BT Song 1046
Familiarity breeds contempt. This is truer with relatives than in any other kind of relationship in life. I like the Hindi proverb which says: “bartaan nazdeek rahata hai to bahut takraata hai” (if vessels are kept very close, they clash much). So, in that friction of relationships, we often get hurt but somehow manage to overcome it and continue to maintain our relationships. However, there comes a certain time when the hurt creates a fatal wound that cripples us in carrying out our responsibilities. As I faced another such incident, I was deeply disturbed and began to argue with the Lord. I am willing to shoulder my responsibilities and I never consider it a burden. But what he is presently doing in the name of preparing me for some other future plan is too much for me to handle. So I asked him for an answer. Otherwise, he alone will have to face the consequences of carrying me on his shoulders. If I receive a small scratch, he can apply some balm. But if he allows me to be fatally wounded, which might cripple me, then he alone will have to carry me till the end.
My brother came to visit us and he was pressuring my mother to come and stay with him for a few months. He had already told me that I needed a break, otherwise my life would become monotonous. He said this with genuine concern. He also told my mother (while I was on my evening walk) that she should give me some space to breathe by allowing me to travel a bit, as I hadn’t gone anywhere outside my house. However, I never said anything to my brother or complained about my service to my mother. I never even suggested that we both should share our responsibilities to some extent. In fact, whenever he wanted to take my mother with him, I warned him that it wouldn’t be easy for him to manage both his wife and mother in one place (it’s like walking on fire while pouring boiling oil on one’s head). All such attempts in the past failed, and my mother returned within a few weeks of staying with him. In fact, he even asked me to take my mother back because he couldn’t manage two women simultaneously (this is not male domination but an Indian reality). So my mother agreed to go with him. But the next day, when he called to confirm the date for the next month, she said she couldn’t come and didn’t want to come. My brother became upset and started scolding my mother, disregarding my needs. This upset my mother, and she turned against me, saying that my brother and I had conspired to send her to an old age home again (with my brother). When she called my sister to complain about it, instead of taking her side, my sister scolded my mother. That was enough; my mother began to lament and became upset with me. Although I clearly told her that I never asked my brother to take her with him for a few months or even weeks, I also understood her situation. She feels comfortable only staying here, and that too with me. Currently, someone should always be with her as she has become a bit weak and unable to walk properly. This means I cannot go anywhere. I couldn’t participate in the year-end meeting held in the ashram in December 2018. Similarly, I cannot go unless my mother agrees to come with me to the ashram for the meeting, but she doesn’t like that either. I’ve become a prisoner of the situation (a Tamil proverb: சூழ்நிலைக் கைதி). Finally, I became upset with the Lord and wrote this song.
BT Song 1046 I am not worried
What should I do?
Better you explain it to me
You show me
The way forward, I plea
You leave me in the forest
Blindfolded and bound
You ask me to walk
Though I often stumble around
Yet I persist
Taking each step as I can
Enduring scratches and falls
As part of this unplanned plan
Why this challenge you give?
What’s your goal in all of this?
I lack the strength now
Not as keen as before, I confess
I only promised
To do what I can
You agreed likewise
Now here we stand
Thus far, I’ve tried
To meet expectations set
If I’ve fallen short,
Please don’t hesitate to fret
If obstacles block my path
I implore, lend me aid
But knowing my limits well,
Why this relentless crusade?
Despite the bruises
I rise and move ahead
But if you place stumbling blocks
And deeper wounds instead
Then it’s not on me
To bear the blame
Should I press onward
Or await rescue in my shame?
I lack answers
The rest lies with you
Thus, I am untroubled
No need for further ado
Mathigiri, 22-1-2019, 11:45 p.m.
BT Song 1046 I am not worried
What to do
Better you tell it to me
You show a
Way to me 1
You are leaving me in the forest
Blindfolded
Tying both my legs
You ask me to walk 2
Still I am
Only doing it
As I often fall down
I get scratches 3
Why do you give
This exercise?
What are you
Going to achieve through this? 4
I don’t have
Strength for this now
I am not interested
As before 5
I only said that
I will do what is possible for me
You also agreed
Only to that 6
Accordingly, I was doing
So far
If there is any shortcoming in it
I request you to tell me 7
If some problems come
In between
I request you
Only to help me 8
But after knowing well
That it is not possible for me
Why are you
Still doing this? 9
Though I get small
Scratches
I get up and
Continue my journey 10
But if you put
Stumbling blocks for me to get serious wounds
Then I am not
Responsible for that 11
Should I continue?
With the strength that you gave
Or let me lay down with wounds
For you to come and carry me 12
I don’t have
The answer for this
The rest is your problem
Therefore I am not worried 13
Mathigiri, 22-1-2019, 11.45 p.m.
BT Song 1047
This morning, I became very tired. After cooking, I felt extremely tired and wanted to take some rest. Although life goes on as usual, the way the Lord provides and arranges for my needs is so wonderful. As I began to think about it, after eating and cleaning the kitchen, before resting, I wrote this thanksgiving song.
BT Song 1047 “The blessings that you bestowed”
The blessings that you bestowed
My heart will sing your praises
Reflecting on the manifold blessings you have given me 1
My heart will rejoice
Thinking of all the benefits you have provided
Knowing all my needs 2
When I am weary
You comfort me
Recognizing my need for rest
You give rest to my body 3
In addition to this
You understand the desires of my heart
You arrange everything accordingly 4
Though this is ordinary life
You renew it every day
You give satisfaction
In the life that I live 5
Though my life
Continues as usual
You bring contentment
To my living 6
Even though I am not faultless
You remove my faults
You give joy 7
When I come to you
Thinking of all this
By accepting me
You gave me your abode 8
As joy overflows in my heart
By giving me your grace
You made me sing about you 9
By coming within me
You rule over me
By saving me
You made me your own 10
In this way, you made me
Think of all the blessings
That I received from you
You increased your fame 11
Mathigiri, 24-1-2019, 11:00 p.m.
BT Song 1047 The blessings that you bestowed
My heart will
Sing your praises
Thinking all the
Many fold blessings given by you 1
My heart will rejoice
Thinking all the benefits
That you have done
Knowing all my needs 2
When I become tired
You comforted me
Realizing that I need rest
You gave that to my body 3
Added to that
You realized the need of my heart
You arranged everything
Accordingly 4
Though this is the
Regular life
But you gave it
New each day 5
Though the life
Goes as usual
You gave satisfaction
In the life that I am living 6
Though I am
Not living without blemish
By removing it
You gave joy 7
When I come unto you
By thinking all these
By receiving me
You gave your abode 8
As some kind of joy
Over flows in my heart
By giving your grace
You made me to sing about you 9
By coming within me
You are over lording me
Only for this by redeeming me
You made me as your own 10
Like this you made me
To think about all the blessings
That I received from you
You increased your fame 11
Mathigiri, 24-1-2019, 11.00 p.m.
BT Song 1048
The Lord is not only the Way, but he is also ‘the One Way’. As there were no traffic rules then as there are now, he couldn’t include it in his teachings. Those who walk in it cannot turn back, provided they obey traffic rules. But those who never follow any kind of principle in life, even though they violate the same law, can turn back and go away from the Lord. But that’s not possible for me.
BT Song 1048 “One way traffic”
I am coming to you prepared
I gave myself to you to rule over
What is the profit in delaying further?
What is the reason for you to hesitate? 1
Do you hesitate because I am not qualified?
Because I am a solitary person, are you delaying further?
Or do you think that I am good for nothing
Or do you hesitate because I cannot adjust with anyone? 2
I did not come to you without thinking of all these things
I do not have the qualification to come to you
But that is not necessary for me
I do not have time even to think about it 3
As my heart prompted me, I came with agreement
I know that you will have mercy on me
There is no alternative for me other than this
I do not have any other refuge other than you 4
What else can I do, better you tell me that
Where else can I go, you tell me that
Once you created, redeemed, and protected me
Do you have a heart to deny me? 5
I know that this is one-way traffic
Once I came to you, I do not know to turn back
However you delay
This servant will wait for you 6
Mathigiri, 24-1-2019, 11:10 p.m.
BT Song 1048 One way traffic
I am coming unto you with proper preparation
I gave me for you to over lord me
What is the profit by further delaying?
What is the reason for you to hesitate? 1
Do you hesitate as I am not qualified?
As I am a single person, are you delaying further?
Or do you think that I am good for nothing
Or do you hesitate as I cannot adjust with anyone? 2
I never came to you not thinking all these things
I don’t have the qualification to come unto you
But there is no need for that to me
I don’t have time even to think about it 3
As my heart prompted me I came with agreement
I know that you will have mercy upon me
There is no alternative to me other than this
I don’t have any other refuge other than you 4
What else can I do, better you tell that to me
Where else can I go, you tell that to me
Once you have created, redeemed and protect me
Do you have a heart to deny me? 5
I know that this is One way traffic
Once I came to you I don’t know to turn back
However you delay
This slave will wait for you 6
Mathigiri, 24-1-2019, 11.10 p.m.
BT Song 1049
As I meditated, I told the Lord that even if he asked me to forget him or deny him, that’s not possible. The way he redeemed me and showed me the clear path to live a meaningful life, there’s no chance for me to forget or deny him in any way.
BT Song 1049 Song of the Unattainable
Even if bid to forget,
That feat’s beyond my reach,
Impossible it seems for me,
To erase you from my speech.
I ne’er sought with longing deep,
Nor did I plead to receive,
Once you sought and found me,
No other choice I perceive.
Once your answer came to me,
That which I had longed and sought,
No more need I search or seek,
In your presence I am caught.
Once you came seeking me out,
Once I grasped your intent true,
No path other than this bond,
For redemption, I found in you.
You became my life’s very breath,
You gave meaning to my thought,
In my senses and my mind,
In you, my all is caught.
In this life where I reside,
Bound to you, in every stride,
A relationship so true and wide,
With me, you forever abide.
In this life of grace and worth,
Bestowed upon me through your mirth,
Daily blessings you doth impart,
Fill my soul and warm my heart.
As I ponder, as my heart yields,
I gave myself, your love I shield,
No thought of parting shall come near,
Forgetting you, I cannot dare.
Mathigiri, 26-1-2019, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 1049 “Impossible task”
Even if I am asked to deny
That is not possible for me
It is impossible for me
To forget you 1
I never came with any longing
I never received after any request
Once you came seeking me
There is no alternative for me 2
Once I got the answer from you
Which I searched for
There is no need anymore
For me to search further 3
Once you came seeking me
Once I understood you
There is no other means
For me to be redeemed 4
You became life to my sense
You became meaning to my buddhi
You mingled in both
In my sense and buddhi 5
In this life
In which I live with my body
Becoming a relationship
You are living with me 6
In this noble life
Which I received because of you
The blessedness
Which I receive every day 7
As I began to think
As my heart melts
Once I gave myself
For you to rule over me 8
Is there any place for the word separation?
Will any thought come
To forget you? 9
Mathigiri, 26-1-2019, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 1050
This is not related to any specific incident. In general, I was thinking about the fragile nature of human relationships. We cannot live without relationships with others. At the same time, as familiarity breeds contempt, we should know where to draw the line. When friction begins to rise, it’s better to keep some distance until both sides recognize the need for mutual relationship. For that, we need patience. But unless God gives it, there’s no way for a devotee (bhakta) to receive it.
BT Song 1050
Even if all relationships
Are severed,
Your relationship alone
Suffices till the end.
There is a reason
For everything with You.
If You grant me a heart to understand that,
That is sufficient.
Without relationships,
Life on earth is barren.
A person who lives devoid of any relationship
Is not truly human.
Yet, when friction arises
In relationships,
There is no greater pain
Than that.
When cracks appear
In that friction,
It is futile
To persist in such conflict.
There is nothing wrong
In maintaining some distance
To prevent
Further discord.
Through separation,
One comes to appreciate the value of relationships.
Once remorse is felt and understood,
The fracture will heal.
The heart realizes
That until then,
It is crucial
To exercise patience.
But acquiring
That patience
Is no easy feat.
Once it is understood
That You are the giver of patience,
There is no
Restlessness in the mind.
Mathigiri, 27-1-2019, 10:30 p.m.
BT Song 1050 “What needed is patience”
What needed is patience
Even if all relationships
Get separated
Until the end
Your relationship is enough 1
There will be reason
For everything with you
If you give me a heart to realize that
That is enough 2
Without a relationship
There is no life on earth
A person who lives without a relationship
Is not a human 3
Yet when friction
Comes in a relationship
There is no other pain
Other than that 4
When a crack comes
In that friction
There is no use
In living with friction 5
Nothing is wrong
In keeping some distance
In order to avoid
Further cracks 6
In separation
One will understand the importance of a relationship
The crack will disappear
Once they repent after understanding that 7
The heart will know that
Until that happens
It is important
To keep patience 8
But receiving that
Patience is
Not that easy
An easy task 9
Once it is understood that
You are the one who will give it
There is no
Frustration in the mind 10
Mathigiri, 27-1-2019, 10:30 p.m.
BT Song 1046 கவலை எனக்கில்லை
என்னதான் செய்வது
நீயும் சொல்லு
எனக்கொரு வழியை
நீயும் காட்டு 1
கண்ணை கட்டி
காட்டில் விடுகிறாய்
கால்களைக் கட்டி
நடக்கச் சொல்கிறாய் 2
ஆயினும் அதையும்
நானும் செய்கிறேன்
அடிக்கடி விழுவதால்
காயம் படுகிறேன் 3
எதற்காக இந்த
பயிற்சியை அளிக்கிறாய்
இதன்மூலம் எதை நீ
சாதிக்கப் போகிறாய் 4
இதற்கெல்லாம் தெம்பு
இப்போது இல்லை
முன்போல எனக்கு
ஆர்வமும் இல்லை 5
முடிந்ததைச் செய்கிறேன்
என்றுதான் சொன்னேன்
முற்றிலும் சரியென
ஏற்றுக் கொண்டாய் 6
அதன்படி இதுவரை
செய்து வருகிறேன்
அதிலே குறையென்றால்
சொல்லு என்கிறேன் 7
இடையில் ஏதேனும்
தடைகள் வந்தால்
உதவு என்றுதான்
உன்னை கேட்கிறேன் 8
ஆயினும் என்னாலே
முடியாது என்பதைத்
தெளிவாகத் தெரிந்து
ஏனிதைச் செய்கிறாய் 9
சிறுசிறு காயங்கள்
படுகின்ற போதிலும்
தடுமாறி எழுந்தேனும்
பயணத்தைத் தொடர்கிறேன் 10
அதிகமாய் அடிபட
தடைகளை நீ வைத்தால்
பொறுப்பு எனதில்லை
அதையும் சொல்கிறேன் 11
நீ தரும் தெம்பிலே
நானும் தொடரவா
அடிபட்டுக் கிடக்க
நீ வந்து தூக்கவா 12
இதற்கான பதில்
என்னிடம் இல்லை
இனிமேல் உன்பாடு
கவலை எனக்கில்லை 13
மத்திகிரி, 22-1-2019, இரவு, 11.45
BT Song 1047 நீ செய்த நன்மைகள்
எண்ணில் நன்மைகள்
செய்ததை எண்ணி
என்னுள் நன்றியால்
உன்னை துதிக்கும்
என்தேவை ஒவ்வொன்றாய்
எண்ணி பார்த்து
செய்ததை எண்ணி
என்னுள் களிக்கும்
சோர்வுற்ற வேளையில்
தாங்கியே அணைத்தாய்
தேவை ஓய்வென
மேனிக்கு கொடுத்தாய்
அத்துடன் உள்ளத்தின்
அவசியம் அறிந்தாய்
அதற்கும் ஏற்ற
வழிவகை செய்தாய்
நாள்தோறும் வாழும்
வாழ்வுதான் ஆயினும்
நாள்தோறும் அதையும்
புதிதாகத் தந்தாய்
வழக்கம்போல் வாழ்வு
செல்கின்ற போது
வாழ்ந்திடும் வாழ்வில்
நிறைவு அளித்தாய்
குறையின்றி நிறைவுடன்
வாழாத போதும்
குறைகளை நிறைவாக்கி
குதுகலம் தந்தாய்
இவையெல்லாம் எண்ணி
நான் வரும் போது
என்னையும் ஏற்று
பதமலர் தந்தாய்
ஒருவகை உவகை
உள்ளத்தில் பொங்க
உன்னருள் தந்து
பாட வைத்தாய்
என்னுள்ளே நீவந்து
எனையாளுகின்றாய்
இதற்கென எனைமீட்டு
உனதாக்கி கொண்டாய்
இப்படி நீ செய்யும்
நன்மைகள் அனைத்தும்
எண்ணிட வைத்து
நீ புகழ் கொண்டாய்
மத்திக்கிரி, 24-1-2019, காலை 11.00
BT Song 1048 ஒருவழிப் பாதை
ஆயத்தம் ஆகி அடியனும் வந்தேன்
ஆட்கொள்ள வேண்டி என்னைத் தந்ததேன்
தாமதம் செய்வதில் இலாபமும் என்ன
தயக்கம் கொண்டிடக் காரணம் என்ன
தகுதி இன்மையால் தயக்கம் கொண்டாயா
தனித்தவன் என்பதால் சுணக்கம் கொண்டாயா
எதற்குமே உதவிடான் என்கின்ற எண்ணமா
எவருடன் இணங்கான் என்கிற தயக்கமா
இவற்றை எண்ணாமல் நான் வரவில்லை
உன்னிடம் வந்திடும் தகுதி எனக்கில்லை
அதற்கான அவசியம் எனக்குமே இல்லை
அதுபற்றிய யோசிக்க நேரமும் இல்லை
உள்ளம் உந்திட உடன்பட்டு வந்தேன்
உன்னுளம் இரங்கிடும் என்பதை அறிவேன்
இதைவிட்டால் எனக்கு கதிவேறு இல்லை
உனைவிட்டால் எனக்குப் புகலிடம் இல்லை
வேறென்ன செய்ய நீயும் சொல்லு
வேறெங்கு செல்ல நீவழி சொல்லு
படைத்து, காத்து மீட்டபின் உனக்கு
மறுத்திடும் மனமா உன்னிடம் இருக்கு 5
ஒருவழிப் பாதை இதுவென அறிவேன்
உன்னிடம் வந்தபின் திரும்பிட அறியேன்
எதுவரை தாமதம் நீ செய்த போதும்
அதுவரை அடிமை காத்துமே கிடப்பேன் 6
மத்திகிரி, 24-1-2019, இரவு, 11.10
BT Song 1049 – முடியாத காரியம்
மறுத்திடச் சொன்னாலும்
எனக்கது முடியாது
மறந்திடச் சொன்னாலும்
எனக்குமே ஆகாது 1
விரும்பியே வரவில்லை
வேண்டியே பெறவில்லை
நீதேடி வந்தபின்
மாற்றொன்று எனக்கில்லை 2
தேடிய விடைகூட
உன்மூலம் கிடைத்தபின்
தேடிடும் தேவையும்
இனிமேலே எனக்கில்லை 3
நாடிநீ வந்தபின்
நானுனை அறிந்தபின்
நானுய்ய நீயன்றி
ஒருவழி இனியில்லை 4
உணர்வுக்கு உயிரானாய்
அறிவுக்குப் பொருளானாய்
உணர்விலும் அறிவிலும்
கலந்து நீ நின்றாய் 5
உடலோடு உலகிலே
வாழ்ந்திடும் வாழ்வுக்கு
உறவாகி நீவந்து
என்னோடு வாழ்கின்றாய் 6
உன்னாலே நான்பெற்ற
உன்னத வாழ்வாலே
ஒவ்வொரு நாளிலும்
நான்பெற்ற பேற்றினை 7
எண்ணியே நான்பார்க்க
இதயமும் நெகிழ்ந்திட
எந்நாளும் நீயாள
என்னையே தந்தபின் 8
பிரிவென்ற சொல்லுக்கு
இடமுண்டோ இனிமேலே
மறுத்திடும் மனமும்
வருமோ தன்போலே 9
மத்திகிரி, 26-1-2019, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1050 தேவை பொறுமை
எல்லா உறவும்
விலகிய போதும்
இறுதி வரையிலும்
உன்னுறவே போதும் 1
எதற்கும் உன்னிடம்
காரணம் இருக்கும்
உணர்ந்திடும் இதயம்
தந்தாலே போதும் 2
உறவின்றி உலகில்
உயிர்வகை இல்லை
உறவின்றி வாழ்பவன்
மனிதனும் இல்லை 3
ஆயினும் உறவு
உரசிடும் போது
அதுபோல் துன்பம்
வேறொன்றும் இல்லை 4
உரசிடும் உறவில்
விரிசலும் வந்திடு
உரசி வாழ்வதில்
பயனுமே இல்லை 5
விரிசலைத் தவிர்க்க
உரசலைக் குறைத்து
விலகிஇருப்பதில்
தவறுமே இல்லை 6
உறவின் அவசியம்
பிரிவில் தெரியும்
புரிந்து திருந்த
விரிசலும் மறையும் 7
அதுவரை பொறுமை
காத்து நிற்பது
அவசியம் என்பது
மனதுக்குத் தெரியும் 8
அந்தப் பொறுமை
பெறுவது என்பது
அத்தனை எளிய
காரியம் இல்லை 9
அதனைத் தருவது
நீயெனப் புரிய
அதன்பின் மனதில்
சஞ்சலம் இல்லை 10
மத்திகிரி, 27-1-2019, இரவு, 1030
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