Converted by Chatgpt. Followed by my translation in Tanglish corrected by Chatgpt and then original in Tamil
BT Song 1021
After reading today’s portion in Uttaraveda in Mark 10:28-31, I wondered what things Malayappar (Peter) actually gave up in order to follow the Lord. Then followed the imagined conversation which I wrote in this song. Gaining many fold relatives and wealth may be a blessing, but it comes with heavy responsibility. In order to carry that responsibility, we need to do what the Lord told the rich man in verse 21. And I think that without understanding this, renouncing anything for the Lord is mere textual idealism and not practical.
BT Song 1021: Which one did we give up?
When he said, “We left everything to follow you,”
I pondered on his words so true.
“What are the things that you gave up?” I asked.
“Life, relatives, and others,” he unmasked. 1
I began to probe about it,
“Is it true?” I asked, not lit.
Turning around, he said with a sigh,
“I told that for others’ sake,” his reply. 2
Leaving him, to know more about it,
From the Lord, I sought to submit:
“Did you ask us to give up everything,
Only to gain back a hundredfold, our king?” 3
Once I asked him in this way,
He said, “What I told that day,
To the rich young man in his plight,
Has the answer that sheds light.” 4
“Follow me by taking up your cross,
Come behind me, let your ego toss.
Until you give up that, there’s no use,
Renouncing other things is an excuse.” 5
“If you follow me by giving up your pride,
Relatives, friends, and others won’t divide.
They’ll never be a burden anymore,
First, understand this at your core,” he swore. 6
Then I realized as I carried my ego high,
I needed his help, so I did try.
I asked him to help me give up that first,
And sought this boon to quench my thirst. 7
Mathigiri, 1-12-2018, 10:45 p.m. Mark 10:28-30
BT Song 1021: Which one did we give up?
When he said, ‘We left everything (to follow you),’
I thought about what he said.
‘What are the things that you gave up?’ I asked.
‘Life, relatives, and others,’ he responded. 1
I began to probe about it.
‘Is it true?’ I asked him.
Turning around, he said,
‘I told that for others’ sake.’ 2
Leaving him and in order to know about it,
I asked the Lord:
‘Did you ask us to give up everything,
Only to gain back a hundredfold?’ 3
Once I asked him like this,
He said: ‘What I told
Before that rich young man
Has the answer for everything.’ 4
‘Follow me by taking my cross.
Come behind me in order to give up your ego.
Until you give up that, there is no use
In renouncing anything else.’ 5
‘If you come after me by giving up your ego,
Relatives, friends, and others
Will never become a burden to you anymore.
First, you better understand this,’ he said. 6
Then I realized that
As I am carrying my ego,
I asked for his help to give up that first,
And I asked for that as a boon from him. 7
Mathigiri, 1-12-2018, 10:45 p.m. Mark 10:28-30
BT Song 1022: We never miss it
This is the peace,
I realized,
When you gave it,
I felt it inside.
When I finally came,
To your feet,
I felt its depth,
In my heart, so sweet. 1
A certain silence,
Will rule the mind,
It dwells in the heart,
Leaving senses behind.
It mingles
With the soul,
Beyond sensations,
Making me whole. 2
I found the one
The world can’t give,
I realized it’s
Something they can’t live.
Wherever I searched,
I found it true,
I can’t get it
Other than from you. 3
Once you
Bestowed it upon me,
Once it abides,
Permanently,
However circumstances,
May try,
I’ll never lose it,
And here’s why: 4
Though frustration
Makes my heart doubt,
I seek it,
And find out,
Experiencing comfort,
It provides,
Overcoming frustration,
In strides. 5
I’m not
Qualified to receive,
Once I received,
I can’t believe.
But your mercy,
Lets it stay,
Within me,
Every day. 6
Mathigiri, 7-12-2018, 10:45 p.m.
BT Song 1022: We never miss it
This is that peace,
I realized.
When you gave that,
I understood it.
When I come finally
At your feet,
I experienced its depth,
Deep in my heart. 1
Some kind of silence
Will rule the mind.
It will dwell in the heart,
Going beyond sense.
It will mingle
With the atman,
Transcending mere
Sensationalism. 2
I attained the one
Which the world cannot give.
I realized that the
World cannot understand it.
Wherever I search for it,
I understood that
I cannot get it
Other than from you. 3
Once you
Bestowed it upon me,
Once it abides
Within me permanently,
However the
Circumstances try,
I will never lose it.
I realized that also. 4
Though out of
Frustration as my heart
Often doubts it
And approaches it,
Experiencing that
Comfort that it gives,
It will realize that
Overcoming frustration. 5
I am not
Qualified to receive it.
Once I received it,
I don’t have the strength to protect it.
Because of your mercy,
As it abides within me,
There is no chance for me
To lose it! 6
Mathigiri, 7-12-2018, 10:45 p.m.
BT Song 1023
As I was doing my night walk, I said to the Lord that what I need immediately is some rest. Then I told him that if my body needs rest, it will automatically take it as he has arranged such a mechanism within the body. But unless he gives rest to the mind, it will never take it on its own. He never created any mechanism other than his intervention to calm it and allow it to rest. Reflecting on this, I wrote this song.
BT Song 1023: Need rest
My immediate need
Is rest,
I tell this
After a test.
Do I need
To tell you
What kind of
Rest, I pursue? 1
When the body
Needs some rest,
It takes it
As it knows best.
When it comes
To the mind,
It refuses
To unwind. 2
Why did you
Forget to create,
The mind
Like the body’s state?
Whatever might be
The reason for this,
I alone suffer,
In this abyss. 3
What happened to your responsibility,
As you created this ability?
Why hesitate
To give an answer clear?
Is it beyond you,
To adhere? 4
Does it have
A separate authority?
Does it possess
A strength independently?
“No” alone
Is the truth,
But why does it have
Such strength, forsooth? 5
Therefore, I
Need an answer now,
The wavering mind,
Should calm somehow.
If you refuse to,
Do that part,
Then your burden
Will break your heart. 6
Carrying the burden
May be easy for you,
But don’t say
You’ll carry it through.
This is not
A simple weight,
Once you carry it, you’ll berate,
I’m not responsible for that state. 7
There is a way
To escape, you see,
For both of us,
You’ll agree.
If you give it soon,
We both will flee,
If you delay,
You’ll carry it with me. 8
Mathigiri, 7-12-2018, 11:10 p.m.
BT Song 1023: Need rest
My immediate need
Is rest.
I tell this
Only after realizing it.
Do I need
To tell you
What kind of
Rest it is? 1
When the body
Needs some rest,
It will take it
Automatically.
When it comes
To the mind,
It refuses
To take rest. 2
Why did you
Forget to create
The mind
Like that of the body?
Whatever might be
The reason for it,
I alone suffer.
You see that! 3
What happened to your responsibility
As you alone created it?
Why do you hesitate
To give an answer to this?
Has it become
An act beyond you?
Therefore it became
Impossible for you? 4
Does it have
Any separate authority?
Does it have any strength
Beyond you?
‘No’ alone
Is the truth.
But why does it have
This much strength? 5
Therefore, I
Need an answer to this.
The wavering mind
Should calm down.
If you refuse to
Do that,
Then your burden
Alone will increase. 6
As carrying the burden
Is easy for you,
Don’t say that
You will carry it.
This is not
That kind of simple burden.
Once you carry it and then lament,
I am not responsible for that. 7
There is a
Way to escape for both of us.
You too know
About it.
If you give it soon,
We both can escape.
If you delay further,
Then you have to carry it. 8
Mathigiri, 7-12-2018, 11:10 p.m.
BT Song 1024
I was a bit disturbed by what was happening around me in my neighborhood. Though I am not responsible, as a neighbor I cannot remain unaffected. Then I said to the Lord this night that he knows what my need is, but he refuses to give the answer to it. As I began to argue with him, I wrote this song as my prayer today.
BT Song 1024: My need
When I didn’t want, you compelled me to take,
When I desired, you refused for my sake.
When I asked the reason for that,
You refused to tell, leaving it flat. 1
In one way, this is good for me,
Because you understand my plea.
As I don’t know what my need is,
You know what’s best for me in this. 2
I accepted what you gave by force,
When you refused, sadness was my course.
But I realized the blessing in it,
So I accepted your will, bit by bit. 3
Whatever you give, it is enough,
I just need a heart, though it’s tough.
The one who provided thus far,
Will care for me, no matter how far. 4
But there’s a need beyond all needs,
It’s better for you to heed.
I need not tell you what it is,
I’ll receive it whenever, it’s not amiss. 5
Mathigiri, 16-12-2017, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 1024: My need
When I don’t want, you gave by compelling me.
When I desired, you refused to give.
When I asked the reason for that,
You refused to tell. 1
One way, this is good for me
Because you understood my situation.
As I don’t know what my need is,
You know what is good for me. 2
I accepted what you gave by compelling me.
When you refused to give, I felt sad.
But I realized the blessing in it.
Therefore, I accepted your will in it. 3
Whatever you give, that is enough for me.
I only need a heart to accept it.
The one who provided so far will take care in the future too.
This one thought alone should abide in me. 4
But there is a need going beyond all needs.
It is better for you to understand it.
I need not tell about it to you.
I will receive whenever you give; I am not denying it. 5
Mathigiri, 16-12-2017, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 1025
As I continued to think about the problem that is happening in my neighborhood, this morning while I was preparing coffee for my mother, I continued to think only about it. Then silently, I began to talk with the Lord while I was working. After giving coffee to my mother, I continued to meditate upon it. I came to my room and began to write this song. But surprisingly, after writing this song, I found the answer and intervened in the matter, managing to bring peace for all—at least for the time being. I took a firm step and made it clear that if they followed my advice, there would be peace in their family and neighborhood.
BT Song 1025: I won’t let you go
I ask only
Because I don’t know.
Can’t you give an answer,
Since you do so? 1
I never forgot you,
Even for a day.
I don’t know
Any other way. 2
If I knew,
Would I come to you?
Would I
Disturb you so true? 3
Knowing that
I am a little boy who doesn’t know,
You should give your answer,
Quickly and show. 4
There’s no point
In delaying more,
I am not
Going to let you go. 5
If you mock me
Knowing my nature,
Many troubles
Will come, I wager. 6
What’s going on?
I can’t understand,
But I am not
Responsible for this land. 7
Definitely, you too are
Not to blame,
But the responsibility
Isn’t mine to claim. 8
Whatever might be
The reason for it,
We are mere
Instruments in your kit. 9
You know,
As you do it all,
I have the right
To know, to call. 10
That alone
I am asking you,
If you tell me,
I’ll be through. 11
Till then,
I won’t be still,
I’ll come
Often, I will. 12
Think about what
Happened so far,
So give me
An answer, wherever you are. 13
Mathigiri, 17-2-2018, 6:30 a.m.
BT Song 1025: I won’t let you go
I ask only
As I don’t know.
Can’t you give an answer
As you know about it? 1
I never forgot you
Even for a day.
I don’t know
Any other name. 2
If I knew,
Would I come to you?
Would I
Disturb you often? 3
Knowing that
I am a little boy who does not know,
You should give your answer
Quickly accordingly. 4
There is no point
In delaying further.
I am not
Going to let you go. 5
If you mock me
After knowing my nature,
Lots of troubles are
Waiting for you. 6
What is going on?
I cannot understand.
But I am not
Responsible for that. 7
Definitely, you too are
Not responsible for that.
But the responsibility
Is not in my hand. 8
Whatever might be
The reason for it,
We are mere
Instruments in your hands. 9
You know,
As you are doing it,
I have the right
To know about it. 10
That alone
I am asking you.
If you tell that to me,
I will keep quiet. 11
Till then,
I won’t remain silent.
I will come
Often to you. 12
Think about what
Happened so far.
Therefore, give
An answer now. 13
Mathigiri, 17-2-2018, 6:30 a.m.
BT Song 1021 எதை விட்டோம்
எல்லாவற்றையும் விட்டு வந்தோம்
என்றவன் சொன்னதை எண்ணிப்பார்த்தேன்
விட்டது எவையென என்று கேட்டேன்
சுற்றம், உற்றம் மற்றும் வாழ்வை என்றான்
சற்றதை ஆராய்ந்து நானும் பார்த்தேன்
சொன்னது உண்மையா என்று கேட்டேன்
சுற்றும் முற்றும் அவன் பார்த்துவிட்டு
மற்றவர்க்காய்ச் சொன்னேன் என்றான்
அவனை விட்டு நானும் ஐயனிடம்
அதுபற்றி அறிந்திட ஆர்வம் கொண்டு
நூறத்தனையாகத் தருவதற்காகவா
உள்ளது அனைத்தையும் விடச் சொன்னாய்
என்றுநான் கேட்டு நின்ற பின்னே
அதற்கு முன்பாக செல்வந்தனிடம்
இறுதியாய்ச் சொன்னதை நினைவு கூறு
இதனுள் அடங்கும் அனைத்து மென்றான்
‘சிலுவையைச் சுமந்து என்பின்னே வா
சுயத்தை முற்றிலும் விட்டிட வா
அதனைத் துறக்கா வரையினிலே
எதனைத் துறந்தும் பயனே இல்லை
சுயத்தைத் துறந்து வந்தாயானால்
சொந்தம், பந்தம், மற்ற உறவு எல்லாம்
ஒருநாளும் பாரமாய் ஆவதில்லை
உணர்ந்திடு முதலில் இதனை என்றான்’
அதன்பின் அதனை உணர்ந்து கொண்டேன்
ஆயினும் சுயத்தைச் சுமப்பதினால்
அதனையே துறந்திட உதவு என்றேன்
அதைமட்டும் வரமாக வேண்டி நின்றேன்
மத்திகிரி, 1-12-2018, இரவு, 10.45. மாற்கு, 10: 28-30
BT Song 1022 இழப்பது இல்லை
இதுதான் அமைதி
என்பதை அறிந்தேன்
நீதரும் போது
நானதைப் புரிந்தேன்
இறுதியில் உன்னடி
வருகின்ற போது
அதனின் ஆழம்
மனதுள் உணர்ந்தேன்
ஒருவித மவுனம்
சிந்தையை ஆளும்
உணர்வினைக் கடந்து
உள்ளத்தில் நிறையும்
உணர்ச்சியின் விளைவு
என்பதைக் கடந்து
உயிரில் கலந்து
நிலைத்து நிற்கும்
உலகம் தராத
ஒன்றினை அடைந்தேன்
உலகம் அறியாது
என்று உணர்ந்தேன்
எங்கும் அலைந்து
தேடிய போதும்
உன்னிடம் அன்றிக்
கிடைக்காது புரிந்தேன்
நீதந்த பின்னே
நிரந்தரமாக
என்னுள்ளே நிலைத்து
நின்ற பின்னாலே
சூழ்நிலை ஏதும்
முயற்சி செய்தாலும்
நானதை இழக்கேன்
என்பதை உணர்ந்தேன்
சஞ்சலம் கொண்ட
என்னுளம் அடிக்கடி
சந்தேகம் கொண்டு
அணுகிடும் போதும்
அதுதரும் நிம்மதி
தன்னையும் உணர்ந்து
ஆறுதல் அடையும்
சஞ்சலம் மீறி
அதனைப் பெறுகிற
தகுதியும் இல்லை
பெற்றபின் காக்கப்
பெலனும் இல்லை
ஆயினும் உனது
இரக்கத்தினாலே
என்னுள் நிலைக்க
இழப்பதும் இல்லை
மத்திகிரி, 7-12-2018, இரவு, 10.45
BT Song 1024 என்தேவை
வேண்டாத போது வலியவே தந்தாய்
விரும்பிடும் போது கேட்டுமே மறுத்தாய்
காரணம் அதனை நான்கேட்ட போதும்
கூறிட மட்டும் நீயும் மறுத்தாய்
இதுகூட ஒருவிதம் நல்லதே எனக்கு
ஏனென்றால் எந்நிலை புரிந்தது உனக்கு
என்தேவை எதுவெனத் தெரியாத எனக்கு
எதுநன்மை என்பது தெரிந்தது உனக்கு
வலியநீ தந்ததை விரும்பி ஏற்றேன்
தர மறுத்தால் மனது சோர்ந்தேன்
ஆயினும் அதிலுள்ள நன்மையை அறிந்தேன்
அதனால் உன்சித்தம் அதனை ஏற்றேன்
எதைநீ தந்தாலும் எனக்கது போதும்
ஏற்றிடும் மனது ஒன்றுமே வேண்டும்
இதுவரை தந்தவன் இன்னமும் காப்பான்
என்கிற எண்ணம் நிலைத்திட வேண்டும்
தேவைகள் கடந்த தேவை ஒன்று
இருப்பதை நீயும் புரிவதே நன்று
நானதைச் சொல்லத் தேவையும் இல்லை
தரும்போதே ஏற்பேன் மறுக்கவும் இல்லை
மத்திகிரி, 16-12-2017, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1025 விடமாட்டேன்
தெரியாமல் தானே
நானும் கேட்கிறேன்
தெரிந்த நீயும்
பதில்தரக் கூடாதா
ஒருநாளும் உன்னை
மறந்தது கிடையாது
உன்நாமம் அன்றி
வேறெதும் தெரியாது
அறிதால் உன்னிடம்
நான் வருவேனோ
அடிக்கடி வீணாகத்
தொல்லை கொடுப்பேனோ
அறியாத சிறுவன்
என்பதை அறிந்து
அதற்கேற்ப பதிலை
தரணும்நீ விரைந்து
தாமதம் செய்வதால்
இலாபமும் இல்லை
நானுனை இனியும்
விடுவதாய் இல்லை
என்குணம் அறிந்து
ஏளனம் செய்தால்
இருக்குது உனக்கு
தொல்லைகள் மிகுந்து
நடப்பது என்ன
புரியவும் இல்லை
அதற்குக் காரணம்
நானுமே இல்லை
நிச்சயம் நீயும்
காரணம் இல்லை
ஆயினும் பொறுப்பு
எனதாய் இல்லை
காரணம் எவராய்
இருந்த போதும்
கருவிகள் தானே
நாங்களும் உன்னிடம்
நடத்துற உனக்கு
தெரிந்து இருக்கு
நானதை அறியும்
உரிமை இருக்கு
அதைத்தான் நானும்
உன்னிடம் கேட்கிறேன்
அதைநீ சொன்னால்
வாய்மூடிக் கொள்கிறேன்
அதுவரை நானும்
ஓய மாட்டேன்
அடிக்கடி உன்னிடம்
வந்து நிற்பேன்
இதுவரை நடந்ததை
எண்ணி பாரு
அதனால் பதிலை
இப்போது கூறு
மத்திகிரி, 17-2-18 காலை, 6.30
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