BT Song 211
மகிழ்ந்தாடி நீ வரக் கண்டேன்-நான் மனதார
உனைப் பாடிக் கொண்டாடும் போது–மகிழ்ந்தாடி
அதைவிட உனக்கு வேறென்ன வேலை
அதனினும் உனக்கு வேறென்ன கவலை
இதனினும் உனக்கு உண்டோ ஒரு மகிழ்வு
அதனால் பாடி நான் கொண்டாடும் போது–மகிழ்ந்தாடி
எனக்காதத் தானே மனிதனாய் வந்தாய்
எனக்காதத்தானே உன்னையே தந்தாய்
அதனையும் நன்றாக நீயுமே உணர்ந்து
அடியனும் பாடிக் கொண்டாடும் போது–மகிழ்ந்தாடி
அடியனைக் காப்பது உந்தன் பொறுப்பாச்சு
அடிமையாய் இருப்பது எந்தன் கடனாச்சு
என் நிலைதன்னில் நான் உறுதியாய் இருந்து
உன்கடன் தன்னை நான் உணர்த்திடும்போது–மகிழ்ந்தாடி
உளறி விட்டேன் சற்று இங்கு நானும்
உணர்த்தும் படியாக நடக்கலை நீயும்
பேதை நான் பேசிய பேச்சு எல்லாம்
குழந்தையின் மழலை போல் உனக்கும் ஆச்சு–மகிழ்ந்தாடி
23-11-2013, காலை, 9.30, குருகுலம்,
211 Come Joyfully
I saw you coming joyfully
When I sing and praise you with whole heart
What other works that you have other than this
What other worries that you have
Do have any other joy than this
Therefore when I sing and celebrate—I saw you….
You came as a human only for me
You gave yourself only for me
Realizing this clearly
When this bhakta sings and celebrate—I saw you…
It is your duty to protect your bhakta
To remain as your slave is my dharma
Remaining firm in my status clearly
When I remind you of your dharma—I saw you…
I babbled a bit here
You never behaved for me to remind you (about your dharma)
As the words which I uttered in my ignorance
Become like the child’s language (mazahlai) to you—I saw you….
23-11-2013, 9.30am. Gurukulam
Manikkavasagar in Siva Puranam says, ‘your duty is to take care of me; and my duty is to do service to you’. In fact he uses the word ‘debt’ (kadan) in Tamil with which we are all born. But it could also mean ‘dharma’. Whatever I babble in my ignorance in my prayer, worship, songs they all become a child’s language, which we call in Tamil ‘mazhalai’ and in Hindi ‘thothali boli’, which every parent enjoys.
I wrote this song based on another Tamil song with Carnatic music. In that song, the author says that when she saw the peacock coming, she saw Lord Murugan Himself coming. In Hinduism, next to the deities, sometimes even equal to them, their mounts also are revered and worshipped. But changing the meaning I wrote that as I sang, I saw the Lord is coming and He has to come to join in my celebration.
BT Song 212 . எதைத் துறப்பது
அனைத்தையும் மறக்க
அமைதியாய் இருக்க
அண்டினேன் உன்னை
அருள நீ இருக்க
எதனை மறப்பது
எதனைத் துறப்பது
எதனைப் பெறுவது
எதனை விடுவது
வெறுமையாய் வந்தும்
தனிமையாய் வரவில்லை
எவருடன் பிறப்பது
தீர்மானம் எனதில்லை
உறவோடு சொந்தம்
எல்லாம் நீ தந்தாய்
வெறுமையாய் வந்தும்
நிறைவாய் தந்தாய்
அனைத்தையும் படைத்து
எனக்கே அளித்தாய்
அவற்றைக் காக்கும்
உரிமையும் அளித்தாய்
பொறுப்பு தந்தபின்
புறப்பது சரியோ
பிறருடன் இணைந்து
காப்பது முறையோ
பொறுப்பின் பாரம்
தாங்க முடியாமல்
புலம்பினேன் நானும்
புரியாமல் இன்னும்
தனிமையில் நானும்
சுமக்க வேண்டாம்
பிறருடன் நீயும்
கூட இருக்க
இதனை உணர்ந்து
பொறுப்பை அறிந்து
பிறருடன் பகிர்ந்து
வாழ்வேன் இங்கு
26-11-2013. காலை. 8.30, குருகுலம்
BT Song 212. Which one to give up (What to renounce)
To forget everything
And to be with you
I approached you
As you are there to bestow!
Which one to forget
Which one to renounce
Which one to receive
Which one to give up
Though came empty
Yet didn’t come ‘alone’
I never decided
With whom I should take birth?
You gave
Relatives and relationship
Though came empty
You gave in full measure.
By creating everything
You gave them to me
You also gave me the right
To protect them.
Is it correct to refuse?
Once you gave the responsibility?
By taking care is correct
By joining with others
Not understanding this!
I lament
Unable to carry
The burden anymore
I need not carry
All alone
As you are there
With others (to help)
Realizing this
I will live here
Understanding the responsibility
Sharing with others
26-11–2013 8.30 am. Gurukulam.
Another song with all the burden and responsibility of taking care of this ashram. Several times I was overwhelmed by small things which brought huge problems to survive here. For major issues I can involve others in the Trust. But for small issues of taking care of everyday life I cannot trouble them. One constant issue I faced here is about the workers whom we employed to help me. Several times I had to struggle with them rather than with the small problems that came in taking care of this property. Several weeks I managed without anyone to help. Even I wrote a few articles for my blog on this subject.
I have respect, sympathy and some (limited) understanding about the need and struggle of those who came to help me. To a local person (Umapathy) who often helped me to handle small issues (particularly related with workers, as he being the village head and also an important person in the village) I often said, ‘I never expect the helpers to work for the remuneration they receive. But I expect them not to incur loss’. Sometimes in their work they will damage something by accident. But instead of informing them, they will hide it because of fear. Then when it ends in a major issue to which I have to spend not only money, but all efforts, I tell them, ‘tell when something is damaged by accident. I will understand it. But don’t hide it’. I often remind them that when the damage or problem is small, we can easily fix it. But allowing it to grow will end up facing a big problem. It is well said that enmity, sickness (forest) fire and problems should be addressed when they are small and never allow them to grow. But one mentality that we have in India is not to accept personal responsibility for doing some damage and all the words (I don’t want to use’ lie’ here) later to excuse them is too much. In the same way, not considering that the workers have done it by accident, the owners also go beyond their right to rebuke (scold) them. As there existed no good relationship between the owners and helpers, such practices are quite common in India. When I was talking with one Communist leader about this I said, ‘I too agree with your struggle to protect and fight for the RIGHTS of the laborers. But why not remind them about their RESPONSIBILITY too’? And he agreed with me on the failures in this regard by saying, ‘we remind them, but they think that we are there only to fight for their RIGHTS and not to remind them about their responsibilities’. See my two articles: Don’t make us incur loss and Work ethics in my blog.
One main reason for me getting irritated is that I never like the job of administration, particularly dealing with property and workers. In other words I prefer to remain as a worker than a leader. Following instruction is easier than to guide others.
18-8-14 (Gurukulam)
BT Song 213. வந்திட வேண்டும்
ஒன்றையும் தேடாது
ஒன்றையும் நாடாது
உன்னடி தன்னிலே
வந்திட வேண்டும்
ஆயிரம் உண்டு
அனுதினம் காரியம்
எண்ணங்கள் உண்டு
ஏராளம் ஏராளம்
அவற்றை ஒதுக்க
அமைதி காக்க
ஆயத்த மாக்க
உன்னடி வேண்டும்
செயலைத் துறந்தவர்
எவரும் இல்லை
சிந்தை அழிந்தவர்
எவரும் இல்லை
செயலொடு சிந்தை
சீர் படுத்த
சேவடி தன்னில்
வந்திட வேண்டும்
27-11-2013. காலை. 8.30, குருகுலம்
213 I should come
Not seeking anything
Not long for anything
I should come
Unto your feet.
Each day
I have plenty of works
So many
Thoughts are there
To ignore them
To maintain peace
To prepare for that
I should come unto your feet
None has
Renounced action
None is there
Who perished their thoughts
To coordinate
Action along with thought
I should come
To your wonderful feet
27-11-2013 8.30 am.
If a common person (known as the so-called ‘secular’ person) has no time to spend for her sadhana and bhakti, it is accepted. But when a sannyasi, who is supposed to renounce all works (caretaker), is entangled with so many works of maintenance of a property, and then he has to sit and regret the entrapment which he, alone created. I heard that when Jittu Krishnamurthy was offered a huge sum of money and a big area of land to start his own center somewhere in Switzerland, he refused to accept it and wanted to remain a ‘free bird’. Though I too opposed the construction of this ashram and told clearly that I am not bound by it, yet as I am part of the mandali, I never run away from my responsibility. I tried my best to take care of this property. But when I struggled in small areas of everyday work without proper assistance (in which I cannot involve the mandali) I often missed my sadhana. Sannyasis are allowed to do minimum karma for the maintenance of his body, but never encouraged to take responsibilities outside his dharma. But as a bhakta of Mukti Nath, whatever might be my vocation, I cannot escape from the stewardship.
As God arranges needed help in time through some other means, I never allowed the problems to blind my eyes to see it. There is one interesting story where our anxiety blinds our eyes to see God’s help. One devotee often blamed God that He has no concern for his problem as he has to struggle even to meet his basic requirement. So one day God allowed someone to drop the valet on his way. That day, after blaming God, that devoted thought, ‘now I have vision and could see. But if I suddenly become blind, then how am I going to survive? God has no mercy on me. So while I still have my sight, let me practice walking like a blind person’. So he closed his eyes and walked across the valet. Then he opened his eyes and said, ‘thank God. I learnt to walk like a blind person’ and as usual blamed God again and appreciated his prudence.
Sometimes we get some responsibility in life which neither we cannot give up nor can uphold.
18-8-2014 (Gurukulam)
BT Song 214 புரியாது உனக்கு
என்ன ஓர் இனிமை உன்னுடன் இருப்பது
என்ன ஒரு பெருமை உன்னுடன் நடப்பது
என்ன ஒரு மேன்மை நீ எனக்களித்தது
என்ன ஒரு அருமை உன்னுடன் களிப்பது
தனிமையில் அமர்ந்து நாம் இருவரும் பேச
தடைகள் அனைத்தையும் கடந்து நாம் சேர
இடையில் எதுவும் நம்மிடை வருமோ
பிரிவு என்பது எண்ணவும் தகுமோ
என் கரத்தை நீ மெள்ளவே பற்ற
ஏதோ ஒரு பரவசம் என்னுளே பரவ
தேகமே தளர்ந்து உன் மீது நான் சாய
தேம்பி அழுதேன் நீ எனைத் தாங்க
கைவிடமாட்டாய் கணநேரம் என்னை
என் காதலை அறிவாய் என்பது உண்மை
பிரிவு என்னை மட்டுமே சுடுமோ-அவ்
வேதனை நமக்கும் எண்ணவும் தகுமோ
இந்த உறவுக்கு முடிவுமே இல்லை
நம்மைப் பிரிப்பது எதுவுமே இல்லை
இதனினும் உன்னதமான நிலையை
உலகில் அடைந்தவர் எவருமே இல்லை
நமக்குள் உள்ள இந்த நிலைமை
எவருமே புரியாத உன்னத உணர்வை
எப்படி உரைப்பேன் இந்த உறவை
இது நமக்கு மட்டுமே உள்ள உரிமை
உலகோரே சற்று ஒதுங்கியே இருங்கள்
உறவுக்கு வீணே தடைபோடாதிருங்கள்
எப்படிச் சொன்னாலும் புரியாது உமக்கு
அதைப் புரிய வைக்கவும் இயலாது எமக்கு
30-11-2013, காலை. 8.45, குருகுலம்
214 Can you understand
What a pleasure when I am with you
How I feel proud when I walk with you
What a noble status that you have given me
How good it is to rejoice with you?
When we both talk in solitude
As we mingle together overcoming all hurdles
Will any other thing come in-between us
Can we even think about separation?
When you took my hands gently
Some kind of bliss spreads my whole body
Losing my strength when I fall on your shoulder
You upheld me as I began to sob
I know that you won’t give me up even for a moment
The truth is that you know my love for you
Will separation only burn me?
Is it proper for us to even think about it?
There is no end to this relationship
Nothing is there to separate us
There is none in this world
Who, ever attained a noble status more than this
How I am going to explain this relationship
The status that we have
The feeling which no one could understand
Is the right that only we two have.
Oh people of this world better you keep away
Don’t bring hurdle for this relationship
However I try to share you won’t understand this
Also it is impossible for me to communicate.
30-11-2013, 8.45 a.m. Gurukulam.
I like life as a recluse. At the same time, I won’t reject the opportunity to have fellowship with others. But in general, I won’t seek it on my own. When others come to the ashram, I will serve them with joy and at my best. But if due to some reasons the program is cancelled, I won’t regret and secretly will be happy as I can be alone with the Lord. Others may see only ‘selfishness’ in such an attitude and may even think that I am using others only for my needs. There I will always be careful never to use others only for my needs. I will prefer to live without some comforts than exploiting others to have it. But the spirit of recluse is part of my nature which I need not hide by denying it.
Again, this song is written in ‘viraha bhakti’ in which the love in separation is not one sided. In bhakta also feels the pain of the Lord in such ‘love in separation’ (viraha bhakti) as ‘…love requires two, because sweetness needs “another” to taste it.’— A Sanskrit Portrait: Rahda in the Plays of Rupa Gosvmi. Donna Marie Wulff. Pp. 27-41, in, John Stratton Hawley and Donna Marie Wulff, eds. The Divine Consort: Radha and the Goddesses of India, Boston, Beacon Press, 1982. p. 41
I know several other bhaktas find it difficult to accept when I say that without a bhakta Bhagavan also has no existence. Bhagavan also needs a bhakta as the bhakta needs Bhagavan. Just imagine a world which God created with everything except humans. Then what kind of world would it be?
But this duality in bhakti disappears once bhakti leading to that Ananda (bliss) in the personal intimate relationship with Bhagavan. What Shrivatsa Goswami says further is worth reading in this context:
…The cognitive (jnana) and conative (karma) paths have prerequisites, but the path of feeling (bhakti) does not. Anyone who has a genuine inclination (sraddha) to experience reality-in-itself is fit for the path of bhakti. No ulterior motive intervenes: the dualities of pleasure and pain are transcended in this experience of greatest happiness, which is sufficient to itself.—ibid. Radha: The Play and Perfection of Rasa . Shrivatsa Goswami. Pp. 72-88, in, The Divine Consort., op. cit. p. 73
Bhakti, then, comprehends the whole of human nature, and as such it corresponds and leads to the apprehension of reality in its total and essential manifestation. This totality of Being is self-luminous consciousness overflowing with bliss: it is thus designated sat–cit–ananda, being-consciousness-bliss. Of these three, however, the accent lies upon the third. As the Taittiriya Upanishad puts it in a famous passage, “That (the ultimate reality), verily, is rasa (aesthetic experience); it and it alone causes supreme bliss.’ {raso vai sah, rasam hyevaayam labdhvaanandii bhavati, …. esa hyevaanandayati. Taittiriya Upanishad. 2.7.1.}—ibid. Radha: The Play and Perfection of Rasa . Shrivatsa Goswami. Pp. 72-88, in, p.74
At the same time this duality never disappears even in that bliss as it helps the bhakta to enjoy the presence of her Lord intimately. I know without proper qualification such terms like ‘duality’ will lead to theological complication for which now there is no space or need here.
28-8-2018
BT Song 215. சொன்னால்தான் புரியுமோ
சொன்னால்தான் புரியுமோ
சொல்லவும் வேண்டுமோ
சொந்தமென வந்த பின்னே
தள்ளுதல் முறை யாமோ
எத்தனை ஊடினோம்
எத்தனை கூடினோம்
எத்தனை கொஞ்சினோம்
எத்தனை கெஞ்சினோம்
அத்தனையும் மறந்தாயோ
அன்பையே துறந்தாயோ
அடைக்கலம் தந்ததை
ஐயனே மறந்தாயோ
நீயின்றி வாழ்வுண்டோ
நிலையான சுகமுண்டோ
நானின்றி நீ கூட
இருந்திட முடியுமோ
ஏனிந்த பாராமுகம்
ஏனிந்த உதாசீனம்
என்னதான் செய்தேன்
ஏன் இந்தக் கோபம்
எந்நிலை யாரறிவார்
என் தேவை யாருணர்வார்
உன்னைப் போல் உறவாக
எனக்கெவர் வந்திடுவார்
11-12-2013, காலை, 9.00
215. Will you understand only after I tell you?
Will you understand only after I speak?
Is it necessary for me to tell them?
Once you become my own
Is it correct to reject me?
How much we chide
How much mingled
How much we spoke tenderly
How much we begged
Did you forget all of them?
Did you give up your love
Oh Lord did you forget
The refuge that you gave (to me)
Is there any life without you?
Is there any permanent pleasure
Can you too
Live without me?
Why this indifference
Why this rejection
What have I done
Why this much anger?
Who will understand me?
Who can know about my need
Who else can be mine
Other than you?
11-12-2013, 9.00. a.m. Gurukulam.
Another song written in kantha bhava in which I warn the Lord that He too cannot live without me. In true love the person who rejects will miss the rejected one, then the one who is rejected. If the Lord rejects me then He will miss me more than I miss Him. This kind of understanding is possible only in bhakti and not in theology/philosophy.
18-8-2014 (Gurukulam)
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