BT Song 201. என்று அமைதி காண்பேன்
என்றுதான் என்னில் நான் அமைதி காண்பேனோ
உன்னுடன் இருந்துதான் உறவு கொள்வேனோ
சிந்தையில் நான் கொண்ட சஞ்சலம் கொஞ்சமோ
சொல்லுக்கும் மொழிக்கும் என்னிடம் பஞ்சமோ
மொளனமாய் உன்னுடன் சற்றேனும் அமர்ந்து
மெள்ளவே நீ கூறும் வார்த்தையை அறிந்து
என்நிலை அதன்மூலம் நன்குமே உணர்ந்து
என்று நான் அடைவேன் உன்னடி சார்ந்து
ஆயிரம் ஓலங்கள் அமைதியை அழிக்க
ஆரவாரம் பல என்னையும் தாக்க
மானிடர் கூச்சலும் மனதையும் அலைக்க
மறந்தேனே ஐயனே உன்னடி நினைக்க
ஆதலால் மீண்டுமே ஓடிநான் வந்தேன்
அலையும் மனதையும் உன்னிடம் தந்தேன்
மாறாத உன்னமைதி மட்டுமே தருவாய்
மறந்துமே இழக்காது என்னையும் காப்பாய்
10, 11-10-2013, கோயம்புத்தூர்
BT Song 201 When I am going to get peace?
When I am going to found the peace within me
When I am going to have fellowship with you
Is the Chanchal (disturbance) that I have in my mind is few
Is there any draught for talk and words in me?
When I am going to realize my condition
By sitting calmly and
Listening your words in silence
Depending upon your feet?
Oh Lord I forgot to remember your feet
As thousands of noises is destroying my peace
All the uproars are attacking me and
Shouting human voice is also disturbing my heart
Therefore again I came running unto you
I gave my disturbed heart back to you
Only give me your unchanging peace
Protect me not to lose it again.
10-10-2013, Coimbatore, 6.30 am.
Generally I don’t like crowds. This I have experienced from my boyhood. I have contradicting and conflicting nature within me. I am a chattering box. At the same time I prefer silence and solitude. So to choose silence I generally avoided crowds as much as possible. But in a few unavoidable situations I have to go for some function. When I went to Kanna’s son’s wedding first I stayed at his home at Erode a few days before the marriage and then I went to the marriage held at Coimbatore. Thankfully Kannan arranged a separate room for me to stay at Coimbatore and knowing my nature he allowed me to be in my room without allowing others to disturb me. Too much talk, too much involvement in several activities deprived me of my regular sadhana and solitude. And on 10th morning when I got up very early, I sat for a long time in silence—not praying, not reading but allowing my brain to wander and my heart longing for silence. Then I wrote this song.
I won’t blame others in any way for all the disturbances within me. I never trained myself properly to keep my tranquility amidst the crowd. I know that not having that discipline whether I am amidst the crowd or in solitude I am going to struggle with this problem in my life. The only advantage that I have is that I know my problem and the solution for it but don’t have the strength to implement it. Anyhow, I thank God that I am not alone and other bhaktas are there to know my limitations and step in to help me.
14-8-14
BT Song 202. போதும் எனக்கு
உள்ளான அமைதி என்னிலே வேண்டும்
உன்னோடு உறவாடும் எண்ணமே வேண்டும்
தள்ளாடும் மனதில் உறுதி வேண்டும்
தடுமாறும் வாழ்க்கையில் நிம்மதி வேண்டும்
அலையலையாய் வருது ஆயிரம் கவலை
அடித்து செல்லுது மனதின் உறுதியை
பலவாகப் பெருகுது வாழ்வில் வேதனை
புலப்படவில்லை இன்னும் உன் கருணை
எது மட்டும் நீயும் சோதனை செய்வாய்
எப்படி இதற்கு நீ அனுமதி தருவாய்
கைவிடமாட்டாய் என்பதை அறிவேன்
’காத்திடு’ என்றே கதறியே வந்தேன்
போக்கிடம் இல்லை பேதைக்கு ஒரு வழி
புகலிடம் வேறில்லை நீயே என் கதி
இதுவரை தோல்வி அடைந்தது இல்லை
இறுதியில் வெற்றி என்பது உண்மை
இடையில் போராட்டம் என்ன வந்தாலும்
எத்தனை பேர் என்னை எதிர்த்து நின்றாலும்
உடன் வர நீயும் உலகையே வெல்வேன்
உன்னுடன் நிச்சயம் ஆளுகை செய்வேன்
நீ தரும் அமைதி போதும் எனக்கு
நீ மட்டும் ஆவாய் புகலிடம் எனக்கு
நான் மட்டும் கொண்ட இந்த உறவு
யாருக்கும் புரியாத உன்னத அறிவு
8-11-2013, காலை, 8.30, குருகுலம்
BT Song 202. Enough for me
I need the inner peace
I need the desire to have fellowship with you
I need stability in my wavering mind
I need peace in this unstable life
Thousands of worries are coming as waves
Wash away the stability of mind
Sorrows multiply manifold in life
Your compassion is not yet visible
How long will you test me?
How dare you to allow this
I know that you won’t abandon me
I come unto you by crying ‘save me’.
This ignorant has no other place to go
You are my goal and I have no other place of refuge
So far, I never faced defeat
It is for sure that victory will there at the end
In the middle how many struggles might come
How many people might oppose me?
As you will come with me, I will overcome the world
I will rule with you for sure
The peace that you give is enough for me
You alone become my refuge
This relationship that I have with you
Is beyond anybody’s understanding
8-11-2013, 8.30. a.m. Gurukulam.
Already I shared the story of a sannyasi rearing a cat to catch the rats in his little cottage and finally end up becoming a family man? This too happened once I had my own place to live and manage (both the ashram and the house at Mathirigi). As a human I need a place to live but as a sannyasi I want to run away from things that trap me. Even a sannyasi without having a small hut cannot escape from this struggle in his journey—however he claimed that he renounced everything. However they claim that they have ‘renounced in mind’ but accept the ‘responsibility’ yet the lack of desire for ownership versus responsibility always disturb their sadhana. The only idealism of a true renunciation in the words of Kannadasan is: even treating the small piece of cloth as a burden and the family is sin; and seeking the Lord of the forest is the true “Nirvana” (release, Mukti) (quoted from memory. From his collections of poems on the topic “Nirvana’.) Kannadasan plays with the word ‘Nirvana’ meaning both ‘naked’ and ‘Mukti’.
கோவணமும் பாரம், குடித்தனமும் பாவம் என
காவனத்து நாயகனை கடிந்தேகும் நிர்வாணம்
14-8-14
BT Song 203 எதிர் நீச்சல் அவசியம்
சந்னிதி ஒன்றே என்றும் நிரந்தரம்
சஞ்சலம் கொண்ட வாழ்வில் அனுதினம்
கிருபை ஒன்றே எமக்கு ஆதாரம்
கலங்கும் மனதிற்கு ஆகும் நங்கூரம்
அலைபோல வாழ்வுமே நிலையாக இல்லை
அதன்மீது துரும்பானால் நிரந்தரம் இல்லை
ஆயினும் கரையேற ஆர்வமும் இல்லை
அலையுடன் போராட்டம் ஓயவும் இல்லை
போராடப் பிறந்ததே மனிதனின் நிலை
போராட்டம் ஓயாது இங்கு வாழும் வரை
இதனிடை ’அமைதி’ என்பது என்ன?
ஒன்றுமே தெளிவாகப் புரியவில்லை
செயலற்று வாழ்வது அமைதி அல்ல
சொந்த பந்தம் துறப்பதால் வருவதும் அல்ல
நங்கூரம் பாய்ச்சி நிலையாக நின்றாலும்
அலைமீது அசைவது நிற்பதும் இல்லை
நதி போகும் போக்கிலே போகாத மீன் போல
எதிர் நீச்சல் போடுதல் வாழ்வில் அவசியம்
மனம்போன போக்கிலே போகாது அதுபோல
இறைவனில் நிற்பது பக்திக்கு அவசியம்
9-11-13, காலை, 8.30, குருகுலம்
BT Song 203. Swimming against the current is important
Your presence alone is permanent
In this life with full of disturbance
Grace is our only support
That is the anchor for the troubled heart
Life is not stable like the waves
Once we become the dust on the waves there is no stability
Yet there is no interest to reach the shore
The struggle with the wave is not going to end
In reality men born to struggle
Struggles won’t come to an end still he lives
Amidst this what is mean by ‘peace’
Nothing is clear about it.
Remaining inactive is not peace
It is not coming by renouncing others
Though (boat of life) is anchored properly
Tossing on the wave is not going to end
Unlike the fish which will go along with the current
Swimming against the current is important in life
Similarly not going along with the mind
Remaining stable in God is important for bhakti.
9-11-2013, 8.30 a.m. Gurukulam.
However a boat is anchored, yet it is not going to remain still on water. The waves will always move it on the water. Similarly there is no life without some kind of challenge. Remaining inactive or running away from responsibility through renunciation is not going to bring any peace or stability. In fact, that will bring more strife and confusion in life. Like a living fish which always swims across the current we too with the help of the Lord should face the challenges in life. Only the dead fish is carried by the current of the water. A dead fish will either become a prey or spoil the water.
The life of a sannyasi is burdened with more strife as Kabir says, ‘tapasvi’s trouble is double fold’. Prasad’s mother often told me that while they worried about only their family, I have to worry about so many families of my shishyas. This became real when I went beyond my limit to serve others. However the counsel, check and support of other bhaktas helped me to keep a balance to remain true to my vocation. I am giving Kabir’s song which is worth reading in the notes.
14-8-14
9-Of all that wear this flesh, are none found happy; all that thou seest are wretched.
Rulers and ruled, the poor, the rich; the lowest of the low, the headman of the village.
In greater or in less degree the whole world is in grief; the house –holder and the hermit alike.
Happy in this world is no father of sons; happy no lonely recluse.
The Jogi is troubled, the Jangam is troubled; to him who seeks out penances is two-fold
trouble.
The thirst of desire springs up in all; there is no palace but contains it.
I speak truth, yet no one heeds; lies I may not utter.
Brahma, Visnu, Mahesa are troubled, who have traced out this path.
The solitary is troubled, the king is troubled; the poor is troubled for his crippled lot.
Kabir says, hear, O brother Sadhus, that man wins happiness who overcomes his mind.
BT Song 204. நான் உன் சொந்தமே
நீ சொல்ல நான் கேட்பேன்
நீ பார்க்க நான் உய்வேன்
நீ தர நான் பெறுவேன்
நீயன்றி வீணாவேன்
நான் உந்தன் சொந்தமே
இதைக் கூற வேண்டுமோ
நீ எந்தன் தெய்வமே
இதைச் சொல்ல வேண்டுமோ
இந்த உறவு புதினமல்ல
இந்தச் சொந்தம் புதிருமல்ல
பக்தி என்பது அதன்பெயராம்
புனிதமான ஒரு வழியாம்
இந்தப் பேறு நாமும் பெற்றோம்
ஒன்றாய் நாமும் கலந்து விட்டோம்
இறுதிவரையில் இணைந்து இருப்போம்
எல்லை இல்லா இன்பம் காண்போம்
11-11-13, காலை, 8.15, குருகுலம்
BT Song 204. I belong to you
I will listen, as you speak
I will be saved if you look unto me
I will receive as you give
Without you I will become a waste
I am yours
Do I need to tell this?
You are my God
Is it necessary to proclaim this?
This relationship is not new
This bondage is not a riddle
Bhakti is its name
A holy path
We become one is the real blessing
We mingled and became one
Till the end we will remain united
We will have endless bliss.
11-11-2013 8.15 am. Gurukulam.
Though I said that ‘this relationship with the Lord is not a riddle’, yet bhakti is a riddle for others as it is unique for every individual bhakta. When I was at Gangotri staying for more than ten days, one sannyasi, while we used to go for our bhiksha in the evening, shared some of his struggle in his sadhana with another senior sannyasi. He listened to him carefully but till the end he didn’t give any answer to his questions. Later when I asked about it, he said, ‘he is not my shishya. Each sannyasi is coming here to do his tapasya. But another sannyasi cannot give any solution to their struggle in their sadhana. Each sannyasi has to work out his own solution according to his sadhana, nature (pravruti) and aptitude.’ I also observed that when we went to receive our food in two ashrams regularly (morning in one ashram and evening in another), most of the sannyasis will keep quiet and sit silently not even talking with each other. Similarly in every sampradaya though they might share a common deity and doctrine yet when it comes to their bhakti, it is personal and individual. When they introduce someone in their mandali (sampradaya) they will say, ‘this is my guru-bhai’ (guru-brother) but not a fellow bhakta of the same God.
The story of Meera is the best illustration for this. Not minding about the comments and rumors about her, she became made after her Lord. This one can feel when hears her bhajans.
14-8-14
BT Song 205. எடுத்துச் சொல்லும் நிலையில் இல்லை.
உலகை நானும் துறக்க வேண்டும்
உன்னில் ஒன்றாய் கலக்க வேண்டும்
உன்னில் நிலைத்து நிற்க வேண்டும்
உன்னுடன் இணைந்து வாழ வேண்டும்
எல்லை இல்லா அந்த பரவசம்
எவரும் அறியா உன்னத ரகசியம்
உடல் மனம் ஆவி கடந்து விட்ட
உலகம் காணா உன்னத அதிசயம்
வார்த்தை இல்லை இதனைக் கூற
வாழ்க்கை இல்லை வாழ்ந்து காட்ட
உறவும் இல்லை உணர்ந்து கொள்ள
உன்னத நிலையை என்ன சொல்ல?
பரவசம் நானும் இங்கு கொண்டேன்
என்னை நீயே ஆளக் கண்டேன்
எவ்விதம் நானும் எடுத்து உரைப்பேன்
எப்படி அதனைப் புரிந்து கொள்வேன்
தாங்காத முடியாத தவிப்பு கொண்டேன்
மேனி தாங்கா உயிர்ப்பு கண்டேன்
போதும் போதும் போய்விடு என்றேன்
போக விடாது அணைத்துக் கொண்டேன்
என்ன சொல்லுவேன் இந்த நிலையை
எவ்விதம் கூறுவேன் அந்த உணர்வை
எவரும் புரிய அவசியம் இல்லை
எடுத்துச் சொல்லும் நிலையில் இல்லை.
11-11-2013. காலை. 8.45, குருகுலம்
BT Song 205. I am unable to communicate.
I should renounce the world
I should mingle with you
I should be established in you
I should live united with you
That bliss is without boundary
It is a secret which others cannot know
A miracle which the world has never seen
Which transcends by body, mind and spirit?
There are no words to talk about it
There is no life to demonstrate it (by living)
There is no relationship (like that) to understand it
What can I say about that noble status?
I received that bliss
I experience your rule over me
How can I utter it?
How I am going to understand it
I received an unbearable joy
I feel some bliss which my body cannot bear
‘Enough, enough better you go away, I said
But I hugged you not allowing you to go
What can I say about this condition?
How can I communicate that feeling?
There is no need for others to understand it
I am not in a position to communicate it!
11-11-2013 8.45 am. Gurukulam.
There is no point of giving any comment to this poem. I still remember the experience that I had on that day. It is better for me to leave as it is.
14-8-14
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