The debate on friendship versus relationship is unnecessary. While both are types of ‘ships’ that help us navigate the ocean of life, they are fundamentally different, particularly regarding the voyage.
If a comparison is inevitable, relationships are more important than friendships. Blood is thicker than water. Just as there is no perfect relationship, there is no perfect friendship. However, whether one likes it or not, relationships will endure until the end of one’s life, whereas friendships may not. Because relationship begins even before your birth and will continue even after your death. This is not the case with friendship.
Arguing the pros and cons by taking both positive and negative points from each side is pointless. Our own life experiences and even the laws of the land always favor relationships over friendships.
How many of you have your friend’s photo in your home or at least in your room or family album? Exceptions might exist, but this is not the norm. How many of your children know about your friends or their children? If you are married, unless your life partner cooperates or approves, you cannot even cherish your friendships. But this is not the case with relationships.
Even if you leave a will and leave all your property to your friend after your death, it is uncertain whether they can actually claim it as their own. Your legal heirs can move to the court and reclaim it. In the case of ancestral property, you don’t even have that right. Even if you list your friend as a nominee in any of your fixed deposits, your blood relatives still have the legal right to claim it back.
Forget this—would you give all your fixed deposits to your friend and ask him or his children to manage and help you get interest every month for your needs? How many of your friends’ children keep in touch with you while you are still alive? Can you call your friends’ children your niece or nephew?
You might have mutually helped each other in all your needs and emergencies. But when it comes to priority, your family will come first, not a friend. Suppose you have a medical emergency and seek your friend’s help. At the same time, his children have come for vacation or an important family function or festival. Who will get priority first? In ordinary times, you might rush to help, but when you have to choose between two priorities simultaneously, you will still choose your family first.
Finally, we have a vague understanding of friendship. All acquaintances in life—from school to college—are not friends. Just for the sake of convenience, we say ‘school friend,’ ‘college friend,’ etc. But they are only your ‘classmates’ and not true friends.
Rarely will you see a friendship like that between Kopperunchozhan and Pisirandayar in Tamil Nadu. They never met each other but developed a deep friendship upon hearing about one another. When Kopperunchozhan was defeated in a war and decided to give up his life by performing ‘Vadakkurutthal’—sitting facing the northern direction and fasting to death—Pisirandayar came to meet him, never spoke a single word, and sat with him to die. In the Bible, we hear about the love between King David and Jonathan.
This does not mean that a friend has no role in our lives. But friendship and relationship operate in completely different realms, and there is no point in comparing them. If any comparison is inevitable, then blood is thicker than water.
You have to choose your friend, but you cannot choose your relatives. They are there even before your birth. They will remain even after your death. Let me close this article with a real incident that happened in one of my shishya’s family. As usual, there is a court case going on regarding the family ancestral property. So the sisters and brothers end up with litigation. One of the sisters went to see her mother, who is staying with her brother. But her brother, very much estranged, began to rebuke her and her husband before their mother, questioning how they dared to come when they had filed a court case against them regarding the ancestral property. In response, her husband said, “I came to see my brother-in-law and my mother-in-law. We have a court case; that is our ancestral property. But that doesn’t mean our relationship is severed. Whether we like it or not, you are going to be my brother-in-law, and your sister is going to be your sister. She is my mother-in-law, and we have a right to come and see.” So, she insisted, stayed three days, enjoyed the hospitality, and then returned back. This shows how relationships with relatives are more important than friends. There are both positive and negative sides, values in friendship and relationship, but they work in different realms of human experience. If any comparison is inevitable, friendship is completely different and in no way can it come closer to relationships. blood is thicker than water.
Quoting scriptures or literature may glorify either friendship or relationships, but they often fail to reflect the true reality of life. These sources discuss idealistic scenarios rather than practical realities. Laws, on the other hand, are crafted based on the actual realities of life, not on fiction or stories. This distinction is crucial to understanding the practical differences between friendship and relationships.
Finally, there is an interesting story in Tamil that depicts this reality. A few students who were childhood friends went to a Gurukulam to learn. After some time, one day the teacher sent one of them for some work to another place. With the teacher’s permission, after completing the work, the student visited his home to see his ailing mother. When he reached home, his mother saw him and then passed away. Unable to accept her loss, he stayed back and began to mourn, crying, ‘Oh my mother, oh my mother.’
As he didn’t return within the stipulated time, the teacher sent his close friend to find out what happened. When the friend reached the first student’s home and saw what had happened, he too was unable to leave and stayed back, mourning, ‘Oh my friend’s mother, oh my friend’s mother.’ Then the teacher sent the second student’s friend to know what had happened to the first two. The same happened, and he also began to mourn, saying, ‘Oh my friend’s friend’s mother, oh my friend’s friend’s mother.’ Finally, a bit worried as the three didn’t return, the teacher sent the friend of the third student. The same happened, and he too stayed back, mourning, ‘Oh my friend’s friend’s friend’s mother, oh my friend’s friend’s friend’s mother.’
Gurukulam
19-8-2024
The debate on friendship versus relationship is unnecessary. While both are types of ‘ships’ that help us navigate the ocean of life, they are fundamentally different, particularly regarding the voyage.
If a comparison is inevitable, relationships are more important than friendships. Blood is thicker than water. Just as there is no perfect relationship, there is no perfect friendship. However, whether one likes it or not, relationships will endure until the end of one’s life, whereas friendships may not. Because relationship begins even before your birth and will continue even after your death. This is not the case with friendship.
Arguing the pros and cons by taking both positive and negative points from each side is pointless. Our own life experiences and even the laws of the land always favor relationships over friendships.
How many of you have your friend’s photo in your home or at least in your room or family album? Exceptions might exist, but this is not the norm. How many of your children know about your friends or their children? If you are married, unless your life partner cooperates or approves, you cannot even cherish your friendships. But this is not the case with relationships.
Even if you leave a will and leave all your property to your friend after your death, it is uncertain whether they can actually claim it as their own. Your legal heirs can move to the court and reclaim it. In the case of ancestral property, you don’t even have that right. Even if you list your friend as a nominee in any of your fixed deposits, your blood relatives still have the legal right to claim it back.
Forget this—would you give all your fixed deposits to your friend and ask him or his children to manage and help you get interest every month for your needs? How many of your friends’ children keep in touch with you while you are still alive? Can you call your friends’ children your niece or nephew?
You might have mutually helped each other in all your needs and emergencies. But when it comes to priority, your family will come first, not a friend. Suppose you have a medical emergency and seek your friend’s help. At the same time, his children have come for vacation or an important family function or festival. Who will get priority first? In ordinary times, you might rush to help, but when you have to choose between two priorities simultaneously, you will still choose your family first.
Finally, we have a vague understanding of friendship. All acquaintances in life—from school to college—are not friends. Just for the sake of convenience, we say ‘school friend,’ ‘college friend,’ etc. But they are only your ‘classmates’ and not true friends.
Rarely will you see a friendship like that between Kopperunchozhan and Pisirandayar in Tamil Nadu. They never met each other but developed a deep friendship upon hearing about one another. When Kopperunchozhan was defeated in a war and decided to give up his life by performing ‘Vadakkurutthal’—sitting facing the northern direction and fasting to death—Pisirandayar came to meet him, never spoke a single word, and sat with him to die. In the Bible, we hear about the love between King David and Jonathan.
This does not mean that a friend has no role in our lives. But friendship and relationship operate in completely different realms, and there is no point in comparing them. If any comparison is inevitable, then blood is thicker than water.
You have to choose your friend, but you cannot choose your relatives. They are there even before your birth. They will remain even after your death. Let me close this article with a real incident that happened in one of my shishya’s family. As usual, there is a court case going on regarding the family ancestral property. So the sisters and brothers end up with litigation. One of the sisters went to see her mother, who is staying with her brother. But her brother, very much estranged, began to rebuke her and her husband before their mother, questioning how they dared to come when they had filed a court case against them regarding the ancestral property. In response, her husband said, “I came to see my brother-in-law and my mother-in-law. We have a court case; that is our ancestral property. But that doesn’t mean our relationship is severed. Whether we like it or not, you are going to be my brother-in-law, and your sister is going to be your sister. She is my mother-in-law, and we have a right to come and see.” So, she insisted, stayed three days, enjoyed the hospitality, and then returned back. This shows how relationships with relatives are more important than friends. There are both positive and negative sides, values in friendship and relationship, but they work in different realms of human experience. If any comparison is inevitable, friendship is completely different and in no way can it come closer to relationships. blood is thicker than water.
Quoting scriptures or literature may glorify either friendship or relationships, but they often fail to reflect the true reality of life. These sources discuss idealistic scenarios rather than practical realities. Laws, on the other hand, are crafted based on the actual realities of life, not on fiction or stories. This distinction is crucial to understanding the practical differences between friendship and relationships.
Finally, there is an interesting story in Tamil that depicts this reality. A few students who were childhood friends went to a Gurukulam to learn. After some time, one day the teacher sent one of them for some work to another place. With the teacher’s permission, after completing the work, the student visited his home to see his ailing mother. When he reached home, his mother saw him and then passed away. Unable to accept her loss, he stayed back and began to mourn, crying, ‘Oh my mother, oh my mother.’
As he didn’t return within the stipulated time, the teacher sent his close friend to find out what happened. When the friend reached the first student’s home and saw what had happened, he too was unable to leave and stayed back, mourning, ‘Oh my friend’s mother, oh my friend’s mother.’ Then the teacher sent the second student’s friend to know what had happened to the first two. The same happened, and he also began to mourn, saying, ‘Oh my friend’s friend’s mother, oh my friend’s friend’s mother.’ Finally, a bit worried as the three didn’t return, the teacher sent the friend of the third student. The same happened, and he too stayed back, mourning, ‘Oh my friend’s friend’s friend’s mother, oh my friend’s friend’s friend’s mother.’
Gurukulam
19-8-2024
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