106. நன்னிலம்
விளை நிலமாக்கிடு என்னை
உன் வார்த்தை வந்தபோது
அதை வீணாக்கும் கரம்பாக
நான் இனி மாறிடாது–விளை….
பாதையில் விழுந்த வித்தோ
பறவை கொத்திச் சென்றதால்
பயனற்றுப் போனதே வீணாக
அதுபோல் நானும் மாறிடாது–விளை…
பாறையில் விழுந்த விதையும்
வேர் விட்டுச் செல்ல முடியாமல்
விரைவில் கருகியதே வீணே
அதுபோல் நானும் மாறிடாது–விளை…
புதரிடை வீழ்ந்த வித்தும்
காலத்தில் கனிதரும் முன்னே
செயலற்றுப் போனது வீணில்
அதுபோல் நானும் மாறிடாது–விளை…
என் மனம் என்ன நிலமோ?
எனக்கே தெரியாது அதனால்!
விதைக்கப் புறப்படும் முன் நீயே
விவரம் அறிந்து விதைப்பாயே.–விளை….
12-01-1998. செகந்திராபாத்.
106. Good soil
Make me a good soil for cultivation
When your words come!
Not making it useless
By corrupting myself —make me a good….
As the birds picked up the seeds
Which fell on the path?
They become useless
Not become like that—make me….
The seeds which fell on the rock
Unable to get rooted
Soon get wasted as they were burnt
Not become like that—make me…
The seeds which fell among the bush
Before give fruits in time
Will become useless
Not become like that—make me….
What kind of soil is my heart?
Even I don’t know myself
Therefore before you sow
Knowing my condition better sow the seed.—make me….
12-01-1998. Secunderabad (Andhra Pradesh)
This song I wrote when I was reading and meditating on the parable of sowing the seed. The interesting thing in this parable is that the land in which the seed sowed (on the way, rock, bush) is clearly defined. But I see that my heart is a mixture of all these three qualities. Sometimes I read Muktiveda mechanically, not even paying attention to the meaning and context as a routine ritual (it is better read as a ritual than not reading at all). That time it is like the seed falling on the path. Other times when I read with a heavy head and hardened heart, it is like the seed falling on the rock. Other times too much entanglement with so many things will make my reading like the seed suppressed by the thorny bush. But one way or the other I cannot avoid such conditions in my life and every time I am not going to read Muktiveda as part of my spiritual sadhana. However whatever might be my situation or condition of my heart and buddhi, I will read it and in the last stanza I requested the Lord to sow His Word after knowing my condition.
On this subject one time we had a heated debate in Bangalore after one meeting. One bhakta said that as he became familiar with Muktiveda and in fact super saturated by listening to various teachings, sermons in the past, he completely stopped reading it. This triggered a heated debate. I joined a bit late and though I agreed with him on his point, I said that in every sadhana mere routine of repetition is unavoidable. However we become familiar with Muktiveda and feel saturated with its teaching, it never qualifies us automatically to keep away from Muktiveda. Several times we eat food not giving importance to the taste but considering the requirements of our body. So no bhakta can ever feel that she is now so thorough with Muktiveda that there is no need for her to read it further. Of course going to any one extreme is dangerous and reading to seek guidance for everything that we do in life from Muktiveda is another extreme.
This is a bad illustration. Still there is a point for us to learn from it. When we lose our appetite we take it as a symptom and also a warning that something is not well with our body. We need to pay attention to correct it to have a healthy life. Similarly when one feels that she feels that there is no more need to read the Word of God as a spiritual need, then it is also a symptom and warning to tell that something is wrong with our relationship with the Lord. Instead of bragging about it claiming that she is saturated with the teaching of Muktiveda, she should be humble enough to pay attention to that symptom. Otherwise the fall will be gradual. Our rationality may not accept this illustration. But reason cannot have the final word when it comes to spirituality. As we never question about the rationality of our reason, Sudhakar warns about it:
Faith is not against reason but is above reason. The mind is not the ladder to faith, but its servant…. (p.98)
…Reason is always neutral. Proving and disproving faith, and relying on reason, is to shipwreck our souls. Reason should only be a servant and never a master…. Have you ever thought why man reasons? It is the reasoning mind which makes man doubt many things and establish many things; but has it occurred to you that the Mind never doubted itself or himself? Man has thought many things, but has not thought out his own thoughts.—p. 133
The faith that the Gita expounds is not antithetical to reason. It is a reasonable faith rather than a reasoning faith. No attempt is made to reason one into faith, Krishna demands devotion to Him. He even says, “Those however, who find fault with this doctrine of Mine, do not follow it, known them to be deluded in the matter of all knowledge, senseless and lost” (3:32)….—p. 231
…The purpose of intelligence is to analyse the knowledge acquired by faith and to give explanation for it….—p.232
— Wilhelmina Sudhakar, Chosen to Serve: The Life and Writings of Paul Sudhakar, 2007.
However my point is that one should read the word of God every day as part of her sadhana. One can get benefit out of it as per her approach to it. The interesting fact for me reading Muktiveda everyday is that it is not another book which I read just one time. It gives the foundation for my bhakti. Of course one need not dig the foundation often to know whether it remains strong or not. But we live comfortably in a house which is built on a strong foundation. Similarly to have strong bhakti in the Lord we need the word of god as the foundation for it. However reading it every day is like nourishing the body with regular food. For me it is not part of my religious ritual but a spiritual need. Out of my experience I can say that however I become familiar with Muktiveda, each time it gives some new kind of insights depending upon my approach to it. It responds to the extent of my approach to it.
4-08-2018
107. செய்நன்றி மறவாமல்
என் நன்றி கொன்றாலும்
என்வாழ்வில் நானென்றும்
செய்நன்றி மறவாமலே
நீ செய்த உதவிக்கு
கைமாறு என ஒன்று
செய்ய முடியாததால்
நாள்தோறும் இவ்வாழ்வில்
நன்றி அதை மறவாமல்
நாடி உன்னடி வந்து
உன்னருள் போதுமென
ஓய்வாய் அமர்ந்து உன்
கருணையைச் சிந்தித்து
எஞ்சிய காலத்தை
தஞ்சமென உனைச் சேர்ந்து
வாழ நாடுகின்ற எனக்கு
வஞ்சனை செய்யாமல் நீயும்
வாரி வழங்கு அருள்
கெஞ்சுகின்ற அடியானுக்கு.
08-10-1998. கந்தைலா (ரீவா, ம.பி)
107. Not to become thankless
Not become thankless
For the help that you have done
Though I cannot repay you!
Every day in this life
Not remaining thankless
But seeking your feet
And sitting leisurely there
Thinking your compassion
To know that your grace is sufficient.
In rest of the life
As I long to live
To take refuge at you feet
Bestow abundantly your grace
Not deceiving me
To this slave who begs unto you.
08-10-1998. Kandaila, Rewa (M.P.)
When someone within the family does any help or favour, we Indians never use the word, ‘thank you’. This does not mean that we take that help for granted. Within a family it is mutual responsibility (dharma) to take care of each other’s need—physical, material, spiritual, moral etc. Of course ‘gratitude’ is considered not merely a virtue but also a dharma for any help that one receives from anyone. But within the close circle ‘thanks giving’ is not common. Even among close friends (in my school days and even now) we never say ‘thank you’. I don’t remember reading any songs from any saints expressing a ‘thanks giving’ in Hindu scriptures in the sense in which it is introduced to us.
In order to know what Muktiveda actually says about this ‘thanks giving’ I checked at random some verses (Lev. 7:2, 13, 15; 22:29; Deu. 24:13, I Chro. 16:4, 7; Math. 14:19; Lk. 17:9, 16, 18:11). But the Tamil word ‘stotiram’ is not corresponding to thanks giving as per my understanding. I am not sure what actually the Jews practice of this ‘thanks giving’ both to God and to each other within the family.
Of course I am not against this concept of ‘thanks giving’. Now I am too adjusted to the demands of our time. However in my bhakti I also use the word ‘Nandri’ in Tamil which cannot be equal to ‘thanks giving’ but ‘gratitude’. Thanks giving could be formal but ‘gratitude’ is remaining under an obligation forever, which sometimes cannot be returned through any favour done by one.@ Read my article ‘thanks giving in my blog’ for my thoughts on this subject. For me ‘gratitude’ is more than ‘thanks giving’.
@PS.
This concept of gratitude remaining as an obligation forever is explained in Tamil by these words: நன்றிக் கடன். (nandrik kadan). We can often hear people expressing their gratitude: I don’t know how I am going to repay the debt of my gratitude? This implies that it cannot be. (நன்றிக் கடனை எப்படி தீர்க்க போறேனோ தெரியல)
About this Thiruvalluvar says in the chapter entitled ‘Remembering the benefit’:
எந்நன்றி கொன்றார்க்கும் உய்வுண்டாம் உய்வில்லை
செய்நன்றி கொன்ற மகற்கு–குறள், 110
விளக்கம்: எவ்வளவு அரங்களைக் கெடுத்தவர்க்கு (அத் தீவினைகளிளிருந்து நீங்கித்) தப்பும் வழி உண்டு. ஒருவன் செய்த நன்றியை மறந்தவனுக்கோ தப்பும் வழியே இல்லை.
Who every good have killed, may yet destruction flee. Who ‘benefit’ has killed, that man shall ne’ver ‘scape free’.
Explanation: He who has killed every virtue may yet escape, there is no escape for him who has killed a benefit.—Kural 110
6-08-2018
108. திசைகாட்டு
எது நலமென எனக்குத் தெரியாது
என் வாழ்வின் திசையும் எனக்குப் புரியாது
தடுமாறும் ஏழைக்கு சற்றுத் தெளிவாக்கி
திசை காட்டும் தெய்வமே தேடினேன் உன்னடி
புத்தாயிரம் ஆண்டு புதிதாய்ப் பிறந்ததென்று
புரியாத கணக்கிட்டு புவியின் மாந்தரும்
போற்றி வரவேற்ற இப்புதிய நூற்றாண்டில்
போதும் எனக்கென்றும் உன் பொற்பாதம்!
அடுத்தடுத்த நாட்களும் அதிவேகமாகச் செல்ல
வாரம் மாதமாகி வருடமும் விரைந்து செல்ல
முடிவறியா வாழ்க்கைக்கு ஒரு முடிவை நீ காட்டத்
தேடி அடிவந்தேன் திசைக்காட்டு நானுய்ய!
01-01-2000. ஈரோடு.
108. Show me the direction
What is benevolent for me I don’t know?
I don’t know the direction of my life
Clearing things for this poor one who often stumbles
Show the direction O God I sought your feet
Calculating wrongly the people of this world
Declare that a new millennium has began and
Welcome this new century, but
Your golden feet are sufficient for me.
Each day passing very quickly
Weeks turning into month and the year too passing quickly
I came unto your feet to be redeemed
For you to show the end of this life which prolongs without an end!
01-01-2000. Erode
I never believed in the celebration of any calendar new year, particularly the beginning of January as a new year. It is there just for the sake of calculation of time and there is nothing sacrosanct or emotional need or importance to it. But the way the majority of people are mad spending their time, money and energy to welcome it looks very funny to me. If it is done just for the sake of fun or entertainment, I understand it. But giving some sentimental attachment to it looks very odd. Even millions of Hindus rush to have darshan to the temple at midnight, which is against the rules of ‘agama’ (tradition). Particularly the so-called New Year RESOLUTIONS are nothing but a joke for me. In this context I wrote two poems long back: See secular song 57 and 78 in the blog
For me Time stands still and nothing moves. And human life goes as a routine. And all these emotional sentiments that too coated by some sacrosanct significance given to such New Year celebration is nothing but a foolish act on our part. If it is used as an occasion to have fun and entertainment to have a break from routine life—I can agree. Other than this there is nothing new in this New Year or new century or new millennium.
109. மீட்டிடுவாய்
மரித்தவனை நீ எழுப்புவாய்
மனம் முறிந்தவனைத் தேற்றிடுவாய்
இழந்தேன் எல்லாம் என்பவனுக்கும்
இரட்டிப்பாய் திரும்ப அளித்திடுவாய்
வேண்டுதல் யாவையும் கேட்டிடுவாய்
வேண்டா வழியினை நீக்கிடுவாய்
நல்லவன் நான் இல்லை எனினும்
நாடியே வந்து நீ மன்னிப்பாய்
அருளை அள்ளி அளித்திடுவாய்
ஆதரவளித்து காத்திடுவாய்
அருகதை இல்லை என்னிடம் எனினும்
அதையும் தாண்டி வரமளிப்பாய்
எல்லாம் உனது செயலன்றோ!
எதுவும் என்னிடம் இல்லையன்றோ!
சரண் அடைந்தேன் திருவடியில்
தாயே உன் சேய் நானன்றோ
அன்னையும் தந்தையும் ஆனவனே
ஆதியும் அந்தமும் நீதானே
பக்தியின் வலையில் சிக்குண்டு
பக்தனுக்கென்றே வாழ்பவனே!
பாவம் என்ற படுகுழியில்
பலமுறை தவறி வீழ்ந்த போதும்
பரிவான உன் கரம் நீட்டி
பக்தனை என்றும் மீட்டிடுவாய்.
18-08-2001
109. Redeem
Bring back to life this dead one
Encourage the one who is broken in heart
Give double fold for the one
Who thinks that he has lost everything!
Listen to every prayer
Remove wrong ways
Though I am not a good person
Forgive me by seeking after me!
Give grace abundantly
Protect by giving support
Though I am not deserve
Overcoming that you give me the boon!
Everything is your wish/act
I have nothing with me
I took refuge at your feet
O Mother I am your child
You become mother and father
You are the beginning and the end
Entrapped in the nest of bhakti
You live only for the bhakta
In the pit of sin
Though I fell several times
By extending your compassionate hand
Redeem your bhakta.
18-08-2001
Our life is like a puppet in the hands of God and He will make us act/dance by pulling the strings from behind the screen. So I am not responsible for everything that happens in my life. Of course I can accept the responsibilities of the acts which are under my control and for which I take decisions. But how can I be blamed for the consequences in my life on which I have no control? So a clash between karma of an individual and the complete will of God which totally controls the life of a bhakta often remains an unresolved issue in bhakti tradition. I don’t think that we can find a clear cut theological response even from Muktiveda.
When I was seriously seeking few answers in my life, particularly various struggles in my life I wrote this song. (See also Secular song 70)
110. வழிகாட்டு
புறக்கவில்லை உன்னை புலையனாம் நானும்
புலம்புறேன் என்னுள் பெலனின்றித்தானும்
தள்ளிடுவாயோ என்னை தயை இல்லையோ?
தவிக்கின்றேன் என்னுடன் போராடியேதானும்
அரக்க குணம் பல ஆயிரம் ஓங்கி
அழிக்கின்றதே என்மன உணர்வை
அவைகளை அகற்றவும் இயலவில்லை
ஆதரவு நீயேன் தரவில்லை இன்னும்?
முடியவில்லை பலமுறை முயன்றும்
மூர்க்க மனதை அடக்க நானும்
முடிவே இல்லையோ இதற்குத் தானும்
ஓர் முடிவு சொல் எனக்கு இன்றே நீயும்
பழகிவிட்டதால் பாவங்கள் கூட
பயம் இல்லை எனக்கு அவைகளிடம்
பாவி நான் என்செய்வேன் பதறுகின்றேன்
“புறக்காதே” என்றுதான் கதறுகின்றேன்
கதறலும் உன் காதில் விழவில்லையா
கல்லாகிப் போனதே உனது மனமே
அழைக்கின்றேன் ஆயிரம் வார்த்தைகள் சொல்லி
ஒன்றேனும் உன் காதில் விழலையோ?
நானே தவற நீ அனுமதித்தால்
நானிலத்தோர் என் சொல்லுவார்?
“பக்தனைக் காக்கவே சித்தமில்லா-இந்தப்
பரம்பொருள் யாரவன்” என்று கேட்பார்!
என்னைக் காக்கவே இல்லாவிட்டாலும்
இறைவா உன் பெயர் தன்னைக் காக்க
விரைந்தே நீயும் செயல்படுவாய்
இல்லையேல் என்னை நீ கொன்று போடுவாய்
ஆத்திரத்தில் நானும் ஆயிரம் சொல்வேன்
அவைகளை மட்டுமே நீயும் எண்ணாது
மாறாத உன் கருணையினால்-மனம்
மருகும் பாவிக்கு ஓர் வழி காட்டு!
24-09-2000. ராணிகேத் (உத்ராஞ்சல்)
110. Show me the way
I, the mean one, never rejected you O Lord
But I lament as I don’t have inner strength within me
Will you forsake me and don’t you have mercy upon me
I suffer a lot by struggling within me.
Thousands of demonic nature
Kill my sense by raising their heads
I cannot remove them
Why don’t you extend your support so far?
I cannot overcome them even after struggling a lot
I cannot control the rebellious heart on my own
Won’t there be an end to this?
Give me a definite answer to this today
As I am used with sin
I don’t have fear with them
What else can this sinner do?
‘Don’t’ reject me’ I cry unto you
Is not my wailing falling in your ears?
Has your heart become a stone?
I call you by uttering thousands of words
Among them not even a single word falls in your ear?
If you allow me to commit mistakes
What will the people of this world say?
‘Who is this God who does not have the will?
To save His bhakta?’ won’t they ask like this?
If not just to save me
Oh God in order to protect your own Name
Act very quickly
Or you kill me
I will say thousands of such things
Not considering them alone
By your unchanging compassion
Show me a way for this sinner who suffers in heart
24-09-2000. Ranikhet, Uttaranchal
Is there any time when God won’t listen to our prayers? I don’t think so. The way I blame that His heart became like a stone as He is not listening to my wailing is a common cry in bhakti tradition. There are so many poems in which the saints will say, ’how many more times should I cry? What kind of words should I use, cannot you listen to my words,’ etc. But when a bhakta utters such words she knows that God is listening to her cry and knows her situation. But it is my own attitude that makes such a feeling within me for which I cannot blame God. But pouring out the heart in such words with anger against God also shows the intimacy and right with Him. ‘How long; why me’ are the common cry of every bhakta knowing the answer themselves well. Those who lament about their karma or bad time or the present age have to resign to their fate. Whereas a bhakta of Muktinath can rest and relax amidst such ‘dark nights of the soul’ with the experience of Devmitra (David) experienced in Ps. 23.
7-08-2018
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