BT Song 456
Long before in one of my talks with a person, he sincerely asked me this question: ‘how you want others to remember you.’ In my response I said sincerely and seriously, ‘to tell the truth, I don’t want anyone to even remember me. There is nothing in my life which is worth remembering. I say this sincerely and honestly. That is why I don’t like others to write or say anything about me, particularly if anyone posts my photo in their reports (now blog etc.) I am a private person. Even a shy person—which may surprise you. Others don’t see that shyness within me. But I know how shy I am?!? My only longing in life is to become a recluse and remain a recluse not disturbed by others and not become a disturbance to others. I am not even like a small bubble which arises and soon disappears in the ocean of human history. That is why I don’t share any of my poems with others; however, I shared some of my “brain storms” with few.’
This I said several years before when I never shared my poems with others much, except few which we used in our worship within our mandali. Most of them remain buried in my notebook. That is why I became upset when one person wrote about me in his thesis which he published (thankfully that remains unknown to most of the people as very few copies are printed). When my thoughts are not published, I never become upset or I never have any anxiety that all that I write should be published or shared widely. Of course, now I share most of them in my blog, but I least bothered whether anybody reads it or not. I strongly feel that what I do or say need not to be promoted. This I thought when I read about Sunder Sing in the book, where he sent his pictures and photos to promote himself. @ Of course he never did it with any pride or with any selfish motive. However, I personally feel that there is nothing in my life which needs to be promoted or shared with others. I am not even a bubble in the ocean of human history. This is the context of this poem.
Note: Here too I see some contradictions. If I don’t need to promote myself, then why do I even need to even share this explanation? The answer for this is in secular song 192 or 193 where I wrote:
Often I think that I need not give any reason or explain why I write poems or some articles in the name of ‘brain storm’. As I often say, I write only for my needs. Unless I put down my thoughts in words, they will continue to echo in my mind not allowing me to do further thinking. That is the main reason for me to write anything. Of course, there will be inconsistencies and contradictions if anyone tries to analyse them with any overall theme. But I often write according to the need that comes in a particular situation. So, contradiction and inconsistency will be there when others try to compare and contrast with other poems or articles written in the past. Above all, as I evolve according to age and understanding, that too is reflected in my poems and writings. But the question that becks is: do I need to explain all of them, particularly the inconsistencies and contradiction? I feel ‘no’. So, I need not give any ‘self-explanation’ to any of my writings and if I allow others to leave me ‘alone’ they are not going to incur any loss.
@ Rather than see this as a kind of media imposition, we can interpret such passages as the likely outcome of Sundar Singh’s own comfort with the distribution of his visual image. As personal letters show, he was often asked for and frequently sent images of himself to his many American, European, and Indian admirers. The importance of images can also be (p.156) seen on his preaching tours, where “postcards of the Sadhu were for sale at the entrance, and everybody seemed to be buying one.” {Goodwin, Miss Alys. Sadhu Sundar Singh in Switzerland [1922], Edited by A. F. Thyagaraju. Madras: The Christian Literature Society, 1989, 4} Thus, during his Euro-American tours and afterward, photographs, visual descriptions, and circulation networks played a major role in western remembrance….— Timothy S. Dobe, Hindu Christian Faquir: Modern Monks, Global Christianity, and Indian Sainthood, New Delhi, Oxford, 2015 pp. 156-57
BT Song 456 எது மேன்மை
ஊருக்கு காட்ட ஏதுமில்லை
உலகிற்குச் சொல்ல ஒன்றுமில்லை
சட்டியில் ஏதும் இல்லாமலே
அகப்பையில் மட்டும் என்ன வரும்
பொய்யான தாழ்மை இல்லையிது
புரிந்து சொன்ன உண்மையிது
ஏற்பது-மறுப்பது பிறர் விருப்பம்
இதற்குமேல் என்ன சொல்லட்டும்
எந்த மேன்மையைச் சொல்வது
ஏதுமே எனதாய் இல்லாமலே
உள்ளதும் கூடப் போனதுவே
உண்மையை உணர்ந்த பின்னாலே
தோற்றத்தின் மேன்மை என்பது
சீக்கிரம் மறைந்து போனது
பிறப்பின் மேன்மை என்பதிலும்
பயனேதும் நானும் காணேனே
கல்வி-கேள்வியில் மேன்மையில்லை
கற்றவை ஒன்றும் உதவவில்லை
தேடிய பொருளை காணவில்லை
மேன்மை இதில் எதை சொல்ல
காலிக் குடமாக ஓசையிட்டேன்
காலம் முழுதும் வேடமிட்டேன்
இறுதியாக இறைவன் வந்து
என்னை மீட்க மேன்மை கண்டேன்
அந்த மேன்மை ஒன்று போதும்
அதில் மட்டும் பெருமை வேண்டும்
மற்ற மேன்மைகள் குப்பைகளே
எல்லாம் எனக்கு நட்டங்களே
27-6-16 (27-6-16) , இரவு, 12.15
BT Song 456 What is there to brag?
There is nothing in my life to parade (for others)
And I have nothing to say to the world
What is there to serve others?
From an empty vessel
This is not pseudo-humility
And this is the fact which I tell after full realization
It is left with others either to accept or leave it
What else is there for me to say further?
On which greatness I could brag
When I don’t have anything
Even which I had little is also gone
Once understood the Truth
Physical appearance has
Disappeared very quickly
I don’t see any greatness
Even in my birth (as a Brahmin)
I never achieved any greatness in my education
And what all learnt never came to my use
And I never found the things which I searched for
Now what is there for me to brag in any of them?
I made noise like an empty vessel
And I put a mask all through my life
Finally, when God came and redeemed me
I found the true greatness about me
That greatness is enough for me
And I will take pride in it
All other greatness is nothing but rubbish
And all are mere loss for me
27-6-16 (27-6-16) , Mathgiri, 12.15 pm.
BT Song 457
When Podder (the editor of Kalyan, Gita Press, Gorakhpur) requested for a contribution to Sri Kailash Nath Katju, (then governor of West Bengal), though he contributed other articles to Kalyan, by the time of Balak Ank, [children edition] while keen to contribute, Katju would say he did not ‘know what to write … The daily work seems to have made me completely dry.’{Katju to Poddar, 6 October 1952. Poddar Papers}.— Akshaya Mukul, Gita Press and the making of Hindu India, Noida, HarperCollins Publishers India, 2015m p.179
This kind of dryness I too often feel, particularly when I strain my mind to write on any specific topic. But when requested to write on any particular topic, the first impression that will come to my mind is some kind of dryness. And this song reflects this as I thought about several kinds of dryness in my life. When there is no pressure to write on any particular topic then I will write on any subject on which I think to address my own need.
BT Song 457 வறட்சி
வறட்சியும் வந்திடும்
வாழ்க்கையில் பலமுறை
வாழ்ந்துதான் ஆகனும்
அதனிடை வாழ்க்கையை
எண்ணத்தில் வறட்சி
எழுத்தில் வறட்சி
இது போதாதென்று
என்னுள் வறட்சி
ஒரு சிறுதுளி பெய்தால்
உயிர்த்திடும் பூமி
உன்னருள் மழையின்றி
வறண்டிடும் ஆவி
அனுதின வாழ்வும்
அதன்வழி ஓட
அதனிடை வேண்டும்
உன் கருணை கூட
வறட்சியும் வேண்டும்
வாழ்க்கையை அறிய
வறண்டால்தான் புரியும்
உன்னருள் மழையை
ஆயினும் வேரில்
உயிர் இல்லாவிடில்
எத்தனை பெய்தாலும்
உயிர்க்காது ஆவி
வெளியே தெரியாமல்
வேருக்கு நீர் தரும்
உள்ளான ஊற்றாக
உன்னருள் இருக்கும்
அந்த நீர் பருகி
அமைதி நான் கொள்ள
சிறுதுளி நீர் பெய்து
மீண்டும் உயிர்ப்பிப்பாய்
1-7-16, மத்திகிரி, மதியம், 2.45
BT Sog 457 Draught
Draught will often come
Many a times in life
And we need to live our life
Amidst it.
Draught in my thought
And in words
Add to them
It is also within me
Few drops of rain
Will revive the earth
But without your rain of grace
My spirit will become dry
As everyday life
Goes amidst it
I need your grace
To tackle it
Draught is also essential
To know about life
Only when we become dry (within us)
Then we will realize the importance of your rain of Grace
Yet if there is no life
In the root
How much grace you send
The spirit won’t be revived
Your grace will remain
Like a spring
Which will sustain the root?
By supplying water continuously
By drinking that water
And to remain in peace
By sending few drops of that grace
Kindly revive me one more time.
1-7-16, Mathigiri, 2.45 pm.
BT Song 458
As I was thinking and writing too much about myself or others things, I said, ‘when I am going to think more about Him to worship’. Then as the inspiration came, I wrote this song immediately.
BT Song 458 எனில் வாழ்வாய்
தேடி நான் வந்தேன்
தினமுனைப் பணிய
தேன் தமிழ்ப் பண் கொண்டு
உன் புகழ் பாட
இதைவிடப் பேரின்பம்
எவற்றில் காண்பேன்
அறிந்துதான் வந்தேன்
மீண்டும் பருக
நான் வர நீயும்
எதிர் பார்த்திருந்தாய்
ஏனெனில் என்னன்பில்
நீயுமே மகிழ்ந்தாய்
நீ தர நான் பெற
இருவரும் மகிழ்வோம்
இருப்பதை பகிர்ந்து
ஒன்றாக வாழ்வோம்
எல்லாம் இருந்தாலும்
நீயில்லை என்றால்
எவற்றாலும் பயனில்லை
நானதை உணர்ந்தேன்
உன்னுடன் இணைந்து
உலகில் வாழ
ஒன்றும் குறையில்லை
நன்கு அதை அறிந்தேன்
ஆயினும் என் தேவை
எதுவென அறிவாயே
அதை நிறைவாக்கி
நீயெனில் வாழ்வாயே
மத்திகிரி, 1-7-16, மதியம் 2.55
BT Song 458 You will live within me
I came unto you seeking after you
To worship you each day
And to sing your praise
With sweet Tamil
Where can I find
Bliss more than this
Therefore, I came again
After experiencing it
You also
Expected my arrival
Because you too
Rejoiced in my love
As you give and I receive
We both will rejoice
And we too will live together
By sharing with each other
Even though I have everything
But if you were not in my life
I found no use in them
I realized this clearly
By joining you
And live on this earth
I lack nothing
And I understood this very well
But you know
What is my need?
And by fulfilling it
You continue to live in me
Mathigiri, 1-7-16, 2.55 pm.
BT Song 459
At the end of our Hangout discussion, based on the parable in Matt. 25: 14-30 each one was sharing what is their take in this parable. When my turn came, I said, ‘I am like the third servant who buried even that one talent. So, I will go and beg my master to forgive and give me one more chance’. For this another participant said, ‘second chance? He is already thrown away’.
So, after this discussion, when I was reflecting on this topic, I wrote this song. Though this parable has the limited context of ‘keep watching’, my bhakti helps me even to challenge any such decision by the Lord to throw me away. That is why in the third line in the last stanza I question Him, ‘if you threw me away, not ready to forgive and give me another chance, then what His CONDITION would become’? Of course, that servant’s understanding about God was wrong and made a great mistake. But can I (or we) claim that we all have a clear understanding about God? All our understanding about God is limited by various factors. For example, considering the central theme of this parable ‘keep watching’—how far do we keep watching in our spiritual life? Our prayer life, fasting, reading Muktiveda to know and have a correct UNDERSTANDING about God etc. etc. shows what is our UNDERSTANDING about God. For me God deals with us not based on my (correct) understanding about Him, but exactly opposite—lack of proper understanding about Him. As J. I. Packer in his book ‘Knowing God’ says, ‘your God is too small’, I am happy that I don’t understand God and cannot understand God. All that my bhakti taught me is only one thing: He understood me very clearly and knowing my limitations will never throw me away’. Even after my lack of understanding, if He threw me away, then He would cease to remain God.
So this poem talks something beyond the central theme of this parable and even behind it. Though we need to pay attention to the immediate context of each parable to know what its central theme is, my poem reflects the overall nature of God.
BT Song 459 எனக்கது இயலாது
தூக்கி எறிந்தாலும் போவதாய் இல்லை–என்னைத்
துரத்தி அடித்தாலும் உன்னை விடுவதாய் இல்லை
உன்னைச் சரியாக புரியாத போதும்–நீ
செய்வது சரியில்லை நான் சொல்லத்தான் வேண்டும்
என்னை விட்டால் உனக்கு யாரதைச் சொல்வார்
ஏழைஎன் நிலையை யாரினிப் புரிவார்
உன்னை விட்டால் வேறு யாரை நான் அறிவேன்
உன்னடிமை ஆனபின் எவரிடம் செல்வேன்
என் நிலை தெரிந்துதான் என்னை நீ மீட்டாய்
என் திறன் அறிந்துதான் பொறுப்பையும் தந்தாய்
என்னவோ எனக்கு தெரிந்ததைச் செய்தேன்
அது சரியில்லை என்பதை பிறகுதான் உணர்ந்தேன்
ஆயினும் உனக்கித்தனை கோபமும் கூடாது
அதற்காக என்னை நீ வெறுக்கவும் கூடாது
உயர்வான இடத்தை மீண்டுமா கேட்கிறேன்
உன்னடியார்க்கு அடிமை செய்யவா மறுக்கிறேன்
உன்னருகில் என்னை நீ வர விட வேண்டாம்
உயர்வான ஒன்றையும் நீ தரவும் வேண்டாம்
உன்னெல்லைக்குள் எனக்கு ஒரு இடம் தந்தால் போதும்
உன் தொண்டர்க்கு பணிசெய்ய அருளினால் போதும்
எறிவது உனக்கு எளிதாக இருக்கலாம்
ஏற்பதும்-மறுப்பதும் உன் விருப்பமாய் இருக்கலாம்
போக்கிட மற்ற எனக்கது முடியாது-நீ
போகவே சொன்னாலும் எனக்கது இயலாது
இதை மறுக்க உனக்கு முடியுமா சொல்லு
எனக்கிந்த உரிமையும் இல்லையா சொல்லு
என்னையும் எறிந்தால் உன் நிலை என்னாகும்
அதை உணர்ந்த பின் எனக்கு உன் பதில் வேண்டும்
2-7-16, மத்திகிரி, இரவு, 9.15
BT Song 459 It is not possible for me
I am not ready to leave even if you threw me away
And I am not let you go easily even if you chase me away
Even though I never understood properly
What you try to do is not correct, this I have to say
Who else can say this to you if I won’t tell?
And who will understand the condition of this poor one, other than you
Other than you, who else I know
And once I become your slave, where else can I go?
After knowing my wretched condition alone, you redeemed me
And only after knowing my talents you gave the responsibility
I have done what I know at my best
Only later I realized that it is not correct
But you should not have this much anger
And you should not hate me because of it
Am I claiming back any higher position?
And am I refuse to do mean service to your bhaktas
You need not allow me to come near to you again
And you need not give me again a higher status
If you give a small place within your compound
And if you give me one more opportunity to serve your bhaktas (that is enough)
It might be easy for you to threw me away
Accepting or rejecting me is your prerogative
But it is not possible for me to leave, who has no other refuge
And even if you ask me to leave that is not possible for me
Can you deny this, now tell it to me
Am I not have at least this much right with you, tell it clearly
Even if you threw me away what will become your condition
Once you realize that, give me your response to me
2-7-16, Mathirigi, 9.15 pm.
BT Song 460
Due to drizzle as I cannot go to the roof for my evening short walk, I began to walk inside the hall. That time I visualized the sun set in the ashram and other places, where it will look beautiful in the evening sky. Then, inspired by that imagination, I immediately wrote this song.
BT Song 460 போற்றுவோம் வாரீர்
அந்தி சாயும் போது-அந்த
ஆதவன் மறைவதும் அழகு
இன்னிசை பறவைகள் பாட- அந்த
இனிமையில் மகிழுது மனது—அந்தி
பாடியே சென்றிடும் பறவை
ஒரு சேதியை நம்மகும் சொல்லும்
கேட்டிட மனது இருந்தால்
அதன் சேதியும் நமக்குப் புரியும்—அந்தி
கீச்சு கீச்சென்ற ஓசை
அவை கொஞ்சியே பேசும் வார்த்தை
யாரிடம் கொஞ்சின என்று
புரியுதா உனக்கு இங்கு–அந்தி
அதனைப் போலவே நானும்
கொஞ்சியே பேசிடும் போது
அருகில் அவனும் வந்தான்— அந்த
ஆனந்தம் பொங்கிட துதிக்க—அந்தி
துதித்துப் பாடினேன் நானே-அந்தத்
தூயவன் என்னிடம் வந்ததாலே
இருகரம் கூப்பித் தொழுதேன்-அவன்
என்னையும் ஏற்றுக் கொண்டானே—அந்தி
சிந்தையில் மகிழ்ச்சி பொங்க–அவன்
சேவடி பணிந்திடும் போது
என்னுள் பொங்கிடும் ஆனந்தம்-அதை
எந்த மொழி கொண்டு சொல்வது—அந்தி
நம்மையும் காத்து மீட்ட-அந்த
நாதனை நாடிடும் போது
வந்து அருளும் தருவான்-அதை
விரைந்து பெறவே வருவீர்—அந்தி
வந்து என்னுடன் சேர்வீர்–அந்த
வள்ளலைப் போற்றிக் கொண்டாட
வாழ்த்திப் போற்றுவோம் வாரீர்–அதை
உலகமே வியந்து காண—அந்தி
மத்திகிரி, 6-7-16, மாலை, 6.50
BT Song 460 Come let us praise Him
What a beautiful sunset
In the evening
As the birds sing His glory
My heart also rejoiced with them
The birds that are going by singing
Will communicate on message to us
If we have a heart to listen to it
We can understand it
Their sound of ‘keech keech’
Is their caressing words
Do you know with whom they caressed
Did you manage to understand it
When I also like them
Began to caressing with the Lord
As He came very close to me
Then overcome by joy I also began to praise Him
As I sing praising Him
That Holy one came near to me
When I bowed Him with folded hands
He received me immediately
Overcome by the joy in my mind
When I submitted at His feet
What to say about the joy
Which overflowed from my heart?
When we seek that Lord
Who saved by seeking us
He will come and bestow Grace
And come quickly to receive it
Come and join with me
To celebrate that charitable one
And let us Praise Him
So, the world can witness with much surprise
Mathigiri, 6-7-16, 6.50 pm.
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