Chatgpt version. Scroll down for my translation and also for Tamil
BT Song 906
I am not sure whether all the experiences I have when I sit with the Lord are real or not. Sometimes, these experiences last for only a few seconds, while other times their effects remain for a long period—even when I am doing other tasks. My rationality refuses to accept these as real mystical experiences and easily assigns them to my emotions. However, one thing is for sure: when I have such experiences, I don’t want to come out of them and wish they could last longer. After coming out of these experiences, I find it difficult to accept them as real and also realize that I don’t have the words to express them. When I attempt to express them through any means, my own spirit mocks me. So, when I wrote this song, I ended it with the same thought—that there is no point in expressing such experiences.
BT Song 906: Longing of the Heart
Title: Longing of the Heart
Verse 1:
My heart is longing for you,
Waiting for your embrace.
It remembers our fellowship,
Yearning for that sacred space.
Chorus:
No words can share this feeling,
No time can hold this love.
Though it lasts just a moment,
It’s joy sent from above.
Verse 2:
My heart forgets its own needs,
Lost in your divine light.
In your presence, it finds peace,
Seeking nothing but your sight.
Chorus:
No words can share this feeling,
No time can hold this love.
Though it lasts just a moment,
It’s joy sent from above.
Bridge:
Forgetting the world and body,
Reaching a blissful state.
In this heavenly embrace,
It wishes to remain.
Chorus:
No words can share this feeling,
No time can hold this love.
Though it lasts just a moment,
It’s joy sent from above.
Verse 3:
Yet when it returns to earth,
The joy roars like the sea.
Longing to have you again,
It seeks your feet endlessly.
Chorus:
No words can share this feeling,
No time can hold this love.
Though it lasts just a moment,
It’s joy sent from above.
Outro:
When I try to put it in words,
My heart mocks me still.
The truth it knows is silent,
No words can match its will.
BT Song 907
Several times in life, I feel that I am stuck in a situation, not knowing the ways and means to escape from it. However much I try to analyze the situation and the problem and work out my own solutions, I find that nothing works. Then, when I give up and throw up my hands, I realize that, with much patience, God—knowing my limitations—guides me and helps me to come out of it successfully through some other person or means. So, when I feel stuck in any situation, the only thing I do is recall similar situations in which God helped me. It gives me hope, and trusting Him, I abide in Him with my devotion. I have shared the same thought several times in other songs.
BT Song 907: Title: You Taught Me
Verse 1:
You upheld me without a thought,
Of my skills or what I brought.
You called me, gave me grace,
To worship you in this place.
Chorus:
You taught me when I was lost,
Guided me at any cost.
With patience, you helped me see,
Your wisdom set me free.
Verse 2:
Wandering without a clue,
You drew near and taught me too.
Understanding grew within,
With your love, I could begin.
Chorus:
You taught me when I was lost,
Guided me at any cost.
With patience, you helped me see,
Your wisdom set me free.
Bridge:
In confusion and despair,
Your light showed me you care.
Walking now in your path,
I’ve found my faith at last.
Chorus:
You taught me when I was lost,
Guided me at any cost.
With patience, you helped me see,
Your wisdom set me free.
Outro:
With bhakti in my heart,
Each day a brand new start.
Living by your endless grace,
In your love, I find my place.
BT Song 908
This is a common phenomenon in my life. When I lose patience, I keep quiet and stay away from others, feeling that there is no use in further persuading them to understand the situation in which they are trapped. At the same time, the Spirit of God creates a guilty conscience within me, making me feel that I am trying to escape rather than accepting my responsibility. In such situations, I become more upset with the Lord than with others. I argue with Him that He does not know or understand the situation but only chastises me often. I find it easier to confront the Lord for allowing such situations in my life than to confront others who are causing them.
BT Song 908: Title: Tell Me Who is Responsible
Verse 1:
I know I made mistakes,
But my heart won’t let it be.
When my spirit’s lost in doubt,
What’s the path you have for me?
Chorus:
Tell me, tell me what to do,
When patience runs out too.
No one listens, no one cares,
Rebukes met with blank stares.
Verse 2:
When I walk away, resigned,
Trouble’s all I find.
I can’t bear this weight alone,
Struggles cut to the bone.
Chorus:
Tell me, tell me what to do,
When patience runs out too.
No one listens, no one cares,
Rebukes met with blank stares.
Bridge:
I run from this pain,
But you pull me back again.
I can’t escape your call,
In you, I find it all.
Chorus:
Tell me, tell me what to do,
When patience runs out too.
No one listens, no one cares,
Rebukes met with blank stares.
Outro:
If this isn’t right,
Who’s to blame tonight?
Struggling with the world and you,
Tell me what to do.
BT Song 909
Suddenly, I realized that I hadn’t teased the Lord in recent weeks. My heart felt very light when I thought about teasing the Lord, as I would tease my friends or others. To tease Him, I wrote this song saying that it is impossible for Him to carry my burden alone, though He can easily carry the burden of the entire universe without any trouble. Therefore, He has to come to unload my burden again, as giving Him trouble is my habit and He has no other way but to come to my rescue.
Sometimes I get involved in activities knowing well that they are beyond my capacity. Though the Lord warns me by showing my limitations, I give some excuse and still get involved. Then, when it becomes too much, I go and pester Him, saying that He is not coming to help me. As these kinds of events become common, sometimes His condition becomes more pathetic, as He has to carry me along with some unnecessary burdens that I take on against His will.
BT Song 909 Title: I Will Drag You
Verse 1:
My burden’s lifted high,
Shared with you, my sigh.
I carried it all alone,
Until I knew I was wrong.
Chorus:
Little by little, it grew,
Accumulated by me, not you.
Yet you watched it build,
My heart, your grace fulfilled.
Verse 2:
I thought you gave this load,
Toiling down this road.
But slowly I could see,
These burdens came from me.
Chorus:
Little by little, it grew,
Accumulated by me, not you.
Yet you watched it build,
My heart, your grace fulfilled.
Bridge:
You warned me all along,
But I ignored your song.
Now I come to you in need,
To carry this burden indeed.
Chorus:
Little by little, it grew,
Accumulated by me, not you.
Yet you watched it build,
My heart, your grace fulfilled.
Outro:
Even as you carry the world,
My burdens too, unfurled.
I will drag you to my side,
In your strength, I confide.
BT Song 910
When I heard a sentence from one of Jayakantan’s short stories that every situation in life is correct on its own terms, I reflected on it and asked myself what is the one thing I would regret in my life. As a devotee of the Lord, my response would be ‘nothing,’ as everything works only for good for those who love God and common good for all as the original convey this meaning alone. Of course, several times I become upset when things go against my wishes, but in the overall context of life, even those incidents which went against my wishes reveal the loving hands of God working only for my good. Inspired, I wrote this song expressing that thought.
Question: What is the one thing which you would regret now in life?
Answer: Till this day, my only regret in life is that nothing has happened for which I would seriously regret. [If you include marriage in it, I am not responsible for it.]
BT Song 910: Title: I See Only Goodness in It
Verse 1:
You ask me to see the good,
To sing with thanks as I should.
You make my life complete,
Your grace behind every feat.
Chorus:
Nothing in life to regret,
No moments filled with fret.
Only goodness in your plan,
I see the work of your hand.
Verse 2:
When things don’t go my way,
Your will, I still obey.
Through every trial, every storm,
You guide me, keep me warm.
Chorus:
Nothing in life to regret,
No moments filled with fret.
Only goodness in your plan,
I see the work of your hand.
Bridge:
Your Spirit leads me true,
In every task I do.
Through others, you show me light,
In your love, I take flight.
Chorus:
Nothing in life to regret,
No moments filled with fret.
Only goodness in your plan,
I see the work of your hand.
Outro:
Oh Lord, you know me well,
In your grace, I dwell.
Removing doubts from my heart,
With your praise, I start.
Mathigiri, 18-22 June 2018
The following are in Tanglish [Tamil English]
BT Song 906: Longing of the Heart
My heart is longing for you.
It is waiting for your arrival.
It thinks about the fellowship it had with you.
It comes longing to have the same again.
It is a kind of experience and there is no language to share it.
There is no time for that kind of fellowship.
Though that fellowship remains only for a few seconds,
There is no limit to the joy that it gives.
The heart will give itself, forgetting it.
It will forget even seeking something for its need.
When it has fellowship with you,
What else will it seek more than you?
Forgetting the sense of living in the body,
Renouncing the world along with it,
Attaining a noble, blissful status,
It will long to remain there always.
Still, as it returns back to the world,
The joy that it gains will roar like waves.
As that vibration continues,
Longing to have it again, it seeks your feet.
When I try to put it in words,
My own heart will mock at me.
The one which neither the body nor the senses experienced,
It will prevent me from writing about it.
When the heart refuses, there is no alternative for me.
I cannot deny the truth that the heart has shared.
When I go along with it and accept its words,
There is no thought of writing further about it.
Mathigiri, 18-6-2018, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 907: You Taught Me
You upheld me,
Not seeing my qualifications,
Not thinking about my ability.
You called me.
Not seeing my limitations,
You provided abundantly.
You gave your grace
For me to worship you.
Though I wandered,
Not having the wisdom to know,
You taught me,
Coming near to me.
Though I never had
The ability to understand,
You helped me to understand
By teaching with much patience.
Not knowing
Which way to go,
Not even proceeding with courage
In my own ways.
When I was bewildered,
Not knowing the direction,
You made me
Walk in your path.
As I think
About this,
My faith grows
More and more in you.
As bhakti also
Joined it,
Each day I live
Because of your grace.
Mathigiri, 19-06-2018, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 908: Tell Me Who is Responsible
I clearly understand
My mistake,
But my heart
Refuses to accept it.
When my spirit
Is confused,
Better tell me
What to do?
When I try to tell
With much patience,
There is no one
To listen.
When I tell
By rebuking,
Then they get
Irritated.
When I keep away,
Thinking it is not my business,
I cannot tolerate the trouble
That my heart gives (about such an attitude).
When I say that
It is not possible anymore,
You don’t have a heart
To accept it.
On one side
I have a struggle with the world,
On the other side, I have a struggle with you
Which puts pressure on me.
When I try to run
To escape,
You chase me,
Not allowing me to escape.
When I realized that
I cannot escape (from you),
I returned back
Only to scold you.
I cannot find
Any other means,
Because you
Don’t understand my heart.
As you refuse to accept it,
Even after understanding,
There is no other choice
But to struggle with you.
If you think that
This is not correct,
Better tell me
Who is responsible for this?
Mathigiri, 19-06-2018, 11:50 p.m.
BT Song 909: I Will Drag You
My burden
Has gone
Because
I shared it with you.
I carried it unnecessarily.
I didn’t realize it.
You too watched it
As it became your habit.
Little by little,
It was accumulated on me.
I alone accumulated it.
I understood this also.
But I couldn’t
Understand
Why and when
I accumulated it.
I thought that
You gave that burden.
I toiled thinking that
You gave that responsibility.
Slowly, I began
To realize that
All that I carried were
Accumulated by me.
Still, you too
Watched it.
Before I did it,
You refused to warn me.
You refuse to
Remove my ego.
Loading it on me,
You watched that drama.
Once I realized it,
I came to you.
I requested you to
Carry it along with me.
Then you
Realized the situation
And you unloaded it.
This became a reality.
Though you carried
The burden of the world,
It is not easy for you
To carry my burden.
I will carry
Unnecessary burdens.
Then I will drag you
To come and help.
If you say ‘no’,
I won’t let you go,
And somehow
I will manage to drag you.
Though you told me
Not to do it,
I have done it
As you are there to carry it.
Therefore your condition
Becomes pitiable
And this becomes
Habitual for both of us.
Mathigiri, 22-6-2018, 2:55 a.m.
BT Song 910: I See Only Goodness in It
You ask me to see
Only good things.
You ask me to sing
Every day with thanksgiving.
You make me live
Without lacking anything.
You show that
Your grace is behind it.
Nothing happened (in life)
For me to regret.
No unnecessary things
Happened in my life.
Whatever happens?
Only to see good things in it.
You help me to see
Only your will in it.
To realize this,
By giving your Spirit,
You always show me
Clearly this.
When I get tossed,
Not realizing this,
Through others,
You help me to realize.
But, oh my Lord,
As you know me well,
Do this often
For me to understand this.
By this removing
Frustration from my heart,
You make me sing your praises
Like this.
Mathigiri, 22-06-2018, 10:20 p.m.
BT Song 906: மனதின் தவிப்பு
என் மனம் உனக்கு ஏங்கி தவிக்கிறது
வரும் நேரம் எதிர்பார்த்து காத்திருக்கிறது
உன்னோடு உறவாடி இருந்ததை எண்ணுது
மீண்டும் பெறவேண்டி ஆர்வமாய் வருது
அது ஒரு அனுபவம், அதைச் சொல்ல மொழியில்லை
அந்த உறவுக்குக் காலம் தடையில்லை
சில நொடி நேரமே உறவாடும் போதும்
அதுதரும் பரவசத்திற்கு எல்லையில்லை
தன்னிலை மறந்து தன்னையே தந்திடும்
தனக்கென ஒன்றைக் கேட்கவும் மறந்திடும்
உன்னுடன் கலந்து உறவாடும் போது
உன்னைவிட மேலாக வேறெதை நாடும்?
உடலில் வாழும் உணர்வையும் இழந்து
உலகை அத்துடன் உள்ளாகத் துறந்து
மேலான பரவச நிலையை அடைந்து
மீளாமல் அங்கேயே இருந்திட விழையும்
ஆயினும் மீண்டும் உலகில் திரும்பும் போது
அதுதந்த ஆனந்தம் அலையென மோதும்
அந்த பேரின்ப அதிர்வுகள் தொடர
அதைநாடி மீண்டும் உன்னடி தேடும்
இதையே எழுத்தில் வடிக்க முயல
என் மனம் என்னையே ஏளனம் செய்யும்
உடலோடு உணர்ச்சியும் உணராத ஒன்றை
எழுதித் தடுக்கும்படி தடையும் போடும்
மனம் மறுத்தால் மாற்று எனக்கில்லை
மனம் சொன்ன உண்மையை மறுப்பதற்கில்லை
அதன் வழி சென்று அதன் சொல்லை ஏற்றபின்
இதற்குமேல் எழுதிட எண்ணமும் இல்லை
மத்திகிரி, 18-6-2018, இரவு 11.30
BT Song 907: சொல்லிக் கொடுத்தாய்
தகுதியைப் பாராமல்
தாங்கியே அணைத்தாய்
திறமையைப் பாராமல்
நீயென்னை அழைத்தாய்
குறையினைப் பாராமல்
அள்ளியே கொடுத்தாய்
கும்பிட்டு உய்ந்திட
உன்னருள் அளித்தாய்
அறிந்திடும் அறிவின்றி
அலைந்த போதும்
அருகினில் வந்தே
சொல்லிக் கொடுத்தாய்
புரிந்திடும் திறனும்
எனக்கற்ற போதும்
பொறுமையாய்ப் போதித்துப்
புரிய வைத்தாய்
எவ்வழி செல்வது
எனத் தெரியாது
என் வழி அதிலும்
துணிந்து செல்லாது
திசை அறியாது
திகைத்து நிற்கையில்
உன் வழி அதில்
நடக்க வைத்தாய்
இவற்றை எண்ணிப்
பார்ப்பதினாலே
நம்பிக்கை உன் மேல்
வளர்ந்தது மேலே
அதனுடன் பக்தியும்
சேர்ந்த பின்னாலே
அனுதினம் வாழ்கிறேன்
உன்னருளாலே
மத்திகிரி, 19-06-2018, இரவு 11.30
BT Song 908: யார் என்று கூறு
நான் செய்யும் தவறு
நன்றாகத் தெரியுது
ஆயினும் என் மனம்
ஏற்றிட மறுக்குது
இடையில் என்ன ஆவி
திண்டாடும் போது
என்னதான் செய்வது
நீயதைக் கூறு
இதமாய் பதமாய்
எடுத்துச் சொன்னாலும்
கேட்டிட எவரும்
ஆயத்தம் இல்லை
இடித்துச் சற்றே
எடுத்துக் கூறினால்
எரிச்சல் வந்திடும்
அவருக்குத் தன்னால்
நமக்கென்ன வந்தது
என்று ஒதுங்கினால்
மனம்தரும் தொல்லையோ
தாங்கவும் முடியலை
இனி முடியாது
என்று நான் மறுத்தால்
ஏற்றிட உனக்கு
சம்மதம் இல்லை
ஊரோடு போராட்டம்
ஒரு பக்கம் இருக்க
உன்னோடு போராட்டம்
மறுபக்கம் நெருக்க
விட்டால் போதும்
என்று நான் ஓட
விடமாட்டேன் என்று
விரட்டி வருகிறாய்
தப்பிக்க முடியாது
என்று தெரிந்தபின்
திரும்பி வந்தேன்
உன்னை திட்ட
எனக்கு வேறு
வழியேதும் இல்லை
ஏனென்றால் உனக்கு
என் மனம் புரியலை
புரிந்தும் அதனை
ஏற்க நீ மறுக்க
போராட்டம் இன்றி
இதற்கு மாற்றில்லை
இதுவும் தவறென
நீயும் எண்ணினால்
அதற்குக் காரணம்
யாரென்று கூறு
மத்திகிரி, 19-06-2018, இரவு 11.50
BT Song 909: வம்புக்கு இழுப்பேன்
என் மன பாரம்
இறங்கி போச்சு
ஏனென்றால் உன்னிடம்
இறக்கி வச்சாச்சு
வீணாகச் சுமந்தேன்
தெரியாமல் போச்சு
வேடிக்கை பார்ப்பது
உன் வாடிக்கையாச்சு
சிறுகச் சிறுகத்தான்
சேர்ந்தது என்மீது
சேர்த்ததும் நான்தான்
என்பதும் புரிந்தது
எப்போது எதற்காக
நானும் சேர்த்தேன்
என்பது மட்டும்
புரியாமல் போச்சு
நீதந்த பாரம்
என்று நினைத்தேன்
நீதந்த பொறுப்பு
என்று உழைத்தேன்
போகப் போகத்தான்
புரிந்தது ஒன்று
சுமந்தது அனைத்தும்
நான் சேர்த்தது என்று
ஆயினும் நீயும்
வேடிக்கை பார்த்தாய்
ஆரம்பிக்கும் முன்
சொல்ல மறுத்தாய்
என் சுயம் அதை
அறுக்க மறுத்தாய்
ஏற்றிவிட்டுப் பின்பு
வேடிக்கை பார்த்தாய்
அறிந்தபின் நானும்
உன்னிடம் வந்தேன்
என்னையும் சேர்த்துச்
சுமந்திடு என்றேன்
அதன்பின் உனக்கு
புரிந்தது நிலைமை
அதன்பின் இறக்கி
வைத்ததும் உண்மை
உலகத்தின் பாரத்தைச்
சுமந்த போதும்
என் பாராம் சுமப்பது
எளிதல்ல உனக்கும்
வேண்டாத சுமைகளை
வீணாகச் சுமப்பேன்
உதவிக்கு வாவென
உன்னையும் அழைப்பேன்
மாட்டேன் என்றால்
வம்புக்கு இழுப்பேன்
எப்படியேனும் உன்னைச்
சுமக்க வைப்பேன்
செய்யாதே என்று
நீ சொன்ன போதும்
சுமக்க நீ இருப்பதால்
செய்தேன் மீண்டும்
அதனால் உன்னிலை
பரிதாபம் ஆச்சு
நம்மிருவர்க்கும் இதுவும்
வழக்கமாய்ப் போச்சு
மத்திகிரி, 22-6-2018 இரவு 2.55
BT Song 910: நன்மையைப் பார்க்கிறேன்
நன்மையை மட்டும்
பார்க்கச் சொல்கிறாய்
நாள் தோறும் நன்றியால்
பாடச் செய்கிறாய்
ஒன்றிலும் குறைவின்றி
வாழ வைக்கிறாய்
உன்னருள் அதன்பின்
உள்ளதைக் காட்டுறாய்
வருத்தப்படும் படி
ஒன்றும் வரவில்லை
வேண்டாத நிகழ்வுகள்
ஏதும் நடக்கலை
என்னதான் நடந்தாலும்
நன்மையைக் கண்டிட
அவற்றில் உன்சித்தத்தை
அறிந்திட வைக்கிறாய்
இதை நான் புரிய
உன்னாவி தந்து
எப்போதும் எனக்குத்
தெளிவாகக் காட்டுறாய்
அதை நான் புரியாமல்
அலை பாயும் நேரத்தில்
அடுத்தவர் மூலம்
உணர்த்தி காட்டுறாய்
ஆயினும் ஐயனே
என்னை அறிந்த நீ
அடிக்கடி இதையும்
நினைக்க வையுமே
அதனால் மனதில்
சஞ்சலம் நீங்கி
இதுபோல் உன்னை
பாட வையுமே
மத்திகிரி, 22-06-2018 இரவு 10.20
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