Converted by Chatgpt, following my translation in Tanglish edtied by Chatgpt and then original Tamil
BT Song 1006
When I read any scholarly books which rationalize so many incidents both in history and personal life, I was overwhelmed by the rationalism behind it. But when I turn within me, I see another kind of reality within me which goes beyond reason. The realization of my shortcomings was the inner voice within me which I heard even before my encounter with the Lord. Though I searched so many answers within my tradition, still the explanation given by the Lord convinced my spirit, which brought that transformation which I was seeking; I surrendered myself to the Lord. As I was reflecting about it after reading one such scholarly book, I wrote this song
BT Song 1006 – I Understood
1.
Consciously I see,
This truth is clear to me,
With understanding pure,
This truth’s essence, sure.
2.
If I’ve lived unaware,
Ignorance can’t ensnare,
No blame can be unfurled,
For I, in a haze, swirled.
3.
Your truths, I couldn’t glean,
Till your words intervened,
Yet even ere your speech,
The truth was out of reach.
4.
Whispered within my soul,
A voice beyond control,
Its keeper I know not,
But to it, I’ve cast no lot.
5.
Never lived up to
My own creed, it’s true,
Elusive answers evade,
Is it Karma’s blade?
6.
Clear answers never found,
In life’s cycle, bound,
Karma, time, or divine nod?
Inquiry, fruitless, trod.
7.
But your words, in the end,
Brought clarity, they did send,
A change profound in me,
From confusion, now I’m free.
8.
Thus, in my questing stride,
The truth no longer hides,
Found what eluded me,
In your truth, now I see.
9.
With acceptance, I draw near,
To you, I bow, my dear,
Freed from slavery’s grasp,
Your lordship, my soul clasps.
10.
In understanding found,
Oh, my Lord, I’m bound,
To you, clear as light’s ray,
At last, I see the way.
11.
Henceforth, I’ll not roam,
In ignorance’s gloam,
Understanding shall guide,
In your truth, I’ll abide.
Mathigiri, 3-11-18, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1006 – I understood
1.
I do knowingly
This is not unclear to me
I tell with clear understanding
This is not unclear to me
2.
If I have lived
Without knowing and understanding
There is no chance
To accuse me
3.
I never understood
Because you came and told me
Even before you told
I never remained not realizing it
4.
But who kept that voice (within me)
I don’t know
But I never
Assigned anyone responsible for that
5.
I never lived
Even up to
My own
Creed
6.
I could never find
A clear answer
Is it Karma
Or time or God?
7.
Finally, the answer
Which you gave alone
Brought some
Decisive change in me
8.
Therefore, as I
Have done the research (on it)
I found the answer
Which I couldn’t get till that time
9.
Once I accepted it
And came to you in obedience
By redeeming this slave
You overlorded me—this is clear to me
10.
Understanding that
Oh my Lord, I come unto you
Then I understood you
Very clearly
11.
Therefore, I won’t live
Any more
Without understanding
Or not knowing
Mathigiri, 3-11-18, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1006 – புரிந்து கொண்டேன்
1.
தெரிந்துமே செய்கிறேன்
தெரியாமல் இல்லை
புரிந்துமே சொல்கிறேன்
புரியாமல் இல்லை
2.
தெரியாமல் புரியாமல்
வாழ்ந்திருந்தாலோ
குற்றமும் சொல்லிட
வழியேதும் இல்லை
3.
நீ வந்து சொன்னதால்
நான் உணரவில்லை
நீ சொல்லும் முன்னமே
உணராமல் இல்லை
4.
யார் வைத்த குரலது
தெரியவும் இல்லை
ஆயினும் எவரையும்
பொறுப்பாக்க வில்லை
5.
எனக்கு நானே
விதித்திட்ட நீதியில்
ஏனோ நானும்
வாழவும் இல்லை
6.
காலமா கருமமா
கடவுளா என்ற
கேள்விக்கும் சரியான
விடை காணவில்லை
7.
இறுதியில் நீ சொன்ன
விடையொன்று மட்டுமே
என்னவோ என்னுள்ளே
மாற்றமும் செய்தது
8.
ஆகவே அதனையும்
ஆராய்ந்து பார்த்ததில்
அதுவரை காணாத
பதிலும் கிடைத்தது
9.
அதனையும் ஏற்று
அடிபணிந்து வந்தபின்
அடியனை மீட்ட நீ
ஆண்டது புரிந்தது
10.
அதனைத் தெரிந்து
ஐயனே வந்தேன்
அதன்பின் உன்னையும்
புரிந்து கொண்டேன்
11.
ஆகவே இனிமேலும்
அறியாமல் புரியாமல்
ஐயனே ஒருக்காலும்
நான் வாழ மாட்டேன்
மத்திகிரி, 3-11-18, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1007
Today I become bit tired. So I cannot concentrate on my reading. Quickly finishing reading few pages, I say quietly for few minutes. Then I said to the Lord in Tamil the first line of this song: I should think about you whole heartedly’. Then I stopped thinking. But as I continued to meditate I realized that though I have to think the Lord often, as my mind has so many other things to think, I lose my love for the Lord and even my bhakti become very fragile. Though I know the reason for it and the means to overcome them, still as I am unable to do it, I pleaded to the Lord to just remember my first Love for him and receive me back. Then I wrote this mediation as a poem as the prayer of this day.
BT Song 1007 – I Should Think
1.
Each day, thoughts of you,
Heart’s devotion, true,
Realize your love, profound,
In my heart, your grace unbound.
2.
Yet amidst life’s clamor,
Reasons to forget, ponder,
Even with clear sight,
Bhakti’s path, I might lose sight.
3.
Understanding the whys,
Pain’s weight, love belies,
Though remedies may mend,
Hurdles on the path do descend.
4.
Strength wanes, doubts arise,
Despite reaching towards the skies,
Hesitation still, within,
Even in devotion, a shade of sin.
5.
Despite my condition known,
Why the delay, love’s throne?
Remembering our bond, so strong,
Take this servant back, where I belong.
6.
As thoughts of you pervade,
Your grace, my heart’s crusade,
Grant wisdom, bhakti’s fire,
To free me from life’s mire.
Mathigiri, 6-11-2018, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1007 – I should think
1.
I should think of you each day
With my whole heart
I should realize
Your love in my heart
I should do bhakti
After I understood (it)
I should reach your feet
As a bhakta
2.
There are many things
For the heart to think about
There is a reason
To forget your love
Even after clear understanding
By giving up bhakti
Oh holy one
I could even lose you
3.
I know the
Reason for this
The heart will understand
The loss of pain
Though there is
A remedy for this
There could be many
Hurdles in between
4.
As I cannot remove them
With my own strength
I become
Very sad
Finally, when
I came to you
Still I have some
Hesitation within me
5.
Even after
Knowing my condition
Why do you delay
This much?
Remembering
My first love for you
You should
Accept this slave again
6.
When I think of you
Remaining in my heart
Giving your grace
To realize your love
Giving buddhi
To do bhakti
You should give
Mukti by taking me at your feet
Mathigiri, 6-11-2018, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1007 – நினைக்க வேண்டும்
1.
நினைக்கத்தான் வேண்டும்
நெஞ்சாற நாளும்
நேசத்தை உணரணும்
மனதிலே நானும்
பக்தியும் செய்யணும்
புரிந்த பின்னாலும்
பாதத்தை அடையணும்
பக்தனாய் நானும்
2.
நெஞ்சுக்கு நினைத்திட
ஆயிரம் உண்டு
நேசத்தை மறந்திடக்
காரணம் உண்டு
புரிந்த பின்னாலும்
பக்தியைத் துறந்து
புனிதனே உன்னையும்
இழப்பதும் உண்டு
3.
இதற்கான காரணம்
எனக்குத் தெரியும்
இழப்பின் வலியும்
மனதுக்குப் புரியும்
இதற்கான மாற்று
இருந்த போதும்
இடையில் தடைகள்
பலவும் இருந்திடும்
4.
என்பெலன் கொண்டு
அவைகளை நீக்க
இயலாது போவதால்
வாடினேன் நாளும்
இறுதியில் உன்னிடம்
வந்த பின்னும்
இன்னும் தயக்கம்
இருக்குது எனக்கும்
5.
என்னிந்த நிலையை
உணர்ந்த பின்னாலும்
ஏனிந்தத் தாமதம்
செய்கிறாய் நீயும்
ஆதியில் கொண்ட
அன்பை நினைந்து
அடியனை மீண்டும்
நீயும் ஏற்கணும்
6.
நினைத்திடும் போது
நெஞ்சினுள் இருந்து
நேசத்தை உணர
கிருபையைத் தந்து
பக்தியும் செய்யும்
புத்தியைத் தந்து
முக்தியை அருளணும்
பதமலர்த் தந்து
மத்திகிரி, 6-11-2018, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1008
I have my own plan for my retirement life. But neither god nor others allow me to implement my plan. Again more calls and requests are coming to visit. Few call and share their problem. Though I never like counselling, I have to give some answer to their questions. Apart from this other demands of reading and writing also take a toll on my plan. So, as usual I become upset with the Lord. So after finishing my reading of few pages in the first book, I took the next book. That time I told to the Lord the first line of this song in Tamil. Then I opened the book to read. But I cannot concentrate on it. So closing the book, I continue to argue with the Lord and giving the reasons why he cannot and shouldn’t expect me to work as before. We all know what kind of task master is he. However I argue and reason, there is no response from him. So I took the paper and began to write this poem to pour down my heart. After writing the sixth stanza, I closed and sat few minutes in silence. Then I wrote the final stanza.
BT Song 1008 – Do Your Best
1.
No avoiding the truth, I see,
Strength wanes, this reality,
Amidst uncertainty’s sway,
Seeking guidance, I stay.
2.
Those in need seek me out,
Voicing wants, beyond doubt,
Yet lacking answers, I falter,
Courage’s flame, a flicker.
3.
Time for service, once fervent,
Now fatigue, heart’s lament,
Silence beckons, as strength wanes,
A quietude, amidst life’s strains.
4.
Will they grasp my plight?
Accept reasons, in the light?
Yet with you, I find my place,
Understanding, your grace.
5.
Expectations placed on others’ hands,
Yet silence reigns, no demands,
Refusals echo, despite pleas,
What more can I release?
6.
Answers evade, your will profound,
Even in inquiry’s bound,
In silence, your truth is found,
Response, in silence, crowned.
7.
No avoiding, no pretense,
In explanations, no defense,
Till I pledge my very best,
Will the rod of judgment rest.
Mathigiri, 8-11-2018, 11.10 p.m.
BT Song 1008 – Do your best
1.
There is no chance to keep away this I realized
There is no strength further, this also I understood
In between these, unable to know your will
I am lamenting not finding any means
2.
Those who have needs are seeking me
They clearly tell what their need is
But as I don’t have any answer for them
I don’t have the courage to carry further
3.
There was a time to do seva seeking others
There was a time to toil knowing others’ needs
As the body becomes tired and the heart refuses to co-operate
A time will come to remain quiet
4.
But will others understand my situation?
Will they accept even if I give thousands of reasons?
Joining them as you too expect from me
Is there anyone who understands my situation?
5.
When it is not possible, we should expect from others
When one does not have, we should not ask
When others refuse to accept even after saying like this
What to do? Just tell that alone to me!
6.
But I won’t receive the answer for this
Because your will is very clear
Once I knew that you are the one who is doing
However I ask, there won’t be any response
7.
Therefore, there is no chance to keep away
Even if I give thousands of reasons, they are not acceptable to you
Till I say that I will do my best
You won’t keep down the stick which you took (to beat me)
Mathigiri, 8-11-2018, 11.10 p.m.
BT Song 1008 – இயன்றதைச் செய்
1.
ஒதுங்கிட வழியில்லை உணர்ந்து கொண்டேன்
உழைத்திட பெலனில்லை புரிந்து கொண்டேன்
இடையினில் உன்சித்தம் எதுவெனத் தெரியாது
கிடந்து நான் புலம்புறேன் வழியும் காணாமல்
2.
தேவை உள்ளவர் தேடியே வருகின்றார்
தேவை இதுவெனத் தெளிவாகச் சொல்கின்றார்
ஆயினும் அதற்கான விடையேதும் இல்லாமல்
தூக்கிச் சுமந்திடத் துணிவு வரவில்லை
3.
தேடியே சென்று செய்வதும் ஒருகாலம்
தேவையை அறிந்து உழைப்பதும் ஒருகாலம்
தேகமும் சோர்ந்தபின் மனது மறுத்திட
வாய்மூடி இருக்கவும் வந்திடும் ஒருகாலம்
4.
ஆயினும் எந்நிலை அடுத்தவர் புரிவாரோ
ஆயிரம் சொன்னாலும் அவரும் ஏற்பாரோ
அவரோடு நீ சேர்ந்து இன்னமும் எதிர்பார்க்க
எந்நிலை புரிந்தவர் எவரேனும் இருக்காரோ
5.
இயலாத போது எதிர்பார்க்கக் கூடாது
இல்லாத போது கேட்கவும் கூடாது
இப்படிச் சொல்லியும் ஏற்காத போது
என்னதான் செய்வது அதை மட்டும் கூறு
6.
இதற்கான விடையுமோ எனக்குக் கிடைக்காது
ஏனென்றால் உன்பதில் தெளிவாக உள்ளது
செய்வது நீயென உணர்ந்த பின்னாலும்
எப்படிக் கேட்டாலும் பதிலும் கிடைக்காது
7.
அதனாலே ஒதுங்க வழியேதும் கிடையாது
ஆயிரம் சொன்னாலும் உனக்கவை ஏற்காது
இயன்றதைச் செய்கிறேன் எனச் சொல்லும் வரையிலும்
ஓங்கிய உன்கோலும் ஒருபோதும் தாழாது
மத்திகிரி, 8-11-2018, இரவு 11.10
BT Song 1009
I went to Chennai to attend a family function of my sister’s grand son’s birth day ceremony (ayukshemam). I went to catch train at Bangalore and returned back also via Bangalore. It consumed more time and also I couldn’t sleep properly in both my trip. When I returned back to Mathigiri, it took almost two days to recover completely. Then I realized that I am no more enjoying any kind of travel and I prefer to have my routine life not disturbed by anything. Some kind of tiredness came in my body and mind is also no co-operating. But I receive some invitation to come to North and also often receive phone calls requesting some kind of counseling—which I never like to do. Added to this taking care of my mother now demands more energy and concentration as she is becoming weak week after week. She cannot walk like before and someone should be always with her. And nobody is there to substitute me. But others’ expectation remains the same from me. Though they understand my responsibility towards my mother, still they expect some kind of seva as before. Though I am willing to do, yet both the body and mind refuse to co-operate. As I was thinking about this in my night walk, I told the Lord he alone can understand the actual situation and though I have no other option but walk according to his plan, still my request to him is to consider it.
After completing my walking I wrote this song as my prayer to him.
BT Song 1009 – Try to Understand
1.
Can you not fathom my heart’s plea?
Act according to its decree?
Do you not sense my struggle, dear?
In my heart’s depths, fear.
2.
Though I search for reasons why,
Understanding still seems shy,
Mind’s whims dance in their own way,
Spirit seeks your light, I say.
3.
Intellect’s path, it may choose,
But heart finds flaws, the muse,
Laziness creeps within this frame,
Longing for leisure, it lays its claim.
4.
Is it age or circumstance’s hand,
That dims life’s once vibrant stand?
Acting not with artifice, yet,
Holding my heart’s truth, I fret.
5.
Awareness dawns, yet mercy lacks,
Despite knowledge of life’s tracks,
Yet you hold the final thread,
Knowing how it’s all to be spread.
6.
Walking your path, I’ll vow to tread,
Though my heart’s plea remains unsaid,
Yet, understanding, I beseech,
In my heart, your wisdom to reach.
Mathigiri, 12-11-2018, 10.30 p.m.
BT Song 1009 – Try to understand
1.
Won’t you know my heart?
Won’t you act accordingly?
Don’t you know?
My struggle?
2.
Though I search
For the reason for this
I couldn’t understand it
Clearly
3.
The chanchal mind goes
On its own way
But the spirit within
Seeks your will
4.
Buddhi accepts
What it thinks is correct
But the heart still
Finds some mistake in it
5.
Some kind of
Laziness has come in the body
The heart is longing
To sit leisurely
6.
Should I think that
This is because of old age
Or is it because
Of the circumstance?
7.
I cannot act
Artificially
But I cannot share
What is in my heart
8.
Even after
Knowing this situation
You too don’t have
Mercy upon me
9.
Let it happen what happens
What can I do about it?
You alone know the end
As you are doing it
10.
The only option left is
To go in your way
That alone is
Very clear to me
11.
I will walk accordingly
I will go in your way
But still I request you
To understand my heart
Mathigiri, 12-11-2018, 10.30 p.m.
BT Song 1009 – புரிந்து கொள்
1.
என்மனம் அறியாயோ
ஏற்றதைச் செய்யாயோ
எனக்குள்ள போராட்டம்
நீயும் அறியாயோ
2.
இதற்குக் காரணம்
எத்தனை தேடினும்
அதையும் தெளிவாக
அறியவும் இல்லையே
3.
சஞ்சல மனமது
தன்வழி போகுது
உள்ளாக ஆவியோ
உன்சித்தம் தேடுது
4.
சரியெனப் படுவதை
மூளையோ ஏற்குது
மனம்மட்டும் அதிலே
குறையொன்று தேடுது
5.
ஒருவித சோம்பலும்
உடலிலே வந்தது
ஓய்வாக அமரவே
மனமும் ஏங்குது
6.
முதுமையின் விளைவிது
எனநான் எண்ணவோ
சூழ்நிலை தன்னாலே
வந்ததின் விளைவோ
7.
செயற்கையாய் நடிக்க
எனக்கு முடியலை
மனதுக்குள் உள்ளதைச்
சொல்லவும் வழியில்லை
8.
இந்த என் நிலையை
அறிந்திட்ட பின்னாலும்
உனக்குமோ என்மீது
இரக்கமும் பிறக்கலை
9.
நடப்பது நடக்கட்டும்
நானென்ன செய்யட்டும்
நடத்துற உனக்குத்தான்
முடிவுத் தெரியும்
10.
உன்வழி போவது
ஒன்றுதான் உள்ளது
அதுமட்டும் எனக்கு
நன்றாகப் புரியுது
11.
அதன்படி நடக்கிறேன்
உன்வழி செல்கிறேன்
ஆயினும் என்மனம்
புரிந்திட வேண்டுறேன்
மத்திகிரி, 12-11-2018, இரவு, 10.30
BT Song 1010
The ‘Kaja’ cyclone made havoc and brought relatively good rain in most of Tamilandu, still there was no rain here in our area. The standing crops are drying without water. Farmers are are worried as the crop in their filed is drying. As usual I began to fight with the Lord about it through this poem. But the dry spell continued.
BT Song 1010 – When Will You Give?
1.
Is it fair to withhold the bread,
From the hungry, once it’s spread?
Will the crops survive, pray tell,
If rain’s absence tolls the bell?
2.
When the shoots await their fill,
Crops wither, and hope’s thrill,
Grant rain, with mercy’s plea,
For life’s sake, let it be free.
3.
Farmers sow, with prayers high,
Beseeching skies, far and nigh,
Even as seasons shift and stray,
Trust in your providence, they lay.
4.
When drought’s hand grips tight,
They turn to you, in the night,
With hearts heavy, they implore,
Rain’s grace, they adore.
5.
Yet now, as silence reigns,
And the land awaits the rains,
Why this pause, this delay,
In answering their fervent pray?
6.
As the seasons come and go,
Nature’s rhythms ebb and flow,
Yet your hand, it holds the key,
To alter nature’s decree.
7.
Nature’s realm is in your hand,
Why this hesitation, so grand?
To change a bit,
in mercy’s name
8.
What’s the hold, what’s the fear?
To relieve the land’s despair,
Once you’ve granted rain’s release,
Why withhold now, O Master, please?
9.
If it’s beyond your will to give,
Why delay, why make us grieve?
Shouldn’t reasons be made clear?
For such silence fosters fear.
10.
As the creator, with power divine,
Responsibility for life’s design,
Should I remind you, in earnest plea,
Of your duty to both land and sea?
11.
Don’t blame climate’s fickle sway,
For delaying rain another day,
For in your hands, nature’s plan,
When will you quench this thirst, O Grand?
12.
No use repeating what we know,
Of nature’s patterns, ebb, and flow,
Yet in your realm, changes we seek,
When will you grace us, humble and meek?
13.
Nature bends to your command,
Why this pause, this reprimand?
To alter course, a gentle nudge,
For life to bloom, not to begrudge.
14.
What more is there left to say?
When will you send rain our way?
Answer this, O Sovereign great,
Quench this thirst, relieve this weight.
Mathigiri, 14-11-2018, 10.45 p.m.
BT Song 1010 – When you will give?
1.
Is it correct?
To snatch the food
After serving
To the hungry person?
2.
Will the crops
Survive
If the rain comes
Out of season?
3.
When the shoots
Are going to come
The crops are
Drying, you see that
4.
Give rain
Having some pity
Have mercy
For life to survive
5.
The farmers sowed
Only after asking you
They prayed to you
Before ploughing
6.
Even if Nature changes
Your nature won’t change
Trusting this alone
He sowed
7.
When the
Drought came in between
He begged you
To have some mercy
8.
Taking pity
You gave rain
But why do you
Refuse to give now?
9.
If it is not possible
You should have told in the first place
What is the reason?
To forget now?
10.
As you have created
You too have some responsibility
Should I
Remind this to you?
11.
Don’t say that
As some change has come in climate
The rain also
Failed now
12.
What is the use
Of telling the same
Which we
Humans know?
13.
Nature is also
In your hand
Why this hesitation
To change it a bit?
14.
What is there to
Say further?
When will you give rain?
Only tell that to me.
Mathigiri, 14-11-2018, 10.45 p.m.
BT Song 1010 – எப்போ தருவாய்?
1.
பசித்தவன் முன்னே
உணவை வைத்து
பறிப்பது நியாயமா
நீயுமே சொல்லு
2.
பருவம் தப்பி
பெய்திடும் போது
பயிரும் பிழைக்குமா
நீயதைக் கூறு
3.
கதிர்வரும் காலம்
காயுது பயிரு
விதைத்தவன் கலங்குறான்
நீயதைப் பாரு
4.
மனதும் இரங்கி
மழையைத் தந்திடு
மன்னுயிர் பிழைக்க
மனமும் இரங்கிடு
5.
உன்னிடம் கேட்டே
உழவனும் விதைத்தான்
உழுமுன் உன்னிடம்
வேண்டியும் கொண்டான்
6.
இயற்கை மாறினும்
உன்குணம் மாறாது
என்று நம்பி
விதையும் விதைத்தான்
7.
இடையில் வறட்சி
வந்த போது
இரங்கிடு என்று
கெஞ்சி கேட்டான்
8.
அதன்படி இரங்கி
மழையைத் தந்தாய்
ஆயினும் இப்போது
ஏனதை மறந்தாய்
9.
முடியாதென்றால்
முதலிலே சொல்லணும்
இப்போ மறந்திட்ட
காரணம் தெரியணும்
10.
படைத்த உனக்குப்
பொறுப்பும் இருக்கு
இதைக் கூட உனக்கு
நானுமா சொல்லணும்
11.
பருவ நிலையில்
மாற்றம் வந்ததால்
பருவம் தப்பிப்
போச்சு எனக்காதே
12.
மனிதரைப் போல
நீயும் கூட
தெரிந்ததைச் சொல்லிப்
பயனும் என்ன?
13.
இயற்கையும் உனது
கைக்குள் இருக்கு
அதைச்சற்று மாற்றத்
தயக்கம் எதற்கு
14.
இதற்கும் மேலே
என்னத்தைச் சொல்ல
எப்போ தருவாய்
அதை மட்டும் சொல்லு
மத்திகிரி, 14-11-2018, இரவு, 10.45
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