Converted by Chatgpt
BT Song 936 – Growing Old
I often like to tease the Lord, and this is one such occasion. I frequently tell Him that He won’t understand the plight of old people as He never had that experience in His life. Now, my demand from Him is that He should listen to me and consult me a bit before He does anything in my life. When others point out some inconsistencies in my demands, I tease them by saying, “We have every right to demand and make mistakes and even get irritated because we are old. Even the constitution provides this right for us as senior citizens (which is not true). But as you are younger than me, you should listen and obey, not counter-argue with me.” The same I tell to the Lord often.
BT Song 936: Reflections on Aging
Whatever I say, you should heed,
Whatever I do, you should allow,
For you understand my need,
And know what is best for me now.
True, at times I opposed you,
Questioned and grew irate.
You knew the reasons, didn’t you?
Why then, bring them back to debate?
Generally, I’ve listened with patience,
Asked for clarity when in doubt,
Obeyed your guidance, sought your assistance,
In you, blessings I’ve found out.
I’ve seen your immense grace,
Even in trials and tribulation,
Your love, a constant embrace,
In every challenging situation.
Now, knowing this secret,
I’ll continue the same.
But with age, I’m more delicate,
So treat me with the tenderest aim.
Whatever you say, speak clearly,
Consult me before you act.
Consider my state sincerely,
For now, it’s old age that’s a fact.
BT Song 937 – Your Answer
The one constant question that comes to my mind, even after becoming a devotee of the Lord, is the same old struggle: If I don’t know what is right or wrong, I can do what I think is right. But even after knowing what is wrong, why do I try to do it by making it seem right? This struggle is echoed by Sevanand in Romans 7:15 ff and also by Dhritarashtra in the Mahabharata as he says:
“I know what dharma is, but there is no progress in it
I know what adharma is, but there is no deliverance
But I do as prompted by
What god has kept within my heart”
(quoted from memory).
Of course, I cannot justify my wrong by blaming God, as the scripture gives a clear answer to it. It is not God but my own sinful nature. The answer to the question came to me as I was pouring out my heart while writing this poem. Not knowing how to end, as I sat quietly thinking about it, the response came again through the statement of the same Sevanand, who says: God’s grace is sufficient for him.
Then I closed the poem with the same answer for my question too, from God.
BT Song 937: Seeking Clarity
You alone must bring me clarity,
O my God, my comfort be.
Make my mind like crystal clear,
From its muddied state set it free.
Though good and evil I comprehend,
My heart oft to evil leans.
Why does this struggle never end?
With questions, my mind teems.
If I knew not right from wrong,
I’d follow what seemed best.
But knowing evil, claiming it as good,
What drives me to this test?
Good holds no desire for me,
I lack the strength to shun the ill.
Cannot claim it’s your decree,
That both within me dwell.
Though your answers seem so clear,
My mind’s resolve is weak.
Strength to follow, I lack, I fear,
In action, your guidance I seek.
Yet trusting in your promise true,
‘My grace is sufficient for thee,’
I find the answers to pursue,
All the questions troubling me.
BT Song 938 – Should I Tell You?
A devotee has even the right to instruct God on what He should do in her need. Here I tell the Lord not to forget His divinity in His approach to me as He came in human form. In the Ramayana, Rama several times forgets His divine nature and needs to be reminded by others. Though the Lord too underwent a similar situation in His sojourn among us, He kept His mission in mind and never exposed it before humans. But regarding Rama and the Lord, it is not so easy for us to say their nature and role as humans, as the bhakti tradition gives a different portrayal about Rama and theology about the Lord. Anyhow, for me, more than theology, my relationship with Him gives me the freedom to remind Him about His divine nature and give instructions to Him.
BT Song 938: Do I Need to Tell You?
When I’m weary, carry me,
When words fail, understand me.
Before I search, come find me,
When I forget to ask, provide for me.
Must I explain why?
You are God for this very reason.
Do I need to clarify?
Do I need to remind you of this season?
Though you came as man,
You are still divine.
In human form, yet in God’s plan,
Your essence does not confine.
As God-Man, you redeem,
You are the Creator still.
Like a parent supreme,
Who loves through every ill.
Even if my questions seem unwise,
You understand what I mean.
As a child in your eyes,
Your compassion is keen.
I am but a child,
A babe in your embrace.
Before I cry, you have smiled,
Your love fills every space.
BT Song 939 – Why Do I Tell You?
This is another tussle between me and my mother. As she is putting on weight, I requested her to stop taking ghee and too many milk products (milk, curd, coffee). Then I removed the ghee and served her only butter milk and not curd. She became upset and began to argue with me. She even told our neighbors that I am not giving her proper food and stopped the ghee, etc. This irritated me a lot. Again, her legs swelled. She had to tie the bandage on both her legs, which I do each day. But for the past month, she stopped it, complaining that it gives a burning sensation. So when she asked whether we should go and see the doctor, I told her with much anger, “You decide. I am not going to say anything. You are not following what I say and decide on your own. I ask you to keep the bandage every day, do some walking, and reduce weight. But you are not listening to me and fight back with me.” So she compelled me to take her to the hospital. There, the doctor said the same thing to her: no more medicine. She has to continue tying the bandage and reduce her weight.
As I became very upset with her, I kept quiet the whole day and stopped talking to her. Even though I served her, there was irritation within me. So that night when I was thinking about it, I began to argue with the Lord and said, “Don’t ask about it anymore.” After a few minutes, when I calmed down, I wrote this song as my prayer.
BT Song 939: Confession of Anger
Don’t ask me why,
How can I share with you?
Anger and irritation lie,
Overwhelming, it’s true.
A hidden fire they remain,
Bursting out without warning.
Though I speak softly, my pain
Lingers like a storm forming.
Everything must go as I desire,
Only then it feels right.
This thought, a consuming fire,
Upsets me if there’s any slight.
Knowing my constant state,
Compassion you surely find.
Your grace will not abate,
Your patience always kind.
You overwhelm me with love,
For me to change likewise.
So, though you didn’t ask,
I share, despite my shy disguise.
BT Song 940 – Die With Me
In His mission, the Lord has not only to live with a devotee but also to die with her in her everyday struggle to live for Him. Though I don’t want to compare this with other faiths, I am not sure there is such a concept there. But as His devotee, I can demand this from Him.
In His forbearance, kindness, and mercy, God will not judge us for sins of which we are unaware and so cannot confess and renounce because Christ made atonement for all sin.— Bruce K. Waltke and James M. Houston with Erika Moore, The Psalms as Christian Worship: A Historical Commentary, Cambridge, U.K.: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2010, Psalm 19:12, p. 371.
BT Song 940: A Plea for Divine Presence
However I try, I cannot keep pace,
My heart deceives, I fall behind.
Though you lead on the right path with grace,
Turn back, for me, be kind.
If I fail to follow, take my hand,
Often ask if I comply.
Your duty does not end with a command,
For alone, I falter and sigh.
Till the end, stay by my side,
Guide me to the shore.
Remember, in you I confide,
That’s why I follow evermore.
One death for my sin isn’t enough,
You must remember our bond.
For with you, daily life is tough,
You must die with me and respond.
Whether I stand or fall,
This is your concern.
In you, I give my all,
With no further talk in return.
This is my translation in Tanglish edited by chatgpt
BT Song 936 Thinking About My Old Age
Whatever I say,
You should listen.
Whatever I do,
You should accept.
Because you
Know my situation,
You know
Which one is good for me?
Of course,
A few times I opposed you,
I questioned you,
As I got irritated.
You know the
Reason for that.
Why again
Do you bring it back?
In general,
I listened to you with much patience.
If I could not understand,
I asked for an explanation.
Whatever you have done for me,
I obeyed.
When I was unable to do it,
I sought your help.
Therefore, I saw
Only blessing in it.
I realized your
Immense grace.
Though you gave
Some trials and troubles,
Even then, I experienced
Your love in them.
As I realized
This secret,
I will do only this
Hereafter also.
But now
I have become old,
So you should deal with me
Accordingly.
Whatever you say,
Tell it clearly.
Before you do anything,
Just consult me a bit.
Knowing my condition,
Act accordingly.
Because now it is old age,
Just remember that.
Mathigiri, 7-8-2018, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 937 Your Answer
You alone should show clarity.
O my God, you alone should comfort me.
You should make my mind crystal clear,
Which has become very muddy.
Though I know good and evil,
My heart only seeks evil.
When I think why this happens,
How many questions come to my mind?
If I know not which is good and which is evil,
I can do what I think is correct.
But doing evil by justifying it as good,
What is prompting it to do like this?
There is no desire in good things.
I don’t have the strength to remove evil.
I cannot deceive myself by saying that
You alone kept both of them within me.
Though your answer is very clear,
My mind is not firm in it.
I don’t have the strength
To act on the answer I received.
Trusting your promise that
‘My grace is sufficient for you,’
I took it as the answer
To all my questions.
Mathigiri, 10-8-2018, 11:30 p.m.
BT Song 938 Do I Need to Tell You?
When I stand tired,
You should carry me.
When I forget to tell,
You should understand me.
Before I search for you,
You should come seeking me.
When I forget to ask,
You should give on your own.
Should you need to ask why?
You remain God
Only for this.
Do I need to tell
This to you?
Do I need to
Remind you of this?
As you came as
A human being,
Can you forget that
You are God?
As you took
Human form,
Can you become
Completely human?
Though you came as
God-Human,
Did you forget that
You are the Son of God?
As you redeemed
Sinners,
Can you forget that
You are the Creator?
You should
Remain like the parent
Who begets and
Raises children.
Even if I ask
Without understanding,
You should give an answer
Understanding me.
I become a child
Who does not know to ask.
I become like a
Crawling baby in your hands.
As you become the mother
Who feeds before the baby cries,
Knowing this,
You should have compassion on me.
Mathigiri, 10-8-2018, 11:45 p.m.
BT Song 939 Why I Tell?
Don’t ask me
Why?
How can I share
With you?
Anger and irritation
Will be in me.
They alone
Overwhelm me.
They remain
A hidden fire.
They will burst out
At an unexpected time.
Though I speak
In tender words,
Anger will remain
As a volcano within me.
Everything should go
As I expect
Because that alone
Will be correct.
As this thought
Overwhelms me,
I will become upset
If others disagree with me.
Now you can
Know my condition
And you will know that
This is the same all the time.
Then without fail,
Compassion will come to you
And surely your
Grace will uphold me.
You won’t behave
With me as I do.
Like before,
You had patience with me.
You are overwhelming me
Only with your love,
For me also to
Change like this.
That is why,
Though you didn’t ask,
I share this,
Unable to bear my shyness.
Mathigiri, 11-8-2018, 11:00 p.m.
BT Song 940 You Should Die with Me
However I try,
I cannot walk
Along
With you.
Because as my
Heart cheats me,
I will fall down
Though I walk behind you.
Though you are
Leading on the right path,
You should turn back
And see me a bit.
If I fail
To come behind you,
You should walk
By taking my hand.
You should often
Enquire whether I am doing
As per your instruction.
You should not
Think that
Your responsibility ends
By completely trusting me.
Till the end,
Remaining with me,
You alone should
Take me to the shore.
You should remember that
As you agreed to this,
I came
After you.
It is not enough
For you to die
One time for my sin.
And you should not forget this.
If I want to live
With you every day,
You should also
Die with me.
Whether I live or fall,
That is your problem.
Therefore I don’t have
Further talk about it.
Mathigiri, 13-8-2018, 11:00 p.m.
BT Song 936 முதுமையை நினைத்துக்கொள்
எதைச் சொன்னாலும்
கேட்கத்தான் வேண்டும்
எதைச் செய்தாலும்
ஏற்கத்தான் வேண்டும்
ஏனென்றால் உனக்கு
என்நிலை புரியும்
எனக்கெது நன்மை
என்பதும் தெரியும்
ஏதோ சிலமுறை
எதிர்த்து பேசினேன்
எரிச்சல் கொண்டு
கேள்விகள் கேட்டேன்
அதற்கான காரணம்
உனக்கும் தெரியும்
அப்புறம் அதையேன்
மீண்டும் கிளறனும்
பொதுவாக நானும்
பொறுமையாய்க் கேட்டேன்
புரியாது போனால்
விளக்கம் கேட்டேன்
நீ எதைச் செய்தாலும்
பணிந்து போனேன்
முடியாத போது
உதவி கேட்டேன்
அதனாலே இதுவரை
நன்மையைப் பார்த்தேன்
அளவிலா உனது
கிருபையை அறிந்தேன்
சிலபல துன்பங்கள்
நீ தந்த போதும்
அதிலும் உனது
அன்பை உணர்ந்தேன்
இந்த இரகசியம்
புரிந்த பின்னாலே
இதையே செய்வேன்
நான் இனிமேலே
ஆயினும் இப்போ
வயசாகிப் போச்சு
அதற்கு ஏற்ப
இருக்கணும் பேச்சு
சொல்வதை இனிமேலே
தெளிவாகச் சொல்லு
செய்யும் முன்னே
ஒரு வார்த்தை கேளு
என்நிலை உணர்ந்து
அதன்படி செய்திடு
ஏனென்றால் முதுமை
அதையும் நினைத்திடு
மத்திகிரி, 7-8-2018, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 937 உனது பதில்
தெளிவினை நீதான் காட்ட வேண்டும்
தெய்வமே நீதான் தேற்ற வேண்டும்
கலங்கிய குளமாய் ஆன என் மனதை
தெளிந்த நீராய் மாற்ற வேண்டும்
நல்லது தீயது அறிந்த போதும்
நாடும் மனது தீயதை மட்டும்
ஏனிது என்று எண்ணிடும் போது
எத்தனை கேள்விகள் மனதில் தோன்றும்
சரியேது தவறேது தெரியாதிருந்தால்
சரியெனப் படுவதைச் செய்ய முடியும்
தவறெனப் படுவதைச் சரியெனச் சொல்லி
செய்வது எதுவெனக் கேள்வி வந்திடும்
நல்லதின் மீது ஆர்வம் இல்லை
தீயதை நீக்கப் பெலனும் இல்லை
இரண்டையும் வைத்தது நீயென்று சொல்லி
என்னை நானே ஏய்க்கவும் இல்லை
உனது விடையும் இறுதியாய் இருந்தும்
அதிலும் மனது உறுதியாய் இல்லை
தெரிந்த விடையைக் கொண்டு செலுத்த
தெய்வமே என்னுள் பெலனும் இல்லை
‘எனது கிருபை போதும் உனக்கு’
என்ற உனது வாக்கை நம்பி
எல்லா எனது கேள்விகளுக்கும்
உனது பதிலாய் எடுத்துக் கொண்டேன்
மத்திகிரி, 10-8-2018, இரவு, 11.30
BT Song 938 நான்சொல்ல வேண்டுமோ
சோர்ந்து நிற்கையில்
சுமக்க வேண்டும்
சொல்ல மறக்கையில்
எந்நிலை புரியணும்
தேடிடும் முன்பாக
நாடி வரவேண்டும்
கேட்க மறந்தாலும்
தேடித் தரவேண்டும்
ஏனென்று நீயும்
கேட்கவும் வேண்டுமா
இதற்குதான் இறைவனாய்
இருக்கிறாய் தெரியுமா
நானதை உனக்கும்
சொல்ல வேண்டுமா
நாள்தோறும் உனக்கு
நினைவூட்ட வேண்டுமா
மனிதனைப் போலவே
வந்ததினாலே
இறைவன் என்பதை
மறந்திடலாமா
மானுட வேடம்
போட்டதினாலே
முழுவதும் மனிதனாய்
மாற முடியுமா
தெய்வ மனிதனாய்
நீ வந்த போதும்
தேவ மைந்தன்
என்பதை மறந்தாயோ
பாவ மைந்தரை
மீட்டதினாலே
படைத்தவன் என்பதை
மறந்திடலாமோ
பிள்ளைகள் பெற்றுப்
பேணியே வளர்க்கும்
பெற்றவர் போலவே
நீயும் இருக்கணும்
புரியாமல் நானும்
எதைக் கேட்டாலும்
புரிந்து நீதான்
பதில்தர வேண்டும்
கேட்கவே தெரியாத
பிள்ளையாய் ஆனேன்
கையில் தவழ்ந்திடும்
குழந்தையாய்ப் போனேன்
அழுமுன் பால்தரும்
அன்னை ஆனநீ
இதையும் புரிந்து
இரங்க வேண்டும்
மத்திகிரி, 10-8-2018, இரவு, 11.45
BT Song 939 ஏன் சொல்கிறேன்
ஏனென்று கேட்காதே
என்னிடம் நீயும்
எப்படிச் சொல்லுவேன்
நானதை உன்னிடம்
எரிச்சலும் கோபமும்
என்னுள்ளே இருந்திடும்
எப்போதும் அவையும்
என்னையும் ஆண்டிடும்
நீர்பூத்த நெருப்பாக
உள்ளே இருந்திடும்
நினையாத நேரத்தில்
வெடித்துச் சிதறிடும்
வார்த்தையில் எத்தனை
மென்மையைக் காட்டினும்
உள்ளத்தில் எரிமலை
குழம்பாகக் கொத்தித்திடும்
என்எண்ணம் போல
எல்லாம் நடக்கணும்
ஏனென்றால் அதுமட்டும்
சரியாக இருந்திடும்
என்கிற எண்ணம்
என்னையும் ஆண்டிடும்
எதிர்த்துமே பேசினால்
எரிச்சலும் வந்திடும்
இப்போது எந்நிலை
உனக்கும் புரிந்திடும்
எப்போதும் இதுதான்
என்பதும் தெரிந்திடும்
அப்போது உனக்கு
இரக்கமே பிறந்திடும்
தப்பாது உன்னருள்
தாங்கியே நடத்திடும்
என்போல நீயும்
என்னிடம் நடக்காமல்
முன்போல நடந்து
பொறுமையைக் காட்டினாய்
அதுபோல நானும்
மாறணும் என்று
அன்பாலே மட்டுமே
ஆட்கொண்டு நின்றாய்
அதனாலே நீயும்
கேட்காத போதும்
அவமானம் தாங்காமல்
சொல்கிறேன் நானும்
மத்திகிரி, 11-8-2018, இரவு, 11.00
BT Song 940 என்னோடு மரிக்கணும்
எத்தனம் எத்தனை
செய்து பார்க்கினும்
என்னாலே ஆகாது
உன்னோடு நடக்க
ஏனெனில் என்னுள்ளம்
என்னையே ஏய்க்க
இடறியே விழுவேன்
உன்பின்னாலே நடக்க
சரியான பாதையில்
அழைத்துச் சென்றாலும்
சற்றேனும் நின்று
திரும்பி பார்க்கணும்
ஒழுங்காக உன்பின்
வாராமல் போனால்
என்கரம் பற்றி
அழைத்துப் போகணும்
சொல்லிநீ தந்ததைச்
செய்கிறேனா என்று
அடிக்கடி நீயும்
என்னையும் கேட்கணும்
முற்றாக என்மீது
நம்பிக்கை வைத்து
முடிந்தது பொறுப்பென
எண்ணாமல் இருக்கணும்
இறுதி வரையில்
என்னோடு இருந்து
என்னையும் நீயே
கரையே சேர்க்கணும்
இதற்கு நீயும்
சம்மதம் என்றதால்
உன்பின் வந்தேன்
அதை நீ நினைக்கணும்
ஏதோ ஒருமுறை
என்பாவம் போக்க
மரித்தது போதாது
மறந்திடக் கூடாது
அனுதினம் உன்னுடன்
நான்வாழ வேண்டின்
அதற்காக என்னோடு
நீயுமே மரிக்கணும்
வாழினும் வீழினும்
அது உன் பாடாச்சு
அதனால் இனிமேலே
இல்லை வீண்பேச்சு
மத்திகிரி, 13-8-2018, இரவு, 11.00
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