Before starting with my bhakti songs, I have to share a bit about my interest in writing them. I am not sure I can call myself a poet or will be recognized by others, yet I began to write songs as far back as in 1971. Though most of those songs were secular in nature, yet I wrote few on Hindu deities. I wrote even one bhajan for my mother for her bhajan mandali in Raga Malika. Her bhajan group leader composed the music and used it for them. When I first shared one of my songs to my college lecturer when I met him at Salem (as a salesman 1973), he dismissed it completely. Not discouraged by this, I continued to write when I got some inspiration. Unfortunately I lost the diary in which I have recorded them all (more than 400 songs). Later I remembered some of them and began to write them down and now they are posted in my blog separately as Tamil songs.
Like English, I don’t know grammar in Tamil. In fact Tamil grammar is more difficult than English and when it comes to following poetical grammar it is beyond my reach and comprehension. Likewise I make several spelling mistakes in Tamil and nowadays Saradha Kannan (from Erode) helps me to correct the spelling mistakes. In principle a good poet is one who can follow the rules of grammar and also write without mistake. However, from the beginning of the 20th century, new kinds of poems began to emerge in Tamil and now a lot of Tamil poems are coming in all forms—even mixing with English words known as ‘Hihoo’. I wrote poems when I got some inspiration and never shared them with others. Of course in the early days I shared a few poems with my friends, but later I never shared with anyone.
Poem is the essence of emotion. Several times when we fail to communicate through our words, they give a helping hand. At the same time, adding imagination helps to express our feelings in short form. If poems were not there, how dry human life would become.
Though modern poems may not follow the traditional poetic structure, the way they provide freedom to express our feelings is tremendous. Who can decide what a poem is? As long as human feelings and words are there, no one can put any restriction or define what poems should be. A poet never rights for others. That is her inner voice. She writes it for her own satisfaction and not expecting appreciation from others. My poem is my inner voice. Instead of keeping them buried in my files, if they could provide an expression of someone’s feeling, I should share them. Therefore I present them here.
Almost each of my poems has its own background. Some of my secular songs do not express my ideology. They are mere imagination. There will be several contradictions between the songs. The reason for it is that I wrote them to express my feelings at that time based on that situation. I don’t agree with some of their meanings. I merely express my thoughts and feelings in those circumstances adding some imagination. But my Bhakti songs differ from the secular songs, as they are my mediation and prayers. Several times when I was praying, if I got inspiration, immediately I wrote a poem and then sang it as my prayer. Likewise when I was reading or thinking on any subject, inspired by it, I wrote poems. I have arranged the songs chronologically and not topic wise.
Early struggles:
My earliest devotional songs in my memory end with these three. These songs describe my early religious belief, devotion, thinking and ideology. Growing up in such circumstances, my early days as a devotee of Muktesan were a struggle. Initially, the church hymns I was familiar with, though meaningful, their music and manner of singing were not sufficient for my sense of devotion. So, I wrote some songs and used them for my personal worship. But I did not share them with anyone for a long time. In fact, almost twenty-five years later, I shared some of them with some bhaktas who were Hindus like me. I didn’t even share these songs with my few Christian friends who initially got along well with me and understood me somewhat. The wife of one of them asked me why I did share that when she read these songs later.
In the early days when I tried to express my thoughts based on my Hindu religion and culture, some Christians did not accept them and directly and indirectly opposed it, so I completely avoided sharing not only my songs but also some of my early articles and thoughts with them. Gradually I started sharing my articles and songs with others after I moved away from the Christian atmosphere.
During my early devotional life as a bhakta of the Lord, when I tried to keep my cultural identity (remaining strictly vegetarian), and attempted to express my bhakti using the words with which I felt very comfortable like Bhagavan etc. it was not much appreciated by Christians. Even when I one time quoted a famous film song in my sharing I was criticized for using ‘secular’ sources which are not spiritual according to them. I can multiply such examples. Though they tried their best to shape me in their ‘Christian Image’ I miserably failed them. In short, they could not convert me into a ‘Christian’ no matter how hard they tried. So my early sojourn among them kept me as a stranger. But there were few exceptions to that common rule and was very supportive of me and my ideas in many ways. But they were completely unable to help me despite their circumstances.
The main reason for this was that I was unable to get my point across to the Christians, rather than that they misunderstood me. But in the end, when I realized that I don’t need to explain my devotion and thinking to Christians as I don’t need their approval for me to live as a Hindu bhakta of the Lord with real inner freedom I began to express my bhakti in the Lord as a Hindu. To celebrate that freedom, I started writing many songs based on my Indian worldview with full freedom. That’s why I feel that my thoughts cannot be fully understood by reading only my songs, I gave the background of each song.
Especially when it comes to devotional songs, I am used to singing and listening to them in Carnatic music. I did not learn Carnatic music formally. But I grew up listening to it since childhood. My mother was a good singer though she never learnt Carnatic music properly. My father easily identified Ragas when others were singing. My father used to take us to Sri Thyagaraja Aradhana in Thiruvaiyaru. Similarly, I attended the concerts held in temples. I also tried to learn flute during my college days but failed in it.
Next are some of the words I used. Since the word ‘Jesus’ used by Christians in Tamil was associated with a religion, then I changed it to ‘muktesan’ (Lord of salvation) based on its meaning. But what is surprising is that in the churches, many hymns (Kirthans) written 100 years ago and several Hindu words were used without any hesitation. For example, in many hymns of Vedanayagam Sastriar, words like ‘Om’, ‘Shiva’, ‘Bhagavan’ are used. But after independence such songs or sayings have been completely avoided. I am not saying this to make some Christians approve of the Hindu words found in my songs. As a Hindu I do not need anyone’s approval or support to use my religious, civil, cultural symbols, words etc. That is my birth right. Similarly, even if some radical Hindu organizations oppose my action, I have nothing to fear.
Bhakti is not just about our relationship with God. His name is also important for us. So it is more important than explaining a general, religious term, its meaning, and how it expresses the relationship between God and me as a devotee in my personal life. Although the word ‘Jesus’ has meanings like ‘savior, deliverer of salvation’, when I use it in Tamil as ‘Muktesan’ the meaning is well understood (and explained) and it is a way of proclaiming the personal relationship I have with Him. I like to use the name ‘Muktesan’ because the word ‘Isan’ has more emphasis on his rights and relationship with me as a ‘leader’, lord, possessor’, etc.
Similarly, we are used to calling God singularly. But it is not acceptable to Christians. In Indian culture it is customary to invoke the Lord/Goddess in the right ‘singularity’ almost all the time. But it is customary to refer to God’s servants as ‘he’ in the plural. It is customary to call parents and siblings, especially in Brahmi houses using singular forms like ‘nee’ ‘avan’ ‘aval’ etc.. And even in some houses, mothers, aunts and grandparents are called singularly. Although the plural is used when referring to them, it is customary to use the singular when addressing them. I grew up in such a situation. So for me calling God in ‘plural’ looked artificial. Especially in songs I have mostly used the singular.
Exaggeration:
Exaggeration is the beauty of poetry. In songs written to make a particular ideology, one can explain the contradictions. But contradictions and exaggerations are natural in any poetry written with bhakti ecstasy. They should be read and enjoyed just for their devotional sake.
When I look back on my first Bhakti Theology Song [A], it doesn’t make any sense to me. The last two stanzas don’t have compatibility with the first two. Often, as I got the first word or sentence, I would continue to write as the words came to my mind. The song ended asking for bhakti, though I began with Jnana. Of course I can say that the culmination of true Jnana is bhakti, and this is what I conveyed in this song too. But this is the way several later commentators and followers try to reconcile the contradictions which appear in the text or the teaching of their gurus and acharyas.
From my experience I can say that we should not try to dig out too much doctrine or theology from poems, especially from bhakti and romantic poems. Exaggeration and too much imagination is part of every poem. Oftentimes, we just add one word and even a sentence in order to fill the gap or complete the format. For example, I wrote four poems on April 30th 2014. In one I kept eight lines for each stanza. When I wrote the first stanza, I only had six lines. But I continued and in the rest of the poem all the stanzas ended with eight lines. Finally when I edited the poem, in order to give an order, I added two more lines to the first stanza to make it have uniformity with the rest of the stanzas.
Filling the gap either for music, or for meter or for grammar is quite natural in writing poems. This we can note in Sanskrit, where in order to set the sloka or mantra to a particular poetical meter, extra words were added.1 Let me give one example:
asamsayam mahaabaaho mano durnigraham calam
abhyaasena tu kaunteya vairaagyena ca grhyate (6:35)
–Doubtless, O mighty armed, the mind is restless and hard to control;
but by practice and dispassion, O son of Kunti, it can be controlled.
(Swami Ramsukhadas, Srimad Bhagavadgita: Sadhaka Sanjivani, Gita Press, Gorakhpur, vol. I, p. 549, year not mentioned)
In this sloka, two names of Arjuna appear both in the first and second lines— Mahabaho and Kaunteya. If you remove both or one of them, it won’t complete the meter in which this sloka was written. The same is true with Tamil. Beginning and ending with words of similar sounds is known as ‘yeduhai’ and ‘monai’. It is part of the talent of a poet. Several times when we write poems, we will take care that the poem has maximum ‘yeduhai and ‘monai’. Those who know Tamil can easily understand this.2
Therefore, projecting a doctrine or theology which the author never intends could mislead someone. Later interpolation also distorts the meaning. Though commentaries help us reconcile these disorders, sometimes they go beyond what the author intends to convey.
In our example, if you replace Mahabaho for Kaunteya and Kaunteya for Mahaabaaho, the chanting will look very odd. Since I don’t know any grammar, I cannot say why Mahaabaaho is in the first line and Kaunteya in the second. But if some over enthusiastic commentator began to give commentary on these two names of Arjuna, where would it end? Mahaabaaho shows his strength and Kaunteya his birth through the boon of Kunti to Surya, though all the children of Kunti are generally known as Pandavas as Pandu was their legitimate father. At the same time as they (Dharma, Bhima and Arjuna) were born to Kunti through her boon, they were also called ‘children of Kunti’ viz. ‘kaunteya’. But giving this additional information about Arjuna is not the intention of the author. Similarly we can find this in Tamil songs also. Let’s take a Thirukkural as an example. In Kural 297 the word ‘poiyaamai’ [lie] and ‘saiyamai’ [not doing] comes two times. But with one time use also the meaning will be complete. But in order to have a total seven words like all other Kurals, either Valluvar has repeated the same word two times or to emphasize the point along with poetical grammar he could have done this. I don’t know Tamil grammar very well. But in songs like Venba, Kaliththohai and Kural, the number of words and lines are necessary to make a song complete.
Therefore, when writing a song, not only the meaning, but also the tone, grammar, etc. are given importance. So it is impossible to find the meaning of all the words found in a song. Sometimes I have written that word first and then added other words to complete it. This can also be seen in the songs of Antadi. So it would be wrong to try to find extra theology based only on words in a song that are not expressed by the songwriter. But while the so-called exegesis helps clear up many contradictions, the commentator can sometimes go beyond the lyricist’s point of view when trying to find a particular theology.
Even me giving too many explanations [that I just gave] beyond the songs claiming to narrate my devotional journey is one such act. But through these narratives I try to communicate my thoughts which are not explicitly stated in that particular song. However, too many off-topic interruptions are bound to annoy readers.
Endnotes
1. …{in} Samaveda … we have a series of chants in which the words fit the music in the first instance but less closely, or hardly at all, in those that follow. It shows that the words for the first had been carefully selected to fit the melody; after which others, different in length and number, were forced into the same format as if confined in a straitjacket. When (p. 107) words do not fit, they are changed or transformed and embellishments called stobha are inserted. They are meaningless like the sounds of a lullaby. According to a commentator, the term stobha is used even in daily life to refer to a meaningless string of sounds, something that may be uttered by a joker for killing time….— Frits Staal, Discovering the Vedas,: Origins, Mantras, Rituals, Insights, New Delhi, Penguin Books, 2008. pp. 107-08
…Insertion and transformation may have happened on several levels, as in the Rigveda verse: abhi tvaa suura nonumo ‘dugkhaa iva dhenavah/ iisaanam asya jagatah svardrsam iisaanam indra tasthusah, ‘we cry out for you, hero, like unmilked cows to the lord of this living world, to the lord of the unmoving world whose eye is the sun O Indra!’ It has been turned into a famous chant called Rathantara, ‘Excellent Chariot’. It is one of the two that the Rigveda mentions. Its Samavedic form is: obhitvaasuuranonumovaa/ aadugdhaa iva dhenava iisaanamasya jagatassuvaardrsaam/ iisaanamaa indra / taa sthu saa o vaa haa u vaa/ aas// The stobhas are o vaa haa u vaa and aas. They may occur almost anywhere but have here been put at the end.—ibid. p. 109
2. … etukai in Tamil (dvitiiyaksaranuparaasa in Sanskrit)….— David Shulman, Tamil: A Biography, London, The Belknap Press of Harvard University, 2016, p. 93
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