76. ஓர் வேண்டுதல்
ஞானம் வேண்டும் நானொன்றும் அறியாத
மூடன் என்ற உண்மை அறிய!
நேயம் வேண்டும் உன்னை என்றும்
உள்ளபடி உணர்ந்து உன்னடி தொழுதிட!
ஆசை வேண்டும் ஆன்மீகக் கடல் மூழ்கி
அழியாமை என்னும் நல் முத்தெடுக்க!
அருளும் வேண்டும் அச்செல்வம் பிறர்க்கும்
பகிர்ந்து அளித்து உன் ஆசிபெற!
இரக்கம் வேண்டும் இல்லார்க்கு என்னால்
இயன்றவரை தந்து சேவை செய்ய!
எல்லாம் இருந்தும் ஐயனே நான்
உன்னோடு வாழும் உயர்வே வேண்டும்!
13-08-1995
76. A REQUEST
I need jnana to know the truth
That I am a fool not knowing anything
I need love to know you as you are
And to worship you
I need desire to dive in the ocean of spirituality
To pick up the pearl of Mukti
I need you grace to share that wealth with others
And to receive your blessing
I should have mercy to help the needy
And to serve them as much as possible
Though I might have everything O Lord
I need only the glory of living with you
13-08-1995
The core of bhakti is abiding in the Lord. All other things related with bhakti are secondary. To say in other words they are only a means to the end and also a bye product of bhakti. Of course bhakti motivates (or even would force) us to have proper knowledge about ourselves and also about God. It will long to have true love for the Lord and worship (adore) Him in Truth and Spirit. It will motivate us to ‘work out our own mukti with much fear and trembling’ by diving deep in the spiritual ocean to find that pearl. And it will compel us to share that joy with others. Bhakti also will make us sensitive to the needs of others and never keep it as a private property. But all these will come to an end as time passes and when our buddhi, heart and body refuse to cooperate when we will advance in age. But the longing of the atman to abide in Him will continue as Bhakti centred around it.
21-7-14
BT Song 77
77. புதிதாய் வேண்டும்
மீண்டும் எனக்கருள வேண்டும்
முடிவில்லா உன்கிருபை வேண்டும்
தோல்வியுற்ற இவ்வாழ்வில் வெற்றி
தொடர்ந்திட உன்னருள் வேண்டும்
காமம், கோபம், லோபம் எனக்
கணக்கில் அடங்காத் துன்பம்
தாக்குகின்ற போது எல்லாம்
தயவுடன் எனைக்காக்க வேண்டும்
இவ்வேண்டுதலும் புதியதல்ல
மனவேதனையும் புதியதல்ல
ஆயினும் நீ காட்டும் தயவோ
அனுதினம் புதிதாய் வேண்டும்!
13-10-1995. ரீவா (ம.பி)
77. I need newly
Again you should have pity on me
I need your endless grace
To have success continuously
In this life of defeat I need your grace
You should protect me with mercy
When lust, anger and greed
And other countless sorrows attack me.
This prayer is not new
The pain in my heart is not new
But the mercy that you show
Should be new every day
13-10-1995. Rewa (M.P)
Grace and bhakti are intertwined and one cannot work without the other. And we cannot understand one without the other. In Hinduism in karma, God could be a felicitator to reward according to our action or as per the result of our action. In Jnana, (mainly in Hinduism) there is no need for God (Sankara on Katha, see BT Song 74). So these two concepts can work independently (like dharma) based on one’s aptitude. Whereas in our Bhakti we cannot claim that as we love the Lord He has to do favour for us. Of course, in order to glorify bhakti, this concept that bhakti will also make God dance according to our tunes is there in Hinduism—but not very popular. As He is caught in the net of bhakti, He cannot escape from us. I have already quoted a few lines on these thoughts (See BT Songs 3 & 49). But as Grace is the undeserving kindness from God for us, we cannot demand it and we cannot even ‘earn’ it. It is not even a by-product which bhakti will automatically produce. It is the complete prerogative of God to give or withdraw.
At the same time as per my understanding of Muktiveda, faith is the karma through which we completely surrender to God and wait upon Him to bestow His Grace on us. Though I use ‘karma’ for faith, yet it does not mean that faith works as a cause to produce the effect viz., the grace of God. But it is an ‘occasion’ , says Rao. I find his explanation very useful for me to communicate my thought:
…Human aspiration is necessary for grace. ‘It is the occasion, not the condition or the cause.’ Hunger is not the cause of the food, but the condition for the enjoyment of the food. ‘We must choose to be chosen.’….— P. Nagaraja Rao, Essentials of Hinduism, Mumbai, Sudakshina Trust, 1978 p.159
This subject of grace is very deep and important for me to understand all the Muktivedic teachings on it. In Hinduism too grace is very important, but the pluralism and relativism makes it put in any context one wishes. Whereas in Muktiveda it is purely the undeserving kindness of God having His mercy alone as the cause for it. But both ‘karma’ and ‘jnana’ can add new understanding for a Hindu bhakta of the Lord. It is too much for me to go beyond this. However, I would like to share some points from other scholars which will benefit some of you. My summary of those thoughts or comments to them will be more complicated than presenting this clearly. Here are some.
First from Hindu point of view:
… The author of the Sandilya–sutras, after admitting that the subsidiary forms of devotion have to be adapted according to time and necessity, plainly says: ‘Isvara–tusterekopibali’, that is, when God is pleased even one of the means is effectual. Therefore there is only one thing that is indispensable, and that is the grace of the Lord. You may practise all the external sadhanas and all the internal sadhanas without exception, you may steep yourself in religious literature and you may acquire the reputation of being a pious man. But all these are of no avail without the grace of God. There is an oft-quoted verse in the Upanishads which runs thus: ‘Not by study, not by intelligence and not by much learning is this Atman to be obtained. It can be obtained only by him (p.79) whom it chooses. To such a one the Atman reveals its true nature.’ This does not mean that grace is capricious. It only means that God is a searcher of hearts. We can deceive the world, we can deceive ourselves, but we can never deceive Him. He sees through all our studies, our clever arguments and our pious poses. He sees what sincerity there is in our hearts, and sends His grace accordingly.— D.S. Sarma, A Primer Of Hinduism, Bombay, Bharatiya Vidya Bhavan, 1984, pp.79-80 [the Upanishad verse is mentioned here is also interpreted differently, particularly by Advaitians not as god revealing his grace.—db]
…But the dawning of the supra-consciousness which can reveal this truth does not, even so, depend entirely on our own efforts; there is something like divine mercy that must be awaited. This self can only be realized by those to whom it reveals itself. The perfecting of our moral life is a prerequisite; but no method deliberately and consciously pursued is sufficient to bring us all the way into the full realization of the highest truth. In at least one or two of the Upanishads indications of a (p.61) different line of thought and method of realization are to be found. Thus in Katha III….— S.N. Dasgupta, HINDU MYSTICISM, Delhi, Motilal Banarsidass, (1927), 1992, pp.61-62
Though there is no rationale of divine grace or any limit to the grace abounding, we may venture to state that one must deserve grace by self-effort. We must ascend so that God descends. In fact self-effort and grace are related by reciprocal causation, each being the cause of the other. Unless there is effort, Grace will not come to us; and unless grace is there, no genuine effort can even be begun.–B.R.Kulkarni; The Bhagavada Gita and the Bible. p.34
We know that mere accumulation of facts or incubation does not lead to inventions without that added element, call it intuition, inspiration or the eureka experience which defies rational explanation. In the field of religion we call it Grace.–ibid. p.34
From Muktivedic perspective:
As judgement is God’s justice confronting moral inequity, so mercy is the goodness of God confronting human suffering and guilt….As mercy is God’s goodness confronting human misery and guilt, so grace is His goodness directed toward human debt and demerit. –Tozer, Knowledge of the Holy.
….Hinduism has the idea of a gracious God. But this grace of God is not costly. It is God’s ordinary attitude towards man. Even when He is gracious, God stays outside the problems of human life, and the sin of man does not press hard upon the grace of God or upon the life of God….— FRANK WHALING. An Approach to Dialogue with Hinduism, Lucknow, (Lucknow Publishing House, p.61
Grace is given to a man to teach him and it taken away to train him. .—(I think this from Wurmbrand. Little Notes which like each others.)
I have argued throughout this chapter and chapter 4 that Paul re-thought the very meaning of the word ‘God’ by means of Jesus and the Spirit. There is one great theme which I have not explicitly mentioned, but which I now wish in conclusion to unveil, so to speak, as the very heart of this whole rethinking on Paul’s part.
Paul speaks, in one of the speeches in Acts, of ‘the gospel of the grace of God’ (Acts 20:24). This is, after all, the great theme of the greatest of the letters, which we have studied very briefly in the present chapter. Romans is often regarded as an exposition of judicial, or law-court, theology. But that is a mistake. The law court forms a vital metaphor at a key stage of the argument. But at the heart of Romans we find a theology of love.
We have seen continually that Paul’s redefinition, his fresh understanding, of the one true God came especially through his grasp of the fact that this God was revealed supremely in Jesus, and there supremely in the cross. If we leave the notion of ‘righteousness’ as a law-court metaphor only, as so many have done in the past, this gives the impression of a legal transaction, a cold piece of business, almost a trick of thought performed by a God who is logical and correct but hardly one we would want to worship. But if we understand ‘God’s righteousness’, as I have tried to do, in terms of the covenant faithfulness of God, then there is of course one word which sums up that whole train of thought, and which for Paul perfectly describes the God he knows in Jesus Christ and by the Spirit. In Romans 5 and 8, drawing together the threads of the argument so far, he says that the cross of Jesus reveals supremely the love of God (5:6-11; 8:31-39). If you understand dikaiosune theou in the way I have suggested, you cannot play off justice and love against one another. God’s justice is his love in action, to right the wrongs of his suffering world by taking their weight upon himself. God’s love is the driving force of his justice, so that it can never become a blind or (p.110) arbitrary thing, a cold system which somehow God operates, or which operates God. Because the gospel reveals this covenant love, this covenant faithfulness, of the living God, Paul knows that whatever happens the future is secure. He can announce the gospel in the face of the powers of the world, and they can do their worst to him. The death and resurrection of Jesus have unveiled the faithful love of God, and nothing can separate him from it: 8:38-39
The language of theology, properly understood, gives birth to the language of love. Paul has no problem about a split between head and heart, or between right-brain and left-brain. He has grasped the truth that the one true God is now made known in Jesus and the Spirit. And, grasping that, he knows that he is himself grasped, held, sustained and saved by the faithful love of the faithful God.
But if the true God is as Paul has now perceived him, revealed in Jesus Christ and in the Spirit, this means that Paul’s knowledge of this God can never be a private thing. It is something that by its very nature is shared with a whole community, and flows into a new vocation. How he conceived of this community, its origin, its nature, and its defining unity, and how he conceived of this vocation, this mission—that is the question of justification…..— N.T. Wright, What Saint Paul Really Said,: Was Paul of Tarsus the real founder of Christianity, Michigan, William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1997, pp.110-11
BT Song 78
I wrote this song when I read American Poet Emily Dickinson’s letter to her friend about church. As I have a similar view, I wrote this. My aim is not to criticize or condemn the need and role of church for the (traditional) Christians. They need it. But as I never fit into it, I shared my view through this song. My intention is not to hurt anyone.
கீழ்வரும் பாடலை (அமெரிக்கப் பெண் கவி) எமிலி டிக்கின்சன் தன் நண்பருக்கு திருச்சபையைக் குறித்து எழுதியதைப் படித்த போது, அவரைப்போன்றே என் கருத்தும் இருப்பதை உணர்ந்து எழுதினேன்:
78. தி(தெ)ருச் சபை
கூடுகின்றார் ஒரு சபையாக
ஒருகொள்கை தன்னை அறிவிக்கவே
கும்பலோடு ஒரு “கோவிந்தா”
கண்டதே அல்லாது பயன் என்ன?
“சபை” என்கின்ற பெயராலே
சடங்காய்ப் போனது “மதமே”
சரியில்லை ஈது என்றால்
சபை எதிரி என்கிறார் என்னை
சட்ட திட்டங்கள் போட்டு
ஒரு கட்டிடத்திற்குள் கூட்டி
நடத்துவதும் சபை அல்ல
நான் அறிந்த உண்மை இது
வாரம் ஒரு முறை கூடியே
வழிபாடு என்ற பெயராலே
நடப்பதும் ஒரு நாடகம்
ஒத்திகை சில பார்த்தபின்
அனுமதி என்றால் இலவசம்
ஆனால் அனைவருக்கும் அல்ல
“அச்சபை” கொள்கை ஏற்கும்
அங்கத்தினர்க்கு மட்டும்
நல்லவேளை நாம் பிழைத்தோம்
நாடி வந்த இறை அருளால்
காத்திடு எஞ்சும் வாழ்வில்
கடைத்தேற உன் பக்தனாய்!
16-10-1995.
78. Church
They assemble as a church
To proclaim a doctrine
Other than shouting along with the crowd
What else is the profit in it?
Religion become a ritual
In the name of church
If I say that this is not correct
They call me the enemy of the church!?
Forming rules and regulations/constitutions
And gathering inside a building
Is not a church
This is the truth that I found!
In the name of worship
Once in a week
They enact a drama
After having some rehearsal
Entry is free
But not for all
It is only for those
Who accepts that particular church’s doctrine!
Fortunately we escaped
Because of the grace which sought us
Protect us in the rest of life
To complete our race as your bhakta.
16-10-1995-. Mahari, Rewa (M.P.)
I don’t want to and cannot add any personal comment here. As you all know well my view regarding ‘organized religion’, I have nothing to add. Above all such songs and thoughts came in a particular context. Now I wouldn’t even write such songs or even write such a book like Living Water and Indian Bowl. They served as a safety valve to release the inner pressure within my brain. At the same time, I am not regretting writing them. God has a purpose for all our thoughts, action, reactions and inactions. Keeping Him at the centre of our lives, when we do anything only to glorify Him and serve others, then we need not regret for the bad taste that some of our thoughts, actions (writing) have created for anyone (mainly to us). It is like giving sugar coated medicine only to cure a patient. God uses His ‘Marakkarunai’ which is part of His grace. ‘Maram + Karunai’. ‘Maram’ is the opposite to ‘aram’. Aram is dharma, but ‘maram’ is a negative form of dharma but not ‘un-dharmic’. As He keeps only the welfare of us in His mind He cannot act against His own nature viz., dharma. Though we cannot claim to show ‘marakkarunai’ towards others, yet God can use even our negative1 approach to serve the needs of some—including ours. And this is one such song that served my purpose at that time. This poem is more a critique2 than mere criticism.
25-7-14
1. Another general observation is that our Lord was not content with making positive statements only; He made negative ones also. He was not content with just stating His doctrine. He also criticized other doctrines. I am emphasizing that again in passing because, as I have pointed out repeatedly in dealing with this Sermon, for some extraordinary reason a peculiar flabbiness–intellectual and moral–seems to have entered into many people, Evangelicals included. Many, alas, seem to object in these days to negative teaching. `Let us have positive teaching’, they say. `You need not criticize others views.’ But our Lord definitely did criticize the teaching of the Pharisees and Scribes….—D. Martin Lloyd Jones. Studies In The Sermon On the Mount. Inter-Varsity Press. London. Reprint. Jn. 1966. Ch.17. Christ and The Old Testament. p. 181.
2. It often seems that being critical and producing a critique are being confused and conflated.— Werner F. Menski, Hindu Law, Beyond Tradition and Modernity, Oxford, (2003), Second impression, 2005, notes, 102, p. 524
BT Song 79
Several times when I was praying, my defeats, fear became dominant within me. When I thought about it, I wrote this song.
பல சமயம் பிரார்த்தனை செய்யும் சமயங்களில், என் தோல்வி, பயம் போன்றவை பெரிதாக தோன்ற, அதை குறித்து எழுதிய பாடல்:
79 கோழை
எல்லாம் இழந்திட்ட ஏழை
என்னில் பயங்கொண்ட கோழை
சொல்ல ஒண்ணாத் துன்பங்கள்
சோதனைகள் எனைத்தாக்க
வாழ்வில் சோர்ந்திட்ட மோழை!
சொல்லிடத் தேவையோ உனக்கு
என்துன்பத்தின் மொத்த கணக்கு
சோதனை வேதனை அத்தனையும்
வென்ற முக்தேசனே உனக்கு
என்னுடன் உனக்கென்ன பிணக்கு
அடித்தாலும் அணைத்தாலும் நீயே
ஆறுதல் கூறிடும் தாயே!
இணைத்தாலும் பிரிந்தாலும் என்றும்
என் நிலைக்கானாலும் நானும்
என்றும் உன்னடி நாடும் சேயே!
09-12-1995. லக்னோ (உ.பி)
79 coward
I am a poor one who lost everything
I am a coward who has inner fear
When unutterable sorrows
And temptations attack me
I become depressed in life
Is it necessary for me to tell this to you?
The entire record of my sorrows
O Muktesa who has won
All sorrows and pains?
Why do you have this indifference towards me?
Either you spank me or hug me
You are my comforting mother
Whether I join with you or get separated
Or to whichever condition I am pushed
I am the child seeking your feet
09-12-1995. Lucknow, (U.P.)
Bhakti seeks nothing from God but God Himself. This is reiterated in Hindu bhakti tradition. ‘Either you do good or evil (bad) to me; I don’t know anything. Already I surrendered all mine to you’, says Abirami Bhutter in Abirami Andadi.1 As no mother can hate her own child, God won’t do that. But feeling a sense of rejection is part of our emotion, as we, like a child, DEMAND things not realizing their effect on us. God never rejects us though He withdraws His grace to train us (Wurmbrand). And true bhakti will accept it as part of God’s grace.
25-7-14
1. நன்றே வரினும் தீதே செய்யினும் நானறிவது ஒன்றுமில்லை
அன்றே எனக்குள்ள தெல்லாம் உனக்கென்று அளித்துவிட்டேன்–அபிராமி அந்தாதி,
BT Song 80
Whatever might be my struggle, yet when I meditated upon the Grace of God which sought me every day, I wrote this song.
என் போராட்டங்கள் எவ்வளவு இருந்தாலும் நாளும் என்னை நாடி வரும் இறைவனின் கிருபையை மட்டும் எண்ணியபோது, இப்பாடலை எழுதினேன்:
80. நாடி வரும் கிருபை
நாளும் நாடிவரும் கிருபைக்காய்
நாதனே உனக்கு நன்றி
தேடித்தேடி என்னைத் தொடர்ந்து வந்தாய்
தொலைந்தே போதும் நாடியே வந்தாய்
எட்டி எட்டி சென்றேன் மனதாலே
கிட்டி கிட்டி வந்த பாவத்தாலே
கட்டியம் கூறிக் கோவே நீ வந்தாலும்
தட்டிக் கழித்தேனே கிட்டிய அன்பை
விட்டுன்னை விலகி எங்கு சென்றாலும்
தொட்டென்னைத் தொடர்ந்தாய் மட்டில்லா அன்பால்!
காற்றைச் சிறகாக்கிக் கடைதூரம் சென்றாலும்
உனக்கு மறைவாக ஒளிவதும் எங்கே?
என்ன கண்டாயோ பாவி என்னிடம்!
உன்னைத்தான் மறந்தே ஓடிய போதினும்
தள்ளிடா உன்னருளை தியானிக்கும் போது
தடுமாறி வந்தேனே மீண்டும் உன்பாதம்
மனமும் கரைந்து மன்றாடி நானும்
ததும்பிய விழியோடு வந்தேனே நாளும்.
11-12-1995. லக்னோ.
80. The seeking grace
Thanks O Lord
For the grace which seeks me everyday
Continuously seeking, you come after me
Even though I get lost you came after me searching
I went away and away from you
Because of the sin which come closer and closer to me
Though you came after me by announcing well in advance
Yet I rejected your love which came closer to me
Though I went faraway forsaking you
You come after me without ceasing because of your love
Where can I hide from you?
Even if I go far away by making wind as my wings
What you found in this sinner
Even though I run away by forgetting you
When I meditate your grace which never forsake
I came again unto you by trembling
With a melting heart and pleading again
I came with tearful eyes everyday
11-12-1995. Lucknow, U. P.
Several times I wanted to hide from the Lord. I will stop reading Muktiveda, meditation and prayer. I will sit quietly doing some art work (mostly cross stitch work) listening to some music (mostly Carnatic). But after sometime, tears will come automatically and will silently sob. I knew that I cannot hide from Him, but I tried to ignore Him. Few times in my life, when I had a difference of opinion with another person and some kind of friction came in between us (this happened several times), then both of us will try to ignore the other and pretend as if the other person is not existing for us. This human tendency and attitude towards each other will never work with my relationship with the Lord. However I try to ignore Him and pretend as if He is not there in that particular situation when I hurt Him, yet the realization that I cannot hide from Him. This often came as a consolation and inner fear. The concept of ‘privacy’ and my ‘personal space’ won’t work in my relationship with the Lord.
25-7-14
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