Indifference and Ignoring

To avoid unnecessary arguments, it is often beneficial to ignore certain comments and criticisms. However, showing indifference, especially when we have commitments and responsibilities to others, can damage relationships and create tension. I’m not entirely sure if the English words “indifference” and “ignoring” fully capture the nuances of the Tamil words “அலச்சியம்” (alachiyam) and “தவிர்தல்” (thavirthal). There are times when being indifferent is necessary, particularly with people we aren’t committed to but interact with out of necessity.

This issue becomes more pronounced when dealing with elderly individuals, who may be particularly sensitive to even the slightest gestures that might be perceived as indifference. For example, I observed this with my mother, who is quite sensitive to every word and action due to her age. One day, my tenant rushed to switch off the motor because the water was overflowing. At that moment, my mother, holding his hand, asked him something. He shook her hand off and ran to address the issue, but he didn’t return to respond to her inquiry. When I went to heat milk for her, she asked why that boy had shaken her hand and run outside without answering her question. I explained that he went to switch off the motor. However, she was concerned that he hadn’t come back to address her inquiry. The next day, when he  came over, my mother again asked him why he had shaken her hand and left. He was puzzled by her question, as he had been preoccupied with the motor. I had to explain this to her, and he clarified that he hadn’t heard her inquiry because he was focused on the motor.

We might be busy with urgent tasks or preoccupied with other thoughts, but when interacting with seniors, we must always remain sensitive to their feelings and ensure they do not perceive us as indifferent.

Mathigiri, 3-9-15

Indifference and ignoring (avoiding)

In order to avoid some unnecessary arguments it is goo ignore some comments, criticism in life.  But remaining ‘indifference’ that too when we have some commitment with responsibility to others, then it first spoils the relationship and then creates some tension to the person to whom one is committed.  I am not sure whether these two words ‘indifference ‘ and ‘ignoring’ actually conveys the two Tamil words, ‘alachiyam’ and ‘thavirthal’.  Of course several time sometime we need to be ‘indifferent’ with several people when they take us for granted.  Particularly with those to whom we are not committed in any way, but live and work together because of common need. 

This is become a serious issue when we deal with elderly people, as they become over sensitive to even a slightest gesture which (wrongly) conveys some kind of indifference on our part in our relationship with them.   This I learnt from my mother, as she is very sensitive because of her age to every word and action.  One day Vijay ran to switch off the motor as the water was over flowing.  That time my mother holding his hand asked something to him.  But shaking her hand, he ran.  But he never come back to respond to her inquiry.  Then when I went to heat milk for her she said, ‘what I said or done to Vijay that shaking my hands (udarithalli vittu) he ran outside’?  Then I have to tell her that he went to switch off the motor. But her question was why he fail to come back and respond to her inquiry.   And next day when he came my mother again asked him why he shook her hand and went out?  He cannot understand why ‘Patti’ is asking this question. Then I have to explain it to him and then he said to her that he even didn’t listened her inquiry as was thinking about the motor. 

3-9-15

Mathigiri