BT Song 1131
After writing the previous poem (1130), I retired to bed and continued to reflect on that thought. Then I told the Lord (lying on the bed) that, not seeing my qualification, He alone gave too much and spoiled me; He should find means also to correct me. As some inspiration came, I began to write another poem in my mind. But as I became very lazy and didn’t want to get up from the bed, I resisted the temptation to get up and write another poem. But two more songs began to echo in my mind, and I successfully managed to resist them and went to sleep. This morning, when I was washing the vessels after kitchen work, my mother gave her copper vessels to clean, which she keeps for her personal use. They often need to be cleaned two or three times a week as they again and again become dull with a changed color, which we call in Tamil ‘kalimbu.’ So I used tamarind and salt to clean them. After doing all my kitchen work, when I returned, as the inspiration that came last night popped its head again, I wrote this song using the example of washing the copper vessels or the shadow which will be under the lamp. But as I wanted to tease the Lord, I told Him that as He does not know cooking or washing vessels, He may not understand these illustrations. Better let Him find some other means to correct me.
BT Song 1131 Know My Qualification
When thou gavest not,
Without regard for my worth,
And then dost see it after giving,
What am I to do? 1
Without knowing my nature,
When thou enterest my heart,
If thou dost grow vexed by the darkness therein,
What can be done? 2
Though thou art the inner light,
Yet darkness lingers
In some corner,
Ever so small. 3
Doth not a shadow
Exist beneath the lamp?
So too,
Doth not darkness dwell in my heart? 4
However oft
We cleanse it,
The tarnish in the copper vessel
Shall not depart entirely. 5
When we forget
To pour more oil,
After a time,
The light shall dim. 6
By removing the carbon
From the wick,
If we relight it,
It shall burn bright once more. 7
Oft by washing
With tamarind and salt,
The tarnish in the copper vessel
Shall be cleansed. 8
But how shouldst thou know this,
As thou knowest not the ways of the kitchen?
Thus mayhap thou dost not comprehend
The analogies I employ. 9
Therefore, do not
Contend with me.
Seek instead the means
To dispel the darkness. 10
If thou hast no time
For such endeavors,
Then, as before,
Give without regard for my worth. 11
Mathigiri, 29-10-2019, 11.00 a.m.
BT Song 1131 Know My Qualification
Not giving me,
Not knowing my qualification,
If you see it after giving,
What can I do? 1
Not knowing my nature,
Once you came in my heart,
If you get upset seeing the darkness,
What can anyone do? 2
Though you remain
As the inner light,
Still some darkness
Will be there in a corner. 3
Won’t there be
A shadow under the lamp?
Like that,
Won’t there be darkness in my heart? 4
How many times
We wash,
The dirt in the copper vessel
Won’t go permanently. 5
When we forget to
Pour more oil,
After burning for some time,
The light will also go down. 6
Removing the carbon
From the wick,
If we light it again,
It will burn brightly. 7
Often washing
With tamarind and salt,
The dirt in the copper vessel
Will go away. 8
But how do you know about this,
As you don’t know cooking?
Therefore you might not understand
These illustrations I used. 9
Therefore, don’t continue
To contend with me.
Search for the means
To remove the darkness. 10
If you don’t have time
For this,
As usual, continue to give
Not looking at my qualification. 11
Mathigiri, 29-10-2019, 11.00 a.m.
BT Song 1132
Like an infant which always depends upon the compassion of its mother, a bhakta always depends upon the grace of God. As she depends upon God, it is imperative that she alone should approach God for all her needs. Interestingly, according to my understanding of Muktiveda, though we depend upon God, still unless He takes initiative, there is no means for us to receive His grace. It is a riddle for me. I depend upon Him, but He alone should take the first step to reach me. Like an infant which can only cry to express its need so that her mother will reach it, a bhakta can only express her need, waiting for God to take the initiative to bestow His grace upon her.
As it is the rainy season here in Tamil Nadu, I wrote this song, again in the genre of viraha bhakti. Of course, when I write any song in this style, some might think that I have some psychological problem or that I miss romance in my life. There is all the possibility for anyone to read or interpret my life based on such songs. But if they know me well, they will be disappointed by such an analysis of my life, songs, or bhakti. I always enjoy various kinds of bhakti expressions, and viraha-bhakti is one such. Above all, we in India have ragas according to the time in a day—like morning raga, evening raga, etc. We also have various kinds of songs to express the mood related not only to time but also to the season and even landscape, particularly in Tamil Nadu, called ‘tinai.’ Viraha bhava song is also goes well with this season as the girl unable to tolerate separation longing for her beloved to come back to her quickly.
BT Song 1132 No Chance
Unless thou dost come
And speak with me,
Where lies the opportunity
For me to converse with thee? 1
Unless thou dost
Approach me with understanding,
Where lies the necessity
For me to come unbidden? 2
Howsoever much
I long for thee,
Can I disclose my condition
Openly unto thee? 3
Will my tongue
Find the courage to tell,
As thou knowest well
My state? 4
Thou camest as
The rain
To revive
The parched land. 5
Thou camest as the
Sweet spring
To quench
My thirst. 6
This innocent one
Came unto thee,
As my life,
Which had departed. 7
But my tongue
Became dry,
Even my throat
Also did parch. 8
However much I desire,
There lies within me
A certain fear,
Which cannot be dismissed. 9
My heart refuses
To take a step,
Lest I lose thee again
By speaking foolishly. 10
Until thou dost come
And receive me,
Knowing well
My condition, 11
Thinking upon
The love I bear for thee,
I shall wait,
Watching the way. 12
For thee to understand
The devotion of this innocent one,
I shall come each day
To worship at thy feet. 13
Mathigiri, 29-10-2019, 11.50 p.m.
BT Song 1132 No Chance
Unless you come
And talk with me,
Where is the chance
For me to talk to you? 1
Unless you
Approach me with understanding,
Where is the need
For me to come on my own? 2
No matter how much
I long for you,
Can I tell you
My condition openly? 3
Will my tongue
Have the courage to tell,
As you know
My condition very well? 4
You came as
The rain
To revive the
Parched land. 5
You came as
The sweet spring
To quench
My thirst. 6
This innocent one
Came to you
As my life
Which was gone. 7
But my tongue
Got dried,
Even my throat
Also became dry. 8
However, I have
Desire within me,
Still I have
Some fear within me. 9
My heart refuses
To take a step
To lose you again
By babbling something. 10
Until you come
And receive me,
Knowing my
Condition well, 11
Thinking about
The love I have for you,
I will wait
Looking your way. 12
For you to know
The devotion of this innocent one,
I will come every day
To worship at your feet. 13
Mathigiri, 29-10-2019, 11.50 p.m.
BT Song 1133
Among all the seasons, I like the rainy season very much. When it rains, I like to sit and read books silently or watch the rain—provided I am in a place surrounded by nature (as we have in the ashram). In the past, when I stayed in the ashram, I enjoyed many rainy seasons, particularly sitting on the swing in the library, watching the clouds coming through the window. It also induces the spirit of viraha-bhakti, as we have several such Tamil poems in which the lady love expresses her disappointment as her lover didn’t return as he promised before the end of the rainy season. As it was raining again, I entered that mood again, recalling my time in the ashram and in other such places like Ranikhet, Sat-tal, etc., and wrote this song again in the viraha-bhakti genre. As the Lord remains God, He does not have the experience or the longing of a bhakta, as He never remained a bhakta in His life. Therefore, when a bhakta expresses her longing for the Lord, He should come and interact with her directly—particularly in the rainy season.
BT Song 1133 Know My Condition
Whatever thou dost say,
Speak it clearly.
Come to me
And speak directly. 1
Do not engage
In riddles with me.
Refrain from enacting
This unnecessary drama. 2
The time has passed
When we spoke through our eyes.
I have already declared
My love for thee. 3
I am eagerly awaiting
Thy reply,
And my body
Has grown pale. 4
Knowing that
The rainy season has come,
And understanding my heart
That longs with love, 5
Why hast thou forgotten
The word thou gavest,
That thou wouldst return
Before the end of the rainy season? 6
On one side,
The cool wind torments me.
On the other, my love
Kindles a fire. 7
I grow weary,
Thinking of our union.
I watch the way
For thy arrival. 8
Even after speaking
So openly,
Why dost thou maintain
This unnecessary silence? 9
One word from thee is enough
To revive me.
I shall serve thee,
Worshiping at thy feet. 10
Through simple devotion,
I have known thee.
I understand not
Any other theology. 11
There is no one
To send as an emissary.
There is no need
To send anyone. 12
As we know
Each other well,
There is no need for anyone
To intervene. 13
Therefore, bring me news
Of thy coming.
Tell it directly
To me. 14
Dost thou know
The condition of devotion?
Hast thou experienced
Being a devotee? 15
As thou art the Lord,
Thou dost not know of it.
Therefore, hearken
To what I say. 16
Know the condition
Of this devotee.
Receive me
With compassion. 17
Mathigiri, 31-10-2019, 10.30 p.m.
BT Song 1133 Know My Condition
Whatever you say,
Say it clearly.
Come and tell it
Directly to me. 1
Don’t talk to me
In riddles.
Don’t act out
This unnecessary drama. 2
The time has passed
When we talked with our eyes.
I already told you
About my love. 3
I am eagerly waiting
For your reply.
My body
Has become very pale. 4
Knowing that
The rainy season has come,
And knowing my heart
Which longs with love, 5
Why did you forget
The word you gave
That you would come back
Before the end of the rainy season? 6
On one side,
The cool wind is torturing me.
On the other side, my love
Is also kindling a fire. 7
I become tired
Thinking about the time we’ll be together.
I am looking for
Your arrival. 8
Even after telling
This much openly,
Why do you keep
This unnecessary silence? 9
One word from you is enough,
And I will be revived.
I will serve you
By worshiping at your feet. 10
I knew you
Through simple devotion.
I don’t understand
Any other theology. 11
There is no one
To send as a messenger.
There is no need
To send anyone. 12
As we know
Each other well,
There is no need for anyone
In between to negotiate. 13
Therefore, give me
The news of your arrival.
Tell it also
Directly to me. 14
Do you know
The condition of devotion?
Do you have any experience
Of being a devotee? 15
As you remain the Lord,
You don’t know about it.
Therefore, listen
To what I say. 16
Know the condition
Of this devotee.
Receive me
With compassion. 17
Mathigiri, 31-10-2019, 10:30 p.m.
BT Song 1134
For me, the greatest Trinity in Muktiveda is ‘Faith, Hope, and Love’. Every human being lives with some hope in life. But this hope always depends upon faith. Even those who do not believe in God have faith in themselves or something else. But for a bhakta, what binds both hope and faith is love. It is like cement which binds both sand and cement to make them solid to build any structure. As a bhakta lives with faith, hope, and love, she need not live with too many negative thoughts, though it is unavoidable in life. But the best antidote for negative thoughts in life is this greatest Trinity which Muktiveda teaches us.
BT Song 1134 A Great Teaching
I unburdened myself unto thee,
And bid thee attend to it.
For thou art with me,
I have fulfilled my dharma in life. 1
As the faith I hold in thee
Has gripped me firmly,
I cleave to thee, a God without passion,
And ensure I never lose that faith. 2
For I place my trust in thee,
Believing thou wilt only do good to me.
My trust has never been in vain,
For thou dost never forget to do good to me. 3
But the foundation of all this
Is love, I have understood.
I have known thee only through love,
Thou who redeemed me out of love. 4
Through love, as I trust thee with hope,
All three entwined bind me to thee.
There is no room for trouble in my life,
And no need to bear any burden unnecessarily. 5
This greatest teaching,
Which thy Veda hath taught us,
Hath come and firmly grasped me.
I shall live only to praise thee thus. 6
Mathigiri, 31-10-2019, 11.10 p.m.
BT Song 1134 A Great Teaching
I unloaded my burden on you
And told you to take care of it.
As you are with me,
I have completed my duty in life. 1
The faith I have in you
Gripped me strongly.
I cling to you, who are free from desire,
And make sure I never lose that faith. 2
As I keep my faith in you, trusting
You will do only good for me,
My trust never went to waste,
And you never forgot to do good for me. 3
But one thing is the foundation for this:
I understood that it is love.
I knew you only through love,
You who redeemed me out of love. 4
Through LOVE, as I TRUST you with HOPE,
All three mingling together bind me to you.
There is no place for any more trouble in my life,
And I need not carry any burden unnecessarily. 5
This greatest teaching,
Which your Veda taught us,
Came and gripped me strongly.
I will live only to praise you like this. 6
Mathigiri, 31-10-2019, 11.10 p.m.
BT Song 1135
The problem with me is that I have an unstable mind. When I recall so many incidents from my school days, I realize that I never stick to one project until I complete it to my satisfaction. I will start so many projects—artwork, reading, writing, etc. But I will abandon half of them without any regret. I still remember the way I constructed a glass structure in my college days. When some problem came, I abandoned it halfway, not minding the cost and time that I wasted on it. But my culprit in this is only my mind. The only hope for me to overcome my unstable mind is the grace of God which alone could anchor me in Him.
BT Song 1135 The Means to Gain Siddhi (Perfection)
I must understand myself rightly,
For which thou must aid me.
My mind is unsteady,
Make it steadfast, I pray thee. 1
I possess no patience,
Until I complete a task with diligence.
No remorse if left halfway,
I lack the resolve to finish it. 2
I do not cling to possessions,
As my own till the end.
If something beyond comes to me,
I lack the strength to preserve it. 3
Even in this life I lead,
I have no fixed aim.
I live as thou dost guide,
Thou who created and sustains me. 4
There is no other course,
While I live like a machine.
Until thou ceaseth it,
No hope have I to complete it. 5
However much freedom thou bestowest,
My mind is not within my control.
To rightly understand myself,
No aid exists save thee alone. 6
Therefore, to understand myself rightly,
To arrange my life accordingly,
To conquer my intellect through devotion,
I seek to attain siddhi through thy grace. 7
Mathigiri, 1-11-2019, 11.10 a.m.
BT Song 1135 The Way to Gain Perfection
I should understand myself properly,
For that, you should help me.
I have an unstable mind,
You should help me make it stable. 1
I never have any patience
To complete any work properly.
I never regret leaving it
Halfway without finishing it. 2
I don’t like to cling to anything
As my own till the end.
But if something comes to me beyond this,
I don’t have the ability to preserve it. 3
Even in this life that I live,
I don’t have any particular aim.
I live as you lead me,
The one who created and protects me. 4
There is no alternative for this
As long as I live like a machine.
Until you stop it,
There is no hope for me to complete it. 5
No matter how much freedom you give me,
My mind is not in my control.
To understand myself properly by controlling it,
There is no other help but you. 6
Therefore, understanding me properly,
Arranging my life accordingly,
Overcoming my mind through my devotion,
I should attain perfection through your grace. 7
Mathigiri, 1-11-2019, 11.10 a.m.
BT Song 1131 தகுதியைப் பாரு
தகுதியைப் பார்த்து
தராத போது
தந்தபின் பார்த்தால்
நானென்ன செய்வது 1
தகுதியைப் பாராமல்
உள்வந்தபின்னே, மன
இருள்கண்டு வெகுண்டால்
யாரென நான் செய்வது 2
உள் ஒளியாக
நீயுமே இருந்தும்
ஒரு ஓரத்தில் இருள்
இருப்பதும் தெரியும் 3
விளக்கின் கீழேயும்
நிழலும் இருக்காதா
அதுபோல என்னுள்ளே
இருளும் இருக்காதா 4
எத்தனை முறைதான்
சுத்தமே செய்தாலும்
செம்பினுள் களிம்பு
சுத்தமாய்ப் போகாது 5
சற்றே ஒளிதந்து
மங்கி தான் போகும்
எண்ணையை மீண்டும்
ஊற்றாத போது 6
திரியின் நுனியில்
உள்ள கரியை
நீக்கி ஏற்றினால்
நன்றாக எரியும் 7
அடிக்கடி புளிபோட்டு
உப்போடு அதை சேர்த்து
தேய்த்துக் கழுவினால்
செம்பில் களி போகும் 8
அதுசரி உனக்குமோ
சமையலும் தெரியாது
அதனால் நான்சொன்ன
உவமையும் புரியாது 9
ஆகவே என்னோடு
மல்லுக்கு நிற்காது
இருளைப் போக்கிடும்
வழியை நீதேடு 10
அதற்கெலாம் நேரம்
உனக்கில்லை என்றால்
தகுதியைப் பாராமல்
வழக்கம்போல் தந்திடு 11
மத்திகிரி, 29-10-2019, காலை 11.00
BT Song 1132 வாய்ப்பே இல்லை
நீயாக வந்து
பேசாத போது
நானும் பேச
வாய்ப்பு ஏது 1
நீயாக புரிந்து
நெருங்காத போது
நானாக வந்திட
தேவையும் ஏது 2
என்னதான் ஏக்கம்
எனக்கிருந்தாலும்
என்னிலை உன்னிடம்
சொல்லிட முடியுமா 3
என்னிலை அறிந்து
உனக்கதைச் சொல்ல
என் நாவும் துணிந்தும்
சொல்லக் கூடுமா 4
வறண்ட நிலமாக
வாடி நிற்கையில்
மழைத்துளியாகி
மீட்டிட வந்தாய் 5
தாகத்தால் நானும்
தவித்த போது
இனிய ஊற்றாகி
தாகம் தணித்தாய் 6
போன உயிரும்
மீண்டு வந்திட
பேதையும் வந்தேன்
உனக்கதைச்சொல்ல 7
ஆயினும் நாவு
உலர்ந்து போனது
அடித்தொண்டை கூட
வரண்டு போனது 8
என்னதான் மோகம்
எனக்கிருந்தாலும்
ஏதோ பயமும்
என்னுள்ளே வந்தது 9
ஏதேனும் உளறி
உன்னை மீண்டும்
இழக்க என்மனம்
துணிய மறுத்தது 10
என்னிலை புரிந்து
நீயாக வந்து
என்னோடு பேசி
ஏற்றிடும் வரையில் 11
உன்மீது கொண்ட
காதலை எண்ணி
உனக்காக நானும்
வழிபார்த்து நிற்பேன் 12
அபலையின் பக்தியை
அறிய வேண்டி
அனுதினம் உன்னடி
பணிய வருவேன் 13
மத்திகிரி, 29-10-2019, இரவு, 11.50
BT Song 1133 என் நிலை புரிவாய்
எதைச் சொன்னாலும்
தெளிவாகச் சொல்லு
என்னிடம் வந்து
நேராகச் சொல்லு 1
ஏடகம் பூடகம்
என்னிடம் வேண்டாம்
புரியாத நாடகம்
நீ செய்ய வேண்டாம் 2
கண்சாடை பேசிய
காலமும் போச்சு
என் காதலை உன்னிடம்
நான் சொல்லியாச்சு 3
பதில் எதிர்பார்த்து
காத் திருந்தாச்சு
பசலையும் மேனியில்
படர்ந்து போச்சு 4
மாரி காலம்
வந்தது தெரிந்தும்
மயங்கிய எந்தன்
மனநிலை புரிந்தும் 5
வாடை முடியும்முன்
வருவேன் என்று
சொன்னதை மறந்தது
ஏனெனச் சொல்லு 6
வாடைக் காற்று
ஒருபுறம் வாட்ட
காதல் மறுபுறம்
தீயையும் மூட்ட 7
சேரும் நாளை
எண்ணியே சோர
வழியெதிர் பார்த்தேன்
நீ வந்து சேர 8
இத்தனைத் தெளிவாய்
கூறிய பின்னும்
ஏன்கொண்டாய் நீயும்
வீணான மவுனம் 9
ஒருசொல் போதும்
உயிர்த்திடுவேனே
உன்னடி பணிந்து
பணி செய்வேனே 10
எளிய பக்தியால்
உனை யறிந்தேனே
வேறெந்த தத்துவம்
நான் புரியேனே 11
தூது அனுப்ப
ஆட்களும் இல்லை
தூது அனுப்பிடத்
தேவையும் இல்லை 12
ஒருவரை ஒருவர்
புரிந்து இருக்க
இடையினில் எவரும்
தேவையும் இல்லை 13
ஆகவே வருகின்ற
சேதியைச் சொல்லு
அதையும் என்னிடம்
நேராகச் சொல்லு 14
பக்தியின் நிலையை
நீயறிவாயா
பக்தனாய் இருந்த
அனுபவம் உண்டா 15
ஆண்டையாய் இருப்பதால்
நீயறியாயே
ஆகவே சொல்வதை
கேட்டிட்டுவாயே 16
பக்தையின் நிலையை
புரிந்திடுவாயே
பரிந்து என்னை
ஏற்றிடுவாயே 17
31-10-2019, இரவு, 10.30
BT Song 1134 உயரிய பாடம்
பாரத்தை உன்மீது இறக்கி வைத்தேன்
பார்த்துக்கொள் என்று சொல்லிவிட்டேன்
என்னோடு நீயும் உடன் இருக்க
நீதரும் கடமையை முடித்துவிட்டேன் 1
உன்மீது வைத்த பற்றுறுதி
உறுதியாய் என்னைப் பற்றிகொள்ள
பற்றற்ற உன்னை பற்றிக் கொண்டேன்
அப்பற்றை விடாமல் பார்த்துக் கொண்டேன் 2
நல்லதே செய்வாய் என்று நம்பி
நான் கொண்டேன் உன்மீது நம்பிக்கை
நம்பிய நம்பிக்கை வீண்போகவில்லை
நல்லதை செய்ய நீ மறக்கவில்லை 3
ஆயினும் இதற்கெல்லாம் ஆதாரம் ஒன்று
அன்புதான் என்பதை உணர்ந்து கொண்டேன்
அன்பினால் என்னை ஆட்கொண்ட உன்னை
அன்பொன்றின் மூலமே அறிந்து கொண்டேன் 4
அன்பினால் நம்பி நானுனைப் பற்றி
அவைமூன்றும் இணைந்து உன்னோடு இணைக்க
எவ்விதத் துயருக்கும் இடமே இல்லை
இனிபாரம் சுமந்திடத் தேவையும் இல்லை 5
உனது வேதம் சொலித் தந்திடும்
உன்னதமான உயர்ந்த பாடம்
என்னுள்ளே வந்து ஆழமாய்ப் பதிய
இதுபோல வாழ்வேன் உனைத் துதித்து 6
மத்திகிரி, 31-10-2019, இரவு 11.10
BT Song 1135 சித்தி பெறும் வழி
என்னை நானே புரிய வேண்டும்
அதற்கு நீயும் உதவ வேண்டும்
நிலைத்து நிற்கா மதியும் கொண்டேன்
நிலைத்து நிற்க உதவ வேண்டும் 1
தொடங்கிய ஒன்று முடியும் வரைக்கும்
காத்து நிற்கும் பொறுமை இல்லை
இடையில் அதனை விட்டு சென்றால்
அதனைக் குறித்து வருத்தம் இல்லை 2
எனது என்று சொல்லிக் கொண்டு
எதையும் பற்ற விருப்பம் இல்லை
அதையும் மீறி வந்து சேர்ந்தால்
காத்து வைக்க திண்மை இல்லை 3
வாழும் இந்த வாழ்வில் கூட
நோக்கம் என்று ஏதுமில்லை
படைத்து காத்து நீயும் நடத்த
வாழ்கிறேன் வேறு வழியுமில்லை 4
இயந்திரம் போல வாழ்கிற வரைக்கும்
இதற்கு மாற்று என்றும் இல்லை
இயக்கிடும் நீயே நிறுத்தா வரையில்
முடித்திட எனக்கு வழியும் இல்லை 5
எத்தனை சுதந்திரம் நீ தந்தபோதும்
சித்தம் எனது கைவசம் இல்லை
அதனை ஒடுக்கி என்னைப் புரிய
உன்னைவிட்டால் துணையும் இல்லை 6
ஆகவே என்னைப் புரிந்து கொண்டு
அதன்படி வாழ்வை அமைத்துக் கொண்டு
பக்தியால் புத்தியை அடிமையாக்கி
சித்தி பெறனும் உன்னருள் கண்டு 7
மத்திகிரி, 1-11-2019, காலை, 11.10
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