BT Song 1171
My brother became very upset as he again insisted that our mother should come and stay with him at Kumbakonam in the old age home. She does not like to leave this house as she finds it very comfortable for her to live and move around. For the past two days, she has been constantly lamenting about it and even began to talk in her sleep. Above all, she doesn’t want to leave me. Though my brother has also arranged for my stay in the same old age home in a separate room in the opposite building, I too don’t personally like to go there. Apart from the food and mosquitoes (Kumbakonam is famous both for coffee and mosquitoes), I cannot leave my mother to stay alone in one room while I stay and sleep in another room. Particularly after she fell down and hurt her head on December 4th (2019), I cannot leave her alone to stay in a different room, let alone a different building across the street. So I thought of calling my brother to tell him that our mother doesn’t want to come and stay in the old age home. At the same time, I understand his concern for me. He told me on his recent visit that I too need some space to breathe and time to travel as I hadn’t even gone outside the gate of my house. He warned me that this kind of life would become monotonous and compelled me to send our mother to stay with him for at least a few months, suggesting that I could come and stay with her if I didn’t want to leave her alone.
So, since the morning, I have been rehearsing various ways to talk to him so that I won’t hurt him. I planned what to say and what not to say. At the same time, I was also silently praying within myself. So in the evening when I called him, to my surprise, I completely told him something else that I had never thought of. After listening to me, my brother said that if our mother didn’t want to come and stay in the old age home, let her stay wherever she feels comfortable. Our talk even ended within a few minutes, and I felt a great release in my spirit. Then I told my mother what my brother said, and she also retired to bed with peace of mind. After completing my regular tasks, I sat silently recalling my conversation with my brother. Then I realized that it was the Lord who took total control of my thoughts and allowed me to speak only the words that solved my mother’s problem very smoothly. So, as inspiration came, I wrote this song thanking the Lord for it.
BT Song 1171 Speaking (Classical English Style)
Before I ope my mouth to speak,
Thou dost in thought my words bespeak.
In proper form, with mind’s release,
Thy words dost grant, my tongue at peace.
Thou train’st my mind with careful art,
To tell the truth in every part.
A thousand thoughts though I might weigh,
Thou teachest me the words to say.
When I approach and seek Thy grace,
Thou giv’st me words for every place.
In refuge found, my mind aligned,
With proper speech my heart designed.
In anger’s heat and hurried haste,
Unthoughtful words we often waste.
Like swords with double edges sharp,
They wound both sides, with pain they carp.
Yet when Thy Spirit dost me guide,
Thy words bring peace, no place to hide.
For many times I’ve felt the balm,
Thy words have soothed and brought me calm.
Though past wounds still may linger sore,
Thy gentle words I do implore.
Once more I come to seek Thy face,
To find my heart in Thy embrace.
I’ve learned this truth through trials dire,
Thy words alone can quell the fire.
Thus unto Thee, my Lord, I yield,
My heart in Thy hands, love revealed.
Once more I stand before Thy throne,
Thy grace and peace to me are shown.
With humbled heart, I give Thee all,
And find myself within Thy call.
With heart in hand, to Thee I came,
Thy love and grace I do proclaim.
For in Thy care, my soul’s delight,
Thy words bring peace, my guiding light.
Mathigiri, 11-2-2020, 10:15 p.m.
BT Song 1171 Speaking
Before I open
My mouth to talk
You come to my mind
As the right words
You train
my mind
To speak
properly
Even if I think
A thousand times
About how to
say it
When I come to you
For refuge
You put the right words
In my mind
All the words
We pour out
When we are
upset
Are like
A double-edged sword
That hurts
Both sides
But when your
Spirit guides
What we say
It brings peace
I’ve experienced this
Many times
And the old wounds
Still hurt
So I come to you
Again
And give you
my heart
Mathigiri, 11-2-2020, 10:15 p.m.
BT Song 1172
The fragile nature of our mind often makes us forget the grace of God, which sustains us all the time. When we give too much space for emotion, even a small trouble can disturb us greatly. But when we remember how the grace of God sustained us in the past, it helps us overcome the present situation easily, provided we seek the same grace from Him once again.
BT Song 1172 Grace Which Upholds (Classical English Style)
When Thy grace doth uphold me,
Where is place for worry free?
When compassion dost increase,
Why should troubles e’er displease?
No life is found without its strife,
Confusion rife in mortal life.
But in Thy grace, these troubles cease,
For in Thy presence, they find no lease.
When one relies on self alone,
Even small worries bring moan.
Without a way to overcome,
The heart becomes confusion’s home.
But when, in need, one seeks Thy feet,
Thy grace brings clarity so sweet.
It moves the mountains from our way,
Thy strength and peace our hearts convey.
Though oft I’ve felt emotion’s sway,
Forgetting grace in disarray.
Yet Thy grace seeks, and draws me near,
Reminding me Thy love sincere.
Once more I come to worship Thee,
Thy grace upholds and sets me free.
Thy love and mercy ever true,
In Thy embrace, I am renewed.
Mathigiri, 12-2-2020, 10:30 p.m.
BT Song 1172 Grace That Upholds
When your grace upholds me
There is no place for worries
When your compassion increases
Why should I be troubled?
No life exists
Without confusion and trouble
But before your grace
There is no place for them
When one relies on herself
Even small worries trouble her
Without a way to overcome
The heart also gets confused
Realizing that,
When one comes back to you,
Clarity comes to the mind,
It can even move a mountain
Though I’ve experienced this
Many times,
When emotions push me,
I forget your grace
But your grace
Seeks and reminds me,
As I come back to worship,
Your grace upholds me again
Mathigiri, 12-2-2020, 10:30 p.m.
BT Song 1173
Familiarity breeds contempt. This reality applies not only to human relationships but also to our bhakti with the Lord. I often take the grace of the Lord for granted. In the end, I gradually lose the warmth in my relationship with the Lord. Some formality creeps slowly into my bhakti, and eventually, I realize a certain dryness within me. As I was contemplating this, I wrote this song seeking the same first love with Him.
Bt Song 1173
I now return,
To reclaim what I once possessed,
This humble soul,
Seeks alms at Thy feet.
With Thee I dwelt,
As Thine own kin,
In joyous fellowship,
By virtue of my bond with Thee.
Yet pride arose,
And clouded my mind,
Taking for granted,
Thy boundless grace.
Forgetting Thou art God,
I bade Thee serve me,
In my folly,
I knew not Thy greatness.
To humble me,
And show my place,
Thou didst serve,
With utmost humility.
But in my blindness,
I saw Thee low,
And treated Thee,
As if a mere slave.
As our intimacy waned,
I sought the cause,
Reflecting deeply,
On the loss I wrought.
Thy grace so rare,
I took lightly,
Neglecting the gift,
Bestowed but seldom.
Thus, I lost,
My devotion true,
And forgot completely,
Our sacred bond.
Emptiness then,
Enveloped me whole,
I realized with sorrow,
The treasure I had lost.
So now I return,
Oh Lord, to Thee,
In humble supplication,
Begging Thy grace again.
Mathigiri, 14-2-2020, 11:00 p.m.
BT Song 1173 I Came Begging
I came now
To regain what I lost
This poor one
Came begging to you
I lived with you
As your own
I rejoiced in our fellowship
Because of my right with you
As pride
Went to my head
I took it
For granted
Forgetting that
You are God,
I instructed you
To serve me
To remind me
Of my position,
By becoming very humble,
You served me
But not
Realizing your greatness,
I treated you
As my slave
Then as the
Intimacy between us
reduced,
I searched for the reason
I took your grace
Very lightly,
Which is received
Rarely
Because of that,
I gradually lost my devotion
And completely forgot
Our relationship
Then emptiness
Began to rule me,
I realized
What I had lost
So, to regain it,
Oh my Lord,
I came
begging to you again
Mathigiri, 14-2-2020, 11:00 p.m.
BT Song 1174
Last night, I prepared the balance sheet for the Trust account well in advance, even before the closing of the account year in March 2019. After finishing the work, when I took my books to read, I recalled the various issues that came before me today and how I tried to resolve them all. As I had to give my view on two remarriages of very close people (one divorcee and one widow), I was overwhelmed, as that is not my favorite topic. Anyhow, I did my best, but it created many unresolved questions in my mind. But through them, the Lord tried to teach me another lesson. I managed to write only the first four lines before going to bed. When I recalled it again this morning, using the illustration of doing annual auditing for any account, I wrote this song immediately. When the balance sheet is not tallying, the auditor will suggest some shortcut to manage it. But in bhakti, it is the responsibility of the Lord to bring the balance sheet by tallying the account with His grace. After writing the song, I continued to smile for a long time, thinking about how I demand all kinds of jobs from the Lord—now as an auditor.
BT Song 1174 You Alone Should Correct
Though you teach
One lesson each day,
My heart
Refuses to learn
What can I do?
It is a deceitful heart
If it refuses to mend,
You alone should correct it
Don’t close the
Office and walk away
Saying that
Your job is done
You should know
That the time has come
For us to do
The auditing now
However I
Maintain the account properly,
The balance sheet
Is not coming out right
Though I
Calculated several times,
Somewhere
The account is not tallying
Though I
Added, subtracted,
Multiplied, and divided,
There is still an excess or shortage
So there is
Some confusion
In preparing
The final balance sheet
Therefore I
Gave the account to you,
And you alone
Should correct it
If needed,
You should tally the shortage
By adding
More grace
If you start teaching
Accountancy to me,
There is no use
This you should also realize
Mathigiri, 18-2-2020, 6:30 a.m.
BT Song 1175
The clash between my free will and God’s will remains a complicated issue for me. I always feel that I am merely dancing to His tunes. At the same time, I cannot say that I have done things unknowingly. However, in the end, whatever happens in my life, I only see that His will is accomplished.
BT Song 1175: Thy Will is Accomplished
Like a parrot,
Which echoes what’s taught,
My mind should repeat
Thy will, as it ought.
If this small child
Cannot comprehend,
A learned guide
Must surely attend.
I know not if
‘Twas done knowingly,
Yet I cannot deny
It was done unknowingly.
As it remains
Unclear to me,
I know not
How it should be.
But there lies
A benefit true:
This humble servant
Does not eschew.
Behind the curtain,
As Thou dost instruct,
I dance in accord,
Thy commands construct.
As Thou dost sing,
In playback’s art,
I move my lips,
Thy words impart.
As Thou speak’st within,
My voice follows suit,
Uttering forth,
Thy divine pursuit.
Thus, in this state,
Humbly now I see,
Thy will alone
Is accomplished through me.
Mathigiri, 20-2-2020, 11:10 p.m.
BT1175 Your Will is Accomplished
Like a parrot
That repeats what it’s taught,
My mind should repeat
Your will alone
If this little child doesn’t know,
To understand,
Someone knowledgeable
Should teach
I don’t know
If I’ve done it knowingly,
At the same time, I won’t deny
That I did it unknowingly
As it’s not clear
To me,
I don’t know
How to do it
But there is
One benefit in this:
This slave does not
Deny it
Standing behind the screen,
As you instruct,
I dance accordingly
I do not deny this
As you do the playback singing,
I only move my lips
As you speak from within me,
I only utter it outwardly
As this is my
Condition now,
I see that
Your will alone is accomplished
Mathigiri, 20-2-2020, 11:10 p.m.
BT Song 1171 பேச்சு
வாயைத் திறந்து
பேசும் முன்னே
வார்த்தை ஆகிச்
சிந்தையில் வருவாய் 1
ஏற்ற விதத்தில்
எதையும் சொல்ல
இதயம் தன்னைப்
பக்குவம் செய்வாய் 2
ஆயிரம் முறையே
யோசித்த போதும்
எப்படிச் சொல்வது
என்று எண்ணினும் 3
உன்னிடம் வந்து
தஞ்சம் அடைய
சொல்லிடும் வார்த்தையச்
சிந்தையில் அருள்வாய் 4
ஆத்திரம் அவசரம்
கோபமே பட்டு
அள்ளித் தெளிக்கும்
வார்த்தைகள் எல்லாம் 5
இருபுறம் கருக்குள்ள
பட்டயம் போல
இருபக்கமும்
காயம் உண்டாக்கும் 6
ஆனால் உனது
ஆவியும் ஆள
சொல்லிடும் எதுவும்
அமைதி உண்டாக்கும் 7
பலமுறை நானும்
பட்ட பின்னாலே
சுட்ட சொல்லும்
வருடிய தாலே 8
மீண்டும் வந்து
உன்னிடம் நின்றேன்
மனததினைத் தந்து
என்னையும் வென்றேன் 9
மத்திகிரி, 11-2-2020, இரவு, 10.15
BT Song 1172 தாங்கும் கிருபை
கிருபை வந்து தாங்கும் போது
கவலைக்கிங்கு இடமும் ஏது
கருணை மேலும் பெருகும் போது
கலக்கம் அடையத் தேவை ஏது 1
கவலை, குழப்பம் இரண்டுமற்ற
வாழ்வு ஒன்று எங்கும் இல்லை
ஆனால் உனது அருளின் முன்னே
அவற்றுக்கிங்கு இடமே இல்லை 2
தன்னைத் தானே சாரும் போது
சிறிய துயரும் கலங்க வைக்கும்
மீள அதிலே வழியும் இன்றி
மனதும் கூடக் குழம்பித் தவிக்கும் 3
அதனை உணர்ந்து மீண்டும் உனது
திருவடியை அண்டும் போது
சிந்தையில் தெளிவு தோன்ற
மலையைக் கூட பெயர்த்து வைக்கும் 4
பலமுறை இதையே நானும்
பலவிதத்தில் உணர்ந்த போதும்
உணர்ச்சி வந்து உந்தித் தள்ள
உனது அருளை மறக்க வைக்கும் 5
ஆனால் உனது அருளும் கூடத்
தேடி வந்து நினைவு படுத்த
மீண்டும் வந்து தாளைப் பணிய
கிருபை என்றும் தாங்கிக் காக்கும் 6
மத்திகிரி, 12-2-2020, இரவு, 10.30
BT Song 1173 கையேந்தி வந்தேன்
இழந்ததைப் பெறத்தான்
இப்போது வந்தேன்
ஏழை நான் உன்னிடம்
கையேந்தி நின்றேன் 1
உன் சொந்தமாக
உன்னோடு வாழ்ந்தேன்
உரிமையால் உன்னோடு
உறவாடி மகிழ்ந்தேன் 2
அதனால் கொண்ட
செருக்கும் தலைக்கேற
அதனையும் எளிதாக
எடுத்து கொண்டேன் 3
தெய்வம் நீதான்
என்பதை மறந்து
தொண்டு செய்ய
உன்னையும் பணித்தேன் 4
என்னிலை எனக்கு
உணர்த்த வேண்டி
எளியனாய் வந்து
சேவையும் செய்தாய் 5
ஆனால் உன்னந்த
மாண்பினை உணராமல்
அடிமைபோல் உன்னை
நடத்தி வந்தேன் 6
அதன்பின் நமக்குள்ள
நெருக்கமும் குறைய
அதற்கான காரணம்
ஆராய்ந்து பார்த்தேன் 7
அரிதாகக் கிடைக்கும்
உனது அருளை
எளிதாக நானும்
எடுத்து கொண்டேன் 8
அதனால் பக்தியை
மெதுவாக இழந்து
நமக்குள்ள உறவை
முற்றாக மறந்தேன் 9
அதன்பின் வெறுமை
அகத்தை ஆள
இழந்தது எதுவென
முழுதாக உணர்ந்தேன் 10
ஆகவே அதனை
மீண்டும் பெறவே
ஐயனே உன்னிடம்
கையேந்தி வந்தேன் 11
மத்திகிரி, 14-2-2020, இரவு, 11.00
BT Song 1174 நீதான் திருத்தணும்
தினமொரு பாடம்
சொல்லி தரினும்
என்மனம் அதையே
கற்கத்தான் காணோம் 1
திருக்குள்ள இதயம்
நானென்ன செய்யட்டும்
திருந்த மறுத்தால்
நீதான் திருத்தணும் 2
கடமை முடிந்தது
என்று சொல்லி
கடையை கட்டி
நீயும் போகாதே 3
வரவு செலவு
பார்த்திடும் நேரம்
வந்தது இப்போ
நீயதை அறியணும் 4
எத்தனை தெளிவாய்
எல்லாம் எழுதியும்
ஐந்தொகை ஏனோ
வந்திட மறுக்குது 5
பலமுறை நானும்
எண்ணி பார்த்தும்
கணக்கு இங்கு
எங்கோ இடிக்குது 6
கூட்டி கழித்து
பெருக்கி வகுத்தும்
பற்றாக் குறையோ
அதிகம் உள்ளது 7
இறுதி அறிக்கை
ஆயத்தம் செய்வது
எப்படி என்ற
குழப்பம் உள்ளது 8
ஆகவே கணக்கை
உன்னிடம் தந்தேன்
அதையும் நீதான்
சரி செய்யணும் 9
தேவைப் பட்டால்
பற்றாக் குறையை
கிருபை கொண்டு
நீதான் நிறப்பணும் 10
அதனை விடுத்து
பாடம் எடுத்தால்
பயனே இல்லை
என்பதைப் புரியணும் 11
மத்திகிரி, 18-2-2020, காலை, 6.30
BT1175 உன் சித்தம் நடக்குது
சொல்வதைச் சொல்லும்
கிள்ளையைப் போல
சிந்தையின் சித்தத்தைச்
சொல்லிட வேண்டும் 1
அறியாத சிறுபிள்ளை
அறிந்திட வேண்டின்
அறிந்தவர் சொல்லித்
தந்திட வேண்டும் 2
தெரிந்தே செய்தேன்
என்பதும் தெரியலை
தெரியாமல் செய்தேன்
என்றே மறுக்கலை 3
புரியாமல் ஒருவேளை
இருப்பதினாலே
எப்படிச் செய்வது
என்பதும் தெரியலை 4
ஆயினும் இதிலொரு
நன்மையும் இருப்பதை
அடிமை நான் இங்கு
மறக்கவும் இல்லை 5
திரையின் பின்நின்று
நீயும் இயக்க
அதற்கேற்ப நானும்
ஆடுறேன் மறுக்கலை 6
பிண்ணனி நீ பாட
வாயைத்தான் அசைகிறேன்
உள்நின்று நீ பேச
அதைத்தான் சொல்கிறேன் 7
இதுவாக என்னிலை
இருந்திடும் போது
உன் சித்தம் ஒன்றே
நடப்பதாக காண்கிறேன் 8
மத்திகிரி, 20-2-2020, இரவு, 11.10
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