BT Song 56
Without some kind of struggles we cannot have a life here. Particularly in spiritual life if we make progress a few inches the fall will be several feet. In such a situation except clinging to the feet of the Lord there is no other remedy for this. Already we are conquerors in the Lord. Therefore, not accepting defeat at the same time not depending upon our own strength taking refuge at the feet of the Lord is the nature of bhakti.
போராட்ட மற்ற நாளே, நேரமோ மனித வாழ்வில் இல்லை. அதுவும் ஆன்மீக வாழ்வில் ஜான் ஏறினால் முழம் சறுக்குதல் என்பது இயல்பான ஒன்று. இச்சூழ்நிலையில் இறைவன் பாதம் பிடிப்பதுவன்றி வேறு வழியும் இல்லை. முக்தேசனுக்குள்ளாக நாம் ஏற்கனவே வென்றவர்கள். எனவே தோல்வியையும் அப்படியே ஏற்காமல், அதேசமயம் சுயபெலத்திலும் நிற்காமல் இறைவன் பாதம் சரணடைவதுமட்டுமே ஒரு பக்தனின் இயல்பு:
56. ஏற்கேன் தோல்வியை
கதறிடும் ஏழைகுரல் கேட்கலையோ?
கடினப்பட்டதோ உன்மனம் இங்கு?
காரணம் உண்டே என்னை நீ வெறுக்க!
பதிலில்லை என்னிடம் அதையே மறுக்க
உலகம் மாமிசம் பிசாசு என்று
என்னிடம் போராடும் சக்திபல உண்டு
அவற்றை மேற்கொள்ள ஆகாதுஎன்று
அண்டினேன் திருவடி கலங்கியே நின்று.
நீ எனக்களித்த வாக்கினை நினைந்து
நாடினேன் மாறாத கருணையில் நனைந்து
தள்ளிடாதே என்னைச் சற்றேனும் மறந்து
தவிக்கின்றேன் என்நிலை தன்னையே நினைந்து
நிலையான புத்தி என்னிடம் இல்லை
உனக்கதை உரைக்கத் தேவையும் இல்லை
வாக்கினைப் பற்றியே வாழவும் இல்லை
வருந்திய செயலுக்கோ எல்லையும் இல்லை
ஆயினும் நான்செய்ய அறிவேனே ஒன்று
தோவியை அப்படியே ஏற்காமல் இன்று
தோள்தட்டி நின்றேன் உன்பெலன் கொண்டு
தோற்பதோ நிச்சயம் நானில்லை என்று
துணிவாக தெரிந்தபின் உறுதியாய் நின்று
எதிர்த்திட துணிந்தேன் தைரியம் கொண்டு
எனவே தோல்வியே இல்லையே என்றும்!
எனக்குத் துணையாக நீயுளாய் என்றும்
25-08-1993. கோண்டா (உ.பி)
56. I won’t accept defeat
Did you not hear the cry of this poor man?
Is your heart becoming a hard one?
You have reason to hate me
And I am not denying it
There are several powers to struggle
Like the ‘world, flesh and devil’.
As I cannot overcome them
I reached your Holy feet with much disturbance
Remembering your promise that you gave
I approached you drenched by your grace
Don’t forsake me even for a moment by forgetting me
I become frustrated by remembering my situation
I don’t have a stable mind
And there is no need for me tell it to you
I never lived by holding the promise
And there is no limitation for the things to which I regretted
But I know to do one thing today
Never accepting the defeat as it is
I withstood in my position giving challenge by your strength
As I am not going to be defeated
And knowing this for sure taking firmly my ground
I have decided to oppose with courage
Therefore, there is no defeat for me
And you are there as a companion for me.
25-08-1993. Gond. U. P.
In our bhakti in the Lord, we have constant struggle on every front. In fact, I feel that I have more struggles every day on many fronts than enjoying the peace from God. But for me the sweetest battle is one with my Lord. That is why in each struggle I will first make complaints against the Lord for His hard heartedness and allowing me to go through such trials and temptation in my life. This is also the beauty of bhakti. Instead of counting the blessings, we will complain about what we are missing. In everyday relationships too I have seen children complaining to their parents for those things which they didn’t get from them than thanking them for all they received. Bhakti gives freedom for us first to complain and then pray for our needs. In my life too whenever I face any struggle the first thing that I do is making complaints against the Lord.
BT Song 57
Remaining truthful in heart, thought, aim and act is essential. When I thought about this, I wrote this song.
உள்ளம், எண்ணம், நோக்கம், செயல் ஆகிய அனைத்திலும் உண்மையாய் இருக்கவேண்டும் என்று எண்ணியபோது எழுதிய பாடல்:
57. உண்மை வேண்டும்
பல்லவி
உள்ளத்தில் உண்மையே வேண்டும்
உத்தமனே உன்னைப் பற்றி நடந்திட–உள்ளத்தில்….
சரணம்
எத்தனை பலவீனம் என்வாழ்வில் வந்தாலும்
எவ்வளவுமுறையே தடுமாறி விழுந்தாலும்–உள்ளத்தில்….
கவி
உள்ளத்தை அறிந்தவன் நீ
உன்னிடம் மறைத்து
ஒருசெயல் செய்வதாய்
என்னை நானே
ஏமாற்றிக் கொள்ளாமல்–உள்ளத்தில்….
எண்ணத்தை அறிந்தவன் நீ
மனம்போன போக்கிலே
மருவியே வாழாமல்
மாய்மாலம் ஏதுவுமே
வாழ்விலே செய்யாமல்–உள்ளத்தில்….
நோக்கத்தை அறிந்தவன் நீ
பிறர்நலம் கருதியே
உழைப்பதாய்க் கூறியே
சுயநலம் கருதியே
காரியம் செய்யாமல்–உள்ளத்தில்….
25-08-1993. கோண்டா. (உ.பி)
57. I should be truthful
Pallavi
I should remain truthful in my heart
O pure one to follow you…
Saranam
How many weaknesses might come in my life
How many times I might stumble…
Poem
You know my heart
And I should not cheat myself
Thinking that I can do one anything
By hiding from you
You know my thought
And I should not do as my heart likes
By corrupting my life
And not doing deceitful
Things in life
You know my aim
And I should not do anything
Keeping my selfishness
At the same time telling
That I am toiling keeping others interest
25-08-1993.. Gonda U. P.
One time when I was travelling from Ahmedabad (via Jaipur) to Delhi, one young man travelled with me. He is a follower of a group from the West whose motto was ‘be selfish’. And the main thrust of this ideal is that all are selfish and just pretend to be charitable to others. Every charity—beginning from home is done only with some selfishness. So be realistic and do everything keeping your self-interest as the aim. By keeping one’s personal interest as the focus all can live a better and contented life.
As we were travelling in a meter cage and he without any reservation, I accommodated with me in my lower berth. First, I allowed him to sit at the edge. Later he stretched his leg and finally almost lay down keeping his head near my feet. As I never like another person to sleep with me in the same room, I cannot sleep with another person that is too squeezed in a meter cage train (now such trains have disappeared). So finally, I allowed him to occupy my berth completely and managed to sit on the floor and spend the night. So, I couldn’t sleep that whole night. Next day our dialogue continued and at one point he said, ‘I won’t even give thanks to you for giving your berth for me to sleep. As you allowed, I used that opportunity to be selfish, keeping my personal interest.’ In response I said with a smile, ‘I never expected any thanks from you. Above all I too have my self-interest, as I don’t like to sleep with another person on the same bed, I allowed you to sleep in my berth’. The following is from diary:
Feb. 26. … left Ahmedabad…One Dr. Ajai Kumar Sharma, who travelled with me talked… and he has the same idea as I have. ‘Be selfish’—is his philosophy. and he got this idea from some lady who wrote a lot about it (like The virtue of Selfishness). When I said that I am doing some service to the society, he said, ‘if we each one think about himself and develop himself, the society will develop automatically. This was the starting point of our further talk. Then I too agreed that how I also believe in it and how Mukti Nath also said, ‘love your neighbour and you love yourself’. So, without a genuine love towards oneself, one cannot even love others. And my philosophy is this: Man is basically selfish. Even in spiritual life, he renounces everything with an aim to attain something greater. God also asks us not to sacrifice, but to exchange.
His statement was that society imposes so many things (like religion, tradition etc.) and I have it. And at this point, I don’t agree with him because I am what I am because of what society made of me. And I shared my view, that as everyone needs a society for his identity, the society always (naturally) demands something. But one individual should never allow the society to make him dance according to its tune…. when I said, ‘Absolute could never be comprehend’ he as usual argued, ‘no. It could be measured because we have a value system by which we explain or understand everything’. Most of his statements and explanations were based on the book which he read written by that lady…. My last word to him when he got down at Jodhpur in the morning was, ‘be selfish in nurturing the friendship’.
The Indian ideal is:
…The wise say that, for that, for the sake of the family, one can be abandoned, the family may be abandoned for that sake of the sake of the village, the village for the sake of the community; and everything even the world, may be abandoned for the sake of saving the soul…Vidura to Dhritarashtra on the birth of Duryodhana.— Kamala Subramanian, Mahabharata, Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, Bombay, 1985. p.29.
Whereas Mukti Vedic principle is:
Love your neighbour as you love yourself.
But both have their own context about which we don’t have time and space to discuss here. However, in Mukti Veda all the ethics and (both personal and social) dharma are centred on God, our motive is to do everything to glorify the Lord through our lives. Though motive is also important in Hinduism too, yet the ideal is to do your part with detachment (nishkama karma of Gita 2:47). As dharma and not God is the centre of Hindu ideal, ‘greater goodness to maximum people’ helps one to keep dharma as relative one:
… loka viruddha was adharma: whatever was conducive to their welfare, was dharma, even if it meant going against conventional morality, morality being in any case relative to time, place and circumstance.— Chaturvedi Badrinath. Dharma, India and the World Order, Saint Andrew Press, Pahl-Rugenstein, 1993. p. 35
This could motivate the view of ‘end justifies means’. Whereas the Mukti Vedic ideal is that ‘means is equally important as the end’, though we often fail in that ideal.
29-6-14
BT Song 58
58. இதயத்தின் நிறைவு
உதட்டால் மட்டும் துதித்தால் போதுமோ?
உள்ளம் உன்னிடம் வந்தே சேராமல்?
ஊர்மெச்ச நாமும் வாழ்ந்தாலே போதுமோ?
உண்மை ஒன்றும் வாழ்க்கையில் இல்லாமல்!
குருடருக்கு வழிகாட்டும் குருடர் போலவே
குவலயத்தில் பலர் போதனை செய்கிறார்
இடறுவார் அவரும் ஒருவரில் ஒருவர்
இகத்தில் இதுவென்றும் மாறாத உண்மையே!
அகத்தில் அசுத்தம் ஆயிரம் இருக்கையில்
ஆடம்பரம் என்ன புறம்பான செயலில்
இதயத்தில் உண்மை என்றும் வேண்டும்
ஐயனே அதற்கு நீ உதவிடவேண்டும்!
இதயத்தின் நினைவால் வாயது பேசும்
இதைஉணர்ந்தே நான் இங்கு நன்று
தீட்டுள்ள இதயம் தூய்மை பெறவே
தூயவா உன்னருள் நாடினேன் இன்று
31-08-1993. கோண்டா (உ.பி)
58. Content of the heart
Is it enough to praise you by mere lips
Without the heart reaching you?
Is it enough to live a life appreciated by others
Without integrity in life?
As the blind leads the blind
Several teaches on this earth
They will stumble one on the other
This is the unchanging reality here.
What is the use of all pomp and show
When thousands of defects are in the heart?
Integrity is needed in the heart
O Lord you should help for that
As the lips speaks
As per the content of the heart
To cleanse the defiled heart
O Holy one I sought your grace today.
31-08-1993. Gonda, u. p.
‘No one ever lived above her creed’. Particularly in our bhakti in the Lord we always feel as a dwarf not only before other bhaktas but even before the standard of the world. Few times I felt that it would be better if I didn’t know the Lord. Because the demand of the Lord in ethics, the goal post is always raised. There never comes any satisfaction in spiritual or moral life. The raising of the goal post alone is not the problem for me but when it comes to spirituality and morality, God never allows me to be satisfied. I often said that the day we begin to feel satisfied in our spiritual and moral life, we begin to dig our own grave. Some kind of melancholy, some kind of depression in spiritual and moral areas never allow me to enjoy the normal life too. However I realized soon that this dis-satisfaction in spiritual and moral areas is the symptom that I am still alive and will try to swim against the current, unlike a dead fish which is carried along the current of the water in the river.
29-6-2014
BT Song 59
59. உன் பிள்ளையாய்
அறிவால் உன்னை அறிந்திட முடியுமோ
ஆன்மாவில் உண்மைத் தாகமே இல்லாமல்
ஆயிரம் கற்றாலும் உன்னருள் கிட்டுமோ?
ஆவியில் எளிமை என்னிடம் இல்லாமல்!
புவியின் ஞானியைப் புறம்பே தள்ளி
புலப்பட்டாய் நீயும் பேதையாம் எனக்கு
பாலகன் வாயின் துதியே உனக்கு
உவப்பாய் இருப்பதும் என்ன கணக்கு?
இவ்வருள் ஒன்றையே என்வாழ்வில் என்றும்
முத்தேசனே நீ அருளிட வேண்டும்
உன்மடி மீதினில் வளர்ந்திடும் பிள்ளையாய்
உலகில் என்றும் நான் வாழ்ந்திட வேண்டும்!
31-08-1993. கோண்டா (உ.பி)
59. As your child
Is it possible for me to know you through my intellect
Without a thirst in my atman?
Though I learn million things can I receive your grace
Without having simplicity in my spirit?
Rejecting the wise of this world
You revealed to me who is ignorant one
Why you have this much joy
In the praise of this little one?
Give this grace alone in my life
You should bestow O Lord Muktesa
I should become the baby reared in your lap
And live on this earth.
31-08-1993. Gonda. U.P.
As I was seeking an answer to my question, ‘why I cannot lead a perfect life even for a single day’, my search was not only in the scriptures and tradition but also ‘jnana’. Though Hinduism gives importance about proper learning from scripture nowhere it insists that that jnana can be obtained by mere study of scriptures. That is why the need of a preceptor who can impart that ‘jnana’ is more emphasized. ‘Gurubin jnan na hoi’ (without guru one cannot attain jnana).
For me several times this learning that too through too much reading becomes an impediment to get that jnana. I often feel that learning creates more rationality than thinking clearly. It creates some kind of critical spirit on every point rather than to learn to appreciate some good points—however we disagree with them. A good critic is important but mere intellectual understanding creates more criticism than to become a good critic.
Several times in my life I wanted to stop reading completely. But soon I realized that it is like catching the tail of the tiger—not knowing how to escape from it. But my bhakti in the Lord soon taught one secret to come out of it. Real simplicity in the atman by emptying ourselves completely in Him. To say in other words like a baby lying on the lap of its mother, not even knowing, or realizing that it is in the safest and most pleasant place on earth.
Among all other places in a human body the lap of a mother is the most pleasant place—for every person. The joy and peace that not only her child (even grown-up child) enjoys but she herself enjoys is no parallel on this earth. I still remember the way my mother, when we were children or even after becoming teenage boys, would keep our head on her lap and apply some handmade balm on our forehead when we were affected by a severe fever or cold. That time it was not that balm but her touch that quickens the healing. Even now my mother comes and applies oil on my head. I know she enjoys it more than me—though I too like it. But she will often complain with others, ‘he is more than 60 years old but cannot even apply oil on his head’. [Now I miss her hand after she passed away. Each time I apply oil I still feel the touch of her hands on my head-10-5-2023]
The reason for me to share this personal experience is that for me ‘bhakti’ is the only term, concept, ideal, theology, sadhana—RELATIONSHIP which gives that simplicity to atman when I lay my head on His lap than all my reading or reflections (meditation).
BT Song 60
This song is based on the Hindi song ‘He prameshvar charanu tumari’ which I learnt at Mathridham ashram at Varanasi. I think it was written and composed by Fr. Anil Dev.
“ஹேபரமேஷ்வர் சரணு துமாரி” என்ற ஹிந்தி பாடலைத் தழுவி எழுதப்பட்டது:
60. என் கதை சொல்ல
திருவடி தன்னைத் தேடியே வந்தேன்
என்மன வேதனை உன்னிடம் சொல்ல
உன்னிடம் மறைக்க ஒன்றுமே இல்லை
உள்ளம் முழுதும் நீ அறிந்ததினாலே
உருக்கம் நிறைந்தவன் என்பதினாலே
உன்னிடம் வந்தேன் என்கதை சொல்ல–திருவடி….
உள்ளொளி நீயே என்மனதினிலே
உண்மை வழி நீ உத்தம நண்பன்
உன்னிடமன்றி யாரிடம் சொல்வேன்
உள்மனப் பாரம் துன்பங்கள் யாவும்–திருவடி….
அன்பின் கயிற்றால் உன்னுடன் பிணைத்தாய்
முக்திவழிதனை எனக்காய்த் திறந்தாய்
எனக்காய் உனது இன்னுயிர்த் தந்தாய்
அதனால் வந்தேன் இக்கதை சொல்ல–திருவடி….
13-09-1993. கோண்டா (உ.பி)
60. To tell my story
I come unto your holy feet
To pour out my heart’s pain
I have nothing to hide
As you know me completely
As you have compassion
I come unto you tell my story
You are the inner light in my heart
You are the truth path and my true friend
With whom I shall share
All my heart burdens and pains?
You tied me with you with the cord of love
You opened the way of Mukti for me
You gave your sweet life for me
Therefore I come unto to you to tell this story.
13-09-1993. Gonda U. P.
This is one of my favourite Hindi bhajans. The music and the words will move one’s heart if we sing it in solitude pouring down our heart. Particularly the words: ‘tum na suno to kisko sunaavum/ dardh kahaani jo laayaa hum (If you don’t listen then who else can I tell to/ About this painful story which I have brought) is the high light of this song for me. In our bhakti Lord is the final resort for us when every other thing fails. Like every other human being we too try our best with all our means to overcome any struggle. We may go the Lord first and tell this through our prayers. Then we will do our best to resolve that crisis. Other bhaktas of the mandali also could do their part. Finally, when everything fails, we turn to the Lord surrendering ‘let your will be done’. This a true bhakta will never do out of frustration like others who blames the ‘fate’ on which even God have no control according to them. [But we never believe this so-called fate]. We surrender after doing our part knowing well that ‘there is no security outside the will of God’ and ‘God works everything only for our good as we love Him’.
But we have every right to go to lament and pour out our heart to Him. Several times in my life singing such songs bring more peace to me than thinking about the verses from Mukti Veda. Music has its own therapy to heal us. It is a great misfortune that we don’t have Mukti Veda in poetic form like many Hindu scriptures. Fortunately, songs and music allowed in our faith. But I heard that in one particular church they don’t allow songs or music. I cannot imagine my bhakti without songs and bhajans which is part of our heritage—as music and songs is part of our life from cradle to grave.
Here I am sending this bhajan in roman script. When I have time, I will record it and send the music too.
he parameshvar sharan tumaari aaya hum
meri khaani caran tumaari laayaa hum
kuchu na chipaa hai prabhuvar tume se
antaruyaami tum ko pata hai
loog kahe tume dayaa kaa saagar
aruj suno prabhu aayaa hum
tum ho to meri jeevan jyoti
tum ho raahi tum hii saathi
tum na suno to kisko sunaavum
dardh kahaani jo laayaa hum
pyaar kii tu ne bandhi dori
mukti kii dii hai caadar koori
mereliye tu ne jaan gavaayi
nayaa jeeva mai paayaa hum.
(Sri Anil dev?)
O God, I have come to take refuge in you
I have brought my story to your feet
I haven’t hidden anything from you O Lord
You the Inner Controller know everything
People say that you are the Ocean of mercy
Come O Lord and listen I have come
You are the Light of my life
You are the road and my companion on it
If you don’t listen then who else can I tell to
About this painful story which I have brought
How much I am tied with the cords of love
Salvation you have given by offering Yourself
You have given your life for me
I have received new life
Leave a Reply