BT Song 321 வழியைச் சொல்லு
வேண்டாம் என்றாலும் விட்டு விலகாது
விடுதலை தேடினும் எங்குமே கிடைக்காது
இவற்றின் இடையே நான் படும் பாடு
உன்னையன்றி புரிவது வேறிங்கு யாரு?
நானே தேடிக் கொள்ளவும் இல்லை
நான் அதை விரும்பியே ஏற்கவும் இல்லை
வேறு எவ்விதம் வந்தது புரியலை
அதை விட்டு விலகிட வழியும் தெரியலை
சஞ்சலம் என்ற குணமது கொண்டேன்
சட்டென கோபம் கொள்ளவும் அறிந்தேன்
விட்டுக் கொடுப்பதை முற்றிலும் விரும்பேன்
வாதம் செய்வதை மட்டுமே அறிவேன்
பிறரின் நியாயம் புரியவும் மறுத்தேன்
பிறரின் உரிமையை ஏற்கவும் மறுத்தேன்
மற்றவர் வாழ்வதே எனக்கென எண்ணி
எத்தனையோ முறை காலால் மிதித்தேன்
ஆயினும் கோபம் அடங்கவும் இல்லை
ஆத்திரம் சற்றும் குறையவும் இல்லை
பழிக்குப் பழி வாங்கும் எண்ணம்
கொஞ்சமும் இன்னும் நீங்கவும் இல்லை
இவற்றின் பாரம் தாங்கவும் முடியலை
இன்னும் இவற்றில் விடுதலை இல்லை
என்நிலை புரிந்த உனது மெளனம்
எனக்குச் சற்றும் புரியவும் இல்லை
எழுதி இவற்றைப் படிப்பதனாலே
எவ்விதப் பயனும் இல்லை அறிந்தேன்
ஆயினும் அது மட்டுமே தெரிந்ததால்
அனைத்தையும் எழுதி கணக்கும் வைத்தேன்
கணக்கைத் தீர்ப்பது யாரென்று சொல்லு
கடனும் பட்டது எவரென்று சொல்லு
படைத்த உனக்கே பொறுப்பில்லை என்றால்
கடனைத் தீர்க்கும் வழியைச் சொல்லு
10-8-15, மத்திகிரி, இரவு 11.30
BT Song 321 Tell the means
Even though I don’t want it, it won’t go
Though I seek liberation (from it) it won’t be available anywhere
Who knows other than you?
The trouble I undergo amidst this
I never voluntarily sought it
Never accepted it with any desire
I don’t know how it came within me
And I don’t know the means to get rid of it?
I have ‘chanchal’ (frustration) as a character
I know how to get anger immediately
I never liked to give concession
And I know only to argue.
I refused to understand others justification
I refused to accept others right
Thinking that others live only for my sake
I thrashed them many times under my feet.
Yet my anger never subsided
My wrath never came down
And the thought of taking revenge
Has not yet gone completely.
I cannot bear the burden of them any more
I didn’t received release from them
I cannot understand your silence
The one who knows my situation.
I know that there is no use
By writing these and read them
Yet as I know only this
I wrote them all to keep the record
Tell me who will clear this account (debt)?
Tell me who got this debt (in this issue)
And if you, who created remain indifferent without responsibility
Tell me the means to get rid of this debt (record)
10-8-15, Mathigiri, 11.30 pm.
When I watch any program where some always play the victim card to justify their sufferings because of other’s actions and the retaliation they take against them makes me think that this is part of our own nature. Sometimes we play the victim card to hide our wrong doings or breach of law and dharma. Other times we justify our action (suppression) in order to preserve law and order (in our case dharma). The current standoff in Our Parliament where the Congress is taking revenge on the BJP for what they have done in the past and the way BJP playing the victim card; or the Block Americans playing the victim card and the White police justifying their excess in the name of keeping Law and order, I wrote this song realizing that this is part of even my own nature. The current inflow of refugees to European countries and the way some of them try to protect their interest further demonstrates this human tendency. But as a bhakta I question and accuse God for not helping me to overcome such a tendency within me.
BT Song 322. மழை கொடு
குறையென்ன உண்டாகும்
கூறிடு எனக்கு
கொஞ்சம் இரங்கிட
உனக்கென்ன பிணக்கு?
அண்டம் அனைத்தையும்
படைத்த உனக்கு
எமக்னென வரும்போது
ஏனிந்தக் கணக்கு?
அடடா தெரியாதோ
வீண்னிந்த நாடகம்
சரி விடு போகட்டும்
வேண்டாத கோபம்
சரிக்குச் சரிகட்ட
இதுவல்ல நேரம்
யார் பிழை என்பது
வேண்டாத வாதம்
எவர் தவறாகவே
இருந்தாலும் என்ன?
இத்தனை பிடிவாதம்
தேவையா என்ன?
மழை இல்லாமல்
மண்ணுயிர் தவிக்க
தாமதம் செய்வதேன்
நீயதை கொடுக்க?
சிறியோர் செய்த
சிறுபிழை யெல்லாம்
பெரியோர் ஆயின்
பொறுத்தல் கடனே
என் பிழை பொறுத்து
இரக்கமும் கொண்டு
பசிப்பிணி போக்க
மழையை அளித்திடு
16-8-15, இரவு, 1.00 (17-8-15), மத்திகிரி,
BT Song 322. Give Rain
What you will lack
Tell me that
Why this much hesitation
To show a bit of mercy?
The one who created
The entire universe
Why this much calculation
When it comes to our needs?
Oh! Oh! Don’t we know?
This your unnecessary drama?
Ok don’t have this
Unnecessary anger
This is not the time
To take tit for tat
It is an unnecessary argument
About whose mistake it is?
So what
Whose mistake it might be?
Do you need to be?
This much adamant?
As the life on earth is
Suffering without rain
Why you delay
To give it to us?
The mistakes that
The little ones have done
Needs to be ignored
By the great people
Bearing with our mistakes
And having mercy
To remove the hunger
Give us rain.
16-8-15, 1.00 am. (17-8-15), Mathigiri.
As I visited the ashram after a few weeks’ gap, I was happy. But I was saddened as there was no rain. Everything dried and there was no grass even for cattle. The farmers were looking into the sky, as the sowing season is about to end. Sankar, who is serving in our ashram, said that if it doesn’t rain within a week they will lose this year’s main carp which is the major source for their food. The same is the case in the entire district. So, when I returned to Mathigiri on 16th, when I went to bed by 11.30 there was a slight rain but it stopped. This is what has been happening since past one mother. Rain will come but after a few drops disappear. This is more irritating than not raining.
So, I became completely upset. Already I became very tired as I got up by 3.00 a.m. at the ashram this morning. There was no rest in the afternoon. When I become very tired, I cannot catch my sleep quickly. Then I said in Tamil to God: ‘கொஞ்சம் மழைய கொடுத்தா குறைஞ்சா போயிடும்’. But rain came and stopped. Then I took a paper and began to write this song. Then I got to sleep by 3.30, but I woke up when I heard a huge thunder. Then rain came and continued till early morning. Our neighbours and other farmers were happy.
I am not saying that God in response to my prayer or rebuke gave the rain. But poem is the one other means, next to prayer for me to confront God (and humans too).
BT Song 323 இவ்வளவுதானா?
இவ்வளவுதானா உனது இரக்கம்
இதற்கு மேலே என்ன சொல்ல உனக்கும்
எம் நிலை அறிந்த பின்பு நீயும்
இப்படிச் செய்தால் வேறெங்கு செல்வோம்
பசித்தவனுக்கு உணவை அளித்து
இடையில் பறித்தால் என்ன செய்வான்
கையில் அள்ளி வாயில் போட
தட்டி விட்டால் ஏது சொல்வான்?
அந்த நிலைதான் எமக்கும் கூட
இதை அறிந்த உனக்கு என்ன சொல்ல
’கேட்க’ச் சொல்லி கொடுத்த நீயே
கொடுக்க மறுத்தால் என்ன செய்ய?
நாங்கள் மட்டுமா கடனும் பட்டோம்
நாளும் உன்னை வேண்டிக் கொள்ள
படைத்த உனக்கு கடமை இல்லையோ
பார்த்துச் செய்யும் பொறுப்பு இல்லையோ
முடியாதென்று நீ கூறினால்
போவ தெங்கே வழியும் கூறு
போக்கிடம் வேறு இல்லாததால்
புலம்புறோம் உன்னிடம் வந்து
Mathigiri, 21-8-15, இரவு 8.10
BT Song 323 Only this much?
Do you have only this much mercy?
What else can I say to you?
Once you know our situation
If you do like this, where shall we go?
After giving food to the hungry person
If one snatches the food
When he is about to take the food to his mouth
What can he say?
That is the same with us now
What can we say to you, the one who knows our situation?
The one who taught to ‘ask’, if refuses
What can we do?
Are we alone under an obligation?
To pray unto you every day?
Don’t you have the duty, the one who created us?
Don’t you have the responsibility to see our needs?
If you say ‘no’
Tell us where else can we go?
As we don’t have any other refuge
We lament coming unto you.
21-8-15, Mathigiri, 8.10 pm.
After a long dry season last week came some good rain (see song 322). So with much hope farmers sowed. But they needed another rain for the seed to germinate and when the seed sprouts, without rain they will dry. Finally, a slight rain came and stopped. When the rain came first we all were happy, but as it stopped suddenly after few drops, I become upset and when I was preparing the dinner I said openly in Tamil, ‘இவ்வளவுதானா உனது இறக்கம்’ (Only you have this much compassion). Then after the dinner, to pour out my heart to God, instead of doing my regular reading and writing work, I wrote this song. But no hope. Rain didn’t come again.
[This song I wrote on August 21st. But no rain after that and almost all the crops are drying now. 18-9-15].
21-8-15, 8.10 pm.
BT Song 324 கூடவருமா?
எதிர்பார்ப்பது போல
எல்லாமும் நடக்காது
என்விருப்பம் போலவே
எல்லாமும் கிடைக்காது
இப்படி நடப்பது
நமக்குமே நல்லது
இல்லையென்றால் நம் மனம்
இறைவனை தேடாது
ஆட்டுவிக்கும் அவனன்றி
ஆடத்தான் முடியுமா?
அவன் அளிக்க எண்ணாமல்
நாம் பெற முடியுமா?
நம் தேவை அறிந்துமே
அவன் தர வரும்போது
இடையில் நம் சுயம்
குறுக்கிட இயலுமா?
ஆடையின்றி பிறந்தது போல்
ஆசையின்றி பிறந்தோமா?
பாடை ஏறிப் போகும் போது
கூடக்கொண்டு போவோமா?
சேர்த்து நாம்வைத்தாலும்
சொந்தம் நமக்காகிடுமா?
தெய்வத்தின் அருளன்றி
துய்க்க நாம் முடிந்திடுமா?
23-8-15, மத்திகிரி, மதியம் 2.50
BT Song 324 Will they accompany us?
Everything won’t work
As we expect
I won’t get everything
As I like
It is good that
Things happen this way
Otherwise our heart won’t
Seek after God.
Can we dance in different ways?
Other than the way He makes us dance?
Can we receive other than?
What He gives?
Once He decides to give
According to our need
Can our selfishness
Interfere in that decision?
As we born naked
Were we born without desire?
Will we take them with us?
When will we die and be carried by others?
Even if we accumulate
Will they become ours?
Can we enjoy without the
Grace of God?
23-8-15, Mathigiri, 2.50, pm.
I get or buy a few things expecting that they will fulfill my needs. After the initial excitement settles down, several times the same things that I got become more a burden than a blessing. Not only do they fail to address my needs but unable to keep them at the same time not knowing how to dispose of them, I caught between the two extremes of hope and frustration. Sometimes God shows the illusion that we develop towards material things, allowing them to become a burden for us. This I experienced several times in my life. As one such incident happened today, I wrote this song.
BT Song 325 Your Leelas (divine plays)
You try to say something
You tell something to me
Overcoming me by doing your deeds
You accomplish your will (in my life).
All the incidents are only an occasion
Even human beings too are your tools
Only to accomplish your will
All that you do is only your Leelas!
Even if I wish things won’t stop
When I like, things won’t be accomplished
Without your permission in my life too
Nothing will happen!
There is time to keep quiet
There is time to do many things
Yet without your permission
Neither I can keep quiet or work
I understood this very clearly
And realized your act which you do according to your will
As there is nothing for me to do anything on my own
I too bowed at your feet.
26-8-15, Mathigiri, 11.30 pm.
Another song related to Gadget. As my computer broke, I tried my best to seek others’ help. But as there was no response I felt stranded. Unable to relax or to move further when I began to meditate on this I realized that God is trying to tell me something. As He is in control—response or no response from others, is too part of His divine Leela (play/plan). People, incidents, problems and solutions are part of His divine plan. Once I realize this then I can relax in Him. Then stopping my meditation I wrote this song as my prayer.
Of course there are several questions in the predetermined divine plan. Then the free will is questioned. This also comes very close to fatalism, which will work independently either with divine permission or interference or based on human will or not. But a bhakta of the Lord, by allowing the gospel to incarnate, needs to walk on a tightrope between any two extremes. My understanding is that I have to do my part and when things go beyond me on which I have no control or say, then instead of resigning to fatalism, I will relax thinking that God has different plans which I do not understand in that given moment. But trusting that nothing works beyond His permission will help me to abide in His (divine) peace rather than allowing anxiety to control me. This does not mean that I will keep quiet and won’t do anything further to resolve the crises. Once I learnt the secret that He allows things according to His plan, and then I will allow the peace of God which transcends all our understanding to guard my heart and mind. This will help me to think soberly and act without frustration. Then I will see the alternatives which God has kept which I failed to notice because of my anxiety and frustration. Anxiety will rob both our heart and mind allowing frustration to control us. But the peace of God will allow us to think soberly and to see other means which He has already provided. When any issue is challenged, a common person will try to seek solutions based on emotion (heart) or planning (mind). Nothing wrong with it. But a bhakta by submitting everything with supplication with thanksgiving too will use the same heart and mind, but now controlled by the divine peace rather than based on her strength or nature. The common approach of a person is that she will first think about all the resources at her disposal. When everything fails, then she might seek God’s help. But a bhakta too will do the same but first seek God’s help through prayer (and also thanks giving for the solution which God already arranged, even the answer of a BIG NO) and when things still don’t work, will accept the will of God quietly and wait upon His time and plan to resolve the crises. Then the peace of God which guards our heart and mind will help us to settle down and see the other alternatives which are provided by God.
This may look too philosophical and idealistic. All our claims about what the Lord has done in our life looks idealism for others. But a bhakta who received the divine grace will see that other’s idealism is her sadhana, tapasya, in which she often fails, yet cannot dismiss as mere idealism.
BT Song 325 உன்லீலைகளே
ஏதோ சொல்ல வருகின்றாய்
ஏதோ செய்தி சொல்கின்றாய்
என்னையும் மீறி செயலைச் செய்து
உன்சித்தம் நிறைவேற்றுகின்றாய்
நிகழ்ச்சிகள் அனைத்தும் நிமித்தங்களே
மனிதர்கள் கூட உன் கைக்கருவிகளே
உன் சித்தம் மட்டும் என்னில் நிறைவேற
நீ செய்யும் அனைத்தும் உன் லீலைகளே
வேண்டாம் என்றாலும் நின்றிடாது
வேண்டும் என்றாலும் நடந்திடாது
உன் அனுமதியின்றி என்வாழ்வில் கூட
ஒரு செயலும் நிச்சயம் நிகழ்ந்திடாது
அமைதியாய் இருக்கும் நேரமுண்டு
ஆர்ப்பரித்து அலைமோதும் காலமுண்டு
ஆயினும் உன் அனுமதியின்றி
ஆடவோ அடங்கவோ இயலாது
நான் இதை நன்கு புரிந்து கொண்டேன்
நடப்பிக்கும் உன்சித்தம் அறிந்து கொண்டேன்
நான் செய்யும் செயல் ஒன்றும் இல்லையென
நானும் உன்னடி பணிந்து கொண்டேன்
26-8-15, மத்திகிரி, இரவு 11.30
Leave a Reply