Song 81

This is one of my favourite poems.  This depicts my actual nature.  I go within me searching for something which I lost.  Unable to find it out, as I feel suffocation in that search sometimes I try to come out from me to get some respite from me.  But as the outside world began to disturb me, then I went back within me, however I felt suffocated there.  This struggle continues neither finding what I was searching for nor able to find some rest in the outside world.  Maybe this is the dvand [repulsion and attraction] that every recluse faces in life.

81 தேடுதல்

ஏதோ ஒன்றைத் தேட

எத்தனிக்கும் போதினிலே

என்னுள் நான்மூழ்கி

ஏமாந்து போனேனே

தேடியது எதுவென்று

தெளிவாய்த் தெரியவில்லை

தொலைந்தது பொருளல்ல

நானே என்பதினால்

மூழ்கிய போதெல்லாம்

மூச்சுத் திணறியதால்

மீண்டும் மேல்வந்தேன்

சற்றே இளைப்பாற

ஆனால் வெளிஉலகின்

அவலங்கள் எனைத்தாக்க

மீண்டும் மூழ்கினேன்

மூச்சே திணறினாலும்

இழுபறியாய் போராட்டம்

என்னுள் தொடர்ந்திடவே

தேடியதும் கிடைக்கவில்லை

தேறுதலும் பெறவில்லை

7-2-1997, பொக்கரா, நேபாள், மதியம் 12.15

81 A search

Searching something

When I went within me

I drowned in side

I was disappointed

I don’t know clearly

What I was searching for

Because what I lost is not material thing

But me alone

When I drowned (within me)

As I felt suffocation

I came out (from me)

In order to breath

As the world outside

Began to attack me

I went back

Even though I feel suffocated (within me)

As this struggle continued

Without ceasing

Neither had I got what I was searching for

Nor I found rest

When we sit and talk about spirituality, that too comparing with one faith and another, there is always exaggeration. The entire tall claim by anyone following any particular tradition needs to be taken with a pinch of salt.  After one such talk, as I was reflecting back about it, I wrote this song.