BT Song 1136
When the dark night of the soul brings a burden, we may not know how to express it in words to the Lord. The best way to remove that unknown burden is to remain silently in the Lord’s presence, allowing Him to understand us. When we let God unload the burden, He does so in His way, making our hearts light and restoring our joy.
BT Song 1136: Satisfied Heart
When I sob,
You take me in your arms,
You ask me gently,
“What has caused these alarms?”
When confusion reigns,
And I struggle to speak,
You lift me to your shoulder,
And comfort me, so meek.
When a child cries,
Only the mother knows why,
She tends to its needs,
With a tender, loving sigh.
Likewise, you understand,
My heart’s deepest plea,
You serve me with grace,
In your Seva, I see.
When I am distressed,
By burdens unknown,
My heart heavy with sorrow,
Feeling so alone,
Unable to find,
The words to convey,
I stood there sobbing,
Seeking your grace today.
You wipe away,
The tears from my eyes,
You pull me close,
As my weeping subsides.
You pat my back,
With comfort and care,
You hug me tight,
As I lay my troubles bare.
And then the burden,
From my heart is released,
Light as a feather,
My soul finds peace.
Floating in the air,
With joy I am filled,
My heart overflows,
With a calm that is stilled.
Mathigiri, 1-11-2019, 11:30
BT Song 1136 A Filled Heart
When I cry in distress
You hold me close
You ask me
What has happened? 1
When I stand there,
Unable to speak
You hold me
And comfort me 2
When a child cries
The mother understands
And serves the child
Accordingly 3
In the same way,
Knowing my needs,
You too serve me 4
Some weight
Presses my heart,
The reason unknown,
I suffer 5
Unable to say anything,
I stand weeping
Seeking your grace 6
Wiping my tears,
You touch my face
With your shoulders 7
Patting my back,
You console me,
And hold me tight
While I cry 8
Then my heart
Becomes light
And turns into a breeze 9
Floating in the air,
Dancing around,
I too rejoice
With a full heart 10
Mathigiri, 1-11-2019, morning, 11.30
BT Song 1137
Once, I listened to a conversation between my mother and brother about the ‘power’ of a particular deity in a temple. My brother mentioned that constant pujas performed with due Agamic worship and numerous devotees performing special pujas give a particular deity more power, attracting many devotees.
Similarly, the power of prayer among Christians is often measured by how one can raise their voice from the bottom of their stomach while uttering long prayers filled with jargon. Such prayers are considered ‘powerful’. It is also a common assumption that those who spend long hours in personal prayer gain special powers to perform miracles.
However, for me, prayer is an inner communion with the Lord that does not require separate words or time. As Abirami Bhattar said in his Abirami Andadi: standing, walking, sitting, and lying down, he thinks about his favorite deity Abirami (in Thirukkadayur). ‘We are living, moving, and our being is in Him,’ says Sevanand. For me, silent thinking without words is the best communion with the Lord. Offering every work to Him is an act of bhakti, as both the Gita (9:27) and Muktiveda endorse such offering as an expression of bhakti.
When we sit and talk with someone, we never raise our voice unless they have a hearing problem. Only when two people quarrel do they shout at each other. As prayer is not only inner communication but also fellowship with the Lord, I prefer silent prayer, not shouting from the bottom of my heart. Even while praying with others, I prefer not to raise my voice unnecessarily to show any ‘powerful’ prayer. At the same time, I do not deny the need to set aside separate time for prayer as per the need. As I sat silently this evening, inspiration came, and I wrote this song expressing such communion and bhakti in the Lord.
BT Song 1137 No Need for Separate Time
Must I converse with words to reach thy ear?
Can deeds alone my fervent faith convey?
Must special speech and tongue be deemed sincere,
To bond with thee who in my heart dost stay? 1
When thoughts of thee my ev’ry moment fill,
Whether I stand, or walk, or rest, or lie,
Must I seek out a place serene and still,
And carve from time a special hour to try? 2
As thou dost blend with life and soul and mind,
Reflecting on the blessing of thy grace,
When constantly I feel thy presence kind,
What need have I for separate time or place? 3
I’d only think of thee if e’er I forgot,
And search for thee if thou shouldst disappear.
Yet thou hast given me a heart that’s not
Prone to forget, nor dost thou hide from here. 4
As we in union live without depart,
Is there a space for separation’s sting?
For those who fail to grasp this simple art,
There’s no explaining what such closeness brings. 5
I speak with thee in silence deep and true,
And see in all my acts devotion’s gleam,
For thou dost dwell with me the whole day through,
No need have I for time set ‘part, I deem. 6
Mathigiri, 4-11-2019, night, 11.30
BT Song 1137 No Need for Separate Time
Do I need to speak with words to you?
Can I show my devotion through my actions?
Do I need a special language to talk with you,
Who lives within me to connect with me? 1
When I always think of you,
Whether I stand, sit, walk, or lie down,
Do I need to go to a special place
Setting aside special time for that? 2
Since you blend with me in life, sense, and soul,
Thinking about the blessing of living with you,
When I stay connected with you all the time,
Is there a need to think of you separately? 3
I need to think of you only when I forget you.
I need to search for you only if you disappear from me.
You never gave me a heart to forget you,
There is no place for you to hide from me. 4
As we live together without separation,
Is there any place for separation here?
Those who don’t understand this won’t get it,
There’s no need to explain to them. 5
I talk with you without words,
I see all my actions as acts of devotion,
Since you live with me all the time,
I never set aside separate time for you. 6
Mathigiri, 4-11-2019, night, 11.30
BT Song 1138
I retired to my room very tired. I was not in the mood to read my regular readings in Muktiveda, yet I did not want to go to bed. So, I sat quietly and began to talk with the Lord. The first line of this song in Tamil came as my request to Him. Inspiration followed, and I wrote this song. As I wrote line by line, I felt refreshed in both body and mind. I felt a comfort similar to an infant being fondled by its mother. I did not see a vision, but I imagined myself as an infant and the Lord as my mother. Feeling revived, I continued my regular readings and retired to bed very late after midnight.
BT Song 1138 You Take Care
This life is thine, so thou must tend its care,
This body too, thou gavest, so protect.
Instruct me in the ways I must be fair,
And lead me as thou wouldst direct. 1
Ne’er have I thought this life belonged to me,
Since thou redeemed me, ne’er have I strayed.
Though sometimes I forgot to turn to thee,
My love for thee has never once decayed. 2
I lack the depth to fathom thy great love,
Thy noble care for me, I scarce can tell.
What little I perceive comes from above,
Its breadth, its length, its height, its depth excel. 3
Thy love surpasses all my intellect,
My wisdom cannot grasp its vast expanse.
Though Vedas teach, my heart it can’t detect,
Its fullness leaves me in a blissful trance. 4
But when thou cam’st so near and touched my brow,
The bliss I felt compelled me plead, “Away!”
Thou saw’st my plight, and mercy moved thee now,
To serve and soothe me, as I went astray. 5
In pity, thou didst gird thyself to serve,
With tender care my body, heart, and soul.
Thou heldst me close, all fears thou didst dissolve,
And fondled me with love to make me whole. 6
As in a mother’s arms a child finds rest,
So did I gaze upon thy face, relieved.
Thou huggedst me, kissed my head, and I confessed,
To thee, my soul entirely I bequeathed. 7
So, take this life, this body thou hast given,
Protect my mind, bestow thy grace and guide.
Grant me the boon to worship thee from heaven,
And in thy love forever to abide. 8
Mathigiri, 5-11-2019, night, 10.30
BT Song 1138 You Take Care
This life is given by you, so you take care of it,
This body is given by you, so you protect it.
Just tell me what to do,
And lead me accordingly. 1
I never lived thinking this life is mine,
Since the day you redeemed me, I never left you.
Though I forgot you sometimes,
My love for you has not lessened. 2
I don’t have the capacity to understand,
Your noble love for me.
What I know is very little,
I cannot measure its breadth, length, depth, and height. 3
It never came within the limit of intellect,
I am not competent enough to research it.
Though your Veda teaches me,
My heart never understood it fully. 4
But when you came near me,
And when your fingers touched me,
The bliss I felt overcame me,
I begged you to go away from me. 5
Seeing my condition, you took pity on me,
Tied a towel around your waist and served me.
As my body, heart, and soul melted,
You carried me like a baby and fondled me with love. 6
Like a child comforted in its mother’s arms,
As I looked at your face removing my fear,
You hugged me again and kissed my head,
I gave myself completely to you. 7
Therefore, you take care of this life you gave me,
Along with the body, protect my mind too.
Give your grace and rule over me,
Grant me the boon to worship you every day. 8
Mathigiri, 5-11-2019, night, 10.30
BT Song 1139
When we become tired both physically and mentally, pessimism can engulf our minds. Proper physical rest can solve most mental stress and problems. Due to a dog menace, I cannot sleep properly, day or night. All of us in the neighborhood lament about this problem. Similarly, the burden of daily work has taken a toll on me. I am unsure why pessimism occupied my mind tonight. Though I tried to concentrate on my regular readings, I struggled to focus. Taming my mind, I managed to read my regular reading. Before bed, something disturbed my mind again. Pouring my heart out to the Lord, I wrote this poem, line by line, meditating on my condition and seeking the usual solution from the Lord, as He understands me well and knows how to tame and correct me.
BT Song 1139 Your Verdict
Some trouble stirs within my troubled heart,
Bidding me to withdraw from all I know.
For reasons yet unclear, my mind imparts
Advice to idle, letting thoughts outflow. 1
Imaginings incessant haunt my mind,
Both brain and heart in ceaseless, restless churn.
Conjuring worries of the needless kind,
They make me fret o’er things that ne’er return. 2
How shall I tame this nature, wild and free?
How can my restless mind find peace and rest?
Though false these visions, clear to see,
How shall I quiet them, and be blessed? 3
No use in sharing woes with those unknown,
Unless I know their hearts as well as mine.
Even if shared, their verdict, too, is prone,
To miss the mark, leave thoughts and doubts entwined. 4
Thus, there’s no choice but to seek your embrace,
Though oft I’ve come, I’ve failed to heed your call.
Your counsel, though oft given, I misplace,
Now, humbly, I return, surrender all. 5
This is my state, laid bare before your gaze,
Nothing concealed from your discerning eye.
Knowing your heart, I fearlessly appraise,
And share with you, no need for alibi. 6
Unlike the judgments others may decree,
Your verdict, sure, will guard me, keep me whole.
You know the way to truly set me free,
Speak now, that I may heed, with heart and soul. 7
Whether in rebuke, in tender embrace,
Or chastening love that guides my wandering way,
As in the past, as now, in every case,
Lead me, guide me, Lord, each passing day. 8
Mathigiri, 8-11-2019, night, 11.30
BT Song 1139: Your Verdict
Some kind of trouble is troubling my heart.
It asks me to live, keeping away from everything.
Without any reason, my mind also
Tells me to sit leisurely, not doing anything.
As I imagine unnecessarily about so many things,
Both my brain and heart never take rest.
Creating all kinds of unnecessary thoughts,
They make me worry about unnecessary things.
What to do with this nature of mine?
How to help my mind understand by telling it what?
Though I know that this imagination is not true,
How to overcome it?
There is no use in sharing with others
Unless I know their mind properly.
Even if I share, as they cannot understand my situation completely,
Their verdict never remains correct.
Therefore, there is no alternative for me
Other than coming unto you.
Though I came like this several times in the past,
I never listened to your advice properly.
This is my condition now.
It is not hidden from you.
But as I know your heart well,
I don’t hesitate to share it with you.
Unlike the verdict which others give (who do not understand me),
Your verdict will definitely protect me.
You know better ways to tell it to me
So that I will listen to you again.
Whether spanking, beating, or hugging with love,
You will make me accept it.
As you have done it several times in the past,
You better do the same again today.
Mathigiri, 8-11-2019, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 1140
One thought that preoccupied my mind today was: what is this PEACE? I have written poems stating that the Lord gives peace that the world does not provide, or that He alone bestows true peace. But am I sincere in writing this? Have I actually received the peace the Lord promised?
We understand many positive values in life by comparing them with their negatives. For example, love is the opposite of hate. The absence of problems, worries, and troubles is not peace. For me, peace is like silence. Once we experience silence, we break it. Similarly, the peace I talk about is not a life without problems and worries. It goes beyond, something one cannot articulate. But I know one thing for sure: the culprit is my mind. The only way for me to receive or realize the peace of God is through the TRANSFORMATION of the mind, which only the Lord can bring.
BT Song 1140: What Is Peace
Peace, a stranger to my troubled soul,
Unknown, elusive in its truest form.
Not absence of life’s trials, my goal,
But understanding beyond life’s storm. 1
Your scriptures speak of peace divine,
Beyond the world’s frail, fleeting embrace.
Though thought to know, its depths entwine,
Eluding grasp, evading my chase. 2
“When negative thoughts are cast aside,
And positive thoughts reign supreme,
Then peace, unbidden, shall abide.”
Yet this, too, fades as a fleeting dream. 3
Some proclaim, all unfolds by your will,
Yet clarity escapes my grasp still.
Understanding, a quest unfulfilled,
What your will entails, evades my skill. 4
One truth emerges through the haze,
My restless mind, the root of my plight.
Tame its tumult, peace dawns with grace,
This path alone reveals true light. 5
Who else but you, to guide my way?
Speak, and silence this mind’s wild array.
With peace bestowed, this very day,
Grant clarity, lead me, I pray. 6
Mathigiri, 12-11-2019, 10:20 p.m.
BT Song 1140 What is peace
I never experienced peace so far
So far I never understood what actually is this peace?
I never think that living a life
Without troubles, problems and worries is peace 1
Your Veda tells that the world does not give
The peace which you give
Though I thought that I receive it
I never understood its fullness 2
‘When the negative thoughts are removed
And the positive thoughts fill the mind
Then the real peace will come automatically within’
This philosophy is also not useful to me 3
Though many say that
All that happen is your will alone
If I understood this then the peace will come
But so far I never understood what your will is? 4
But I understood one thing clearly that
My mind alone is the reason for this
When I manage to overcome it
I will realize the peace—this much is clear to me 5
But who is there to help me other than you
Just tell only this to me
By over lording my mind which you alone gave
You should bestow the peace for me today 6
Mathigiri, 12-11-2019, 10.20 p.m.
BT Song 1136 நிறைந்த இதயம்
ஏங்கி அழுதால்
ஏந்தி கொள்கிறாய்
என்னாச்சு என்று
என்னைக் கேட்கிறாய் 1
சொல்லவும் தெரியாது
தவித்து நிற்கையில்
தோளிலே சாற்றி
தேறுதல் தருகிறாய் 2
குழந்தை அழுதால்
தாய்தான் அறிவாள்
அதற்கு ஏற்ப
சேவை செய்வாள் 3
அதுபோல் எனது
தேவை அறிந்து
சேவை நீயும்
எனக்குச் செய்வாய் 4
ஏதோ பாரம்
இதயத்தை அழுத்த
காரணம் புரியாது
நானும் தவிக்க 5
சொல்லிட சொல்லும்
ஏதும் இன்றி
தேம்பி நின்றேன்
உன்னருள் வேண்டி 6
விழியின் நீரை
நீயும் துடைத்து
எனது முகத்தை
தோளில் பதித்து 7
முதுகைத் தடவி
ஆறுதல் கூறி
அழுதிடும் என்னை
அணைத்துக் கொண்டாய் 8
அதன்பின் எனது
மனதின் பாரம்
நீங்க இதயம்
பஞ்சாய் மாறி 9
காற்றில் மிதந்து
ஆட்டம் போட
நானும் மகிழ்ந்தேன்
இதயம் நிறைய 10
மத்திகிரி, 1-11-2019, காலை, 11.30
BT Song 1137 தனிநேரம் இல்லை
சொல்கொண்டு உன்னோடு பேச வேண்டுமா
செயலாலே பக்தியை காட்ட இயலுமா
உள்நின்று உறவாடும் உன்னோடு நான்பேச
மொழிஒன்று தனித்திங் தேவை படுமா 1
நின்றும், நடந்தும், இருந்தும், கிடந்தும்
நான்னுனை என்நேரம் நினைத்து வாழ்கையில்
தனி ஒரு இடமும் அதற்கொரு பொழுதும்
ஒதுக்கி நானும் வந்திட வேண்டுமா 2
உணர்வோடு, உயிரோடு, வாழ்வோடு கலந்து
உன்னோடு வாழ்கின்ற பேற்றினை நினைந்து
என்நேரம் உன்னோடு தொடர்பில் இருக்கையில்
தனியாக நினைத்திட அவசியம் வருமா 3
மறந்தால்தான் நினைக்கணும் உன்னை மீண்டும்
மறைந்தால்தான் தேடணும் உன்னை நானும்
மறந்திடும் மனதையும் எனக்குநீ தரவில்லை
மறைந்து சென்றிட உனக்கு வழியில்லை 4
பிரியாத பந்தம் கொண்டிங்கு நாம்வாழ
பிரிவென்ற சொல்லுக்கும் இடமேதும் உண்டோ
அறியாமல் வாழ்வோர்க்கு இதுவும் புரியாது
அவருக்குச் சொல்லத் தேவையும் கிடையாது 5
சொல்லின்றி உன்னோடு நானும் பேசுறேன்
செயல்யாவும் பக்தியாய் நானும் பார்க்கிறேன்
என்நேரம் என்னோடு நீயும் வாழ்வதால்
உனக்கெனத் தனிநேரம் ஒதுக்காமல் இருக்கிறேன் 6
மத்திகிரி, 4-11-2019, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1138 நீ பார்த்துக்கொள்
நீதந்த வாழ்விது நீ பார்த்துக் கொள்ளணும்
நீதந்த உடலிது நீ காத்துக் கொள்ளணும்
நான் என்ன செய்யணும் அதை மட்டும் சொல்லணும்
அதன்படி என்னை நீயும் நடத்தணும் 1
என்னிந்த வாழ்வென இதுவரை வாழலை
எனைமீட்ட நாள்முதல் உனைவிட்டு விலகலை
இடையிடை உன்னையே சற்றுநான் மறக்கினும்
உன்மீது நான்வைத்த அன்பிலே குறைவிலை 2
என்மீது நீகொண்ட உயர்உந்தன் அன்பினை
முழுமையாய் உணர்ந்திடும் திறனும் எனக்கிலை
அறிந்தது கொஞ்சம்தான் ஆயினும் அதனின்
அகலம், நீளம், ஆழம், உயரத்தை அளக்கலை 3
அறிவின் எல்லைக்குள் அதுவும் வரவிலை
ஆராய்ந்து பார்த்திடும் திண்மையும் எனக்கிலை
என்னதான் உன்வேதம் எனக்கதை சொல்லினும்
என்னுளம் அதையும் முழுமையாய் உணரலை 4
ஆயினும் என்னிடம் நீயும் வந்ததும்
அஞ்சிய என்மீது உன்விரல் பட்டதும்
நான்கொண்ட பரவசம் என்னையும் மேற்கொள
விட்டுநீ போய்விடு என்றுதான் கெஞ்சினேன் 5
என்னிலை கண்டநீ இரக்கமும் கொண்டதால்
இடையிலே அரைகட்டி சேவகம் செய்தாய்
உடலோடு, உள்ளமும் உயிரும் தளர்ந்திட
இருகரம் ஏந்தி பிள்ளைபோல் கொஞ்சினாய் 6
அன்னையின் அணைப்பிலே சுகம்கண்ட பிள்ளைபோல்
அச்சமும் நீங்க உன்முகம் நோக்க
உச்சியும் முகர்ந்து என்னையும் அணைத்திட
நானென்னை முற்றுமாய் உன்னிடம் தந்தேன் 7
ஆகவே நீதந்த வாழ்விது பார்த்துக்கொள்
உடலோடு உள்ளத்தை நீயும் காத்துக்கொள்
இதுபோல அனுதினம் உன்னடி தொழுதிட
வரம்தந்து முழுமையாய் என்னை நீ ஆண்டுகொள் 8
மத்திகிரி, 5-11-2019, இரவு, 10.30
BT Song 1139 உன் தீர்வு
ஒருவித நெருடல் உள்ளத்தை நெருடி
ஒதுங்கி வாழ்ந்திடு என்றே சொல்லுது
ஒருவிதக் காரணம் இன்றி மனதும்
ஓய்வாய் அமர்ந்திடு என்று கேட்குது 1
வேண்டாத கற்பனை செய்வதினாலே
மூளையும் மனதும் ஓய்வதே இல்லை
வீணான எண்ணங்கள் பலவற்றை உண்டாக்கி
வேண்டாத கவலைக்கு ஆளாகச் செய்யுது 2
இந்த என் குணத்தை என்னதான் செய்வது
எதைச் சொல்லி மனதைப் புரியவைப்பது
இதுவும் உண்மை இலையெனப் புரிந்தும்
எதன்மூலம் அதனை மாற்றிடச் செய்வது 3
பிறரின் மனதை அறியா வரையில்
அவரிடம் சொல்லிப் பயனே இல்லை
சொல்லினும் நம்நிலை புரியா அவரும்
சொல்லிடும் தீர்வு சரியாய் இல்லை 4
எனவே உன்னிடம் வருவதே அன்றி
இதற்கொரு மாற்று எனக்கு இல்லை
இதுவரை பலமுறை இதுபோல் வந்தும்
நீசொல்வதை மட்டும் கேட்பதே இல்லை 5
இதுதான் எனது இன்றைய நிலமை
இதுவும் உனக்குத் தெரியாமல் இல்லை
ஆயினும் உன்மனம் நானும் அறிந்ததால்
உன்னிடம் சொல்லத் தயக்கம் இல்லை 6
புரியாத பிறர்தரும் தீர்ப்பாய் அன்றி
நீதரும் தீர்வு நிச்சயம் காக்கும்
அதையும் நானும் கேட்டிடும் வண்ணம்
சொல்ல உனக்கு நிச்சயம் முடியும் 7
அடித்தோ, உதைத்தோ அன்பாய் அணைத்தோ
எப்படியோ என்னை ஏற்றிட வைப்பாய்
பலமுறை இதுபோல் செய்ததினாலே
அதையே மீண்டும் இன்றும் செய்வாய் 8
மத்திகிரி, 8-11-2019, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1140 எது அமைதி
அமைதி இதுவரை அறியவும் இல்லை
அமைதி எதுவெனப் புரியவும் இல்லை
கவலை, கலக்கம் ஏதும் இன்றி
வாழ்வது அமைதி என எண்ணவில்லை 1
நீ தரும் அமைதி உலகம் தராது
என்றே உனது வேதம் சொல்லுது
அதைநான் அடைந்ததாய் எண்ணிய போதும்
அதன் முழுத்தன்மை புரியவும் இல்லை 2
எதிர்மறை எண்ணங்கள் நீங்கும் போது
நேர் எண்ணங்கள் நிறையும் போது
உண்மை அமைதி உள்ளே வந்திடும்
என்கிற தத்துவம் பயன்தரவில்லை 3
நடப்பது எல்லாம் உன்சித்தமென்று
அறிந்ததால் அமைதி வந்திடும் என்று
அறிந்த பலரும் கூறிய போதும்
உன்சித்தம் எதுவெனப் புரியவும் இல்லை 4
இதற்கெல்லாம் காரணம் என்மனமென்ற
உண்மை மட்டும் புரியுது நன்று
அதையே நானும் மேற்கொள்ளும்போது
அமைதியை அறிவேன் உண்மையில் இங்கு 5
அதற்கு நீயன்றி துணை செய்வதார்
என்பதை மட்டும் நீயும் கூறு
நீதந்த மனதை நீயே ஆண்டு
நான் தேடும் அமைதியைத் தரணும் இன்று 6
மத்திகிரி, 12-11-2019, இரவு, 10.20
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