BT Song 1671
For the past three days, I have not had proper sleep, either during the day or at night. Every night, I wake up around 2:00 AM and struggle to fall asleep again. Even during the daytime, I cannot sleep for more than an hour. This has irritated me greatly, as I am unable to concentrate on my reading and writing. Frustrated, I blamed God, thinking that since He knows the importance of sleep, He should grant it to me as well. In that state, I wrote this song.
BT Song 1671 Allow me to sleep
Simple English Translation
I came to speak
But I do not know how
Yet, to stay silent
I cannot either. 1
What should I say?
What should I leave unsaid?
Even that
I do not understand. 2
Still, I will speak—
This is the situation,
And that,
You already know. 3
You give before I ask,
That I have always known.
You gave even without asking,
That I have truly felt. 4
Yet, now,
This is what I need.
Even when I told You,
You refused to give. 5
This lament
Is nothing new.
This too
Is not a new song. 6
What else to do?
I do not know.
And to stop asking—
I cannot either. 7
Why do You still
Keep doing this?
You keep me awake,
And torment me. 8
Please calm
My restless mind,
And let me sleep
In peace. 9
I am not asking
For something new,
And this is not
Difficult for You. 10
Yet, for some reason,
You refuse to do it,
And that alone
Is not right. 11
You came as a man
And You have slept—
Then why do You
Deny it to me? 12
Gurukulam, 9-1-2025, 5.00 am.
BT Song 1671 Allow me to sleep
Classical English Translation
I came to speak,
Yet words elude me.
To remain silent,
I find impossible. 1
What must be spoken?
What must be left unsaid?
Even this,
I fail to discern. 2
Still, I shall speak—
This is my plight,
And of this,
Thou art not unaware. 3
Thou grantest ere I ask—
This I have always known.
Thou gavest unbidden,
This truth I have felt. 4
Yet now, O Lord,
This alone I seek.
Though I have pleaded,
Thou refusest to bestow. 5
This lamentation
Is not a novel strain.
Nor is this
A song unheard before. 6
What else remains?
I know not.
Nor can I cease
From yearning still. 7
Why dost Thou persist
In such decree?
Sleep escapes me,
And torment lingers. 8
Quell the tempests
That rage within,
And grant me
Peaceful slumber. 9
I ask not
For aught unknown,
Nor is this
Beyond Thy power. 10
Yet, O Lord,
Thou dost withhold,
And this alone
Seems unjust. 11
Thou camest as man
And didst find rest—
Then why dost Thou
Deny it to me? 12
Gurukulam, 9-1-2025, 5.00 am.
BT Song 1672
When I returned from my Kerala trip to the ashram on the 8th, I was fine. But that night, I developed a fever. The next morning, as I had to take care of the guests, I woke up very early, having been unable to sleep since 2:00 AM, and did some kitchen work. The rest was managed by our ashram helper. However, I became extremely tired and spent most of my time lying in bed. My guests left on the morning of the 10th.
That day, I slept for a while, but for the most part, I sat idly on a chair, doing nothing—just thinking. I couldn’t even go for my regular walk due to the bad weather and strong winds. No exercise, no proper food. The same continued on the 11th. No reading, no computer work—except checking for messages, as I was expecting another guest on the 13th. I spent the time doing nothing.
Then, I realized how much of my life I have spent staying constantly busy. I never waste a second and plan my day down to each hour. Even when I am in the restroom, I make sure to do some work. Our village head once remarked, “Why are you always busy doing something—even while talking to us?”
But these three days of fever taught me an important lesson: in my old age, I can spend my time in a much better way than just staying busy. As I reflected on this, I told myself I wouldn’t do anything that day. But then, making an excuse that writing a song would be my only work for the day, I ended up composing this one.
BT Song 1672 Found peace
Simple English Translation
For my mind to rest,
It was needed—
And so, to my body,
You gave this illness. 1
Realizing this,
I accepted it
And began to live
Accordingly today. 2
Oh, what peace
I have found!
I buried myself
Deep within it. 3
No need to check
Websites or networks,
No need to open
My laptop or phone. 4
No need to write
Or even read,
No need for any
Handwork either. 5
A little food
To satisfy hunger,
Then, when sleep comes,
I simply lie down. 6
Later, when I wake
And sit for a while,
Time itself
Keeps running away. 7
Without knowing this,
For so many years,
I lived a life
Of constant hurry. 8
Running around,
Dancing in chaos,
I too became
Tired and weary. 9
Why did old age
Come to me?
Without understanding,
I kept living on. 10
And so, this illness
Came to me
To teach this lesson
Once and for all. 11
To live by it
Is truly best,
So I welcomed
This illness as a guest. 12
Gurukulam, 11-1-2025, 1.00 pm.
BT Song 1672 I found peace
Classical English Translation
For my restless mind,
Rest was needed.
And so, upon my flesh,
Thou bestowed this ailment. 1
Perceiving thus,
I did embrace it,
And in accord,
I shaped this day. 2
Lo! What serenity
I have found!
Within its depths,
I laid myself to rest. 3
No need have I
For worldly ties,
No need to touch
The screen or scroll. 4
Nor must I write,
Nor must I read,
Nor need I toil
With crafts of hand. 5
A morsel suffices
To quiet hunger,
And when sleep calls,
I yield and lie. 6
Then rising after,
I simply sit,
And time itself
Doth flee away. 7
Unknowing this,
Through countless years,
In reckless haste,
I spent my life. 8
I ran, I toiled,
I swayed and danced,
Till weariness
Consumed my soul. 9
What cause had age
To visit me?
Blind to its truth,
I carried on. 10
Thus, in mercy,
This ailment came,
A lesson firm
To teach my soul. 11
To live thereby
Is wisdom’s way,
So pain I met
With open arms. 12
Gurukulam, 11-1-2025, 1.00 pm.
BT Song 1673
When I read the following statements, I closed the book and began to meditate. The result is this poem:
“Therefore the Sage arrives without going, Sees all without looking, Does nothing, yet achieves everything.”—Taoism@
Notes
@The Te is best translated as “virtue.” It, too, is discussed in terms of negatives and contradictions. All efforts to gain Te must fail since it can only be gained by trying to avoid it. As the Tao-Te Ching (Chapter 38) explains: “The one [with] the highest te does not seek te; therefore he has te.” Just as is true of the New Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism, Taoism identifies overcoming the self as the key to virtue. Thus, the Tao-Te Ching (chapter 47) advises: “Therefore the Sage arrives without going, Sees all without looking, Does nothing, yet achieves everything.”— Rodney Stock, Discovering God, New York, HarperOne, 2007, p. 258
Simple English Translation
BT Song 1673 I Found Myself
I arrived without traveling,
Saw without looking,
Received without striving,
And found myself too.
To go in search,
There was no need,
To see and find,
Vision was not required.
Something that could not
Be gained through labor
Came seeking me,
As though it were mine.
To attain the One
That is everywhere,
Why must I search
And venture out?
For the One that
Always sees me,
Why must I
Seek to see?
For what is already
Mine by nature,
Why must I
Strive to gain again?
After learning
This secret truth,
I never journeyed
Or wandered anywhere.
Beholding me,
The one who has seen me,
I found myself,
Within myself.
Attaining it,
Blending into it,
I now live,
For it is me.
Gurukulam, 15-1-2025, 3.30 pm
Classical English Translation
BT Song 1673 I Beheld Myself
Without journeying, I arrived;
Without vision, I perceived;
Without effort, I received—
And thus found my own self.
To seek and venture forth,
There was no necessity;
To behold and discern,
Eyes were not essential.
That which eludes labor’s reach,
Yet akin to me it seemed,
Arrived unbidden at my side,
As though it sought its home.
To attain the All-pervading One,
What need have I to wander?
To the One who ever sees me,
What need have I to gaze?
What belongs to me in essence,
Why should I strive to regain?
Why should I labor anew
For what is mine already?
Upon grasping this mystery,
I ceased all wandering pursuits,
I remained still,
And ventured not again.
Beholding myself,
The seer of my being,
I discovered my essence,
Dwelling within me.
Having attained it,
I merged with it,
And now I live as it,
For it is my true being.
Gurukulam, 15-1-2025, 3.30 pm
BT Song 1674
Though I remain steadfast in major aspects of life—whether in facing challenges or in my personal devotion—I still get frustrated over small matters. When the workers came to fix the gate, they kept coming to me, asking for various things. The fabricator and I had already discussed the work and the necessary materials three times before, but when he arrived with his workers, he didn’t bring most of them. He had to go to Thally again, wasting everyone’s time. This frustrated me immensely.
When I called Umapathy, who had arranged this fabricator and was even present during our discussion, he casually said, “Let them do it in their own time,” completely unconcerned about the wasted labor and time. This kind of attitude, which in Hindi is called chalta hai (“it happens”), often irritates me. When I plan a task, I think ahead and sometimes even over-prepare, ensuring that extra materials are available in case of last-minute needs, since arranging things in a remote place like our ashram is difficult.
But I cannot change the world—I can only adjust to it to survive. When the work was finally completed, there was still a small error, despite my clear instructions. The fabricator unintentionally welded the hole too small, making it impossible to insert the padlock. Now, we have to either change the lock or continue using the chain. Frustrated, I vented my anger to the Lord, feeling that even He, like everyone else, was treating me with the same chalta hai attitude. Perhaps He is also “contextualizing” His approach to match the Indian way? Who knows.
BT Song 1674 Change has not come
Simple English Translation
Will my mind and my nature
Ever change?
How long will they continue
To rule over me? 1
I resist and fight,
But it never works.
I strive and try,
Yet, I cannot change. 2
They say that one’s birth nature
Can never be changed—
Even the scriptures
Declare this truth. 3
I came to change,
I swore I would.
Was not your promise
The same as mine? 4
You cut a wild branch
And grafted it
Onto a tree
That you yourself planted. 5
Yet I cannot tell
What is truly new,
Nor do I see
Purity in either. 6
Now, what should I do?
I do not know.
Should I let it grow
Or cut it down? 7
This is my state
At this very moment.
And you, too,
Are not unaware. 8
Surrounding me,
You prune and feed,
Watering with care,
Waiting in patience. 9
Yet, deep within,
I lack all faith.
Do whatever you will—
Change is not in me. 10
Gurukulam, 17-1-2025, 5.15 pm.
BT Song 1674 Change has not come
Classical English Translation
Shall my heart and nature
Ever be transformed?
How long shall they
Rule and shape my soul? 1
I wrestle against them,
Yet I do not prevail.
I strive with effort,
Yet change eludes me still. 2
The scriptures declare:
The nature of birth
Shall never alter—
A truth eternal. 3
Yet Thou didst vow,
“I bring thee change!
And lo, shall I not
Fulfill My word?” 4
Thou tookest the wild,
And cut it down,
Grafting it firm
Upon chosen root. 5
Yet now I see not
What new hath come,
Nor find in either
A nature pure. 6
What path remains?
I know it not.
Shall I nurture this,
Or cast it away? 7
Such is my state,
This very hour.
And this, my Lord,
Is known to Thee. 8
Thou dost prune and tend,
Feed and water,
Nurturing still,
Awaiting fruit. 9
Yet in my soul
No faith remains.
Do as Thou wilt—
I shall not change. 10
Gurukulam, 17-1-2025, 5.15 pm.
BT Song 1675
As I began to struggle with sleeplessness again, I decided to follow a well-known piece of advice from doctors and psychologists: reduce social media usage as much as possible and limit interactions in group messaging. Instead, I chose to read more and think less.
For the past two days, I have almost completely stopped watching social media, even avoiding important philosophical, theological, and historical discussions, which I usually enjoy. In general, I never waste time mindlessly scrolling through my phone without properly watching anything. However, after abruptly stopping all forms of social media and limiting myself to only responding to personal messages, I suddenly noticed a change in my sleep pattern. I began sleeping deeply without much disturbance.
In fact, one day, I even woke up after 9:00 AM, feeling completely refreshed. Though I continued to read a lot, which sometimes led me to think and reflect, reading did not significantly affect my sleep. Seeing this improvement, I have now decided to continue and observe the long-term effects—particularly avoiding social media.
BT Song 1675 Good for us
Simple English
1
I do not recall what I read,
Nor am I clear about what I saw,
Yet I keep moving forward,
That alone, I do not understand.
2
To gain knowledge,
I read a lot,
To gain understanding,
I observe much.
3
Yet in both,
I remain behind,
The reason for this,
I still do not know.
4
Learning and wisdom,
Are not the same,
Experience alone,
Explains this well.
5
Clarity does not come,
Just by looking,
Everything I have seen,
Has told me the same.
6
Like a fool,
Who sells his eyes,
To buy a painting,
So is my state.
7
Thinking that,
Time must somehow pass,
I continue doing,
What I understand.
8
One day,
This too shall end,
If that day is today,
It is truly best.
9
If I am denied,
Even this one task,
What escape,
Does a slave have?
10
If You could at least,
Show me the way,
That alone is enough,
What more could I ask?
11
Just reading and watching,
Will never be enough,
If you realize this,
It will be good for both of us.
Gurukulam, 19-1-2025, 11.20, p.m.
BT Song 1675 Good for us
Classical English Translation:
1
What I have read, I recall not,
Nor do my eyes grant clarity sought.
Yet forth I tread, unceasing still,
This alone perplexes my will.
2
To grasp the truth, I read anew,
To gain insight, I observe too.
Yet knowledge flees and wisdom hides,
Though earnest toil my heart provides.
3
In learning’s path, I lag behind,
The cause, alas, I cannot find.
For though I seek with ardent mind,
Understanding proves unkind.
4
Knowledge and wisdom—kin they seem,
Yet bound by neither thread nor dream.
Experience whispers, firm and true,
That wisdom’s course is trod by few.
5
Sight alone brings not the light,
Nor does mere vision grant us sight.
For all I’ve seen and known before,
Has but confirmed this solemn lore.
6
Like he who, blind, his sight hath sold,
To purchase art of hues untold,
So too am I, deceived and lost,
Not knowing what my folly cost.
7
Believing time must drift away,
I act, though reason bids me stay.
Yet purpose shrouds my daily deed,
A riddle I must strive to read.
8
One day shall come when all shall cease,
When toil and trial find release.
If that be now, then blessed be,
For sweetest fate is certainty.
9
If even this be torn from me,
Then what escape doth servant see?
For he who’s bound with chains so tight,
Knows not of pathways bathed in light.
10
If but Your voice could point the way,
And bid me walk, without delay,
That would suffice—what need have I,
For endless pleas or question’s cry?
11
To read and watch is not enough,
For wisdom’s path is hard and rough.
Yet if thou know’st this truth profound,
Then both of us are wisdom-bound.
Gurukulam, 19-1-2025, Night 11:20
BT Song 1671
சொல்ல வந்தேன்
சொல்லத் தெரியவில்லை
சொல்லாமல் இருக்க
எனக்கு முடியவில்லை 1
எதனைச் சொல்ல
எதனை விட
என்பதும் எனக்குப்
புரியவே இல்லை 2
ஆயினும் சொல்வேன்
இதுதான் நிலைமை
அது உனக்கு
தெரியாமல் இல்லை 3
கேட்குமுன் தருவாய்
நான் அதை அறிவேன்
கேட்காமல் தந்தாய்
நான் அதை உணர்ந்தேன் 4
ஆயினும் இப்போ
இதுதான் தேவை
என்று சொல்லியும்
தந்திட மறுத்தாய் 5
இந்தப் புலம்பலும்
புதியது இல்லை
இதுவும் புதிய
பாடல் இல்லை 6
வேறென்ன செய்ய
அதுதான் தெரியவில்லை
வேண்டாமல் இருக்க
முடியவும் இல்லை 7
ஏன் இதை இன்னும்
நீயும் செய்கிறாய்
தூங்க விடாமல்
என்னை வதைக்கிறாய் 8
அலைமோதும் மனதை
சற்று அடக்கி
அமைதியாய் தூங்க
வழிவகை செய்வாய் 9
வேறொன்றும் புதிதாய்
கேட்கவே இல்லை
இதுஒன்றும் உனக்கு
கடினம் இல்லை 10
ஆயினும் செய்ய
ஏனோ மறுக்கிறாய்
அதுமட்டும் நிச்சயம்
சரியே இல்லை 11
மனிதனாய் வந்து
தூங்கி பார்த்தும்
எனக்கதை மறுப்பது
நியாயமே இல்லை 12
குருகுலம், 9-1-2025, காலை 5.00
BT Song 1672 அமைதி கண்டேன்!
மனதுக்கு ஓய்வு
தேவை என்று
உடலுக்கு இந்த
நோயைத் தந்தாய் 1
அதனை உணர்ந்து
ஏற்றுக் கொண்டு
அதன்படி வாழ்ந்தேன்
இன்றைய நாளில் 2
அடடா, எத்தனை
அமைதி கண்டேன்!
அதனுள் என்னை
புதைத்துக் கொண்டேன் 3
வலைதளம், இணைதளம்
பார்க்க வேண்டாம்
கணணி, கைபேசி
திறக்க வேண்டாம் 4
எழுத, படிக்க
தேவையும் இல்லை
அத்துடன், கைவினை
ஏதும் இல்லை 5
பசிக்கு சிறிது
உணவு அளித்து
தூக்கம் வந்தால்
படுத்து கிடந்து 6
அதன்பின் எழுந்து
அமர்ந்து கொண்டால்
நேரம் தன்போல்
ஓடியே போனது 7
இது தெரியாமல்
இத்தனை காலம்
விரையமாக
வாழ்ந்தும் இருந்தேன் 8
அலசட்டிப் பட்டு
ஆடி ஓடி
சாடி நானும்
அலுத்து சலித்து
களைத்துப் போனேன் 9
முதுமை எதற்கு
வந்தது என்று
சற்றும் புரியாமல்
வாழ்ந்தும் இருந்தேன் 10
ஆகவே இந்த
நோயும் வந்து
இந்த பாடம்
சொல்லிக் கொடுக்க 11
அதன்படி வாழ்வது
ஒன்றே நன்று
என்று நோயை
எதிர்கொண்டு அழைத்தேன் 12
குருகுலம், 11-1-2025, மதியம் 1.00
BT Song 1673 என்னைக் கண்டேன்
போகாமல் அடைந்தேன்
பார்க்காமல் கண்டேன்
உழைக்காமல் பெற்றேன்
என்னையே நானும்
தேடிப் போகத்
தேவையே இன்றி
காணப் பார்வையின்
அவசியம் இன்றி
உழைத்தாலும் அடைய
இயலாத ஒன்று
தன்போல என்னிடம்
நாடி வந்ததால்
எங்கும் உள்ள
ஒன்றை அடைய
எதற்கு நாடிச்
செல்ல வேண்டும்
என்றும் என்னை
பார்க்கும் ஒன்றை
எதற்கு நானும்
காண வேண்டும்
எனக்கு சொந்தம்
ஆன ஒன்றை
எதற்கு மீண்டும்
பெறவும் வேண்டும்
இந்த இரகசியம்
அறிந்த பின்னே
எங்கும் நாட்டிப்
போகவே இல்லை
என்னைக் கண்ட
என்னைக் கண்டு
என்னுள் என்னை
நானும் கண்டேன்
அதனை அடைந்து
அதனுள் கலந்து
அதுவே நானாய்
வாழுகின்றேன்
குருகுலம், 15-1-2025, மதியம் 3.30
BT Song 1674 – மாறவில்லை
என் மனம், என் குணம்
என்றுதான் மாறுமோ?
எதுவரை அவையுமே
என்னையும் ஆளுமோ? 1
மோதி பார்க்கிறேன்,
முடியவே இல்லை.
முயன்று பார்க்கிறேன்,
மாற்ற முடியவில்லை. 2
பிறவி குணமது
ஒருபோதும் மாறாது
என்றுதான் மறைகளும்
சொல்லும் போது. 3
மாற்றத்தான் வந்தேன்,
மாற்றியே காட்டுவேன்
என்று நீ சொன்னதும்
உண்மை இல்லையோ? 4
காட்டத்தி கிளையினை
வெட்டி நீயும்,
நாட்டத்தி மரத்தில்
பதியம் போட்டாய். 5
புதிதாக வந்தது
எதுவெனப் புரியவில்லை,
இரண்டின் குணமதும்
சுத்தமாய் காணவில்லை. 6
இப்போது என்ன செய்ய,
அதுவும் புரியவில்லை.
வைக்கக்கா? வெட்டவா?
என்பதும் தெரியவில்லை. 7
இதுதான் இன்று
உண்மையில் என்னிலை.
இதுவும் உனக்கு
தெரியாமல் இல்லை. 8
சுற்றிலும் கொத்தி
உரம் போட்டுத்,
நீரும் பாய்ச்சி
காத்துதான் கிடக்கிறாய். 9
உனக்குள் நம்பிக்கை
சுத்தமாய் எனக்கில்லை.
என்னவோ செய்துகொள்,
மாற்று எனக்கில்லை. 10
குருகுலம், 17-1-2025, மாலை 5.15
BT Song 1675 – நமக்கு நல்லது
1
படித்ததும் நினைவில்லை,
பார்த்ததில் தெளிவில்லை,
ஆயினும் தொடர்கிறேன்,
அதுமட்டும் புரியவில்லை.
2
அறிந்திட வேண்டி,
அதிகம் படிக்கிறேன்,
தெரிந்திட வேண்டி,
பலவும் பார்க்கிறேன்.
3
ஆயினும் இரண்டிலும்,
பின்தங்கி நிற்கிறேன்,
அதற்கான காரணம்,
இதுவரை தெரியவில்லை.
4
அறிவுக்கும் படிப்புக்கும்,
சம்பந்தம் இல்லை,
அனுபவம் இதனை,
நன்கு விளக்குகிறது.
5
பார்ப்பதால் தெளிவு,
வந்துவிடாது,
பார்த்த அனைத்தும்,
இதையே சொன்னது.
6
கண்களை விற்று,
சித்திரம் வாங்கிய,
மூடனைப் போல,
என்னிலை ஆனது.
7
ஏதோ காலம்,
போக வேண்டும்,
என்பதை எண்ணி,
செய்வது புரிகிறது.
8
என்றோ ஒருநாள்,
இதற்கும் முடிவுண்டு,
இன்றே ஆனால்,
மிகமிக நல்லது.
9
அதைமட்டும் செய்ய,
மறுத்தென்னை வைத்தால்,
அடிமைக்கு மாற்று,
வழியென்ன உண்டு?
10
அதையேனும் எனக்கு,
சொல்லித் தந்தால்,
அதுபோதும் எனக்கு,
வேறென்ன கேட்பது?
11
அதுமட்டும் படிப்பது,
பார்ப்பது நிற்காது,
அதை நீ உணர்ந்தால்,
இருவர்க்கும் நல்லது.
குருகுலம், 19-1-2025, இரவு 11.20
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