BT Song 1361
As my sister and her husband visited us, I had a long talk with her about shifting our mother to Chennai, where my sister is willing to take care of her. However, as usual, my mother argued with my sister, providing all kinds of excuses for why she couldn’t leave the ashram. Being more argumentative, my sister and my mother (both being Indian women) had a heated discussion, and my mother began to lament about her life. Despite this, my sister didn’t give my mother much hope. At the same time, I didn’t want to disturb our mother, which upset my sister. She often said that I gave too much concession to our mother and bent too much to please her in any and every way. I accepted this without a word and kept quiet. Then my sister said, “I understand why you have done it. As our mother suffered a lot in life, you tried your best to give her a peaceful old age. But she took too much advantage of you, and you allowed it to happen.”
So, when I sat with the Lord again this night, I became very upset with Him, feeling caught between my mother and Him, both of them pestering me. To express my frustration, I wrote this song.
BT Song 1361: Who is Going to Lose
Simple English
1.
When I come to you
Because I have some needs
Why do you turn away
And not look back at me?
2.
Unless the water comes
To the drying crops
Can they grow
On their own?
3.
When I never
Came seeking you
Why did you redeem me
By coming after me?
4.
Is it useless
To give bhakti
So I can know
Your divine will?
5.
Is it a lie
For you to teach
Your Vedas to grow
In liberation through bhakti?
6.
Why did you
Bring me to your group
And tell me to pray
To you?
7.
How many more
Questions should I ask?
Why do both your ears
Become dull?
8.
I asked you
But you never gave
I knocked
But you never opened
9.
I came seeking
But I never found
What else can I say
There is no answer
10.
Don’t make me
Say that
It would be better
If you hadn’t redeemed me
11.
The one who planted
Will surely water it
Don’t forget this
Old proverb
12.
Whose loss is it
If you refuse to
Take care of it
After planting?
13.
Tell me
What the drying crops
Can do
Other than die?
14.
See the way
To grow and harvest
And take it to
The granary properly
15.
If you refuse
To listen to me
Then the loss isn’t mine
You better realize this
Gurukulam, 8-4-2022, 11.00 p.m.
BT Song 1361: Who is Going to Lose
Classical English
1.
When I approach thee
With needs pressing
Why dost thou turn away
And not glance back at me?
2.
Unless the water comes
To the parched fields
Can they flourish
Of their own accord?
3.
When I ne’er
Came seeking thee
Why didst thou redeem me
By seeking after me?
4.
Is it vain
To bestow devotion
That I may know
Thy divine will?
5.
Is it false
For thee to instruct
Thy Vedas to flourish
In liberation through bhakti?
6.
Why didst thou
Make me join thy company
And command me
To pray unto thee?
7.
How many more
Questions must I pose?
Why do thine ears
Turn dull to my pleas?
8.
I asked thee
But thou gavest not
I knocked
But thou opened not
9.
I sought thee
But found thee not
What else can I say?
No answer dost thou give
10.
Do not compel me
To declare
That it were better
Hadst thou not redeemed me
11.
He who sows
Will surely water too
Forget not this
Ancient adage
12.
Whose loss is it
If thou refuse
To tend what thou hast planted?
Dost thou not see?
13.
Pray, tell me
What can parched crops do
But perish
If left unattended?
14.
Consider the means
To nurture and harvest
And to store
In the granary aright
15.
If thou refuse
To heed my plea
The loss is not mine
Better thou realize this
Gurukulam, 8-4-2022, 11.00 p.m.
BT Song 1362
Again, a tussle with the Lord, questioning His arbitrary decisions regarding my life. I wrote this song only to tease Him and find some release in my mind, even though I became upset with Him.
BT Song 1362: Is It Correct
Simple English
1. If you want to do
Any good to me,
Better ask
My desire also.
2. Is it correct
Doing as per wish
Is the only good that
You want to do to me?
3. Is it wrong
To have my own desire?
When I share it,
Is it correct for you to become upset?
4. I know for sure
That what is
Good for me
I don’t know.
5. Because of that,
It is indeed cruel to think that
Whatever you do,
I should accept.
6. Reaching a common
Mutually agreeable solution
Is indeed
Good for both of us.
7. First think
The benefit in this,
Then you come
And negotiate with me.
8. Where is any
Negotiation when
Your thought remains
As one-way traffic?
9. Whom shall
I call
To arbitrate
Between us?
10. There is no
Place for that with me.
It is not good
For others to interfere.
11. Let us both
Sit and talk,
Not putting
Any precondition.
12. If you tell that
This itself is a precondition,
Then let us think
Alternative means.
13. If we cannot
Reach any kind of conclusion,
Always there is
Your veto right.
14. Then what is the use of
Having any desire of my own?
What is the use of
Further negotiation after that?
Gurukulam, 8-4-2022, 11.45 p.m.
BT Song 1362: Is It Correct
Classical English
1. If thou dost seek
To do me good,
Best ask
What my desire may be.
2. Is it just
To follow thine own wish
As the only good
Thou wouldst bestow upon me?
3. Is it wrong
To have my own desire?
When I share it,
Is it just for thee to be upset?
4. I know assuredly
What is good for me
I do not know.
5. Therefore,
‘Tis cruel to believe that
Whate’er thou doest,
I must accept.
6. Finding a common
Mutually agreeable solution
Is indeed
Good for us both.
7. First, consider
The benefit therein,
Then come and
Negotiate with me.
8. Where is
Negotiation when
Thy thoughts are
But one-way traffic?
9. Whom shall I
Call
To arbitrate
Betwixt us?
10. There is no
Place for that with me.
It is not good
For others to interfere.
11. Let us both
Sit and converse,
Without setting
Any precondition.
12. If thou sayest that
This itself is a precondition,
Then let us consider
Alternative means.
13. If we cannot
Reach any conclusion,
Ever there is
Thy veto right.
14. Then what use is there
In having my own desire?
What use is there
In further negotiation thereafter?
Gurukulam, 8-4-2022, 11.45 p.m.
BT Song 1363
When I read the following two poems by Kabir and Madhan (quoted in different contexts), I began to meditate upon them. This led me to write a song expressing my sadhana with the Lord.
O how may I ever express that secret word?
O how can I say, he is unlike this, he is like that?
If I should say, he is within me, the universe were shamed
If I say, he is without me, it is false…
He is neither manifest nor hidden;
He is neither revealed nor unrevealed:
There are no words to tell what he is. [Kabir Granthavali, p. 291.91] {no reference is given about publisher, and year of publication—dbb}
Many Baul poets belong to a similar current of thought. One of them called Madhan, sang:
“Thy path, O Lord, is hidden by mosque and temple:
I hear thine own call, but the guru stops the way.
What gives peace to my mind sets the world ablaze,–
The cult of the One dies in the conflict of the many,
The door to it is closed by many a lock, of Quran, Puran and the rosary.
Even the way of renunciation is full of tribulation:
Wherefore weeps Madan in despair.” [Religious Education by Rabindranath Tagore. The Visva-Bharati Quarterly, Vol. I, Part III, New Series. Nov.-Jan., 1935-36, p. 10}—Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, Fellowship of the Spirit, The Center for the study of World Religions, Harvard Divinity School, 1961]—p. 18
BT Song 1363: I Will Nurture
Simple English
1. I understood through my mind,
I experienced through my senses,
But I refused
To stop with them.
2. Going beyond
Mind and senses,
Realizing it silently
In my heart.
3. Refusing to give
Any kind of form to it,
I gave myself completely
By mingling with you.
4. As my whole
Being filled with it,
Some kind of trance
Spread within me.
5. As I rejoice
Going beyond emotion,
I forgot myself
Renouncing the world.
6. Is it possible
For me to communicate
Through any language
Other than realizing through senses?
7. Is there any
Means to attain it
Completely without
Losing oneself?
8. Can one understand
That secret; who refuses to lose
Which can be obtained
By losing oneself?
9. Transcending mind,
Emotion, and thoughts,
The experience that
One gets in the soul.
10. I received it in you
By losing myself,
And I will nurture it
By completely renouncing myself.
Gurukulam, 9-4-2022, 11.00 p.m.
BT Song 1363: I Will Nurture
Classical English
1. I understood through my intellect,
I experienced through my senses,
Yet I refused
To halt therein.
2. Transcending
Intellect and senses,
Silently realizing it
In my heart.
3. Refusing to give
Any form to it,
I surrendered wholly
By mingling with thee.
4. As my entire
Being was filled with it,
A trance
Spread within me.
5. As I rejoiced,
Transcending emotion,
I forgot myself
Renouncing the world.
6. Is it possible
For me to communicate
Through any tongue
Other than realizing through senses?
7. Is there any
Means to attain it
Completely without
Losing oneself?
8. Can one comprehend
That secret; who refuses to lose
Which may be obtained
By losing oneself?
9. Transcending intellect,
Emotion, and thought,
The experience that
One gains in the soul.
10. I received it in thee
By losing myself,
And I shall nurture it
By wholly renouncing myself.
Gurukulam, 9-4-2022, 11.00 p.m.
BT Song 1364
On the 7th, I had a long talk with my sister and her husband, who visited us. They urged me to make a final decision about taking care of our mother and keeping her with them in Chennai. However, this would come at a cost. I would have to move to Chennai and stay with my mother for at least the first few months until she adjusted to the new situation, as she has lived with me for over 20 years. This almost paralyzed me. Although I accepted that I should gradually withdraw from my mother, allowing my other siblings to take care of her, the “what if” question often daunts me. “What if I am forced to stay permanently with my mother in Chennai considering her age, needs, and health?” Particularly since I never like any city and prefer rural areas. Even thinking about moving for a few months is a big challenge for me. After that talk, when I retired to my room and sat for meditation after reading Muktiveda, I was torn between accepting their proposal and rejecting it. Unable to make any decision or even pray, I poured out my heart through this song to the Lord.
BT Song 1364: I Will Remain Neutral
Simple English
1. I still have
Two kinds of minds.
I am frustrated,
Not knowing what to do.
2. One mind says
Your way is correct.
The other refuses, saying
That is not your way.
3. Making your
Own decision,
Then claiming
It is God’s way,
4. You are
Cheating yourself
And blaming God
For everything.
5. As the other mind
Began to argue with me,
I began to think
Deeply about it.
6. I am bewildered,
Not knowing
Which direction to go,
Confused in my mind.
7. I don’t know
What to do further.
I don’t have the courage
To ask others.
8. I don’t want to say,
Let fate take its course,
And become
Depressed by it.
9. I don’t have faith
In fate.
I also cannot
Trust myself.
10. Surely I cannot
Understand your way,
But I have never lost
My faith in you.
11. Therefore, remaining
Quiet within,
I hand over to you
What comes next.
12. Keeping neutral,
Whatever my
Mind might
Say to me,
13. Living each day
In you,
I will complete my race,
Remembering your grace.
14. Therefore, I will remain
Calm within,
Handing over to you
What comes next.
Gurukulam, 10-4-2022, 11.30, p.m.
BT Song 1364: I Will Remain Neutral
Classical English
1. Two kinds of minds
Still I possess.
Frustrated, I am,
Not knowing what to do.
2. One mind says,
“Thy way is correct.”
The other refuses, saying,
“That is not thy way.”
3. Making thy
Own decision,
Then claiming
It is God’s will,
4. Thou art
Cheating thyself,
And blaming God
For all things.
5. As the other mind
Began to argue with me,
I began to ponder
Deeply upon it.
6. Bewildered am I,
Not knowing
Which direction to take,
Confused in my reason.
7. I know not
What further to do.
Lacking the courage
To seek others’ counsel.
8. I wish not to say,
“Let fate take its course,”
And become
Depressed by such thoughts.
9. I have no faith
In fate,
Nor can I
Trust myself.
10. Surely thy way
I cannot comprehend,
Yet I have never lost
My faith in thee.
11. Therefore, remaining
Silent within,
I hand over to thee
What follows next.
12. Keeping neutral,
Whatever my
Mind might
Say unto me,
13. Living each day
In thee,
I shall complete my race,
Remembering thy grace.
14. Thus, shall I remain
Tranquil within,
Handing over to thee
What follows next.
Gurukulam, 10-4-2022, 11.30, p.m.
BT Song 1365
When anyone fights in life, they should know the cause of the fight and the enemy. But at present, I have to fight in several areas without knowing why I am fighting, the reason, or the enemy. As I became extremely tired both in body and mind tonight, I began to fight with the Lord to understand the reason for this fight and find a solution. Unable to pray further, I poured out this song as my prayer.
BT Song 1365: I Become Tired
Simple English
1. If my trouble
Is only with you,
Then I will
Rejoice in it.
2. If my struggle
Is only with me,
As usual, I will
Be defeated.
3. If my fight is
With others,
There will be some way
For me to escape.
4. Not knowing
With whom I shall fight,
And if everyday life
Becomes a struggle,
5. Only confusion will come,
Not knowing further
With whom shall I fight
And how to fight.
6. Better tell me
What is the purpose of this struggle,
Show me clearly
Who is my enemy.
7. Leaving this,
If you play hide and seek,
How to struggle,
Better you tell that to me.
8. I am fighting
Only in the air,
For many to watch
And mock at me.
9. Finally, I fell down
As I became tired,
Without any
Use in life.
10. Neither the enemy is defeated,
Nor I am winning,
Then why should this struggle
Even happen?
11. If there is any answer,
You tell that to me,
If there is none,
Then come and struggle with me.
12. I will find
Some comfort in it,
Finally, I will
Ask some boon of you.
13. Leaving that,
If you allow me to fight like this,
Oh my Lord,
Definitely, I will become tired.
Gurukulam, 11-04-2022, 11.00 p.m.
BT Song 1365: I Become Tired
Classical English
1. If my trouble
Be only with thee,
Then I shall
Rejoice therein.
2. If my struggle
Be solely with me,
As is usual, I shall
Be defeated.
3. If my fight be
With others,
There shall be some means
For my escape.
4. Not knowing
With whom I shall contend,
And if everyday life
Becomes a struggle,
5. Confusion alone shall come,
Not knowing further
With whom to battle
And how to engage.
6. Better tell me
The purpose of this struggle,
Show me clearly
Who is my foe.
7. Forsaking this,
If thou play hide and seek,
How to contend,
Better thou tell me that.
8. I am fighting
Only in the air,
For many to watch
And mock at me.
9. Finally, I fell down,
As I grew weary,
Without any
Profit in life.
10. Neither the enemy is vanquished,
Nor am I victorious,
Then why should this struggle
Even occur?
11. If there be any answer,
Thou tell it to me,
If there be none,
Then come and struggle with me.
12. I shall find
Some solace therein,
Finally, I shall
Ask some boon of thee.
13. Forsaking that,
If thou allow me to fight thus,
O my Lord,
Surely, I shall become tired.
Gurukulam, 11-04-2022, 11.00 p.m.
BT Song 1361 நட்டம் யாருக்கு
தேவை என்று
தேடி வந்தால்
திரும்பி பாராமல்
செல்வதும் ஏனோ 1
வாடும் பயிரும்
நாடிநீர் வாராமல்
தன்போல் அதுவாய்த்
தழைத்திடப் போமோ 2
உன்னையே தேடி
வாராத போது
என்னையே தேடி
மீட்டதும் ஏனோ 3
அதன்பின் உனது
சித்தத்தை அறிய
பக்தியைத் தந்து
காத்ததும் வீணோ 4
பக்தியின் மூலம்
முக்தியில் வளர
வேதத்தை சொல்லித்
தந்ததும் பொய்யா 5
அத்துடன் உனது
அங்கத்தில் இணத்து
உன்னை வேண்டச்
சொன்னதேன் ஐயா 6
இன்னும் எத்தனை
கேள்விகள் கேட்பது
உன்னிரு செவிகள்
மந்தேமேன் ஆனது 7
கேட்டுப் பார்த்தேன்
கொடுக்க வில்லை
தட்டிப் பார்த்தேன்
திறக்க வில்லை 8
தேடி வந்தேன்
கிடைக்க வில்லை
வேறென்ன சொல்ல
விடை வரவில்லை 9
மீட்காமல் இருந்தால்
நல்லது என்று
சொல்லும்படி நீ
விட்டு விடாதே 10
பயிரை வைத்தவன்
தண்ணீர் ஊற்றுவான்
என்ற பழமொழி
தன்னை மறவாதே 11
பயிரை நட்டு
வளர்க்க மறுத்தால்
நட்டம் யாருக்கு
என்பதை எண்ணு 12
வாடிய பயிரும்
மடிவது அல்லாமல்
வேறென்ன செய்யும்
நீயதைக் கூறு 13
வளர்த்து அறுத்து
கலத்தில் சேர்த்து
விளைச்சலைக் காணும்
வழியினைப் பாரு 14
கேட்க மாட்டேன்
என்று மறுத்தால்
நட்டம் எனக்கு
இல்லை உணறு 15
குருகுலம், 8-4-2022, இரவு 11.00
BT Song 1362 சரியாக் கூறு
ஏதேனும் நன்னமை
செய்திட நினைத்தால்
என் மன விருப்பம்
அதனையும் கேளு 1
உன்னிட்டம் போலே
செய்வதே நன்மை
என்று எண்ணுதல்
சரியா கூறு 2
எனக்கென விருப்பம்
இருப்பதும் தவறா
அதை நான் கூற
முனிதல் சரியா 3
எனக்கெது நன்மை
என்பதை நானும்
நிச்சயம் அறியேன்
என்பதும் உண்மை 4
அதற்காக நீ செய்யும்
அனைத்தையும் ஏற்கணும்
என நீ எண்ணுதல்
அதனினும் கொடுமை 5
இருவரும் ஏற்கும்
தீர்வுக்கு வருவது
உனக்கும் எனக்கும்
நிச்சயம் நல்லது 6
இதிலுள்ள நன்மையை
முதலிலே பாரு
அதன்பின் சமரசம்
வந்து நீ பேசு 7
ஒருவழிப் பாதை போல
உன் எண்ணம் இருந்தால்
சமரசத்திற்கு அதிலே
இடமுமேது 8
எனக்கும் உனக்கும்
இடையே சமரசம்
செய்திட எவரை
அழைப்பது கூறு 9
அதற்கு என்னிடம்
இடமே இல்லை
அடுத்தவர் தலையீடு
சரியே இல்லை 10
இருவரும் நிபந்தனை
ஏதும் விதிக்காமல்
அமர்ந்து முதலில்
பேசிப் பார்ப்போம் 11
இதுவும் நிபந்தனை
என நீ கூறினால்
மாற்று வழியை
யோசித்து பார்ப்போம் 12
எவ்வித முடிவும்
எட்டாது போனால்
இருக்கவே இருக்கு
உன்னிடம் வீட்டோ 13
அதன்பின் எனக்கு
விருப்பம் எதற்கு
அதைப்பற்றி பேசி
பயனென்ன இருக்கு 14
குருகுலம், 8-4-2022, இரவு 11.45
BT Song 1363 பேணிக் காப்பேன்
அறிவால் அறிந்தேன்
உணர்வால் புரிந்தேன்
ஆனால் அவற்றுடன்
நிறுத்த மறுத்தேன் 1
அறிவுக்கும் உணர்வுக்கும்
அப்பால் சென்று
அமைதியாய் அதனை
மனதால் உணர்ந்து 2
எவ்வித வடிவும்
கொடுக்க மறுத்து
என்னை இழந்தேன்
உன்னில் கலந்து 3
என்முழுத் தன்மையும்
அதனால் நிறைய
என்னுள் ஒருவித
பரவசம் பரவ 4
உணர்ச்சிக்கு அப்பால்
சென்று மகிழ
என்னை மறந்தேன்
உலகைத் துறந்து 5
மவுனத்தில் அதனை
உணர்வது அன்றி
மொழியால் அதனை
உரைத்திட்ட போமோ 6
முற்றாய் தன்னை
இழந்து விடாமல்
நிறைவாய் அடையும்
வழியும் உண்டோ 7
இழந்தே பெற்றிடும்
இரகசியம் அதனை
இழக்க மறுப்போர்
புரிவதும் உண்டோ 8
அறிவை உணர்வை
மனதைக் கடந்து
அடையும் ஆன்ம
அனுபவம் அதனை 9
பெற்றேன் நானும்
உன்னில் இழந்து
பேணிக் காப்பேன்
என்னைத் துறந்து 10
குருகுலம், 9-4-2022, 11.00
BT Song 1364 நடுநிலை வகிப்பேன்
இருமனம் இன்னும்
இருக்குது என்னுள்
என்னதான் செய்வது
தவிக்கிறேன் நானும் 1
உன்வழி சரியென
ஒருமனம் சொல்லுது
அதுவல்ல உன்வழி
மறுமனம் மறுக்குது 2
‘நீயாக ஒன்றை
தீர்மானம் செய்து
இறைவழி அதுவென
வாதித்துக் கொண்டு 3
உன்னை நீயே
ஏமாற்றிக் கொண்டு
இறைவனை குறைசொல்லி
திரிக்கிறாய் நன்று’ 4
என்றே மறுமனம்
என்னிடம் பேச
அதுபற்றி நானும்
ஆழமாய் யோசிக்க 5
எவ்வழி செல்ல
தெரியாமல் திகைத்து
செயலாற்று நின்றேன்
அறிவும் குழம்ப 6
இனியென்ன செய்ய
எனக்கும் புரியலை
பிறரிடம் கேட்க
மனதும் துணியலை 7
விதிவழி நடக்கட்டும்
என்று எண்ணி
விரக்தி கொண்டிட
எனக்கும் முடியலை 8
விதிமீது எனக்கு
நம்பிக்கை இல்லை
என்னையே நம்ப
எனக்கும் முடியலை 9
உன்வழி நிச்சயம்
இன்னும் புரியலை
ஆனால் உன்மீது
நம்பிக்கை மாறலை 10
ஆகவே நானும்
அமைதலாய் இருந்து
அடுத்து வருவதை
உன்னிடம் கொடுத்து 11
என்மனம் என்னிடம்
எதைச் சொன்னாலும்
ஏற்காமல் மறுக்காமல்
நடுநிலை வகித்து 12
ஒவ்வொரு நாளாய்
உன்னுடன் வாழ்ந்து
ஓட்டத்தை முடிப்பேன்
உன்னருள் நினந்து 13
குருகுலம், 10-4-2022, இரவு 11.30
BT Song 1365 களைத்து போனேன்
உன்னோடு மட்டுமே
போராட்டம் என்றால்
உவப்பாய் அதுவும்
இருந்திடக் கூடும் 1
என்னோடு மட்டுமே
போராட்டம் என்றால்
எப்போதும் போலவே
தோற்றிட வேண்டும் 2
பிறரோடு போராட்டம்
என்றுமே ஆனால்
தப்பித்து ஓடிட
வழிவகை இருந்திடும் 3
எவரோடு போராட்டம்
என்பதே தெரியாமல்
அனுதின வாழ்வே
போராட்டம் ஆனால் 4
எவரோடு போராட
எப்படி போராட
என்பதே தெரியாமல்
குழப்பம்தான் மிஞ்சும் 5
எதற்காக போராட்டம்
என்பதைக் கூறு
எதிரி எவரெனத்
தெளிவாகக் காட்டு 6
அதைவிட்டு இப்படி
கண்ணாமூச் சாடினால்
எப்படி போராட
அதைமட்டும் கூறு 7
காற்றிலே கம்பம்
சுற்றுறேன் நானும்
பலபேரும் எள்ளி
வேடிக்கைப் பார்க்க 8
இறுதியில் களைத்து
வீழ்ந்து போகிறேன்
எவ்வித பயனும்
இல்லாமல் நாளும் 9
எதிரியும் தோற்காமல்
நானும் வெல்லாமல்
எதற்காக நடக்கணும்
இந்த என் போராட்டம் 10
விடையும் இருந்தால்
நீ அதைக் கூறு
இல்லாது போனால்
வந்து போராடு 11
அதிலொரு ஆறுதல்
நானும் காண்பேன்
இறுதியில் உன்னிடம்
வரமும் பெறுவேன் 12
அதைவிட்டு இப்படி
நானும் போராட
ஐயனே நிச்சயம்
களைத்தே போவேன் 13
குருகுலம், 11-04-2022, இரவு, 11.00
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