BT Song 1116
There is a manipravalam saying in Tamil: “daivam manushya ruupenam” (God is in the form of human). God most often reaches us and helps us only through fellow human beings. Though God is not limited, He is happy to limit Himself to work through human agencies. So when we are in need, He always sends someone or does something through someone. But giving up anxiety is not that easy when we face needs in life. Once we realize that He is aware of our needs and anxieties and arranges for them, we can live with relaxation. That is the only good thing in our life, particularly for a bhakta. There is always some need in life, but not everyone is equipped to meet the needs of everyone. While it is better to consider our limitations before helping others, a bhakta can realize that God is not limited and can reach out to us through anyone as “daivam manushya ruupenam.” Blessed is the man who knows his limitations; blessed is the bhakta who knows that God is not limited, though He accepts our limitations.
BT Song 1116: It is Good for Us
When God gives,
Knowing our need,
Why should we have
Unnecessary fears? 1
What is the use
Of asking for things
That are not required? 2
He will seek us out,
Bestow gifts voluntarily.
Being God,
He understands our plight. 3
Still, with worries in our hearts,
We find no use
In getting frustrated
Over what we lack. 4
In whichever area
He has kept us wanting,
What need
Has He ever denied? 5
The one who provided yesterday
And today,
How will He deny
Providing for tomorrow? 6
There is no use
In forgetting what He has done,
Ingratitude
Is never justified. 7
The one who planted the tree
Will also provide the fruits.
He rejoices
As we enjoy them. 8
Still, it is true
That our hearts
Forget and
Get frustrated. 9
At that point, we need
Great faith,
For that alone
Will protect us. 10
Realizing this,
Once He created, it is His responsibility,
Giving our hearts
Into His hands. 11
Whatever He does,
Accepting it,
Is the only thought
Good for us. 12
Mathigiri, 2-8-2019, 11:50 p.m.
BT Song 1116: It Is Good for Us
When God gives us
what we need,
Where is the room for
unnecessary fears? 1
What’s the use of
asking for things
That we don’t
really need? 2
He will seek us out,
He will give freely,
Being God,
He understands our plight. 3
Still, with worries
in our hearts,
There’s no use in
getting frustrated. 4
In what areas has
He left us lacking?
Which needs has
He ever refused? 5
He who provided
yesterday and today
Will surely provide
for tomorrow. 6
Forgetting His deeds
is pointless,
Ingratitude can never be
justified. 7
The one who
plants the tree
Will also provide the fruits.
He will rejoice
As we enjoy them. 8
Still, it is true
Our hearts
forget and
get frustrated. 9
We need
great faith,
That alone will
protect us. 10
Understanding that
once He created,
it is His responsibility,
We give our hearts
into His hands. 11
Whatever He does,
we must accept.
That alone is
good for us. 12
Mathigiri, 2-8-2019, 11:50 p.m.
BT Song 1117
As I became sick and unable to do my regular work of reading, I sat quietly. After allowing my mind to wander, I finally said to myself: soon this will become a reality, and you should lead a less active life of reading and writing. Then I began to talk to the Lord and told Him to help me renounce the many unnecessary things and activities in my life which are not essential for me to live as His bhakta. The first line of this poem came as my prayer in Tamil, and as inspiration flowed, I wrote this song. As I meditated and wrote, I concluded (considering my nature) that the only renunciation for a bhakta is to live with the realization that everything belongs to God. As we sing in the Arati song, we are offering to God what actually belongs to Him, and what is going to cost us = “tera tujuko arpan kya laage mera?” While philosophers (theologians) can complicate and try to understand and spell out what renunciation actually is, a bhakta can live with much ease, practicing it in everyday life. One need not wear a saffron dress and call himself a sannyasi, though that kind of life is also not easy for everyone. A true sannyasi should not even have the idea that he has renounced something. In fact, he should even renounce the very concept of renunciation. Whereas a bhakta, without any complications, can do this by understanding that everything belongs to God.
BT Song 1117: Renunciation is Easy
Grant me grace,
To understand
And to renounce,
To live a sannyasi’s life. 1
Renunciation
Is not that easy,
It is not natural
For us to renounce. 2
To understand
What is renunciation,
We must know
What to renounce. 3
Desire, anger,
Ego, pride,
Along with
Many lusts in life. 4
Thinking that
Renouncing them is enough
Is wrong,
We must know better. 5
Countless people
Have renounced them,
Lived without
Taking sannyasa. 6
Giving up selfishness,
Thinking of others’ welfare,
They performed many services,
And lived. 7
There is nothing
For me to renounce,
I possess
Nothing to give up. 8
So far,
I haven’t renounced anything,
And I am not going to
Renounce anything. 9
Realizing this truth,
Giving myself
At your feet,
Understanding 10
That when everything
Belongs to you,
What is there
To renounce? 11
When this
Knowledge comes,
Living as a true sannyasi
Is easy. 12
Mathigiri, 3-8-2019, 10:00 p.m.
BT Song 1117: Renunciation Is Easy
Grant me
your grace
To understand
and renounce. 1
Renunciation is
not easy,
It’s not natural
for us to give up. 2
To understand
renunciation,
We must know
what to renounce. 3
Desire, anger,
Ego, and pride,
Along with many
lusts in life. 4
Thinking that
renouncing these
is enough
Is completely wrong. 5
Countless people
lived renouncing these
Without taking
formal renunciation. 6
By giving up
selfishness and
Performing many
services,
They lived. 7
There is nothing
to give up with me,
I don’t possess anything
to renounce. 8
So far, I haven’t
renounced anything,
And I’m not going to renounce
anything hereafter. 9
Realizing this truth,
I give myself
at your feet. 10
When everything
belongs to you,
What is there
to renounce? 11
When this
knowledge comes,
Living as a true renunciate
becomes simple. 12
Mathigiri, 3-8-2019, 10:00 p.m.
BT Song 1118
When I learned that my Mami (my mother’s sister-in-law), who stayed with us a few times, became bedridden, my mother began to lament what would happen if the same thing happened to her. I too had the same worry. Again, the question “what if” came, and I tried my best to find many alternative solutions in case such a scenario came. However, nothing worked, as there were so many limitations in every solution I thought of. Though I trust the Lord and remember all the blessings I received from Him, some kind of fear came into my mind. So, when this night I was thinking about it, I told the Lord (in Tamil) that whatever might happen, He will be there as before. I never said (as my mother often says) let it happen as fate has decided because I know that the Lord will take care of everything as He has done several times in the past. But one thing that I cannot digest is the life I would have to face without my mother. I am not sure whether God can understand this as He never had a mother. The Lord also left His mother with His beloved disciple. A life without a mother is the worst scenario for every child. Once the mother is gone, a person becomes a REAL ORPHAN, as no one can replace a mother in his or her life. As I thought about it, tears came, and I began to sob. Then I sat for a few minutes in silence and then poured my heart out to Him by writing this poem.
BT Song 1118: I Will Find Peace
Not knowing
About tomorrow’s life,
I get frustrated
Today.
Whatever might happen,
You are there,
My heart
Reassures me. 1
Thinking of all
That has happened,
Still, some fear
Comes over me.
Though I try
To remove it,
It returns,
Chasing me again and again. 2
Though I trust you,
Though I count
Your blessings,
Anxiety comes
and hides,
Confusing
my mind. 3
Before I come
To tell you,
I find many answers
In my mind,
But all solutions
Become mirages,
Vanishing. 4
I did not remain thinking,
“Whatever happens
will happen.”
My trust
Never wavered,
You are there,
Whatever might happen. 5
Not lamenting,
Letting go of fate,
I know for sure,
All will happen your way.
Remembering that,
Removing fear,
I will find peace
Again in you. 6
Mathigiri, 7-8-2019, 11:20 p.m.
BT Song 1118: I Will Find Peace
Not knowing
about tomorrow,
I am frustrated
today.
Whatever
might happen,
You are there,
My heart
reassures me. 1
Though I think of
all that has happened,
Some kind of fear
always returns.
Though I try to remove
it in many ways,
It chases me
again and again. 2
Though I trust you
And think of all the
blessings received,
Anxiety hides,
And the mind
gets deluded. 3
Before I come
to tell you,
I think of
many answers.
But all the solutions
Turn out to be
mere mirages. 4
I didn’t stay thinking
That whatever happens
will happen.
My trust never wavered
That you will
always be there. 5
Not lamenting fate,
I know everything happens
according to your ways.
Remembering this,
Removing my fear,
I find peace
in you again. 6
Mathigiri, 7-8-2019, 11:20 p.m.
BT Song 1119
One important concept in bhakti is the realization that everything belongs to God. So in general, a bhakta (like me) always brags by saying, “no more I, but the Lord lives in me.” But in real life, I never allow the Lord to live in me or through me. All the tall claims that I make that everything belongs to God are mere lip service. In fact, I never give up anything for the Lord. So when I was meditating about it, I wrote this song. At the same time, like a typical bhakta like Kanakadasa, I also want to blame only God for this. If I didn’t give up anything for the Lord, He too is responsible for that. He has to forcefully take things from my life so that I can live a life with the true sense that “no more I but.” Kanakadasa says this in a different way:
Nandinda (JKS@ p. 74, ‘Whose fault?’)
I’ve come to this earth just because of you
So why hold me responsible?
O God, did I emerge from myself?
O God, whose is the folly, yours or mine?
For nine months in my mother’s womb
you were my protector, and when
I was reluctant to leave her womb
Vishnu, didn’t you goad me out then? I’ve come….
The guide who is helping the blind man along
puts a stick in his hand to assist him
If then he leads him into a deep pit
Leader or blind man—whose mistake was it? I’ve come….
The mother stops fondling her child
the child toddles to the well, peeping down…
If the mother fails to rush up and grab it
Who is to blame—the mother or the kind? I’ve come….
The burden is yours, so is the complaint
Wife, kids, body, mind—all are yours, Lord’
You immerse me in water, you dip me in milk
I’ve surrendered all, so why demand a toll from me?
I’ve surrendered all, so why demand a toll from me?
I’ve come…
Is it a case of justice or injustice?
Whose folly is this, who will tell me?
Vishnu Kaginele Adikeshava, the love-god’s father,
Protect me, pay no mind to my foibles, O Lord.
I’ve come to this earth just because of you
so why hold me responsible?
O God, did I emerge from myself?—p. 197
@JKS. Janapriya Kanaka Samputa Bangalore: Directorate of Kannada and Culture, 1989.
William J. Jackson. Songs of Three Great South Indian Saints, New Delhi, (1998) Indian Paperbacks 2002.
BT Song 1119: Didn’t Give Up Anything
If you tell me,
“I can gain only if I give up,”
Tell me,
What to give up? 1
Once everything
Belongs to you,
What do I have to give up?
Tell me that. 2
Once I thought,
Everything belongs to me,
I lived thinking,
“My life and my body.” 3
One day,
Realizing the truth,
I attained the thought,
“Everything belongs to you.” 4
But with concern,
You try to tell me,
“I didn’t give up
Completely.” 5
When I began to think,
Listening to you,
You showed me
One by one. 6
Clearly showing,
I merely lived like a hypocrite,
Saying,
“Everything belongs to you.” 7
Then you showed me
The way,
How to live
That kind of life. 8
Then, O my Lord,
I realized,
I never gave up
Anything for you. 9
There is no truth
In my proclamation,
What I constantly uttered
Was mere lip service. 10
But there is no alternative,
Unless you come
And take it from me
Deliberately. 11
Not doing that,
There is no means
For you to escape,
By merely blaming me. 12
Mathigiri, 16-08-2019, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 1119: Didn’t Give Up Anything
If you tell me that I can gain
only by giving up,
Tell me what to
give up. 1
Once everything
belongs to you,
What do I have to
give up? 2
I once thought everything
belonged to me,
Living my life and body
as mine. 3
One day, I realized
the truth,
That everything
belongs to you. 4
With much concern,
you told me
I hadn’t fully given
myself to you. 5
When I thought about
your words,
You showed me
one by one. 6
You showed me I lived
like a hypocrite,
Claiming everything
belonged to you. 7
Then you showed me
the way
To live that kind
of life. 8
O my Lord,
I realized
I never gave up
anything for you. 9
There’s no truth
in my proclamation,
What I constantly uttered was
mere lip service. 10
But there’s no
alternative,
Unless you come and
take it away deliberately. 11
Not doing that,
You can’t escape by
merely blaming me. 12
Mathigiri, 16-08-2019, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 1120
As I got up very early in the morning around 3:00, unable to sleep, I was relaxing on my bed and began to think about various things. But one constant thought that often came to me again and again was the loss of my meditation time with the Lord. Because of work and tiredness, all my activities related to reading, writing, and meditation drastically decreased. But in my inner conscience, I always kept my communication with the Lord as I often believe in keeping short accounts with God. Though I missed my meditation time, the inner communication with the Lord always helped me to regain that lost relationship. Though I felt that I had lost something, I still strongly feel that I didn’t lose my relationship with the Lord. Sometimes it is good for me to lose it so that I can rejoice when I get it back. However, irrespective of situations and circumstances, I won’t lose my relationship with the Lord. As I began to meditate on this subject, getting out of bed, I wrote this song and then continued my work.
BT Song 1120: I Won’t Lose It
I came seeking
the lost love,
I came to sing with
my whole heart.
I know there is
no friction
In my relationship
with you. 1
But I realized the days
have become fewer,
As they were in
the past,
To come and sit
at your feet,
Seeking comfort and talking
freely with you. 2
On one side,
the body ages,
On the other,
there is mental pressure.
I lost the chance
to live with you,
Claiming my
relationship with you. 3
But broken
in spirit,
Coming close to you
in my inner conscience,
Feeling sad
beyond circumstances,
I held my relationship with you
with a melted heart. 4
Receiving me,
knowing my situation,
Having compassion,
pitying me,
Understanding my heart
which lives for you,
You came to me,
rejoicing in our relationship. 5
What great joy in regaining
what I lost,
What greatness in gaining
by losing!
I cannot lose
this relationship,
Which I lost,
yet still have not. 6
Mathigiri, 19-08-2019, 4:00 a.m.
BT Song 1120: I Won’t Lose It
I came seeking the lost love,
Singing with my whole heart.
I know there’s no friction
In my relationship with you. 1
But I realized the days were fewer,
Coming to sit at your feet,
Seeking comfort
and talking freely. 2
On one side, my body aged,
On the other, my mind felt pressure.
I lost the chance to live with you,
Claiming my relationship. 3
Broken in spirit,
Coming close in conscience,
Feeling sad, beyond circumstances,
I held my relationship with a melted heart. 4
Receiving me, knowing my situation,
Having compassion, pity on me,
Understanding my heart lives for you,
You came to rejoice in our relationship. 5
Great joy to regain what’s lost,
A great honor to regain by losing.
I cannot lose this relationship,
Lost but not gone. 6
Mathigiri, 19-08-2019, 4:00 a.m.
BT Song 1116 நமக்கு நன்று
தேவையை அறிந்து
தருகின்ற போது
தேவை இல்லாத
பயங்களும் ஏது 1
தேவை இல்லாத
தேவைகள் எண்ணி
வேண்டுதல் செய்தால்
பயனுமே ஏது 2
தேடியே வருவான்
நாட்டியே தருவான்
தெய்வம் என்பதால்
நம்நிலையும் புரிவான் 3
ஆயினும் மனத்துள்
கவலையும் கொண்டு
அதிகம் தவிப்பதால்
பயனுமே இல்லை 4
இதுவரை எதிலே
குறையுமே வைத்தான்
எந்தத் தேவையை
அவனுமே மறுத்தான் 5
நேற்றும் இன்றும்
தந்தானவன் தானே
நாளையும் தந்திட
எவ்விதம் மறுப்பான் 6
செய்ததை மறப்பதில்
பயனுமே இல்லை
செய்நன்றி மறுப்பது
நியாயமே இல்லை 7
மரத்தை நட்டவன்
பழத்தையும் அளிப்பான்
நாமத்தை சுவைக்க
தானுமே மகிழ்வான் 8
ஆயினும் மனது
அனைத்தையும் மறந்து
ஆதங்கம் கொண்டு
தவிப்பதும் உண்மை 9
அங்குதான் நம்பிக்கை
நமக்குமே வேண்டும்
அதுவொன்று மட்டுமே
நம்மையும் காக்கும் 10
படைத்தபின் அவனது
பொறுப்பென உணர்ந்து
பதறிடும் மனதை
அவனிடம் தந்து 11
எதைச் செய்தாலும்
சம்மதம் என்று
இருப்பது ஒன்றே
நமக்குமே நன்று 12
மத்திக்கிரி, 2-8-2019, இரவு, 11.50
BT Song 1117 துறவு எளிது
துறவறம் புரிந்து
துறக்கவும் தெரிந்து
துறவியாய் வாழ
அருள்நீ புரியணும் 1
துறவறம் என்பது
எளிதே அல்ல
துறப்பது என்பது
இயல்பான தல்ல 2
துறவறம் எதுவெனப்
புரியணும் என்றால்
துறப்பதும் எதையெனப்
புரியவும் வேண்டும் 3
ஆசை கோபம்
ஆணவம் அகந்தை
அத்துடன் வாழ்வின்
பலபல இச்சை 4
இவைகளைத் துறந்தால்
போதும் என்று
எண்ணுதல் தவறு
அறியணும் நன்று 5
இவைகளைத் துறந்த
எண்ணில்லா மாந்தர்
துறவறம் இன்றி
சிறப்புடன் வாழ்ந்தார் 6
தன்னலம் துறந்து
பிற நலம் நினைந்து
பலபல சேவைகள்
செய்துமே வாழ்ந்தார் 7
துறப்பதற்கு என்று
ஏதுமே இல்லை
துறந்திட என்னிடம்
ஒன்றுமே இல்லை 8
இதுவரைத் துறந்தது
ஒன்றுமே இல்லை
இனியும் துறக்கப்
போவதும் இல்லை 9
இந்த உண்மையை
முதலில் உணர்ந்து
உனது பாதத்தில்
என்னையே தந்து 10
எல்லாம் உனதாக
இருக்கும் போது
எதனைத் துறப்பது
என்றுமே உணர்ந்து 11
இந்த ஞானம்
வந்திடும் போது
உண்மைத் துறவியாய்
வாழ்வது எளிது 12
மத்திக்கிரி, 3-8-2019, இரவு, 10.00
BT Song 1118 அமைதி காண்பேன்
நாளைய வாழ்வு
என்னாகுமேன்று
நான் புரியாமல்
தவிக்கிறேன் இன்று
ஏதான போதும்
நீயுண்டு என்று
என்மனம் என்னிடம்
சொல்லுது நன்று 1
இதுவரை நடந்ததை
எண்ணியே போதும்
ஏனோ வீணாய்
வந்திடும் பயமும்
பலவிதம் அதனை
நீக்கிட முயன்றும்
மீண்டும் மீண்டும்
துரத்தியே வந்திடும் 2
நம்பிக்கை உன்மேல்
எத்தனை இருந்தும்
நீசெய்த நன்மைகள்
எண்ணியே பார்த்தும்
சஞ்சலம் வந்து
மறைப்பதினாலே
மதியும் கலங்கும்
மயக்கத்தினாலே 3
உன்னிடம் வந்து
சொல்லிடும் முன்னே
நான்கண்ட விடைகள்
எத்தனை சொல்ல
ஆயினும் அவற்றின்
தீர்வுகள் யாவும்
கானல் நீராய்
போனது மிச்சம் 4
நடப்பது நடக்கட்டும்
நானென்ன செய்ய
என்றே நானும்
இருந்திட வில்லை
எது நடந்தாலும்
நீயுண்டு என்று
நம்பிக்கை மட்டும்
மாறவே இல்லை 5
விதிவழி நடக்கும்
எனப் புலம்பாமல்
உன்வழி நடக்கும்
எனநான் அறிவேன்
அதனை எண்ணி
பயத்தை நீக்கி
அமைதி மீண்டும்
உன்னில் காண்பேன் 6
மத்திக்கிரி, 7-8-2019, இரவு, 11.20
BT Song 1119 இழக்கவில்லை
இழந்தால்தான் பெறுவேன்
எனநீ சொன்னால்
எதனை இழப்பது
என்பதைச் சொல்லு 1
எல்லாமே உனதென
ஆனதின் பின்னே
இழக்க என்னிடம்
ஏதுண்டு சொல்லு 2
எல்லாம் எனதென
எண்ணியே இருந்தேன்
என்மேனி என்வாழ்வு
என்றுமே வாழ்ந்தேன் 3
ஒருநாள் உண்மை
உணர்ந்த பின்னே
எல்லாமே உனதென்னும்
எண்ணத்தை அடைந்தேன் 4
ஆயினும் முழுதாய்
தரவில்லை என்று
ஆதங்கம் கொண்டு
அறிவிக்க முயன்றாய் 5
நானதைக் கேட்டு
யோசித்த போது
ஒவ்வொன்றாய் என்முன்
விவரித்துக் காட்டினாய் 6
பேருக்கு எல்லாம்
உனதெனச் சொல்லி
போலியாய் வாழ்வதை
எடுத்துமே சொன்னாய் 7
அத்துடன் அதனை
கைக்கொள்ளும் வழியை
ஐயனே எனக்கு
நீயுமே காட்டினாய் 8
அதன்பின் ஐயனே
நானுமே உணர்ந்தேன்
உனக்கென இழந்தது
ஒன்றுமே இல்லை 9
ஓயாமல் நானும்
உதடுகள் தேயவே
சொன்னதில் எந்த
உண்மையும் இல்லை 10
ஆகவே நீயே
வலியவே வந்து
எடுப்பது அன்றி
மாற்றமே இல்லை 11
அதைச் செய்யாமல்
குறைமட்டும் சொல்லி
தப்பிக்க உனக்கு
வழியுமே இல்லை 12
மத்திக்கிரி, 16-08-2019, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1120 இழந்தும் இழக்கேன்
இழந்த உறவைத் தேடியே வந்தேன்
இதயம் நிறைந்து பாடிட வந்தேன்
உன்னிடம் உள்ள உறவில் எந்த
உரசலும் இல்லை நானதை அறிவேன் 1
ஆயினும் முன்போல் அடிக்கடி வந்து
ஆறுதல் தேடி உன்னடி அமர்ந்து
இதயம் திறந்து பேசியே மகிழ்ந்து
இருந்த நாட்கள் குறைந்ததை உணர்ந்தேன் 2
மேனியின் முதுமை ஒருபுறம் இருக்க
மனமும் அத்துடன் மறுபுறம் நெருக்க
உறவைச் சொல்லி உன்னிடம் வந்து
உன்னோடு வாழும் வாய்ப்பை இழந்தேன் 3
ஆயினும் எனது ஆவியில் நொறுங்கி
ஆழ்மன உணர்வில் உன்னிடம் நெருங்கி
சூழ்நிலையை கடந்து மனதினில் மருகி
சொந்தமும் கொண்டேன் இதயமும் உருகி 4
என்னிலை அறிந்து ஏற்றுமே கொண்டு
என்மீது இரங்கி கருணையும் கொண்டு
உனக்கென வாழும் உள்ளத்தை உணர்ந்து
என்னிடம் வந்தாய் உறவினில் மகிழ்ந்து 5
இழந்ததைப் பெறுவதில் எத்தனை ஆனந்தம்
இழந்துமே பெறுவதும் எத்தனை உன்னதம்
இழந்தும் இழக்காத உன்னிந்த உறவை
இழப்பது எனக்கு இயலாத காரியம் 6
மத்திகிரி, 19-08-2019, காலை, 4.00 a.m.
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