BT Song 351 சில நொடிகள்
சில நொடிகள் நான் சிந்திக்க வேண்டும்
சித்தத்தை உன்பால் வைத்திட வேண்டும்
தத்துவக் கேள்விகள் தர்க்கங்கள் ஆயிரம்
தலை மீது ஏறிச் சிந்தையை ஆண்டாலும்–சில நொடிகள்…
படித்ததை பலமுறை சிந்தித்து
பலப்பல தர்க்கங்கள் அவற்றிலும் எடுத்து
அலசி அவற்றை ஆராய்ந்து பார்த்து
அவற்றிலேயே மனதை நிறுத்தாமல்–சில நொடிகள்….
எத்தனை கருத்தை எழுதி வைத்தார்
எண்ணில்லா நூல்களைத் தொகுத்துத் தந்தார்
கருத்துக்குக் குறைவில்லை மறுப்புக்கு முடிவில்லை
அவற்றை வாதிட்டு அமைதி இழக்காமல்–சில நொடிகள்…
முடிவு காண முடியாமல் வாதிட்டு
முடிக்கத் தெரியாமல் எதையேனும் சொல்லிட்டு
தொடரமுடியாமல் மனதாலே திகைத்திட்டு
அவர்போல் திகைக்காமல் உன்பதம் அண்டிட்டு–சில நொடிகள்
23-11-15 (24-11-15) மத்திகிரி, இரவு 12.30
BT Song 351 Few seconds
Though so many arguments and philosophies
Preoccupy my mind constantly
I should take few seconds to think
I should keep my thoughts only on you
Reflecting so many times on all that I has read
Creating so many debates on them
Constantly analysing and only thinking them
And not keeping my thoughts only on them—I should…
How many views they have given
So many books they have produced
There is no lack of views and objections to them
Yet not losing my mind by arguing over them—I should….
Continuously arguing and unable to come to any conclusion
Telling something as we don’t know how to end them
Bewildered in mind as we cannot continue such debate
And not frustrated by them, coming unto your feet—I should…
23-11-15 (24-11-15) மத்திகிரி, இரவு 12.30
After reading the book, John Stratton Hawley, A STORM OF SONGS: India and the Idea of the Bhakti Movement, London, Harvard University Press, 2015 I began to think on various points with which I cannot agree. But I want to ignore them, as there is no point in raising those issues as it is more an elitist debate than any need for our bhakti. But, however I tried to ignore it, even when I retired to bed, I continued to argue with the author on so many points on which I have several questions. Then I began to type them and also my comments. Similarly as I am reading, ‘Debating Vivekananda: A Reader’, naturally I began to ‘debate’ him as he always remained a fascinating subject for me.
But the way these readings occupy my mind at all times,–cooking, walking, doing cross stitch, even when I am watching news on TV etc. I find it difficult to come to terms with such constant reflection on them. So today after completing my regular reading, when I began my meditation, I said to the Lord in prayer, ‘as these readings pre-occupy my mind, I should also learn to keep a few minutes quiet to concentrate on you’. Then I wrote this song.
BT Song 352. நீபோதும்
எதற்குமே நேரமில்லை
எவரிடத்தும் பொறுமையில்லை
என்போன்ற எளியோர்க்கு
அவரிடத்தில் இடமுமில்லை
பலர்கூடி வருகின்றார்
பலப்பல பேசுகின்றார்
கூறிய எவற்றிலுமோ
கொள்கையும் காணவில்லை
எத்தனையோ எழுதுகின்றார்
எவ்வளவோ வாதிக்கின்றார்
வாதத்தின் இறுதியிலோ
தெளிவும் பிறக்கவில்லை
எதற்கோ ஓடுகின்றார்
இலக்கும் தெரியவில்லை
அவருடன் ஓடவோ
அடிமைக்கும் தெம்பில்லை
என் வரைக்கும் நீ போதும்,
எனக்குன் உறவு போதும்
இவற்றிடை உன்னுடன்
வாழும் நிலை போதும்
பக்தி ஒன்றே போதும்
பக்தனுக்கு நீ போதும்
நம்மிடை பிரிவின்றி
வாழும் நிலை போதும்
30-11-15, காலை 5.45, மத்திகிரி
BT Song 352. You are enough for me
No time for anything
None have patience
And simple person like me
Has no place among them.
Many gather together
And talk so many things
But there is no consistent principle
In such talks.
Many things are written
Many things are debated
But at the end
No solution clearly emerges!
They run for something
But goal is not visible
And this slave has no strength
To run along with them
But you are enough for me
Your relationship is enough
With these, the status
That I have with you now is sufficient for me.
Bhakti is enough for me
You are enough for the bhakta
And the life that we have together
Is it enough for me?
30-11-15, 5.45 am. Mathigiri
As I went to Chennai to attend Adhu’s (Bhuvana-Raman’s son) thread ceremony (29-11-15), I went by auto to the function. As usual, as per the ‘dharma’ of Chennai auto drivers, he began to lament about the flood, all the mistakes done by the public and govt. and all the solutions to the problem, which nobody needed to listen to him etc. etc. If you could travel several autos one day in Chennai, you can collect so much interesting information from them to write stories, screenplay script, philosophy, theology, sociology, etc. etc. and Chennai auto drivers are famous for that. They cannot travel without talking with the passengers. Even if you want to keep quiet, they won’t let you enjoy a quiet ride in their auto. Thank God for the mobile invasion, now they also have time for this as in the past, as the passengers, as soon as they get in drowned in their mobile even forgetting the stop that came for them to get down.
Similarly at the function I met so many people and talked about so many things. Likewise when we were driving both Madhu and I discussed various books and subjects. But people like me who were born in ‘post-Independent India’ but who still live in a ‘post-modern’ world find it difficult to cope with any world. People like my mother who managed to survive in the ‘modern world’ have less stress as they escaped from the ‘gadget invasion’ in their personal life. They are happy to read their daily newspaper, weekly magazine, gossip with neighbors, and watch mega serials. But we who are caught between the ‘modern’ and ‘post-modern’ feel caught between ‘rock and hard place’. Unable to cope with the modern trend of information Tsunami at the same time unable to keep away from them, I find it difficult to respond to one thing properly. And the worst scenario in this is how to analyze my life and communicate to others. When I was thinking about this line I wrote this song.
BT Song 353 ஓய்வாக இருப்பேனோ?
அதிகாலை எழுந்திருந்து
அமைதியாக அமர்ந்திருந்து
ஐயா உன் திருவடியின்
அருகினில் அண்டிவந்து
ஒன்றையும் சிந்திக்காது
உன்னையே நினைத்திருந்து
ஒரு சில நொடிகளேனும்
ஓய்வாக இருப்பேனோ?
பலப்பல எண்ணங்கொண்டு
பலவித நோக்கம் கொண்டு
பொழுதெல்லாம் போராடி
பயனற்றுப் போகாமல்
உன்னை மட்டும் நினைக்க வேண்டும்
உன்னுடன் பேச வேண்டும்
நீ சொல்ல வரும் போது
உடன் நான் கேட்க வேண்டும்
உன்னுடன் உறவின்றி
உன் வேத நினைவின்றி
உன்னாவி துணையின்றி
உன் தொண்டர் குழாமின்றி
உலகின் இரைச்சலிலே
என்னையே இழக்காமல்
உன்னுடன் என்னைவைத்து
இறங்கி நீ காக்க வேண்டும்
30-11-2015, காலை 6.00, மத்திகிரி
BT Song 353 Will I sit leisurely?
Getting up in the early morning
And sitting quietly
Oh! Lord coming
Unto your feet
Not thinking any other thing
But only remembering you
Will I sit leisurely?
Even for few seconds
Keeping many things (in mind)
Keeping so many goals (to be achieved)
Struggling whole time
Not becoming unfruitful
I should think only you
I should talk only with you
When you come to tell something
I should be ready to listen to you.
Without having fellowship with you
Without having mind about your words
Without having the help of your Spirit
And without having the fellowship of other bhaktas
Not losing myself in the noise of the world
Keeping me with you
You should protect me by having mercy on me.
30-11-2015, Mathigiri, 6.00, am.
As I got up in the early morning, after having my tea, when I began to sit for my quiet time, so many thoughts as usual occupied my mind thinking about the work that needs to be done, books that are to be read, emails that are to be written or respond etc. Then I said, ‘when I am going to sit calmly thinking only about you and nothing else’? That time I wrote this song. Of course this is not the first time or going to be the last time or I am the only person having similar experience. However, in spite of doing so many things, I strongly feel that unless I learn the art of ‘keeping short account with God’, I will be easily carried away in the current workaholism.
Of course one can see the rhetoric of the same theme like this again and again in my songs. Similarly it is not practically possible to be with the Lord all the time to listen to Him. Though hyperbolic words are the common future of any poem, the reality of keeping me very busy is a reality. When I remind myself with such thoughts, that helps me to keep focused on the Lord, always keeping short accounts with Him. The constant communion of my atman with the Lord needs to be developed by reminding myself often.
BT Song 354 திருந்துகிறோம்
கேட்கிறோம் எங்கள் தேவைக்கு ஏற்ப
கொடுக்கிறாய் நீ உன் குணத்துக்கு ஏற்ப
இரண்டுமே தன் எல்லையை மீறினால்
எவர்தான் தாங்குவார் நீயே சொல்லு?
ஏற்ற சமயத்தில் மழை தர வேண்டி
இறங்கி நீயும் கருணை செய்தாய்
ஆயினும் இப்படி அதிகம் பெய்தால்
அழிவதே அன்றி உய்வது எப்படி
உன்னைச் சொல்லி குற்றமே இல்லை
உன் மீது எந்தத் தவறுமே இல்லை
இயற்கை தன்போக்கில் செயலைச் செய்ய
ஆதிமுதலே அமைத்ததும் நீதான்
இடையில் நாங்கள் எம் கடன் மறந்தோம்
இயற்கையைச் சீண்டத் தவறுகள் செய்தோம்
செயற்கையான பல தேவைகள் வேண்டி
எல்லைமீறி இயற்கையை வதைத்தோம்
விதைத்ததை நாங்களே அறுவடை செய்கிறோம்
வேடிக்கை மட்டுமே நீயும் பார்க்கிறாய்
தவறை எண்ணி திருந்த வேண்டி
தவறுக்கு ஏற்ற தண்டனை அளிக்கின்றாய்
தவறை எண்ணி திருந்த வேண்டி
தயவு செய்வாய் மீண்டும் ஒருமுறை
திருத்திக் கொண்டால் நாங்களும் உய்வோம்
இல்லாவிட்டால் சேர்ந்தே அழிவோம்.
6-12-2015, மதியம் 2.55, மத்திகிரி
BT Song 354 We will mend our ways.
We ask according to our need
You too give according to your ‘nature’!
But if both exceed their limitation
Who can bear it, kindly tell it to me?
In order to give rain in time
You too showed your mercy
But if it pour down like this
Other than perishing how we are going to survive?
There is no point of blaming you
And it is not your mistake.
You allowed the ‘nature’ to take its own course
From the beginning (of creation).
Meantime we forgot our duty (of preserving nature)
We have done many mistakes and provoked nature
In order to meet several artificial needs
We persecuted nature beyond its limit.
Now we are reaping what we sowed
You are only watching the drama
in order to repent realizing our mistake
you give punishment accordingly
In order to mend our way by realizing our mistakes
Kindly, give us one more chance
If we mend our ways, we will survive
Otherwise, we will perish together (entirely).
6-12-2015, 2.55, pm. Mathigiri.
Yesterday (5-12-15) in our weekly (internet) discussion Madhu teased me that as I wrote a poem seeking more rain a few weeks before, now this heavy rain came. My neighbor also a few days before told me by teasing, ‘better threaten God that you will write another poem asking to stop the rain. As God does not want to punish us with your song, will stop the rain’. But for the past four days I too was praying to God to stop the rain, but no poem came. We cannot write poems artificially and it should come spontaneously. So this afternoon, after my regular reading I was thinking about the deluge because of rain in Chennai, I said to God, ‘of course we asked for rain in time, but if you send this much excess who can bear’? Then as the first line came automatically in my mind, I wrote this song within three minutes.
According to my rational mind, we humans are the reason for this flood, though there was excess rain. As we brought this tragedy in the name of development, we have to face the consequences. Of course if we repent and correct our way, we will survive. Otherwise we all need to perish as preserving nature is our collective responsibility.
BT Song 355 உனக்குப் புரியும்
சொன்னால்தான் உனக்கும் புரியுமோ
சொந்தம் உனக்கென ஆன பின்னாலும்
வருந்தி அழைக்கவும் வேண்டுமோ
இந்த வழக்கம் உனக்குமே பொருந்துமோ?
சொல்வதற் கெந்த மொழியும் உண்டு
சொல்லுதற்கு ஏது நேரமுண்டு
மனதின் எண்ணத்தை அறிந்த பின்னே
புரிந்துகொள்ள மொழி எதற்கு?
மீட்ட உன்னுடமை ஆனபின்னால்
கட்டிக் காப்பது யார் பொறுப்பு?
வீணில் தட்டிக் கழிக்கவும் முடியுமோ
இது தகுமோ உனக்கு, சொல் எனக்கு!
கேட்கா தூரத்தில் இருந்தால் தான்
கூவி நானும் அழைக்க வேண்டும்
என்னுள் இருப்பவனை நானழைக்க
ஏன் வீணாய்க் கூவ வேண்டும்?
இதுவரை இல்லா இவ் வழக்கம்
ஏன் வந்தது சொல் எனக்கும்?
பதிலுக்காக காத்திருப்பேனோ
பக்தி செய்யவும் தாமதிப்பேனோ?
எந்த பதிலும் எனக்கும் வேண்டாம்
எந்த வகையிலும் சொல்ல வேண்டாம்
நாம் இருவரும் மௌனமாய் இணையும்போது
என்நிலை உனக்கும் புரியும் அப்போது
10-12-15, மத்திகிரி, மதியம் 2.30
BT Song 355 You will understand
Can you understand only if I tell you?
Once I become your own?
Should I call you with much strain?
Is this habit compatible with you?
What kind of language is there to tell?
Where is the time even to tell it?
Once you understood my inner thought
What is the need for any language to understand?
Whose responsibility is it now to safeguard
Once you redeemed me?
Can you simply avoid and forsake me
Now you tell this to me
If you are beyond the reach of listening
I need to call you raising my voice
Why should I shout and call the one
Who always dwells within me?
From where this habit now come to you
Which you never had before?
Will I wait for your answer?
And delay to do bhakti
I don’t need any answer from you
And you need not communicate by any means
When we two will sit together in silence
Then you will understand my situation clearly
10-12-15, Mathigiri, 2.30 pm.
After my regular mukti vedic reading, I used to begin my regular reading of other books. But today, though I took the book to read, I could not precede more than one page. Some inner compulsion forced me to close the book and remain quiet thinking about the Lord. I tried to say something but unable to do so, I remained quiet. Then after a few minutes I said, ‘will you understand me only if I tell you’? Then inspired by that line, I wrote this song within five minutes. After writing the first five stanzas, I became very upset and began to accuse the Lord of my saying that He need not even give any reason and need not communicate by any means. When we too sit together in silence, He will automatically understand my struggle even without communicating my thoughts to Him.
Though I too believe in prayer, that too audible one, yet my best time with the Lord is to remain quiet—however my mind wanders. The deep inner communication in and through silence is the best bliss a bhakta can enjoy in her communion with the Lord. A true friend is one to whom you need not even communicate.
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