Going overboard Part One
In order to prove that we still remain as Hindus within our family and community, is it necessary for us to go ‘overboard’ by doing certain rituals? Of course, as part of our family and community, we need to fulfil all our social and even certain religious obligations [like that of Sevanand shaving his head]. But there are certain areas, not because of our bhakti, but even as a normal human being [I am not promoting the so-called Western Individualism here], we can say ‘no’ to certain demands from the family and community.
Take the example of ….. doing his obligation as the child of this family. He is correct in it. Suppose, in future if his parents or family members ask him to go along with them to Sabarimala to take care of certain elderly people [e.g. his father], he has every right to say ‘no’ to it as he does not have real devotion in Aiyappa, which is a prerequisite to go there. Of course several went in the past as part of political or social agenda [we all know the famous controversy of women between certain ages are not allowed]. I am not talking about this. But how he has to do it depends upon his rapport with his family and community. He can either directly say that he does not have faith in Ayyappa or can doge by saying that he cannot strictly follow the ritual purity that one needs to observe during the 40 days period of strictly observing so many dos and don’ts.
For example, with few exceptions, hardly one can see any staunch Vaishnavite or Veera Saivite going to Ayyappa temple. Similarly every Hindu family won’t celebrate all the festivals or rituals. Last week was Kartic Purnima. That day in almost all Hindu homes they will light oil lamps everywhere in the home [as they do for Diwali in North] in Tamilnadu [known as Barani deepam]. But when our helper came the next day, I asked her where is my ‘appam’ and ‘sweet’ pori that they have to make on that day, she said that here in this area rarely few people celebrate it. So she didn’t do it.
I can multiply such examples. The point I want to make is that in order to prove our Hindu identity we need not go overboard by going to the second or third mile. Of course, all will not agree with me. But as usual I agree to disagree.
Gurukulam
3-12-23
Going overboard Part Two.
In life certain times we either go overboard or have to go overboard in order to please others. Particularly in relationships, when one estranges another person, after reconciliation, in general the person who has done the offence might go overboard to please the another person who was offended. But such acts might irritate the affected person more than mending the broken relationship.
Take for example between husband and wife [where 99 percent going overboard happens than in all other relationships], the husband after hurting his wife might go overboard by doing certain things. Like keeping his room neat and clean, folding his bed when he got up, cleaning the hall by putting the toys back in the basket after children scattered them everywhere, bringing his plate to wash after lunch and dinner to the kitchen etc. etc. But such an act, in general, might only irritate his wife than convince her that he really repented and won’t do it again. Who knows she might even secretly take photos and video of his all such acts and upload in her social media with the title, ‘phir natak shuru hogaya’ [again drama has started]
In case of a wife, generally rarely women ever go overboard as they find any need for that, as she knows well that all the truce and ceasefire is only temporary one. In case when she tries to go overboard to convince her husband that she really accepted the truce instead of getting irritated her husband will be panicked. He will immediately start to check his bank balance, wallet and even credit card facility as his wife’s going overboard might make a big hole in his monthly budget.
This I also say with my own personal experience with my mother. Whenever I offend her, I will go overboard by preparing food as per her taste. For example, I will remove the skin from the brinjal as she never likes it with skin. I even will stop using onion and garlic for a week as she always shouts at me when the smell comes from the kitchen, ‘are you a sannyasi eating garlic and onion’. Even in the ashram she might be sitting in the TV room, but she will rebuke me when I use them in the kitchen. That’s why I will first start the exhaust fan before using onion or garlic. Even if I try to convince her that garlic and onions are good for health and her other son, who does Vedic study and Shaligram puja everyday also uses them, she won’t be convinced.
Whereas when she offends me, after the truce, she won’t even mind to recognize that she hurt me. In case if I call my sister and complain and when my sister calls her, my mother would say, ‘yes I shouldn’t have talked like that. But so what. How much I tolerated as all of you offended me through your words and life. [Remember only a daughter can rebuke a mother, not every woman another woman].
This is not limited between husband and wife. It goes in every area of our relationship with other human beings—friends, relatives, neighbours, colleagues, subordinates, servants etc. etc. But once we start to go overboard to prove certain things, then this going overboard itself becomes normal in our life and it will lose its sense and influence.
Milk though liquid and rich, still fish cannot survive in it. It can survive only in its natural water—even with lots of scum. So in the name of going overboard never try to replace the water in your fish tank with milk.
Gurukulam
3-12-23
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