BT Song 1276
I wrote this song as I reflected on the points from the book Hypocrite or Heretic. Every scripture has its own textual, theological, historical and even sociological context. When we try to understand or interpret one scripture through the lens of another, each with its own context, we cannot do justice to any of them. When I read Dr. Hoch attempting this in her book, I began to ask many questions. This is not the place to share my reflections on various points in her book. However, her interpretation of Indian society, scripture, and even Muktiveda from her perspective of Western individualism led me to reflect on my own relationship with the Lord and the teachings of Muktiveda, which inspired this song.
Does Muktiveda teach this kind of individualism? Does it promote any kind of advaita where my individuality will completely merge with Him in the end? Though “No more I, but the Lord lives in me” is the highest expression of our bhakti, what does Muktiveda say about my relationship with Him? Both the Trinity and Mandali (church or fellowship) are a telling rebuke to this Western individualism. I am not against this individualism as long as it serves those who want to live their lives based on it. But reading it in Muktiveda or Indian scriptures confuses me. I will write more on this later, but these reflections compelled me to express my questions through this song.
BT Song 1276 No more I but You
Simple English
1.
I dared to write
The thoughts in my heart
I tried to share
The longings of my heart
As something tried
To stop it all
I halted everything else
And came to you
2.
Do you hear
What my heart says?
Can you understand
Its unclear longing?
I, the ignorant one,
Long to know it
But I stand still,
Bewildered and confused
3.
Will the bond
Between us
Disappear
Once I merge with you?
Can my heart
Grasp its secret?
Who am I to ask?
Are you the one who answers?
4.
The Scripture cannot
Provide an answer
Those who found it
Cannot explain it
However it’s told
My heart won’t get it
Only you
Can understand my state
5.
So I took refuge
As I did before
No more me, only you
Thinking this, I let go of me
I reached the state
Needing no answers
I asked you to do
As you wish
6.
You took me
Beyond my thoughts
You gave me bliss
My heart can’t recognize
You gave a bond
Unbreakable by anything
You ended
The longings of my heart
Mathigiri, 4-08-2021, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1276 No more I but You
Classical English
1.
Boldly I ventured
To pen the thoughts of my heart
I endeavored to convey
The yearnings of my soul
Yet something unseen
Attempted to impede
All else I forsook
And came unto thee
2.
Dost thou hear
What my heart doth speak?
Canst thou discern
Its unspoken longing?
This simple soul
Yearns to comprehend
Yet here I stand,
Bewildered and lost
3.
Shall the bond
Betwixt us
Fade away
When I unite with thee?
Can my heart
Fathom its mystery?
Who am I to inquire?
Art thou the one to answer?
4.
Scriptures can’t reveal
The answer sought
Those who find it
Cannot explain
However it’s told
My heart comprehends not
None but thee
Can grasp my plight
5.
Thus, I sought refuge
As in days of yore
No longer I, but thou
Thinking thus, I did renounce
I attained the state
Requiring no answers
I bade thee to act
As thou wilt
6.
Thou hast taken me
Beyond my thoughts
Bestowed upon me bliss
My heart knows not
Given me a bond
Unbreakable by all
Thou hast ended
The yearning of my soul
Mathigiri, 4-08-2021, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1277
Among the various kinds of bhakti bhava (expressions) in Indian bhakti tradition, two stand out the most—vatsalya and viraha (parental love and love in separation). There are many poems in various regional languages in India depicting these two expressions. For example, the way the Gopis (women of Brindavan where Krishna was brought up) complain to Krishna’s mother (Yashoda) about his pranks, pretending to be irritated yet enjoying them, expresses vatsalya bhava. Similarly, when Krishna leaves them to go to Dwaraka (on the west coast of Gujarat), their expressions of viraha bhava can melt one’s heart. Though one can understand their meaning in translation, reading them in the original language captures their true spirit.
This evening, as I listened to one such song during my meditation, I suddenly felt that though I cannot write about the Lord’s childhood pranks, I can deeply express my bhakti in viraha bhava. In fact, this love in separation resonates more deeply with my heart and spirit than any other expression of bhakti in my life. Inspired, I wrote another song of Viraha bhakti.
BT Song 1277 You have to come back
Simple English
1.
What more can I say?
What more can I do?
This poor soul came
To tell you my state
2.
I come seeking you
As I grow weak
Won’t you come running
To save me again?
3.
I am depressed
My body is weak
My shyness is gone
My legs are trembling
4.
I burn with longing
I am dying from frustration
I struggle to express
I have no more words
5.
Holding my hands, you said:
‘I won’t leave you’
But where are you now,
Leaving me alone?
6.
Did you not understand
The heart of this innocent one?
Do you not see
The greatness of my devotion?
7.
Do I need to repeat
That ‘no more I,
But you alone
Live in me’?
8.
I have faith
That nothing will separate
You and me
We are bound together
9.
Wherever you go
Without finding rest,
You must return
Only to me
10.
Will my belief
Prove to be in vain?
Can you reject
The love I have for you?
11.
So, I will do no more
But wait and watch
The path for your
Return to me
Mathigiri, 5-08-2021, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1277 You have to come back
Classical English
1.
What more can I say?
What more can I do?
This poor soul
Came to tell my plight
2.
I come in search of thee
As I grow ever weak
Wilt thou not run
To redeem me once more?
3.
I am beset by sorrow
My body frail and weak
My shyness is no more
And my legs doth falter
4.
I burn with longing
I perish from despair
I struggle to speak
For words fail me now
5.
Holding my hands, thou didst say:
‘I shall not leave thee’
But where art thou now,
Leaving me forlorn?
6.
Hast thou not understood
This innocent heart?
Dost thou not see
The greatness of my devotion?
7.
Must I repeat again
That ‘no more I,
But thou alone
Dwellest in me’?
8.
Within me,
I hold this faith:
That nothing shall part
Thee and me
9.
Wherever thou mayst wander
Finding no rest,
Thou must return
Only to me
10.
Shall my faith
Be in vain?
Canst thou spurn
The love I bear for thee?
11.
Thus, I shall do no more
But wait and watch
For thy return
Unto me
Mathigiri, 5-08-2021, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1278
I know God can never promise a life without struggle. He only promises a safe landing, not a safe journey. However, when I struggle within myself on various issues, particularly related to my reading and reflections, the only way to escape is to struggle with the Lord and demand the impossible—to give a struggle-free life, which He will not grant. Nonetheless, I will continue to pester Him for a struggle-free life, at least in my reading and reflections. For example, after reading Hypocrite or Heretic by Dr. Hoch, I reflected on many points that kept me from sleeping properly. I didn’t want to get up to record them, but as my mind continued to pester me, I finally got up at midnight and began to type my reflections. When will I get respite from such reading and reflections? Only God knows. At the same time, I cannot stop reading. I am caught between a rock and a hard place.
BT Song 1278 The Means to Protect Me
Simple English
1.
Why should I be defeated
By struggling with myself?
Why should I become tired
By struggling within me?
2.
I know I lack the strength
To battle this world
I also know there is no way
To struggle with you
3.
I don’t want
Any kind of struggle
Thinking this way,
I try to live within myself
4.
After seeing
All the struggles out there
I run away from myself
With loud cries
5.
Where shall I find
A place for me
Where I can live
Without any struggle?
6.
I didn’t see it
Either inside or outside
There’s no use
In searching for that
7.
Coming to find me
And realizing my struggle
Understanding this,
My struggle within me
8.
You should protect me
By struggling for me
You should give me a life
Without any struggle
9.
Do I need to
Struggle with you for this?
Is it possible for you
To struggle with me?
10.
Don’t come to
Struggle with me unnecessarily
Don’t pay an unnecessary
Price for that
11.
You gave yourself
To redeem me
But that is not enough
To protect me
12.
Without giving a state
Where there won’t be any struggle
There is no other way
For you to protect me
Mathigiri, 5-08-2021, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1278 The Means to Protect Me
Classical English
1.
Why should I be vanquished
By warring with myself?
Why should I be wearied
By struggling within me?
2.
I know that I lack the strength
To contend with this world
I also know that there is no means
To strive against thee
3.
I desire not
Any form of struggle
Thus contemplating,
I seek to dwell within myself
4.
After beholding
All the strife without,
I flee from myself
With loud lamentations
5.
Where shall I discover
A place for my soul
Where I may abide
Free from all strife?
6.
I found it not
Within or without
There is no point
In searching for it
7.
Thou camest to seek me,
And perceived my struggle,
Understanding this,
My inner turmoil
8.
Thou shouldst protect me
By striving for me
Thou shouldst grant me a life
Free from all struggle
9.
Must I needs
Contend with thee for this?
Canst thou strive
With me?
10.
Come not
To struggle with me needlessly
Pay not
An unnecessary price
11.
Thou gavest thyself
To redeem me
Yet that sufficeth not
To safeguard me
12.
Without granting a state
Where strife is no more,
There is no other means
For thee to protect me
Mathigiri, 5-08-2021, 11.30 p.m.
BT Song 1279
Bhakti possesses a ‘noble selfishness’—it desires the Lord to become completely personal to a devotee. In this relationship, as a devotee lives solely for the Lord, she also expects the Lord to belong to her entirely because she worships Him for Himself and nothing else. This sentiment is well expressed by the Sufi woman saint Rabi’a:
The Sufi woman saint, Rabi’a, says: “God, if I worship Thee in fear of hell, burn me in hell. And if I worship Thee in hope of Paradise, exclude me from paradise, but if I worship Thee for Thine own sake, withhold not Thine everlasting Beauty”….. — Dosage of Atma in Place of Adrenalin. S H Venkataramani. The Best of Speaking Tree, vol. 1, The Times of India, New Delhi, [2002], Fourth reprint in 2007, p. 31.
BT Song 1279 Only for Me
Simple English
1.
I should worship you
Only for your sake
I should give myself
Completely to you
2.
No matter the needs
Of this world
You should become
The need of my heart
3.
Whatever life might be
After death,
The life I live now
Should belong to you
4.
If this kind of life
Continues in the future,
It alone should persist
Even after death
5.
I should renounce
Even the child’s play
Of questions about
Heaven or hell
6.
I should receive
That status
Which goes
Beyond heaven or hell
7.
But I should experience
Even a small part of it
Every day in the life
That I now live
8.
While I live
In this body,
I should attain
That eternal bliss
9.
As I give myself
Completely to you,
You also should
Belong only to me
10.
Like a child receiving
The love of its mother
Completely for itself,
Your love should belong only to me
11.
Though others might say
This is pure selfishness,
Once they taste this bliss,
They will understand it
12.
Then they too should
Make your love
Personal to them
And enjoy it
13.
Then all of us,
Joining together,
Will worship you
Both now and in the afterlife
14.
Caught in this
Net of devotion,
You too should
Live always with us
Mathigiri, 6-08-2021, 11.15 p.m.
BT Song 1279 Only for Me
Classical English
1.
I should adore thee
For thy sake alone
I should devote myself
Wholly unto thee
2.
Though myriad be
The needs of this world,
Thou shouldst become
The yearning of my heart
3.
Whatever may be
The life beyond death,
The life I now lead
Should be thine
4.
If such a life
Endure in the future,
It alone should endure
Even after death
5.
I should forsake
Even the child’s play
Of questions regarding
Heaven or hell
6.
I should attain
That state
Which transcends
Heaven and hell
7.
Yet, I should partake
Of a small portion thereof
Daily in the life
That I now lead
8.
Whilst I dwell
In this mortal frame,
I should attain
That eternal joy
9.
As I yield myself
Entirely to thee,
Thou too shouldst
Be solely mine
10.
As a child receives
A mother’s love
Wholly for itself,
Thy love should be mine alone
11.
Though others may call
This sheer selfishness,
Once they taste this bliss,
They shall comprehend
12.
Then they too shall
Make thy love
Personal to them
And find delight therein
13.
Then all of us,
United in spirit,
Shall worship thee
Both now and hereafter
14.
Caught in this
Web of devotion,
Thou too shouldst
Ever abide with us
Mathigiri, 6-08-2021, 11.15 p.m.
BT Song 1280
One of the significant aspects of viraha-bhakti (love in separation) is that, though the girl suffers due to separation from her beloved, she will not allow anyone to blame her beloved for her suffering. She will create her own reasons for his separation from her—such as her lack of proper love for him.
Without any reason, the first line of this song echoed in my mind as I had my tea early in the morning. Though I ignored it and busied myself with cooking and taking care of my mother, after completing all my tasks and as my mother went to bed to rest after her meal, I too sat leisurely. Then, the same line began to echo in my mind once again, and I wrote this song in the genre of viraha-bhakti, my favorite theme in bhakti theology.
BT Song 1280 Let it Be Mine
Simple English
1.
One word is enough,
I will come running to you,
I will be at your feet,
Waiting for you.
2.
You know me well,
Until you accept me,
I won’t leave your feet.
3.
Has anyone heard
Of a mother
Forsaking her child?
4.
Is there any master
In this world
Who rejected a slave
Who gave herself completely?
5.
Are you not the one
Who said
You have compassion
More than a mother?
6.
Is it a lie
When you said,
“No more a slave,
But you are my brother”?
7.
If you refuse
To pity me,
Is it not a blemish
To my devotion?
8.
If so much blame
Comes to devotion,
Are you not
Responsible for it?
9.
When you accepted
So many blames,
Will this one
Be unworthy of you?
10.
Therefore, this blame
Need not be yours,
Let it be
My own.
11.
I will say
You rejected me
Because my mind is corrupted
And my devotion has diminished.
12.
I will protect you,
Not letting you receive blame,
But taking it
Upon myself.
13.
Then I will wait for you
To do whatever is
Acceptable to you.
Mathigiri, 7-08-2021, 11.45 a.m.
BT Song 1280 Let it Be Mine
Classical English
1.
A single word suffices,
I shall come running to thee,
I shall be at thy feet,
Awaiting thy command.
2.
Thou knowest me well,
Until thou dost accept me,
I shall not depart
From thy feet.
3.
Hath anyone heard
Of a mother
Abandoning her child?
4.
Is there any master
In this world
Who hath rejected a servant
Who hath wholly devoted herself?
5.
Art thou not the one
Who proclaimed
Thy compassion surpasseth
Even a mother’s love?
6.
Was it a falsehood
When thou didst declare,
“No longer a servant,
But thou art my brother”?
7.
Shouldst thou refuse
To have mercy upon me,
Would it not tarnish
My devotion?
8.
If such a blemish
Fall upon devotion,
Art thou not
Accountable for it?
9.
Having accepted
Many blames upon thyself,
Would this one
Be unfit for thee?
10.
Therefore, this blame
Need not be thine,
Let it rest
Upon me.
11.
I shall declare
That thou didst reject me
For my mind is corrupted
And my devotion hath waned.
12.
I shall shield thee,
Bearing the blame
Upon myself
And not upon thee.
13.
Then shall I wait
For thee to act
In whatever manner
Pleases thee.
Mathigiri, 7-08-2021, 11.45 a.m.
BT Song 1276 நானல்ல நீதான்
எண்ணத்தின் எண்ணத்தை
எழுதத் துணிந்தேன்
இதயத்தின் ஏக்கத்தைச்
சொல்ல முயன்றேன்
ஏதோ ஒன்று
அதற்கு தடைபோட
அனைத்தையும் நிறுத்தி
உன்னிடம் வந்தேன்
1
என்னுளம் சொல்வது
உனக்கு கேட்குதா
புரியாத அதன்ஏக்கம்
உனக்கு புரியுதா
அறியாத பேதையும்
அறியத் துடிக்கிறேன்
ஆயினும் தயங்கி
திகைத்து நிற்கிறேன்
2
உனக்கும் எனக்கும்
இடையுள்ள உறவு
ஒன்றாகி இரண்டறக்
கலந்தபின் மறையுமா
அதிலுள்ள இரகசியம்
என்மனம் புரியுமா
கேட்கின்ற நான்யாரோ
விடைதரும் நீவேறோ
3
இதற்கான விடையினை
மறைகூற முடியாது
விடைகண்ட எவரும்
விளக்க இயலாது
எப்படிக் கூறினும்
என்மனம் அறியாது
உனையன்றி என்னிலை
எவருக்கும் புரியாது
4
ஆகவே முன்போலே
சரணுனை அடைந்தேன்
நானல்ல நீயென
என்னகம் துறந்தேன்
விடைதேவை இல்லாத
நிலையினை அடைந்தேன்
விரும்பியபடி இனிச்
செய்திடு என்றேன்
5
எண்ணத்திற் கப்பாலே
அழைத்து சென்றாய்
மனது உணராத
பேரின்பம் தந்தாய்
ஏதும் பிரிக்காத
உறவினைத் தந்தாய்
இதயத்தின் ஏக்கத்தை
முடித்து வைத்தாய்
6
மத்திகிரி, 4-08-2021, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1277 நீ வந்துதான் ஆகணும்
ஏதுதான் செய்வேனோ
இனியென்ன சொல்ல
ஏந்திழை வந்தேனே
என்னிலை சொல்ல
1
நாடியே வருகிறேன்
வாடியே போனதால்
ஓடிநீ வாராயோ
மீட்டெனைக் காத்திட
2
உள்ளமும் சோர்ந்திட
உடலுமே தளர்ந்திட
நாணமும் சென்றிட
கால்களும் பின்னிட
3
விரகத்தால் வேகிறேன்
விரக்தியால் சாகிறேன்
இதற்குமேல் சொல்லிட
மொழியின்றித் தவிக்கிறேன்
4
கைவிடேன் என்று
கரம்பற்றிச் சொன்னநீ
விலகிடேன் எனக்கூறி
விலகியேன் சென்றாயோ
5
பேதையின் மனதினைப்
புரிந்தவன் அல்லவோ
பக்தியின் மேன்மையை
உணர்ந்தவன் அல்லவோ
6
வாழ்வது நானல்ல
நீயெனில் வாழ்கிறாய்
என்பதை மீண்டும
எடுத்துமே சொல்லவோ
7
ஏதுமே பிரிக்காது
என்னையும் உன்னையும்
என்கிற நம்பிக்கை
என்னுளே உள்ளதால்
8
எங்குநீ போயினும்
தங்கிட இடமின்றி
மீண்டுமே என்னுளே
வந்துதான் ஆகணும்
9
இந்தயென் நம்பிக்கை
பொய்த்துமே போகுமோ
நான்கொண்ட அன்பினை
நீதள்ளக் கூடுமோ
10
ஆகவே இனிமேலே
ஒன்றுமே செய்திடேன்
மீண்டும்நீ வரும்வரை
நான்வழி பார்ப்பேன்
11
மத்திகிரி, 5-08-2021, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1278 என்னைகாக்கும் வழி
என்னோடு போராடி
எதற்காகத் தோற்கணும்
எதற்காகப் போராடி
வீணாக ஓயணும்
1
ஊரோடு போராடத்
தெம்பில்லை அறிவேன்
உன்னோடும் போராட
வழியில்லை உணர்வேன்
2
எவ்விதப் போராட்டம்
எனக்கு வேண்டாம்
என்று எண்ணி
என்னுள்ளே வாழ்ந்தேன்
3
அங்குள்ள போராட்டம்
அனைத்தையும் பார்த்து
அலறிப் புடைத்து
வெளியிலே ஓடினேன்
4
எங்குதான் காண்பேன்
எனக்குமோர் இடமே
எவ்விதப் போராட்டம்
இல்லாமல் வாழ்ந்திட
5
அகம்புறம் இரண்டிலும்
அதைக்காண வில்லை
அதைத்தேடி அலைந்தினி
பயனுமே இல்லை
6
நீதேடி வந்து
என்னிலை புரிந்து
இந்தயென் போராட்டம்
தன்னையும் உணர்ந்து
7
எனக்காகப் போராடி
என்னையும் காக்கணும்
போராட்டம் இல்லாத
வாழ்வையும் தரணும்
8
இதற்காக உன்னோடு
போராட வேண்டுமோ
என்னோடு போராட
உன்னாலே இயலுமா
9
வீணாக மல்லுக்கு
நீயுமே நிற்காதே
வேண்டாத விலையை
நீயுமே தாராதே
10
உன்னையே தந்தாய்
என்னையும் மீட்க
அதுமட்டும் போதாது
என்னையும் காக்க
11
போராட்டம் இல்லாத
நிலைதனைத் தாராமல்
வழிவேறு இல்லை
என்னையும் காக்க
12
மத்திகிரி, 5-08-2021, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 1279 எனக்கே எனக்காக
உன்னை உனக்காக
வணங்க வேண்டும்
என்னை உனக்காகத்
தந்திட வேண்டும்
1
உலகத்தில் தேவைகள்
எத்தனை இருந்தாலும்
உள்ளத்தின் தேவை
நீயாக வேண்டும்
2
இறந்தபின் கிடைக்கும்
வாழ்வெது ஆயினும்
இப்போ வாழ்வது
உனக்காக இருக்கணும்
3
இதுபோன்ற வாழ்வு
தொடருமானால்
இறந்தபின் அதுவே
நீடிக்க வேண்டும்
4
சொர்க்கமா நரகமா
என்று எண்ணும்
சிறுபிள்ளை விளையாட்டைத்
துறந்திட வேண்டும்
5
அவற்றுக்கு அப்பாலே
உன்னோடு வாழும்
அனுபூதி மட்டும்
நான்பெற வேண்டும்
6
ஆயினும் அதிலொரு
சிறு பங்கையேனும்
இப்போதே அனுதினம்
நான்காண வேண்டும்
7
இந்த உடலில்
வாழ்ந்திடும் போதே
அந்தப் பேரின்பம்
அடைந்திட வேண்டும்
8
அதற்கு நானென்னைத்
தந்தது போலவே
எனக்கே எனக்காக
நீமாற வேண்டும்
9
சேய்க்குக் கிடைக்கும்
தாயன்பு போல
உன்னன்பு முழுதாய்
எனக்காக வேண்டும்
10
சுயநலம் இதுவெனப்
பிறர் கூறினாலும்
சுவைத்துப் பார்த்தால்
அவருக்கும் புரியும்
11
அதன்பின் அவரும்
உனது அன்பைத்
தனக்காய் மாற்றித்
துய்க்க வேண்டும்
12
இறுதியில் நாங்கள்
அனைவரும் கூடி
இகபரம் இரண்டிலும்
உன்னையே துதிக்க
13
இந்த பக்தியில்
சிக்குண்டு நீயும்
என்றும் எம்முடன்
வாழ்ந்திட வேண்டும்
14
மத்திகிரி, 6-08-2021, இரவு, 11.15
BT Song 1280 எனதாய் இருக்கட்டும்
ஒருசொல் போதும்
ஓடியே வருவேன்
உன்னடி தன்னில்
காத்து கிடப்பேன்
1
என்னை அறிந்தநீ
ஏற்றிடும் வரையில்
உன்னடி நிழலை
நானுமே நீங்கேன்
2
சேயைத் தள்ளிடும்
தாயின் கதையை
மேதினி அதனில்
கேட்டதும் உண்டோ
3
தன்னை அளித்த
அடிமை தன்னை
மறுத்த ஆண்டை
உலகினில் உண்டோ
4
தாயினும் மேலாய்
பரிவு கொண்டவன்
என்றே நீயும்
சொன்னவன் அன்றோ
5
அடிமை அல்ல
அதனினும் மேலாய்
சோதரன் என்றே
விளித்ததும் பொய்யோ
6
இத்தனை சொல்லியும்
இரங்க மறுத்தால்
நான்கொண்ட பக்திக்கு
இழிவும் அன்றோ
7
அந்த இழிவும்
பக்திக்கு வந்தால்
அந்தற்குப் பொறுப்பு
நீயும் அன்றோ
8
எத்தனையோ பழி
ஏற்ற போதும்
இந்தப் பழியும்
உனக்குத் தகுமோ
9
ஆகவே வேண்டாம்
இந்தப் பழிமட்டும்
என்றும் எனதாய்
இதுவும் இருக்கட்டும்
10
புத்தியும் திரிய
பக்தியும் குறைய
என்னையே தள்ளினாய்
என்றுமே சொல்லி
11
களங்கம் உனக்கு
வந்து விடாமல்
பழியை ஏற்று
உன்னைக் காப்பேன்
12
அதன்பின் உனக்கு
சம்மதம் எதுவோ
அததைநீ செய்ய
காத்துமே கிடப்பேன்
13
மத்திகிரி, 7-08-2021, காலை, 11.45
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