23-1-2023, இரவு 11.50 pm.
1480 I need this pain
Four weeks
Have gone quickly
Days and times
Are fleeing
But your
Memory remains
Within me
Very very deeply
Though I have
Lost you
Who were with me
Last month
You will always
Remain with me
As I have you always
As my mother
There is
No other relationship
Like that of
A mother and baby
There is no
Chance for the
Umbilical card
Relationship to be severed forever
There is no
Means for my heart
To find comfort
As I shed tears thinking you often
Somehow you
Didn’t give me
The strength
To bear the burden of separation
When I receive
The chance to
Remember you again
In that pain
I need this
Pain also in my life
And I should see
You in that pain
Days and time
Will flee as usual
And the scenes in the world
Will get changed
But as long as
There is a heart
Your memory will be
There always
As that memory
Gives me burden
And as I shed
Tears by crying
As long as
I have this body
Your relationship will
Give me much comfort
Gurukulam, 23-1-2023, 11.50 pm.
When I think about my mother, some kind of burden pressing on my heart and I began to shed tears immediately. Particularly as my mother passed away exactly four weeks before and I was sitting next to her the whole night often crying, as I recalled the incident (as I live and sleep in the same room also now) unable to control me I began to cry loudly. Fortunately I am alone and there are neighbors around me. So I have the freedom to cry loudly. Though I retired to bed, unable to sleep, I got up and wrote this poem to pour down my heart that one way this pain is also good for me as it is working as a healing therapy.
Song 1481 மிக மிகக் கடினம்
நான் படும் வேதனை
யாருக்குப் புரியும்
நான் கொண்ட துயரம்
யாருக்குத் தெரியும்
உயிரில் கலந்து
உணர்வில் இணைந்து
உறவைப் பிரிவது
மிக மிகக் கடினம்
சென்றவர் வாரார்
தெரியும் எனக்கு
செல்வதே நல்லது
புரியுது எனக்கு
ஆயினும் இந்த
உறவென்ற ஒன்று
போக மறுக்குது
புரியுதா உனக்கு
எங்கே உறவு
இல்லை சொல்லு
எவ்விதம் உயிரினம்
வாழ்ந்திடும் எண்ணு
ஒன்றில் ஒன்று
பிறக்கணும் என்று
நியதியை வைத்தது
யாரெனச் சொல்லு
உறவற்றுப் போனால்
உயிரினம் இருக்குமா
உறவின்றி உலகம்
இயங்கிட முடியுமா
துறந்த துறவிக்கு
சீடர்கள் எதற்கு
அங்கும் உறவு
தொடருது பாரு
எத்தனை கேள்விகள்
இதுவரை கேட்டார்
எவ்வளவு பதிலும்
பலரும் தந்தார்
கேள்வி பதிலும்
முடிந்த பின்னாலே
தன்தன் உறவை
அவரும் தொடர்ந்தார்
என்னிந்த வாதம்
எனக்குத்தான் பொருந்தும்
என்னுள்ளம் சொல்வது
எனக்குத்தான் புரியும்
கேள்வியும் எனது
பதிலும் எனது
என்பதும் அறிவுக்கு
நிச்சயம் புரியும்
ஆகவே இந்த
வேதனை மூலம்
அறிவுக்கு மனது
சொல்லுது பாடம்
ஒன்றை ஒன்று
புரிந்த பின்னாலே
வந்து சேருது
ஆறுதல் எனக்கும்
குருகுலம்,26-1-2023, காலை 8.15
1481 Very difficult
Who can understand
My pain
Who can understand
My sorrow
It is very difficult
To be separated
From the relationship that
Became one within us
I know for sure that
Those who have gone will never come back
Indeed it is good
That have gone
But did you understand that
This relationship
Is refusing
To go away
Tell me where there
Is no relationship
Can living beings
Live without relationship
Who established
This rule that
One should be born
Only through others
If the relationship is gone
Can the living being survive
Can this world also can move
Without relationship
Why even a sannyasi
Needs disciples
See, there is also
Some kind of relationship
How many questions
Were asked so far
How many answers
Were given for them
Once the question
And answer ends
Each one continued
Their own relationship
This my argument
Is applicable only to me
I alone understand
What my heart tells
My buddhi
Know for sure that
The question is mine
And the answer is also mine
Therefore through
This pain
Heart will give
The counsel to buddhi
As one understood
The other
The comfort has
Come back to me
Gurukulam, 26-1-2023, 8.15 am.
Again I began to cry this morning when I sat alone for some time. Then I began to think deeply whether I am facing some psychological problem as I find it difficult to control my tears whenever I think about my mother. Even when I was busy with some other work, suddenly her thoughts came and I began to cry. Do I need some kind of counselling or medication to overcome this emotion? I am not sure. But after I cried, as inspiration came I wrote this poem expressing my thoughts. After writing this when I realized that even this relationship is ordained by God now the heart has to counsel the buddhi only through this pain of separation that this is not new and only happening to me. Throughout history and even in contemporary time several, unable to bear the separation of their beloved ones, expressed their grief through various ways.
BT Song 1483 எனது பரிகாரம்
உனக்கென ஒரு துளி
கண்ணீர் சிந்தி
உன்னை நினைத்து
மனதிற்குள் புலம்பி
எனக்கொரு வாழ்வை
நானும் வாழறேன்
உன் நினைவாலே
அனுதினம் வாடுறேன்
எனக்கென புதிதாய்
நடந்திட வில்லை
எவருக்கும் நடக்காதது
நடந்திட வில்லை
ஆயினும் என் மனம்
ஆறிட மறுக்குது
அம்மா உன்னை
எண்ணி தவிக்குது
எதுவரை இந்த
துயரும் இருக்கும்
என்பது எனக்கு
நிச்சயம் தெரியாது
ஆனால் உன்னை
மறப்பது என்பது
அத்தனை எளிதாய்
இனி நடக்காது
ஒன்றா இரண்டா
எதைச் சொல்ல
எனக்கென நீ செய்த
தியாகங்களை எத்தனை
ஒவ்வொரு நாளும்
எனக்கென வாழ்ந்தாய்
இறுதியில் என்னிடம்
இருந்து பிரிந்தாய்
என்னுடன் பிறந்த
மற்றவர் கூட
என்போல் உன்னை
நினைந்திட கூடும்
ஆனால் நாம் கொண்ட
உறவு மட்டும்
ஏனோ என்றும்
தனித்தே இருக்கும்
எவருக்கும் கிடைக்காத
வாய்ப்பு ஒன்றை
எனக்கு மட்டும்
நீயும் அளித்தாய்
ஆனால் நானோ
பலமுறை தவறினும்
அனுசரித்து நீ
என்னுடன் வாழ்ந்தாய்
அதேபோல் மீண்டும்
வாய்ப்பு ஒன்று
எனக்கு நிச்சயம்
இனி கிடைக்காது
ஆகவே அதனை
நினைத்து அழுவது
அனுதினம் நடக்குது
நானென்ன செய்வது
இந்த துயரும்
ஒருவிதம் நல்லது
இதிலே எனது
பரிகாரம் உள்ளது
ஆகவே கண்ணீர்
அடிக்கடி சிந்தி
அதிலே நீ தரும்
ஆறுதல் காண்பேன்
குருகுலம், 28-1-2023, காலை, 8.00 am
1483 My Prayaschitta
Shedding tears
For you
Lamenting often
Thinking you
I am living
A life for me
But I am worn out
Thinking about you
Nothing has happened
Only New for me
It didn’t happen to
Which didn’t happen to others
But my heart
Refuses to be comforted
It longed-for you
All the time
How long this
Sorrow will remain
I don’t know
For sure
But Amma
It is not easy
For me to forget you
It won’t happen quickly
Are the one
Or Two
All the sacrifices
You have done for me
Each day you
Lived for me
In the end
You left only from staying with me
My other siblings
Could think about you
As I think
You often
But the relationship
That we had
Will always remain
Special for us
You bestowed
An opportunity
Which none would
Easily get
Though I failed
In it several times
Still you lived with me
Adjusting a lot
I won’t get
Another opportunity
Like that
Again in life
Therefore Amma
I am crying each day
This alone is happening
What can I do that
This sorrow also
One way good for me
In this is
My Prayashchit
Therefore shedding
Tears often
I will see the comfort
That you will give to me
Gurukulam, 28-1-2023, 8.00 am
Generally I never light oil lamps before any deity, not only now but also in the past. Like my father, I never have done any proper puja from my boyhood, though I spent time in chanting slokas, mantras and from Tamil Scriptures. My mother knows this very well and her concern was that after she passed away there won’t be anyone to light lamps in her puja place to continue her legacy or family tradition. So I arranged my own puja place in the very same room in which my mother stayed and died, keeping my parents photo. Of course I also kept the bronze image of Nataraja which my mother used to keep in her puja place as He was her favourite deity. And I started to light a lamp in front of the photo of my parents where I also placed the image of Nataraja. Of course I am not worshiping any of them but in this way I pay respect to the memory of my parents and want to assure the continuity of her legacy. I also do this for my own need and satisfaction, though I personally don’t believe in such acts of ritual. So this morning after bath when I lit the oil lamp, unable to control myself I began to cry. After doing that when I sat as I cannot control my tears I wrote this poem.
BT Song1484 வணங்கிக் கொண்டாடு
தாயற்ற வாழ்வு
சீரற்று போகும்
தாயின்றி வாழ்வு
வெறுமை ஆகும்
ஆயிரம் உறவுகள்
வந்து போயினும்
தாயின் உறவுக்கு
மாற்றே இல்லை
உடலில் சுமந்து
உணர்வில் கலந்து
உள்ளம் முழுதும்
அன்பால் நிறைந்து
தன்னைத் துறந்து
பல சுகம் மறுத்து
தாயைப் போல
காப்பவர் யாரு
ஆண்டியோ அரசனோ
யாராய் ஆயினும்
தாய்க்கு அவரும்
சேயே ஆவர்
பேதம் அறியாள்
பிரிவினை பாராள்
சுற்றம் அனைத்தையும்
தாங்கி பிடிப்பாள்
பொறுமையில் பூமியை
விஞ்சியே நிற்பாள்
கருணையில் கடவுளை
காணச் செய்வாள்
தெய்வம் கூட
தேடிடும் உறவு
தாயன்றி வேறு
யாருண்டு கூறு
தாயாய் மாறி
வருவதினாலே
தெய்வம் கூட
உயரும் பாரு
இழந்தவர் அறிவார்
இந்த பிரிவை
இருப்பவர் அறியார்
அதனின் உயர்வை
இருக்கும் போதே
சேவை செய்யார்
இழந்த பின்னே
என்ன செய்வார்
வேறெந்த இழப்பையும்
நிரப்பிட முடியும்
தாயை இழந்தால்
வெறுமை நிலைக்கும்
இருக்கும் போதே
இதனை உணர்ந்து
தெய்வம் தந்த
வாய்ப்பென அறிந்து
தாயற்ற வாழ்வு
சீரற்று போகும்
என்பதை மட்டும்
மனதில் கொண்டு
போன பின்னால்
எண்ணி புலம்பாமல்
வாழும் போதே
வணங்கிக் கொண்டாடு
குருகுலம்,7-02-2023, காலை, 7.30
1484 Celebrate Mother
Life without mother
Will become uncomfortable
Without mother
Life will become empty
Though many
Relationships might come and go
Nothing can replace
The relationship of a Mother
Carrying us in
Her body
Filling her heart
With full of love
Renouncing herself
Denying so many pleasures
Who else is there like a mother
To take care of us
Whether a pappur
Or a King
They all will remain
Only a child to her
She doesn’t know
To differentiate
She will uphold
All the relatives
She will surpass
Even the earth in patience
She will make us to have
Darshan of God in her compassion
Which is the other relationship
That even God
Would seek
For Him other than a MOTHER
Even God will
Get higher status
When He comes
As a Mother
Only those who
Lost her
Will understand
This her nobleness
When she is alive
They won’t serve her
Once she is gone
What they can do for her
All other losses
Can be replaced
But once we lost our mother
Emptiness alone will remain with us
When she is with us
Realizing this
Thinking that
This opportunity is given by God
Keeping this in mind
That without a mother
Life will become
Barren one
Not lamenting
After she is gone
When she is alive
Celebrate her by bowing her
Gurukulam, 7-02-2023, 7.30 a.m.
Mother is unique. There is no need to explain this with any narratives. Without her life will remain empty as none can replace that relationship in our lives.
BT Song1486 வாழ்ந்து முடிப்பேன்
இருந்தால் இன்னல்
இன்னும் பெருகும்
என்று எண்ணி
நீயும் சென்றாய்
போனபின் எனக்கு
வந்த இன்னல்
அதை இப்போ
ஏனோ மறந்தாய்
வந்தால் போகணும்
எனக்கும் தெரியும்
வந்ததே போகத்தான்
அதுவும் புரியும்
இருக்கும் போது
ஒன்றாய் இருந்து
போகும் போது
தனியே விட்டு
செல்வது மட்டும்
என்ன நியாயம்
அதையே ஏனோ
மறந்தாய் நீயும்
என்னுடன் நீயும்
வந்திடு என்று
எத்தனை முறையோ
நீயே சொன்னாய்
ஆனால் என்னை
இருக்க விட்டு
நீ மட்டும் ஏனோ
தனியே சென்றாய்
என்னை அழைத்து
செல்லும் உரிமை
உனக்கு இல்லை
நானும் அறிவேன்
ஆகவே உன்னை
எண்ணி அழுதிடும்
உறவை மட்டும்
நீதான் கொடுத்தாய்
அங்கே உனது
அன்பை கண்டேன்
அதில் நானும்
ஆறுதல் காண்பேன்
ஆனால் உன்னை
இழந்து வாழும்
இந்த வாழ்வு
பாரமாய் போச்சு
ஆகவே உன்னிடம்
சீக்கிரம் வந்தால்
அதுவே எனக்கு
நல்லது ஆச்சு
அதை எப்போ
தருவாய் என்று
அனுதினம் நானும்
இறைவனை வேண்ட
இத்தனை சீக்கிரம்
என்னிடம் வந்தால்
எனக்கு இன்னல்
பெருகிப் போகும்
என்று சொல்லி
தங்க வைத்த
அவனின் செயலை
என்ன சொல்ல
சரி விடு போகட்டும்
என்ன செய்ய
வைத்திடும் வரையில்
வாழ்வது அன்றி
ஆனால் எத்தனை
காலம் வரையில்
அவனும் தட்டிக்
கழிப்பான் பார்ப்போம்
இருப்பதே அவனுக்கு
பாரமாய் போனால்
தானே அழைப்பான்
அதன்பின் சேர்வோம்
அதுவரை இதுபோல்
எதையேனும் எழுதி
ஆறுதல் நானும்
அடைந்து கொள்வேன்
அவனது அருளால்
எஞ்சிய வாழ்வை
எப்படியோ நான்
வாழ்ந்து முடிப்பேன்
குருகுலம்,9-2-2023,காலை, 8.00
1486 I will complete my life
You have gone
Thinking that
If you continue to live
Burden will increase
But why you forgot
The trouble that
Came once you have gone
Why you forgot about it
I know for sure
That once we came
All have
To go one day
But when you lived
We were living together
But why you have gone
You have gone alone
But how can
It be justified
And somehow
You forgot this
You told
many times
To come
along with you
But leaving me
Behind to live
Somehow you went
All alone
I know for sure
That you don’t have
The right to
Take me along with you
But you alone gave
The relationship
To thinking
And cry for you
There I saw
Your love
And I will find
Comfort in it
But this life
That I live
Also became a burden
Without you
Therefore If I come
At the earliest
To you
That will be good for me
As I was praying
To God thinking
When He will
Give that opportunity,
‘If you come
This much early
My troubles will be
Increased’ saying like this
He made me
To stay back
And what to say
About this act of Him
Ok, let it be
What else can I do
Other than to live
Like this
But let us see
How long He too can
Doge me
Like this
If my living also
Becomes a burden to Him
Then he will call me automatically
And then we will join together
Till that time
Writing something
Like this I will find
Comfort in it
And I will complete
This life by His grace
Somehow like this
On this earth
Gurukulam, 9-2-2023, 8.00 am.
My mother often said if I am gone you will become an orphan. Better you also come with me. Of course no mother would think or say like this. My mother was a bit different in this. When my father was alive she used to say, ‘Even if I become a widow somehow I will manage, but I don’t want your father to live in case I die before him. He won’t ask anything from anyone and who will take care of him’. The only prayer of most of the Indian married women is to die as ‘sumangali’ viz., while still her husband is alive. But she preferred widowhood as she knew my father’s nature. He won’t ask for food or anything. Unless my mother calls him for a meal, however there was a delay he won’t ask about food. The same is with other things. He won’t even ask my mother or anyone to bring water to him. Till the end he drank water from his own hand and my mother often lamented, ‘he
die along with her. Of course she has no power to take with her. I was thinking about her wish, which is also my everyday prayer to God—to take me at the earliest as there is no meaning or purpose for my life on this anymore. Then as tears came I wrote this song at the end teasing and blaming God for my continuing on this earth.
BT Song 1500 ஆறிட வில்லை
அகலாத நினைவும்
மறையாத உறவும்
சேர்ந்தே வாழ்வில்
இருந்திடும் போது
எண்ணாமல் இருக்க
இயலவும் இல்லை
என்னாலே மறக்க
முடியவும் இல்லை
மறக்கின்ற உறவாக
நீ வரவில்லை
மறைந்தாலும் நினைவு
தொடர்ந்து போது
அழுதாலும் மனது
ஆறிட வில்லை
அம்மா உன்னை
நினைத்திடும் போது
எல்லோரும் ஒரு நாள்
போகத்தான் வேண்டும்
இதுவும் எனக்கு
புரியாமல் இல்லை
ஆயினும் என்னை
விட்டு நீ சென்றதை
ஏனோ என்னால்
ஏற்க முடியலை
மனது அழுதிட
அறிவு தேற்றிட
இரண்டுக்கும் இடையே
பாசம் வாட்டிட
உனக்காக அழுவதா
எனக்காக அழுவதா
என்பது மட்டும்
புரியவே இல்லை
என்னதான் இந்த
உறவிலே உள்ளது
என்ன இரகசியம்
இதன்பின் உள்ளது
எவ்வித பதிலை
யார்தான் தருவது
தந்தாலும் அதனை
எப்படிப் புரிவது
உன்னை என்னை
படைத்த இறைவன்
வந்து சொன்னால்
மட்டுமே புரியும்
அம்மா பிள்ளை
இடையில் உள்ள
உறவின் ரகசியம்
அவனுக்குத் தெரியும்
தானே தாயாய்
மாறி அவனும்
நம்மைத் தேடி
வந்ததினாலே
தாயை இழந்த
சேயின் துயரம்
நிச்சயம் அவனுக்கு
நன்கு புரியும்
அவனது உறவும்
உனது நினைவும்
அனுதினம் ஆறுதல்
எனக்கு அருளும்
கேரா, அம்பாலா, காலை, 7.00, 17-3-2023
1500 Unable to forget
When life is
Mingled with
Unforgettable memory
And inseparable relationship
It is not possible
For me to not to think about you
And I cannot
Forgot you
You never came
A forgetting relationship
When I continue to remember you
Even after you have gone
When I think you amma
I cannot find comfort
Even though
I cry many times
All have to go
One day,
I too know
This very well
But somehow I cannot
Accept the fact that
You have gone
Away from my life
As my heart is crying
And my buddhi is comforting
In between the two
You affection brings burden to me
I don’t know
For whom shall I cry
For you or
For me
What kind of
Secret is behind
In this
Relationship
Who can give
What kind of answer to this
Even if someone give
How to understand it
Only if God come
And give it
Then alone I can understand
Who created both of us
He knows for sure
The secret in the
Relationship between
Mother and child
As He too came
Seeking after us
Like that of a
Mother
He knows for sure
The sorrow of a child
Who has lost
Its mother
His relationship
And your memory
Will give comfort
To me each day
Kera, Ambala, 7.00, am. 17-3-2023
Though I was travelling to various parts of North India thinking that it will help me to forget my mother, I cannot forget her. In fact whenever I think about my travel or talking to people giving the reason for my travel, I have to mention the death of my mother is the main reason for this. So even this trip that I undertook to forget her in fact increases her memory more in me and forces me to cry often.
BT Song 1507 தாய்போல் இல்லை
தாய்க்கு மட்டும் தான்
பாரமே இல்லை
தன் சேய் எப்படி
இருந்த போதும்
சுமக்கவே பிறந்தாள்
சுமந்தே வாழ்வாள்
ஆகவே பிள்ளையை
சுமையாக நினையாள்
அவளை இழந்த
பிள்ளைக்குத் தெரியும்
அவள் போல் யாரும்
இல்லை என்று
மற்றவர் எல்லாம்
எட்டவே நின்று
பெயருக்கு மட்டும்
ஆறுதல் சொல்வார்
கிட்டே வந்தால்
ஒட்டிக் கொள்வோம்
என்றே மனதில்
எட்டவே நிற்பார்
விலகிச் செல்ல
எண்ணும் பிள்ளையை
வலியச் சென்று
அணைத்துக் கொள்வாள்
கருவில் மார்பில்
சுமக்கும் போதும்
காலம் எல்லாம்
வளர்க்கும் போதும்
இறுதி மூச்சு
போகும் வரைக்கும்
பிள்ளையை பாரமாய்
என்னவே மாட்டாள்
அந்த பொறுமை
யாருக்கு உண்டு
அவளிடம் நிரப்ப
வேறெவர் உண்டு
அவளை இழந்து
வாடும் போது
அதனை எண்ணி
தவிக்குது மனது
அதன்பின் வந்திடும்
மனதின் பாரம்
இறக்க யாரும்
பிள்ளைக்கு இல்லை
உற்றம் சுற்றம்
பிள்ளைகள் என்று
உறவாய் பலரும்
இருந்த போதும்
தாய்போல் சுமக்க
யாருமே இன்றி
வாழ்வது தவிர
வழி வேறில்லை
குருகுலம், 4-06-2023, 12. 15 காலை.
1507 Not like a mother
How ever the child
Might be
Only it never becomes a burn
To its mother
She born only to carry us
She continued to live only to carry us
Therefore, she never thinks
The child as a burden
The child who lost her alone
Will realize that
There is none
Equal to her in its life
Others will stand at a
Distance and
Give some
Comfort for us
Fearing that if we come
Close to them
Then we might become a burden
They will stand at a distance
But a mother will go
And voluntarily hug
Even that child
Who tries to go away from her
When she was carrying
In her womb or on her chest
Or while bringing up
In the entire life
Till the end of her life
She will never consider
The child as
A burden to her
Who has that much
Patience like her
And who is there
To replace her in life
When the heart
Thinks that loss
It is much
Troubled by it
And there is none
To unload that burden
That comes
After that
Though one might have
Children and
All kinds of
Other relatives
There is no other option
But to live
Without anyone to
Carry like that of a mother
Gurukulam, 4-06-2023, 12. 15 p.m.
Though many of my shishyas and relatives requests me to come and stay with them for few days for a change to come out from the loss of my mother, I realize that there is none in a child’s life like that of a mother to carry it till the end of her live never considering it as a burden. Several people, though welcome to stay with them, still will have the fear that after a few days of stay then we will become a burden to them. But a mother never thinks of a child as a burden in her life and once we lose the mother, we have to learn to live with that loss with the fact that there is none like her in our lives.
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